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Nick Clegg "Awaits being new PM" at next election, denies looking for other job

Lib-Dem leader Nick Clegg has announced that the challenges associated with directing the UK through the economic recession will not be too difficult when he is annointed as prime minister at the...

0
antharrison 29.08.12 11:46pm
antharrison
Philips Idowu injury doubt for Paralympics 0
custard cream 29.08.12 10:37pm
custard cream
Mini voted the only British car of all time

Or at least I think that's what it said http://www.telegraph.co.uk/motoring/classiccars/9503787/Mini-voted-the-greatest-British-car-of-all-time.html...

3
quango 29.08.12 10:36pm
Gary Baldy
Paralympic signer 'hopelessly flat' claims Paralympic singer.

Operatic star Denise Leigh who performed at the Paralympics opening ceremony has lodged a complaint against Deepa Shastri who signed for the singer throughout the musical number, claiming she has...

0
Boutros 29.08.12 10:21pm
Boutros
Hawking accused of miming at Paralympic opening ceremony 4
grumblechops 29.08.12 10:13pm
charlies_hat
Previously undiscovered cheese unearthed in Cornwall

Archaeologists have unearthed evidence of a hitherto unknown cheese which is being hailed by some as the “most important discovery since Wensleydale”. The cheese is a bizarre hybrid of a...

1
grumblechops 29.08.12 8:42pm
JohnA
Paralympic Squad Determined to Equal Team GB in Condom Use

British competitors at the London 2012 Paralympics Games have spoken of their determination to equal the stunning performance of their non-disabled counterparts when it comes to casual sex. 'Over...

0
Carter 29.08.12 8:23pm
Carter
Lib Dems under pressure as NEC forced to make decisions on 'stuff' 0
tedweasel 29.08.12 8:05pm
tedweasel
Outrage as dwarf porn moved to top shelf

More to follow...

1
apepper 29.08.12 6:36pm
Squudge
Ann Romney reveals favoured sexual position to gain missionaries' vote 0
Squudge 29.08.12 6:28pm
Squudge
Virgin warns 'First running west coast main line can 'only improve services''

In a dispute that has now been handed over to the courts, Virgin Trains have said the awarding of the west coast main line to First Great Western opens the real threat of improvements to services. As...

4
Perks 29.08.12 5:18pm
Vertically Challenged Giant
Bond treated for PTSD after “Living Daylights” flashbacks

A spokesman for James Bond has revealed the Secret Service agent has been admitted to a secure hospital after suffering terrifying flashbacks, seemingly triggered by memories of a 1987 mission in...

0
grumblechops 29.08.12 3:21pm
grumblechops
Assad appeals for patience - “You can’t hurry genocide”

Syrian President Bashar Al Assad yesterday made a TV appeal for patience, as the state military continues to implement his plan of nationwide opinion-cleansing. Heavy shelling has been seen in...

4
grumblechops 29.08.12 2:49pm
Martin Shuttlecock
Clegg Emergency Tax is actually a 'whip round'

Nick Clegg was quick to clarify today that the proposed 'Emergency Tax on the rich' is actually a whip round. "We were just planning on, you know, passing the hat round. We promise not to ask...

0
Squudge 29.08.12 2:08pm
Squudge
British Army to disband Royal Milk Tray Corps

"They have served no meaningful purpose since the Cold War, in the mid-eighties. We simply can't justify having a decadent regiment in the current political and financial climate." The army will now...

4
gaijintendo 29.08.12 2:07pm
gaijintendo
Assange I was in the Embassy when woman's clothes cut off in prison 0
simonjmr 29.08.12 1:21pm
simonjmr
Clegg - Rich should pay more tax

Nick Clegg today has announced a more controversial tax policy aimed at men named Richard, under the new leglistaion men named Richard, Rick, Rich, Dick or Dickie will be forced to pay more tax than...

0
simonjmr 29.08.12 1:19pm
simonjmr
Twelve held after police raid interrupts violence-crazed computer nerds

Following a tip-off, police managed to prevent an orgy of violence between two vicious gangs of computer geeks in a London office last night, arresting twelve men. It is believed that all those...

0
Midfield Diamond 29.08.12 12:24pm
Midfield Diamond
County is now almost totally lion free, says Essex police chief

The head of Essex Police has hailed the force's superb handling of the big cat outbreak in the county, and promised that - with the odd exception - Essex is now safe for the general public with the...

8
ronseal 29.08.12 12:14pm
custard cream
Nick Clegg announces new lion tax. More soon. 0
dominic_mcg 29.08.12 12:04pm
dominic_mcg
Kevin Pieterson to apply for vacant England captain role 0
custard cream 29.08.12 12:02pm
custard cream
Missing: Pet Clegg

[u][center]Missing. Family’s Pet Clegg[/center][/u] [center]http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-h_EXGeMtwZc/T-eb_Rg2-YI/AAAAAAAADfQ/k0STgEYnv6c/s1600/nick-clegg.jpg[/center] A rare pet Clegg has gone...

1
Perks 29.08.12 10:56am
antharrison
Frying pan killer ‘inconsiderate’ claims judge

A judge at Exeter Crown Court has criticised a man for beating his friend to death with a frying pan, suggesting five minutes under the grill or even casseroled in a pot-roast would have been a far...

0
Gerontius 29.08.12 9:31am
Gerontius
"Olympic style dancing on NHS beds must stop" insist top doctors

Following the success of the Olympic opening ceremony, top NHS doctors are now asking patients, especially those with multiple fractures, to refrain from energetic dancing on their beds at all hours...

0
antharrison 29.08.12 8:03am
antharrison
Para holds up Para Oylimpics

Officials from the British Para Olympic committee were today left red faced after the first day of athletics in the Olympic stadium had to be cancelled. The problems started after the first event...

0
godly1966 29.08.12 6:37am
godly1966
Squirrel Licking 2012 Olympic update:

With the Olympics now over and put back in its box, except of course for the ‘special’ Olympics, literally two or three people out there have been asking the question “What happened to team GB...

18
The All New Jeni B 28.08.12 11:28pm
Martin Shuttlecock
USADA strips Neil Armstrong of his moon landings: "it was all a conspiracy" 0
Gary Baldy 28.08.12 11:08pm
Gary Baldy
Doctor advises women to rehydrate every 10 minutes

A leading doctor is urgently advising all 'women about town' to take water on board every ten minutes. In a shocking report, women who regularly use public transport are now told they'll rapidly...

3
28.08.12 10:57pm
FlashArry
Gruffalo sighted in Essex 2
Ian Searle 28.08.12 10:40pm
FlashArry
Piers Morgan to take the 'Indian Miracle Cream' challenge 0
FlashArry 28.08.12 10:39pm
FlashArry