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Banks to ring fence customers 7
virtuallywill 3 years

http://www.tiresias.org/research/guidelines/images/crienglish_customers_sitting_in_a_bank.jpg...

Coalition concedes that Library Book Thefts 'Taken as Read' 0
3 years
Banking Commission to offer banks feature-rich firewall software for only $99 0
Duncan Biscuit 3 years
US takeover could make Arsenal ‘the new Aston Villa’ insists new owner 0
Duncan Biscuit 3 years
Hiccup as AU road map for Libyan peace left in glove box of Tripoli hire car 0
Duncan Biscuit 3 years
US takeover sees Arsenal rebranded The Top Gunners 0
Duncan Biscuit 3 years
Ozzy Osbourne sacked as Wayne Rooney's speech coach 0
Ian Searle 3 years

More f%$*?@g soon...

Warm weather continues-children advised slam doors previously left open in cold 0
Ian Searle 3 years
UK and Dutch to buy Iceland and Ireland in "BOGOF" deal. More soon. 2
FormerlyAlOPecia 3 years
Bin Laden relieved to hear he will escape future council fines 1
Basil_B 3 years
Jafaican to be included as a modern language in English Baccalaureat, says Gove. 1
dominic_mcg 3 years

Secretary of State for Education, Michael Gove has revealed plans to allow school children in England to study Jafaican as a modern foreign language. This move comes after the government's decision...

Iceland 'out in the cold' say UK and Netherlands 0
roybland 3 years
Arsene Wenger thrown out of local Film Club after latest "Sorry, I didnt see it" 0
brownpaperreporter 3 years
Famous deaf bloke offers a posthumous 'pardon?' 0
ronseal 3 years

Relatives of Beethoven have offered a posthumous 'pardon?' to reporters, who asked how he was. The composer, who was famously polite and tolerant, would have been mortified that he appeared to ignore...

FC Tokyo vs Newcastle United friendly planned 16
Screenie 3 years

Japan to be placed on Toon Army alert...

Horses Flogged to death for a bet 1
Dun Dunkin 3 years

2 horses were forced to run to death for a bet. Supporters defended it saying it was 'socially useful' that 'The government gets money out of it' and 'the horses know the risk they are taking. Next...

Blackpool rocks 11
Duncan Biscuit 3 years
Optimistic rodent says "gopher it!" 2
be reasonable 3 years

Hat-tip to psycadelic squirrel...

Scientist refuses to quit over expenditure on robotic voice technology 1
Screenie 3 years

There is widespread anger after a government leak tells of forty million pounds of tax payers money that has been invested in creating robotic voice technology for household appliances. When...

Police admit new speed rules were devised by a man 10%+9 over drink-drive limit 0
Duncan Biscuit 3 years
African leaders heading for Tripoli advised not to fly there 0
Duncan Biscuit 3 years
Lawyers warn victims that ‘NoW' apology goes nowhere near covering their fees 0
Duncan Biscuit 3 years
Iceland BOGOF deal ‘unacceptable’ say UK and Netherlands 0
Duncan Biscuit 3 years
Sophistication of Newry bomb marks worrying development in urbane terrorism 0
Duncan Biscuit 3 years
Archeologists mention elephant in pub beer garden 1
roybland 3 years
General Synod to accept 'Life of Brian' version as most accurate 1
Steve Wilson 3 years

In what has been seen as the most profound U-turn in Christian thinking in months the General Synod of the Church of England have finally conceded that the Monty Python version of the gospel story is...

Colin Montgomerie denies Ryder Cup victory obsession 0
antharrison 3 years

Colin Montgomerie, captain of Europe's Ryder Cup team, has denied accusations that he is obsessed with his victory and slips-in Ryder Cup and golfing references into casual conversation at every...

Facebook shares green data centre technology 0
Screenie 3 years

'We just used heat proof paint' says Mark Zuckerberg...

Microsoft promises to match Facebook's power savings 0
Screenie 3 years

Facebook's facility in Prineville, Oregon, is said to use 38% less power than existing centres, Microsoft have pledged to do their best to match this. 'We are going to make savings by stopping CPUs...

Government watchdog calls for clampdown on 'dangerous rhymes' 0
Screenie 3 years

A government inquest into children's nursery rhymes claims to have uncovered some shocking truths, suggesting that the rhymes are 'dangerous, misleading, inaccurate and often deadly' as well as...