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Dyson's next project will be an aeroplane without propellor blades... 1
deskpilot3 2 years
Next summer, we'll all go to work in time machines, predicts Met Office, 0
StoopyDeGunt 2 years

The Met Office has unveiled its latest predictions for the next 12 months. According to its experts, we'll all be travelling to work by time machine, protein pills will be the national dish and the...
Outstanding schools to become Ninja Academies 0
ED209 2 years

The government today announced that all schools judged 'excellent' by Ofsted will be given the opportunity to convert to Ninja Academies. This will exempt schools from moral controls, and will allow...
Government says that it will give communities the responsibility to... 0
deskpilot3 2 years

look after their own share of the nation's nuclear waste...
Parents in Millwall apply to set up School of Hard Knocks... 0
deskpilot3 2 years
Family in mourning as much-loved Henry struck down with loss of suction 0
QorbeQ 2 years

'Why couldn't we have owned a Dyson,' wails daughter...
Blackpool illuminations to be made eighth wonder of the world. 0
Basil_B 2 years

Not really but can you blame them for getting carried away after getting to the premier league...
George Formby to headline Isle of Wight Festival after Glenn Miller pulls out. 1
MADJEZ 2 years

This year's Isle of Wight Festival has been saved after top act Glenn Miller was forced to pull out after back surgery. Chart topping movie star Formby has stepped in at the last minute and hopes to...
Webuyanycar.com admits: Well, not Renaults 1
Oxbridge 2 years
Evidence found to back up the theory that Jeremy Paxman is a space alien 0
Basil_B 2 years

Researchers for the BBC show 'who do you think you are' were left in bemusement after finding no ancestral lineage to Jeremy Paxman which left them to make the only conclusion they could find which...
Norfolk woman blames supernatural forces for washing machine breakdown 0
QorbeQ 2 years

A mother from King's Lynn is calling on Pope Benedict XVI to perform a full Rites of Exorcism during his planned 2010 UK visit after the breakdown of the family's Zanussi Jetmaster 1200. The washing...
Peace protester Brian Haw to apply for academy status 3
Ludicity 2 years

Veteran anti-war protester Brian Haw is to apply for academy status for his peace camp at Parliament Square. ‘For too long my protest has been held back by bureaucracy and red tape,’ said Mr Haw,...
Graham Brady MP 'Totally Fucking Psyched' to land 1922 Committee Chairmanship 0
thisisall1word 2 years
Parents, pupils dismayed as school applies for appendectomy status. 0
QorbeQ 2 years
Politcians unionize to protect from increasingly dumb constituents 0
Dumbnews 2 years
Elton John relieved to learn Morocco has no issues with his music 0
Dumbnews 2 years
Bank of England Urged To Raise Interest 0
Doctor Moptop 2 years

Experienced economist, George Osborne, has admitted that the Country finds the deficit a 'complete turn off'. He lays the blame firmly at the door of the Bank of England. "They've banged on about...
Duchess delighted at invitation to shooting weekend at Balmoral 0
Catch25 2 years

The beleaguered Duchess of York’s mood has been dramatically lightened by an invitation she has received to a shooting weekend with the Royal Family at Balmoral. Apparently she regards it as a sign...
Ventriloquist Ray Alan dies at 79 4
Mr Glover Lover 2 years

Lord Charles forced to go back in his box...
Cowardly soldiers 'effectively invincible' say scientists 1
ED209 2 years

Generations of Army recruitment guidelines are due to be scrapped after the discovery that only brave, well-liked and outstanding soldiers are killed in combat. 'We couldn't help noticing that the...
'Sports-style' commentary for classical concerts 1
andrewmellor 2 years

Classical concerts broadcast by the BBC will be enhanced by sports-style commentaries from pundits including John Motson, the corporation has announced. Masterpieces by the likes of Mahler and...
Tesco to launch own-brand currency 2
thesheriff 2 years

Following the success of loyalty cards and its own credit card, Tesco says it intends to fill another gap in the market: stable currencies. The new currency, to be known simply as the Tesco, will...
Cameron brought in to mediate as Cheryl and Ashley's Cole-ition breaks down 0
Charlie Snibbs 2 years
Life creates artificial scientist, Hawking 'not amused' at title 0
QorbeQ 2 years
Littlewoods boss seeks sale of LIverpool FC on the never never 0
simonjmr 2 years
Scottish scientist 'plays God', creates artificial Fife. 4
QorbeQ 2 years
Mastermind finalists crumbling under sudden fame 1
Oxbridge 2 years

Many of this week's finalists in the wildly popular television talent show Mastermind are showing signs of distress under the pressure their new-found celebrity status has brought. Some psychologists...
Coalition agree Clegg 'will sit where Hague sat' next time 4
red 2 years

Excellent Red. Love it. Have some starry things...
2 year old Indonesian boy with 40 a day fag habit says he only smokes after sex. 0
wallster 2 years

[url=http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/2987307/First-shocking-pictures-of-smoking-toddler-Ardi-Rizal.html]Smmmmmokin'[/url]...
First computer 'infected with manflu'. Phones in sick. 0
pinxit 2 years