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“I’m the best damn thang you eva had” Breivik tells court 0
Old Hat 3 years

Unhinged Caucasian rights activist and part-time Black Panther, Anders Breivik, has told the Norwegian court that he is “the best damn thang they [i]eva[/i] had”, in a prolonged outburst of...

"We'll raise fuel duty while you're watching Bolt win 100 metre final" - MP 0
clicktingstampz 3 years

The Government plans to announce a 30p-a-litre rise in fuel duty at the exact moment Usain Bolt crosses the finish line in this summer's Olympic 100-metre final., It is one of a series of bold bad...

Couple banned for having '69 pets', RSPCA found hoard of mouthwash. 0
MADJEZ 3 years
Plastic surgeon discovered in wrong bin. 0
MADJEZ 3 years
Theresa May ‘even tried Cillit Bang’ to remove Abu Qatada 9
Qoxiivi 3 years

Home Secretary, Theresa May, today admitted the desperate lengths to which the Government has gone in its ongoing battle to remove Abu Qatada. ‘Obviously, we started out with standard judicial...

Bottled Burkina Faso Spring Water to be the new trend. 0
Tomfinger 3 years

a must when jogging across the Sahara...

Scientists won't let you have a go of their sonic screwdriver 0
Old Hat 3 years

Millions of Britons awoke to the news, this morning, that science had finally made itself useful and invented some really cool shit. Researchers at Dundee university have created a machine that uses...

Are you a Luddite? Download our free iPhone app to find out! 0
grumblechops 3 years
Bradford to compete on Ask The Family 0
cinquecento 3 years
2012 London marathon to be conducted by public transport 2
Yikes 3 years

Organisers have dropped a bombshell by announcing that all competitors in Sunday’s London marathon will have to complete the run by double decker bus, in a move inspired by pioneering British bus...

Anglian Water rebrand as Angolan Water 0
charlies_hat 3 years
F1 drivers ask "What muppet put a Grand Prix near Manama?" 0
weematt 3 years
Breadknife voted best thing before sliced bread. 0
weematt 3 years

Hat tip to Stephen Wright who raised the question...

RSPCA condemns BNP calls to 'punch Abu's cat harder' 0
Perks 3 years

I know, i know. As my mum used to say, 'if you don't have anything funny to say, then say nothing at all'...

Andre Breivik, Charlie Sheen And Ted Nugent Kick Off Their 'Three Maniacs' Tour 0
3 years

Andre Breivik, the Norwegian extreme right wing mass murderer, Ted Nugent, the Detroit 'Motorcity Madman' (in so many ways more than the original intent) and Charlie Sheen, the 'Platoon Psycho', will...

Breivik, Hitler, And Churchill in rock, paper, scissors stalemate 0
Smart Alex 3 years
Plastic Surgeon Admits He Avoids Bonfire Night 1
GillsImp 3 years

A leading Harley Street Plastic Surgeon claims to hate the 5th of November. Apparently he begins to melt...

Tobacco giant holds sponsored cigarrette burning to help cancer research 1
ronseal 3 years

On saturday employess, stakeholders and partners of the Big Tobacco company are holding a giant fund raising campaign that could raise millions for cancer research. They're asking every man, woman...

Abu Qatada to be deported "piece by piece" 4
apepper 3 years

Controversial cleric Abu Qatada is to gradually removed from the country. A spokesman explained; "One hand and eye have gone already, more bits will follow as and when."...

Attenborough ‘Finishes’ Lemon in Mortal Kombat 6
Old Hat 3 years

Celebrity Muse and part-time skank wrangler, Keith Lemon, has been comprehensively ‘finished’ in Mortal Kombat by non-promiscuous naturalist, sir David Attenborough. The encounter, which took...

The time is 11 o' clock Greenwich, meantime here's another cock-up 6
yussle 3 years
FA to investigate whether it could award Man United penalties in retrospect 0
ronseal 3 years

The Football Association is to investigate allegations that it hasn't awarded Manchester United enough penalties and has commissioned a study to find new sources of spot kicks. ., MORE LATER...

Harrogate man dies in Britain's worst ever Tupperware Landslide 5
seymour totti 3 years

A Grandfather from Harrogate has become the first Briton to die as a result of a Tupperware landslide. Ron Stevens, 63, was buried alive without warning by a 17ft high pile of plastic on Sunday...

Murdoch to appear before Leveson Inquiry 0
Old Hat 3 years

Lovable A-Team buffon, Murdoch, is to appear before the Leveson inquiry on Wednesday and Thursday next week. A spokesperson for the enquiry issued the following statement; "We've exhausted all our...

Breaking News: Crazy-Legs to play Syrian peacekeeping role 0
Old Hat 3 years
British arms manufacturers to sponsor Bahrain Grand Prix. 1
nickb 3 years

In a display of strength, British armoured cars, armed with British weapons will complete a “lap of honour” round the Bahrain circuit before next week’s controversial F1 race. Race Organiser ...

F1 cars to have rooves specially fitted as safety precaution in Bahrain GP 0
Scronnyglonkle 3 years
F1 drivers watch safety film for Bahrain GP 0
Sinnick 3 years

Norwich City in yellow/green strip leak shocker 0
button 3 years
Fleeing Ecclestone insists mortar attack won't stop Bahrain GP 0
clicktingstampz 3 years

Formula One chief Bernie Ecclestone insists Sunday's Bahrain Grand Prix WILL go ahead, despite the track having been destroyed in today's mortar attack., Members of the Force India team were forced...