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Disgruntled addict complains that e-cigarettes don't contain any e.

Trade descriptions, innit...

deskpilot3 09.09.13 1:18pm
Ian Collier
Discovery of Damascus gay-scene forces Putin to reconsider Syria options

Opinions in the Kremlin have dramatically shifted today following the discovery of a 'thriving gay-scene' on the outskirts of Syria's capital Damascus, forcing Putin to 'strongly reconsider' his...

Jesus H 09.09.13 1:09pm
Jesus H
Police apologise for not shooting Prince Andrew 2
sydalg 09.09.13 12:57pm
Man survives 3 James Blunt album ordeal, just 0
simonjmr 09.09.13 12:27pm
Ryanair join commercial space race with launch of 'SolarSaver Galaxy Experience'

Budget airline Ryanair have thrown down the gauntlet to Virgin Galactic this week by officially announcing their own plans to launch a commercial space flight package, named the 'SolarSaver Galaxy...

Jesus H 09.09.13 12:18pm
Jesus H
US Policy in Syria Influences Scientists to Perfect "Magic Bullet" Cancer Cure

Medical scientists at the University of Alabama have come a step closer to the coveted "magic bullet" cure for cancer. "It has long been the holy grail to create an effective cancer treatment that...

phil_smith 09.09.13 12:09pm
Critics describe Welsh to Ikea dictionary as cwblhau fniss 0
Ian Searle 09.09.13 11:53am
Ian Searle
HS2 to be replaced by cycle path

Following concerns voiced by Public Accounts Committee earlier today, the government has announced that the controversial HS2 project is to be scrapped. Funding will instead be made available to...

Coco 09.09.13 11:53am
TV Commissioners give Fibonacci the green light to start work on second series 4
Ian Searle 09.09.13 10:41am
Not Amused
Singer James Blunt 'prevented World War III' by agreeing not to sing 0
custard cream 09.09.13 9:50am
custard cream
Syria Build Defences Ahead Of Teachers Strikes

Whilst admittedly not renowned for their 'Shock and Awe' abilities, Syria officials have expressed concern over the threat of teacher strikes. Whilst the UN have so far pondered and deliberated on...

Flugelbinder 09.09.13 7:36am
Google driverless rocket lands safely on moon 0
sydalg 09.09.13 5:01am
Foul-mouthed owl nicknamed Tourette Too Woo 0
sydalg 09.09.13 3:43am
Scientist cracks open mystery behind smelly farts 0
Dumbnews 09.09.13 3:17am
Peter Mandelson's Book of Acceptance Speeches to go on sale

Paperback, 480 pages, £14.99, service not included...

Arthur 09.09.13 12:30am
Fans aghast at rumours that Apple product launch will include an electric car.

Clive Sinclair spins in grave...

deskpilot3 08.09.13 10:26pm
The All New Jeni B
Olympic Organisers Deny Fukushima Danger, Announce New Three-Legged Race Event 1
phil_smith 08.09.13 8:15pm
Unmanned Moon mission takes off - astronauts angry

2 astronauts on the Moon are furious that the mission has switched to being unmanned halfway through. One commented, "This is ridiculous; I don't know what the bus service is like from the Moon, but...

apepper 08.09.13 6:43pm
Latest Palace intruder claims to be a member of the Royal Family - more soon. 0
ItsReevesy 08.09.13 6:22pm
Tokyo introduce surfing for the 2020 Olympics. 3
godly1966 08.09.13 6:04pm
Dance hopeful humiliated by being asked to sell extended warranty on £5 toaster 3
ginty 08.09.13 4:25pm
Al OPecia
Tokyo wins race to host eight years of 'cynicism'

The International Olympic Committee (IOC) voted overwhelming for the people of Japan to be the 2020 'torch bearers' for world's 'lack of faith or hope' in the human race. The victorious proposal not...

Wrenfoe 08.09.13 4:15pm
Al OPecia
The Oval to be renamed Flushing Meadows after England victory celebration 0
custard cream 08.09.13 4:06pm
custard cream
Prince Andrew asks policeman 'Do you know who I am'. Wishes he hadn't.

More arrogant tosserness soon...

MADJEZ 08.09.13 3:53pm
Children warned name of first pet should contain 8 characters and a digit.

Popular pet names Rover, Cheryl and Kate could be a thing of the past. Banks are now advising parents to think carefully before naming their child's first pet. For security reasons, the chosen name...

Boutros 08.09.13 1:57pm
Ian Collier
Phil Spencer tells house sellers to clean up their shambolic shitholes

Channel 4's Secret Agent Phil Spencer told the nation's house sellers yesterday to clean up their shambolic shitholes. In a surprise outburst, he broke cover to tell lazy homeowners that a clean up...

Sfox 08.09.13 1:51pm
Prince Andrew criminal empire foiled in Buckingham Palace garden bust

The Duke of York Prince Andrew is facing a series of difficult questions under police caution today following his arrest in a dramatic police hunt that ended in his capture in the gardens of...

Jesus H 08.09.13 1:10pm
Jesus H
Prince shocked as police draw weapons, claims, 'I can get you better than that'. 0
topfotogmw 08.09.13 11:37am
Madrid “devastated” at failure to secure Tokyo Olympics

The mayor of Madrid , Ancora Smitto confessed the city was “saddened” by its failure to win the bid to stage the Tokyo Olympics. “We have a huge infrastructure in place, brilliant transport...

CulchaVulcha 08.09.13 11:23am
Diane Abbott bemused by cheering crowds as she boards Quantas plane at Heathrow. 1
FOAD 08.09.13 10:36am