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Lonely Heart requests 'no kissing, just hard CPR' 1
charlies_hat 3 years
Andy Gray and Sergio Berlusconi to replace Alesha Dixon as strictly Judges. 0
godly1966 3 years
Graham Norton-Holmes and The Strange Incident at the British Museum 1
Inigo Unsworth 3 years

It was one of those blustery grey February afternoons where London was weary from an interminable winter. Arch-sleuth, Graham Norton-Norton-Holmes was dozing by a blazing fire after a solid lunch of...

Anti-tobacco lobby hails success of India's 'Smoking makes you a cunt' campaign 4
DrTurmoil 3 years

The link in case that seems like entirely gratuitous swearage:

Loch Ness is giant spirit level, Customs and Excise admit. 0
Griffin 3 years
Wolf In Sheep's Clothing Defends Alternative Lifestyle 3
sredni vashta 3 years
Poteen Plays Leading Role In Frustrated Love Story 0
Inigo Unsworth 3 years

Poteen Plays Leading Role, In Frustrated Love Story It was late on the night shift in the CAF – Cosmic Air Force – bunker deep in the Hampshire countryside. Star Fleet Commander Fitzwilliam...

John Terry appalled at being seen on fags. More soon. 0
Al OPecia 3 years
"Guns may be dangerous" - new report 0
apepper 3 years

In a new shock report, it turns out that guns might pose a danger to the public. Lottery plans to offer guns as consolation prizes have been put on hold...

Queen fears Sandringham invitation to Duke of Clarence may have been a mistake 0
medici2471 3 years
Man walking dog arrested on suspicion of multiple murders 18
medici2471 3 years
White Flag unveiled as new Liberal Party Symbol 1
Immunis 3 years

‘A new year, a new start, a new flag, but the same old Liberal Party’ announced Nick Clegg, deputy PM and party leader as he unveiled a plain white flag and waved it over his head to the tepid...

Memory of 90-91 Ashes Tour finally too much for Atherton to bear. More soon. 1
Al OPecia 3 years
McVities wrappers found beneath seat on French train 0
medici2471 3 years
Only cab drivers without friends or family to be allowed to hold gun licence 0
medici2471 3 years

more to follow...

Met police advise that John Terry racisim case will be concluded in 2029 2
charlies_hat 3 years
UK in mourning as police reveal Sandringham body isn’t Fergie 3
Qoxiivi 3 years
Police to investigate "Are shotguns too dangerous to be held by the suicidal?" 1
dvo4fun 3 years
‘We've Had No Complaints’ claim Samaritans after moving call centre offshore 0
Immunis 3 years
Thrifty couple shave pounds off Virgin space flight by taking 'leftovers soup' 8
3 years

An elderly couple from Dorset are looking forward to a ‘once in a lifetime’ holiday in space, after negotiating a discount for taking their own food. Until now, VirginGalactic has insisted on...

Pathetic Robots Woefully Behind Schedule to Enslave Human Race 3
thisisall1word 3 years

Mankind today was yet again able to laugh in the rubbish metal faces of the world's robots as they once more failed to enslave humanity in the previous 12 months., Despite many great advances in...

Alesha Dixon "Strictly no talent yes" 0
button 3 years

More transfer window news soon...

Eugenic gardener alarmed as swede displays wedding ring on carrot 0
medici2471 3 years
Scotland to be given independence until the wind dies down. More soon. 0
dominic_mcg 3 years
Breast implant complaints double in size overnight 0
charlies_hat 3 years
Dry cat food subtly belittles cat 9
nickb 3 years
10 day old Turkey now too tough for main meals, admits Housewife Mrs. N Hubbard 0
Iamthestig 3 years

After a long battle trying to maximise the meat life from her 4kg Turkey, Slough Housewife Mrs. N Hubbard has had to face the music and throw her leftovers away to avoid a minor uprising within her...

Dermatologists beat dentists by the skin of their teeth. 0
kimllfixit 3 years
Shadow cabinet deeply worried by call to remove plastic tits. 0
John Ffitch-Rucker 3 years
The Izzard vs Fry Xmas TV domination battle to continue into New Year 0
simonjmr 3 years