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Helpline service 'thoughtless and cruel' say bereaved relatives

A telephone company is being sued in the civil courts for causing the death of an elderly man when his call to customer services was answered immediately by a human being. According to a relative of...

3
Arthur 07.06.13 1:10am
Arthur
Sperm bank asks customers not to leave donations on doorstep overnight 1
sydalg 06.06.13 11:27pm
Arthur
450 motorists fined for 'tailgating' in M1 traffic jam.

Traffic Enforcement Officers had a field day yesterday when a bumper-to-bumper traffic jam on the M1 left 450 motorists at the mercy of the new tailgating law. Commuters were left helpless as...

6
NorthernGravy 06.06.13 10:34pm
Vertically Challenged Giant
New definition of 'hippy' to be 'hipster with hip replacement' 1
Lindy Moone 06.06.13 10:02pm
Arthur
The Clash admit slipping the names of British Wildlife into their songs.

As a tribute to Bill Oddie...

0
Ian Searle 06.06.13 9:12pm
Ian Searle
Justin Bieber books Virgin space flight, "only if it's one way", states Branson 0
topfotogmw 06.06.13 8:53pm
topfotogmw
Sam Cam suggests that a Mau Mau member was a bigger a penis than Dave

"£14 million squid would buy me a new pad and perhaps a new kitchen" suggested the Prime Plonkers wife, shortly before tripping on her high heels and telling a uniformed pleb outside her gated...

0
Tess Goes 06.06.13 8:42pm
Tess Goes
Michael Douglas to play John Snow in Game of Thrones series 4

no more soon .. obscurity rules...

8
Not Amused 06.06.13 6:43pm
Not Amused
Gerry Rafferty tells traffic cops "I was stuck..." 1
Rootin Tootin 06.06.13 6:03pm
Sinnick
Motorists encouraged to "Use Both Lanes"

More mixed messages for the beleagured motorist, following recent publicity over "lane-hogging" in the news that more Highways Agency signs instructing motorists to "use both lanes" will be deployed...

4
NewBiscuit 06.06.13 5:55pm
Boutros
New study proves that thinking cannot be controlled by helicopters

Researchers in Afghanistan have demonstrated that local thinking about western-style freedom and democracy cannot be controlled using the power of Apache helicopters. The long-running study is the...

0
Midfield Diamond 06.06.13 5:21pm
Midfield Diamond
Charges dropped as Yewtree suspect had hearing aid switched off when cautioned 0
sydalg 06.06.13 5:08pm
sydalg
Education Minister denies 50% of population below average IQ. 8
Maverick 06.06.13 4:24pm
Gålgö13
Foreign Secretary changes name to will.i.am Hague 0
Scroat 06.06.13 3:32pm
Scroat
Members of suppressed religious sect in Rome pass word to others

[Arthur asked me to post this but it seems a bit fishy to me]...

1
Arthur 06.06.13 3:15pm
Lindy Moone
Arsenal tactics explained: Fans told Wenger to go forth and multiply. 0
Not Amused 06.06.13 2:39pm
Not Amused
Tulisa tattoo horror - top surgeon quits

A leading Harley Street surgeon, who couldn't face the prospect of operating on 'oldies' whose intimate tattoos had become an embarrassment, has quit his practice. Sir Reginald Clamacraft, who...

0
Lenny Bee 06.06.13 1:26pm
Lenny Bee
Children not as thick as originally thought.

Parent and teacher groups call for clarification following the news that 17% of children thought cheese grows on trees, they claim this is down to trick questions and media manipulation. How are...

6
rgk 06.06.13 12:57pm
Lindy Moone
God admits to hearing Republicans

Theologians were left somewhat surprised to hear that the One True God, has for sometime, been listening to the GOP. This divine confession follows Republican claims, that after a night of prayer,...

3
Wrenfoe 06.06.13 12:36pm
Lindy Moone
Berkeley Hunt wins contract to track down paedophiles

The ancient Gloucestershire club is enjoying a new lease of life, provided with a thrilling and fully legal substitute for fox-hunting. Suspected sexual deviants can now expect to be accosted at any...

5
sydalg 06.06.13 12:18pm
Midfield Diamond
JD Wetherspoon win local authority school dinner contract.

Education chiefs in the North East have awarded pub chain JD Wetherspoon a contract to provide up to twenty thousand children their daily school dinners, in a move that has angered child health...

6
No Beard 06.06.13 12:10pm
Wrenfoe
NASA blames slow progress of its Mars rover on French programmer

Amid growing public frustration at the lack of results from the much publicised mission to Mars of the Curiosity robot, NASA revealed today that they suspect a large part of the lack of productivity...

1
gregle 06.06.13 11:52am
NewBiscuit
New Summer Bank Holiday Proposed by EU

To celebrate the fist sunny day of the year, and the first appearance on the streets of skimpy summer dresses, the EU have proposed an annual "Walk around with a Stiffy day." Pfizer have agreed to...

1
Tom55 06.06.13 11:15am
DraculaBranded
Boris Johnson is a real person. Latest

Rumours that the Mayor of London is in fact the muppet-type creation of a bunch of school chums who once hoped to gain more pudding from the refectory were strenuously denied this morning. It has...

0
colophon 06.06.13 9:56am
colophon
Mau Mau apology in sarcastic voice with rolling eyes doesn't count, say Kenyans 0
cinquecento 06.06.13 9:30am
cinquecento
School of Painting by Numbers opens in London. You red it first here. 0
drtrade 06.06.13 8:38am
drtrade
Cow "over the moon" at being made heroine of nursery rhyme 6
sydalg 06.06.13 8:22am
Arthur
Thought-controlled helicopter 'is now a Scientologist' 0
pere floza 06.06.13 8:02am
pere floza
Thought controlled helicopter flies in and out of tunnel

or is it a chopper...

0
Rootin Tootin 06.06.13 7:58am
Rootin Tootin
Paul McKenna hijacks thought-controlled helicopter 0
cinquecento 06.06.13 7:38am
cinquecento