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Dating site for fat people accused of anti-slimitism 0
sydalg 03.10.13 10:03am
sydalg
Lethal injection to come in three new flavours, promises Texas Governor

The Lone Star State has committed itself to a “more caring” approach to execution, as the Governor announces that the poison will come in three delicious fruity flavours, with more to be added in...

3
sydalg 03.10.13 9:56am
sydalg
Phlebotomist retires depressed after living life in vein.

At least it was better than taking the piss...

0
jimmydodger 03.10.13 9:49am
jimmydodger
Survey finds internet makes adults forgetful because

oh google it...

0
Sfox 03.10.13 8:44am
Sfox
Hypochondriac worried he hasn't got the right amount of blood

Patrick Yates, a hypochondriac from London has become worried he hasn't got the right amount of blood. As yet, However, he has not figured out if he has too much or too little. Yates is said to...

1
TobiasBV 03.10.13 8:28am
Yikes
Health of Oceans Blamed on NHS Cuts

Waves of nausea to follow...

0
Flugelbinder 03.10.13 8:14am
Flugelbinder
Catastrophe as GP Misunderstands and Cuts Faces 0
Flugelbinder 03.10.13 8:00am
Flugelbinder
Payday lenders face fines of up to 7,000%.

More profit soon...

0
MADJEZ 03.10.13 7:34am
MADJEZ
Diary of an OCD and very picky Newsbiscuit reader

The Newsbiscuit website icon at www.newsbiscuit.com/favicon.ico is being returned with a content type of 'text/plain' rather than 'image/x-icon'. That's why the icon looks shit, i.e. non-existent, on...

5
Landfill 03.10.13 7:27am
Titus
New £2 Lottery Tickets Force Suckers To Throw Their Money Away Twice As Quickly 0
Titus 03.10.13 7:11am
Titus
Store loses marker pen - everything £88.88 until further notice 1
Idiot 03.10.13 12:41am
Smart Alex
Aliens abandon human inter-breeding programme because humans are too crap

Aliens from the planet Gthargadrax in the Andromeda galaxy, 2.5 million light years from Earth, have admitted defeat in their attempts to interact with and breed from human beings. The news came...

0
Oxbridge 02.10.13 11:37pm
Oxbridge
Nation rejoices after Prince Andrew is accidentally flushed down toilet

Buckingham Palace confirms that he's not a "floater"...

0
Landfill 02.10.13 11:22pm
Landfill
Miliband Sues Newspaper For Suggesting That His Dad Went To Eton

"Claiming that my father was a Marxist, or that there were many things about Britain which he despised, I can cope with" said the Labour leader. "In fact, statements like are great for enhancing my...

0
Titus 02.10.13 8:30pm
Titus
David Cameron promises to send us all to Medical School

In a bold move, the Conservative leader has pledged to keep all under-25s in education; meaning a bumper crop of veterinary surgeons, trainee teachers and frighteningly large primary school kids....

0
Wrenfoe 02.10.13 8:14pm
Wrenfoe
Pound Shop Customers 'Glad To Be Able To Avoid 99p-Shop Riffraff'.

Meanwhile, 99p shop custmoers declare that they would never want to be seen shopping in some 'stuck-up £1 shop' where they might be confused with 'that a bunch of toffee-nosed poseurs'...

1
Titus 02.10.13 8:14pm
Titus
Gove's "Hands Off Cocks" speech seen as possible leadership challenge 0
Drylaw 02.10.13 7:52pm
Drylaw
Cameron: This is a Land of Opportunity for all Romanians and Bulgarians 0
Drylaw 02.10.13 7:49pm
Drylaw
Outrage after Andrex puppy accidentally flushed down toilet

Hartlepool docker Mike McQuinn had a rather happy grin on his face earlier today after launching what he thought was a 'Cleveland Steamer' during his tea break but was later concerned to discover...

0
antharrison 02.10.13 7:10pm
antharrison
Dating site, Bigots Online, reaches major milestone...

Bob Carter is celebrating the 10,000th client on Bigots Online, the dating website he founded nearly ten years ago. “I never set out to create a successful online business”, said Bob, as he and...

0
Tripod 02.10.13 6:54pm
Tripod
Dionne Warwick buys map, finds way to San Jose.

h/t rikkor...

0
Maverick 02.10.13 6:52pm
Maverick
Mathematicians commemorate "unknown variable"

More to follow...

0
apepper 02.10.13 5:23pm
apepper
Clegg explains contradictions - 'I am fascinating'

Nick Clegg has spoken out about the discrepancies between what he says and does. He has explained that the contradictions inherent in his persona are proof, not of hypocrisy or ineptitude, but that...

0
TobiasBV 02.10.13 5:17pm
TobiasBV
Mail attacked Milliband's father "because he wanted to kill owner's pal"

A senior Daily Mail executive has confirmed the reason for the recent attack by the paper  on the Labour Leader's father was "because Ralph Milliband wanted to kill a man called Adolf Hitler, a...

3
nickb 02.10.13 4:47pm
Sinnick
Cameron extolls “PoundLand of opportunity”... 1
Tripod 02.10.13 4:43pm
Titus
Carol Thatcher claims “Mummy did NOT hate this country, it was the opposite” 1
Midfield Diamond 02.10.13 4:41pm
Titus
Jesus attacks Richard Dawkins over article about father

Religious figure, Jesus Christ, has strongly criticised an article published by Richard Dawkins about Jesus' father, Almighty God. Mr Christ said, "A lot of what Dawkins wrote was taken out of...

7
apepper 02.10.13 3:41pm
Titus
New Mail revelations: Miliband Snr "also hated Marmite and Brussels sprouts" 1
sydalg 02.10.13 3:06pm
cinnahmon
E-reader arsonist accused of starting Kindle Fire 0
custard cream 02.10.13 2:57pm
custard cream
Cameron promises Land of Opportunity in the Age of Austerity

biting satire!...

0
custard cream 02.10.13 2:22pm
custard cream