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Cossacks to enter the Eurovision Song Contest

Frustrated by being held back by their beloved leader, Vladimir Putin, the Cossacks are turning their energies towards music. 'We would love to invade the whole of the Ukraine,' admitted one of the...

throngsman 31.03.14 7:43am
Farage - 'I don't like Putin, I love him'

In his first interview since revealing to Alistair Campbell that he 'had the hots for Putin', Nigel Farage admitted that he also found Stalin 'alluring' and Hitler 'a bit of a looker'. 'Neither would...

throngsman 31.03.14 7:31am
NHS 'overwhelmed' by response for membership'

An NHS spokesman has reported that the newly floated idea of a £10 a month subscription to the NHS has been met with overwhelming support. 'To be fair, in retrospect we probably didn't need to offer...

throngsman 31.03.14 7:17am
Biblical boatbuilder to be lured out of retirement for one last Ark in Noah 2

Russell Crowe has confirmed that he is to play the role of Noah in a new sequel in which he takes to the seas for a very different challenge. God asks Noah to tackle a bunch of communistic climate...

ronseal 31.03.14 7:16am
sponge finger
1934 film "The Gay Divorcee" set for remake

cast to be confirmed...

Coco 31.03.14 6:50am
Crimeans set their clocks back 75 years. 0
Adrian Bamforth 31.03.14 12:06am
Adrian Bamforth
MH370 search teams find Shergar and Lord Lucan. Still no sign of the plane. 0
deskpilot3 30.03.14 10:04pm
Families Of Marie Celeste Crew Consider Abandoning Their Embassy Protest 0
Titus 30.03.14 9:47pm
Mark Menzies 'Has Our Full Support' Say Rent Boys 0
Titus 30.03.14 9:44pm
Mother disowns children after "No Ferrero Rocher" incident. More soon. 1
dominic_mcg 30.03.14 9:41pm
sponge finger
Garda commence door to door search for black box, arrest imminent

'We've had credible intelligence that a black box has been sighted in the suburbs of Dublin,' said the officer in charge of the investigation. 'We are aware that most of the searches have taken...

throngsman 30.03.14 8:58pm
The Internet is 'full', says Cameron

The Prime Minister has announced to the country that the internet is full. 'Despite close negotiations between my government and the internet providers, it appears that the internet is now completely...

throngsman 30.03.14 8:41pm
‘Paper Cut’ skeletons unearthed by Crossrail project

Skeletons unearthed in London’s Crossrail excavations are Paper Cut victims from the great pandemic of the 14th Century, forensic tests indicate. Their skeletons contain evidence of the condition...

deceangli 30.03.14 8:06pm
Referendum: Cameron declares that the name “Scotland” will not be Available

Prime Minister David Cameron has launched his latest volley in the fight for dominance in advance of the forthcoming Scottish independence referendum., The PM has revealed that a little known...

robertsonal 30.03.14 7:58pm
Next Generation Sat Nav launched

Tom Tom, the leading manufacturer of sat navs has launched the next generation of devices. 'We like to stay cutting edge,' explained the head of R & D, Mike Smith, 'and we realised that we've...

throngsman 30.03.14 7:38pm
Catholic church in turmoil after being asked about gay divorces

More to follow...

apepper 30.03.14 7:25pm
Malaysian airliner found on dark side of the moon

hat tip to the Sunday Sport circa 1980...

Squudge 30.03.14 7:10pm
Gay Marriage : Bishops 'confident' that the smiting will start soon 2
deceangli 30.03.14 6:05pm
Buckinghamshire man forgets to change clocks and misses appointment 1
Underconstruction 30.03.14 5:14pm
sponge finger
Newly discovered fragments ‘could be’ from lost TV remote control SRC-493V

They are tiny fragments of black plastic and metal, found deep within the folds of a DFS corner style sofa model number 3976UX. But they could well have their own story to tell, a story untold for...

nickb 30.03.14 4:56pm
“Consumption coalition” roll out to be completed by the summer

Representatives from badger and cat organisations released a statement today promising that the TB coalition roll out will be complete by the summer. Ben Mellor of Badger Fightback and Tiddles...

Coco 30.03.14 4:27pm
MPs losing laptops faster than GCHQ can load intercepted emails on

'It's a problem , to be sure,' said head of security for the House of Commons. 'In the last year alone MPs have lost over fifty laptops, tablets and smartphones, many brand new and without any...

throngsman 30.03.14 3:50pm
Wills & Kate 'do a Jacko' & hang baby out of window for publicity.

MADJEZ 30.03.14 2:11pm
Boom in meth labs blamed on unsuccessful teachers’ strike

A sharp rise in the production of the highly addictive stimulant crystal methamphetamine has been directly blamed on last week’s national teachers’ strike, which unions deemed largely...

Jesus H 30.03.14 11:50am
Tuition Fees for Accountancy Grads to be cut by Dp = (1-N√R/C)*100% 0
camz 30.03.14 11:50am
Prince Andrew - 'teach children to fail, use me as an example'

Prince Andrew has revealed that failing is one of his core skills. 'I'm basically a fuckwit,' he admitted to reporters as he launched his new initiative aimed at destroying the entrepreneurial spirit...

throngsman 30.03.14 11:37am
God delays smiting gay marriage participents due to statutory day off. 3
irreverendJ 30.03.14 11:37am
Al OPecia
Labour to 'cut tuition fees by a third'

Ed Milliband, Labour's caretaker leader until the next election defeat, has announced that under Labour student tuition fees will be cut by a third. 'We're shortening degree courses by a year and...

throngsman 30.03.14 11:00am
Tourette's sufferers wish women "Happy Motherfuckers Day"

Yes I know I did it last year as well...

antharrison 30.03.14 10:56am
Not Amused
MH370 search extended to down back of sofa. Fourteen pence found so far. 1
throngsman 30.03.14 10:43am