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Farage: 'Murdoch left me holding his baby'

In a heart-rending interview, UKIP leader Nigel Farage broke down claiming that media mogul Rupert Murdoch had 'taken advantage' and left him 'holding our baby'. Sitting in a dimly lit cold bed-sit...

pinxit 10.03.13 2:36pm
Sanding room only at UK woodwork association convention 3
BAJDixon 10.03.13 2:19pm
Falklands Referendum: Argentina Disputes Constituency Boundary 0
Titus 10.03.13 2:12pm
Men prepare for 'that' evening again on Mother's Day

Men everywhere are gritting their teeth for the worst moment of the year this evening. Tonight is the one day of the year when women are able to say 'No, I don't want chips, I need to watch my...

Not Amused 10.03.13 1:57pm
Not Amused
Baghdad winner of this year's 'Iraq-in-Boom' contest

My weedy Neato...

Perks 10.03.13 1:52pm
sponge finger
Cardinals Send List Of 10 Questions To God

including "Can a cardinal come to a decision based on a reason that was not presented to the Conclave and has no facts or evidence to support it?"...

Titus 10.03.13 1:49pm
Mothers rewarded for year of dedication with crappy pub lunch

Hard-working mums throughout the country will be looking forward to a day of being pampered and waited on all day today, after spending the past 364 days organising, budgeting, ferrying, cleaning,...

Des Custard 10.03.13 1:47pm
Nature prepares to hit back at Prince Charles

'You see that ivy (Hedera helix) over there? If the prince was to stand next to it, it'd be up his trouser leg in a jiffy to invade his genitals and squeeze his Royal balls off. Nature's had enough...

roybland 10.03.13 1:47pm
Tourette's sufferers celebrate Motherfuckers day 5
antharrison 10.03.13 12:53pm
Turkey baster 'ideal gift' for Surrogate Mother’s Day... 4
Tripod 10.03.13 12:04pm
Bones found near ancient wall identified as King Eric The Unstoppable!

There is great exitement at the Devonshire village of Roadlump today as scientists confirm that human remains dug up by builders are indeed King Eric The Unstoppable (1117-1152). The village, a...

Flash! Aa-aaaa! 10.03.13 11:31am
Flash! Aa-aaaa!
Nick Clegg says Lib Dems no longer party of protest, they will agree to anything 1
Ian Searle 10.03.13 11:28am
Incense at Vatican over sighting of new chimney

An unholy row has erupted at the Vatican over the placement of the temporary chimney used in the election of a new Pope. At a press conference Cardinal Ignatius Firestarta said "It appears that a...

Flash! Aa-aaaa! 10.03.13 11:11am
Falklanders vote for Caribbean status.

In a surprise outcome to Sunday's sovereignty referendum, 98% of Falklanders have voted to ditch British nationality and to switch allegiance to the Caribbean. Port Stanley gift shop owner, Peter...

wallster 10.03.13 11:10am
Vampires appeal for for donors as stocks of virgins run low

Hello I’m Vlad the Impaler and I’m making an urgent appeal, on behalf of Vampires and Zombies, for blood and organ donors to come forward as supplies of victims in your local area are running low...

Ian Searle 10.03.13 10:50am
Ian Searle
Lib Dems "secret Vatican plot to take over UK". Thanks Grumblechops...

Al OPecia 10.03.13 10:36am
Al OPecia
“New ‘internet addiction’ website attracts Twitter-storm”, say FB users... 0
Tripod 10.03.13 10:09am
My ex-husband is a serial killer says housewife

A Bradford woman tearfully spoke of her shock and revulsion as the realisation dawned on her that her ex-husband is probably a sociopathic serial killer. Yvonne Johnson shuddered as she recalled how...

Paddy Berzinski 10.03.13 9:46am
Mother's Day Eve gardeners' vigil - as it happens

Gardeners up and down the country are on high alert due to the annual predation of daffodils by scroats planning to 'delight' their mothers. Supermarkets have reported selling out of Red Bull, torch...

Squudge 10.03.13 9:45am
Philosopher ponders why people ask why? 0
Dumbnews 10.03.13 6:23am
Huge clean-up starts as Lib Dem party-wagon rolls out of Brighton

Residents of Brighton have been out in force armed with brooms, bin bags and bleach as the city deals with the aftermath of another riotous Lib Dem conference. With party members still buzzing from...

grumblechops 10.03.13 3:05am
NHS surgeons struggle with deeper cuts 0
Perks 10.03.13 1:11am
Government fears extraterrestrial benefit spree

The prospect of thousands of little green men signing on for JobSeeker's Allowance at Jobcentres across the UK is forcing government ministers to tighten the rules for accessing welfare benefits....

roybland 10.03.13 12:59am
NASA to build artificial planet to make everyone's birth sign more prosperous

NASA has revealed an audacious plan to construct an artificial planet to improve the astrological outlook of everyone. A NASA spokesman explained; "Although 528 trillion dollars a year for the next...

apepper 10.03.13 12:19am
Emergency services called as enormous sinkhole appears under Downing Street

Police, fire and ambulance services were called to Downing Street yesterday after a homeowner heard a scream coming from No.11 and found the current tenant at the bottom of a deep dark hole which had...

AReader 10.03.13 12:13am
Van-Dyke found online is genuine confirms Dick Van-Dyke

More to follow...

apepper 09.03.13 11:44pm
A Mediterranean country gets credit a rating downgrade. Again. Probably.

For some country or other it's some kind of crisis said a spokesman from one of those ratings agencies...

Maverick 09.03.13 10:33pm
Missing teenager causing no concern at all in rural loose knit community.

I found this headline in the back of the closet, covered in dust...

Maverick 09.03.13 10:24pm
RBS ‘regret investing in Fisher-Price developed software’

RBS executives have acknowledged that purchasing their software and systems from Fisher-Price was one cost-cutting exercise too far. Fisher-Price, better known for developing toys than technology,...

Slante Dangle 09.03.13 10:20pm
Air strike planned for Chelsea

Preparations for the Chelsea flower show continue to be disrupted following an announcement that an air strike is planned on the opening day. The air will be going on strike in support off the flies...

Not Amused 09.03.13 8:44pm
Not Amused