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Ducks reject currency union with Alex Salmond

Subsequent to the majority of England being submerged in 3ft of water, our Duck Overlords have made it clear that they will not be sharing the pound with an independent Scotland. Although the...

4
Wrenfoe 18.02.14 9:51pm
Adrian Bamforth
MYSTERIOUS SPORT OF "CURLING" CONTINUES TO BAFFLE COMMENTATORS

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/7/7a/Curling_Canada_Torino_2006.jpg Commentators at the Winter Olympics admitted last night they had absolutely no idea what the elusive sport of...

0
Peter749400 18.02.14 9:50pm
Peter749400
Alex Salmond negotiating with Mars to ensure security of supply.

Things can only get battered...

0
deskpilot3 18.02.14 8:55pm
deskpilot3
Sink hole opened up in sink

“The entire washing up water disappeared in seconds.” said Mrs Irene Purdy from Nantwich “Aren’t plugs marvellous?”...

0
farmer giles 18.02.14 8:54pm
farmer giles
New sink-hole discovered.

http://www.plumbing-longisland.com/images/image_drain-cleaning-repair.jpg...

0
MADJEZ 18.02.14 8:48pm
MADJEZ
South West England given National Water Park status. More soon. 0
dominic_mcg 18.02.14 7:44pm
dominic_mcg
Business ‘underwater and inaccessible’ as usual say Somerset traders

“I wonder how some people will keep their businesses afloat, but I should be all right” said a stern boatbuilder Derek Hull...

0
farmer giles 18.02.14 7:28pm
farmer giles
Post Scots independance UK to become "Untied Kingdom". more soon. 0
Al OPecia 18.02.14 7:23pm
Al OPecia
Heir apparent William wants to be known as ‘bald patch apparent’ from now on 0
farmer giles 18.02.14 6:53pm
farmer giles
Husbands told "Life does mean life", you said "Til death do us part"! 0
Ian Searle 18.02.14 6:36pm
Ian Searle
Tories Put Their Shoulders To The Wheel, For Once….

…Pity it's not nationwide...

0
Jesse Bigg 18.02.14 4:59pm
Jesse Bigg
Separated at birth

http://i.telegraph.co.uk/multimedia/archive/02697/alex-salmond_2697577b.jpghttp://positivetv.tv/wp-content/uploads/2010/12/blob_fish_main.jpg...

0
Son of Barnabas 18.02.14 4:39pm
Son of Barnabas
Jig-Saw Maker Ready To Fill The Gap…...

….If Scotland leaves UK...

0
Jesse Bigg 18.02.14 4:31pm
Jesse Bigg
Wildlife Park says newborn Giraffe will not be named ‘Darius’ 0
rogerg 18.02.14 4:22pm
rogerg
Ant's part in "Gladiator" remake now in doubt 0
sydalg 18.02.14 3:48pm
sydalg
SNP Independence Strategy: "You take the high road and I'll take the high road!" 0
custard cream 18.02.14 3:15pm
custard cream
Creepy guy in gym "Just Watching" for 35th straight minute.

The rather creepy over-muscled guy by the weights equipment is STILL just stood there watching according to nervous patrons of Club Physique Gym in Stoke on Trent. "He hasn't used any equipment."...

4
blokefromstoke 18.02.14 3:04pm
Electrelane
Sun editor furious for not thinking of "Floodgate" as title for current crisis 2
Son of Barnabas 18.02.14 2:54pm
Son of Barnabas
Winter Olympic curling rink melts as GB squad use heated curlers

More to follow...

0
apepper 18.02.14 2:42pm
apepper
Vanessa Mae disqualified for using violins as skis at Sochi

Against IOC rules apparently...

0
custard cream 18.02.14 2:41pm
custard cream
Salmond smoked. More soon. 0
Al OPecia 18.02.14 2:22pm
Al OPecia
Abba beards used as tax dodge

Abba have admitted that the ridiculous beards worn by Benny and Bjorn during their seventies heyday were a cunning ruse to avoid paying taxes. Swedish taxes could be prohibitive on profits made...

4
Electrelane 18.02.14 2:19pm
Electrelane
Elephant in the room died of ‘loneliness and neglect’, says coroner...

The funeral will be held next week of the elephant in the room, who has pined away through lack of attention and, most importantly, never being fed. Dumbo, a spokesman for the elephant community,...

10
Tripod 18.02.14 2:01pm
Not Amused
Yes campaign collapses as Scotland can't keep Poundland

The campaign for Scottish independence has been dealt a massive blow as the CEO of Poundland has said that Scotland having access to Poundland would be "extremely difficult"...

0
apepper 18.02.14 1:57pm
apepper
NEW TAX FLOATS GOVERNMENT INTO MORE FLUID ECONOMY

A ripple of excitement is evident in Parliament today. As a result of the success of the Bedroom tax the govn't is set to introduce the Landscape Tax into its spring budget. This applies a variable...

0
freqmikey 18.02.14 1:23pm
freqmikey
Schumacher just ignoring our letters, say disability benefit investigators 2
sydalg 18.02.14 1:22pm
NewBiscuit
Pussy Riot arrested in Sochi

http://twistedsifter.files.wordpress.com/2010/12/cat-catching-snow.jpg...

1
virtuallywill 18.02.14 1:18pm
Electrelane
David Attenborough Weighs into Scots Independence Debate

Scots will not automatically qualify as human beings if the yes Yes vote is successful says renowned naturalist David Attenborough. He warns they will no longer be protected by the Human Rights Act...

0
Mouteau 18.02.14 1:11pm
Mouteau
Homosexuality evolved from human need for stylish clothing says report 0
Bigglesworth 18.02.14 12:57pm
Bigglesworth
Comedy partner "fingered" in Operation Yewtree" 0
virtuallywill 18.02.14 12:47pm
virtuallywill