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TC given managers job at Wolves names Benny the Ball as first team coach 2
charlies_hat 3 years

I know football lines don't go down too well but I love Top Cat !...

House of Commons punch up results in "Eyes to the left, Nose to the right". 5
seymour totti 3 years
Abu Qatada visits Heathrow to wave-off Christopher Tappin 2
medici2471 3 years
Blackburn company hails success of teaspoon amnesty 0
grottymonty 3 years

Managers at Wingnut Express Ltd say they are delighted with the response in their two week teaspoon amnesty. Staff in the kitchen are now able to make a drink without needing to squeeze out a teabag...

Local authority exposes ‘coward’ who failed to save dog from frozen lake 3
Gary Stanton 3 years

A local authority has joined forces with emergency rescue services to expose a callous individual too ‘chicken-shit’ to risk life and limb by retrieving his partially-blind Springer Spaniel ‘Mr...

Local authority exposes ‘coward’ who failed to save dog from frozen lake 2
Gary Stanton 3 years

A local authority has joined forces with emergency rescue services to expose a callous individual too ‘chicken-shit’ to risk life and limb by retrieving his partially-blind Springer Spaniel ‘Mr...

Publicly owned bank loses £3.5bn 0
yussle 3 years

Have you checked all your pockets? asks public...

X-rated film maker from Lyme Regis charged with making Porn on the Cobb 0
Ian Searle 3 years
Autopsy results reveal Houston died of winter vomiting bug.... 0
Haywood Manley 3 years

disease renamed "Shitney Spewstons" in her honour...

Dumpty finally returns home from 'tremendous' autumn break in States 2
Haywood Manley 3 years
Lloyds Bank makes £3.5 billion loss plus £100 overdraft fee 1
Duncan Biscuit 3 years
Somali government designates September 19th "Don't Talk Like a Pirate Day" 2
Haywood Manley 3 years

Addressing growing concerns among ordinary Somalis that they now have little or no say when it comes to participating in the annual twat-fest that is 'International Talk Like a Pirate Day', the...

Syrian artillery to target Tunis 0
Duncan Biscuit 3 years
Extradited Brit protests Iranian missiles were marked ‘Batteries not included' 0
Duncan Biscuit 3 years
Bobby Brown releases controversial tribute song to Whitney "Hump in the ground" 0
Iamthestig 3 years
Newly-discovered moth with a taste for Chardonnay named Tipsy Moth 0
Duncan Biscuit 3 years
Exotic banana identified in batch of venomous spiders. 14
Curbie Firetank 3 years

Quarantine staff at Norwich International Airport were shaken this morning when a cargo of 300 highly poisonous arachnids was found to contain what appeared to be a ‘yellow crescent shaped fruit’...

Eric Joyce v David Haye in Tesco car park agreed by Sky box office 2
charlies_hat 3 years
Lack of grit in the workplace leads to council workers pay freeze 2
charlies_hat 3 years
Binge drinking MPs could face curfew and ban from travelling abroad 3
ronseal 3 years

The unacceptable face of Parliamentary Hooliganism reared its ugly head again yesterday, with booze fuelled rival factions clashing in a House of Commons bar. The police say there was one arrest and...

Apple to produce iOuijaBoard 4
hughesroland 3 years

In an attempt to tap into the lucrative market of dead teen technology fans, Apple are considering bringing out a touch-screen Ouija Board. An internal memo from Apple chief executive Tim Cook...

Falkirk MP Eric Joyce suspended by his 'party equipment', not by his thumbs 0
dvo4fun 3 years

More (Whips' punishment) soon OR MP Eric Joyce suspended by his 'party equipment', not by his party...

Adele Cordoned off. 15
MADJEZ 3 years
Read tomorrow's NewsBiscuit jokes today in the new edition of Private Eye 3
Mandy Lifeboat 3 years

Only £1.50...

Rain God tells England to ‘dance for it proper.’ 2
malgor 3 years

‘You want rain? You gotta show me your dancin’ feet!’ was the message earlier today from Rain God Steve. Directed primarily at the south-east corner of the UK, Steve’s booming voice caused...

Astronomers warn that a sequel to Costners 'Waterworld' may exist 2
simonjmr 3 years

Astronomers have claimed the existence of a sequel to the 1995 Kevin Costner turkey "Water-world" could exist with its trademarked thick, dense and incomprehensible script. Astronomers and...

Lansley: "OK to abort if neither gender is wanted but not if ...err...hold on.." 0
dvo4fun 3 years

More [joined up thinking] soon...

Other people definitely arseholes, say scientists 7
Teddy 3 years

Scientists at the Public Research Institute of Clinical Knowledge believe they may have finally proved what many have long suspected, that other people are definitely arseholes. Lead author Dr John...

Financial crisis deepens - AA Milne downgraded to just A 1
Ian Searle 3 years
CERN scientists forgot to carry the one 1
tomholder 3 years

Evidence of faster-than light particles was quashed today when it was discovered that the lead scientist, Dr. Osborne, forgot to carry the one on the calculations.Cern released a statement today...