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Helen Skelton to join Ellen MacArthur in new bid for World Yachting Record. 0
rob box 3 years

" This time, it won't be Plain Sailing.", Say's Spokesperson., "And btw . This time, don't expect ME to look after the cat."...

Helen Skelton to join Ellen MacArthur in new bid for World Yachting Record. 0
rob box 3 years
Fred Goodwin awarded title of ‘Banker’ under new dishonours system 1
Long Distance Clara 3 years

Following the decision to strip former RBS boss Fred Goodwin of his knighthood, Buckingham Palace has unveiled a new dishonours system to recognise those who have made a ‘substantial and prolonged...

Mrs Brian Cox admits that she often has trouble locating her husband 1
medici2471 3 years
Angela Merkel to present Fred Goodwin with Iron Cross 0
3 years

German Chancellor Angela Merkel has spoken in gushing terms about her agent Fred Goodwin, ahead of the ceremony to present him with the Iron Cross. "By undermining the value of the paper on which...

Health and Safety Executive to ban emotional roller-coasters. More soon. 0
Al OPecia 3 years
Queen shreds Goodwin's knighthood. More soon. 3
dominic_mcg 3 years
Sainsbury rename Lion Bar the 'High Fibre Diet Turd Bar' 0
charlies_hat 3 years
Calls for Sir Max Mosley to be stripped 0
medici2471 3 years
Dyson launch the electrically heated loft-ladder 9
dvo4fun 3 years

James Dyson, the designer of many innovative products no-one knew they needed, announced his company's latest must-have domestic appliance at a press conference today. "A large proportion of...

Burke's Peerage reveals obligatory 'Twat' title to be added to Honours process 0
pere floza 3 years
Man undergoing brain surgery is thinking 'F************ck!!!' 0
Scroat 3 years

More brainwaves soon...

Hester to be knighted and deknighted on same day. Then slapped. 0
cinquecento 3 years
Barclays' Bob Cubic-Zirconia protests as Queen strips him of diamond status 0
cinquecento 3 years
Fred Goodwin stripped of 50 yds Scottish swimmer award,only left with pension 0
virtuallywill 3 years

more cash later...

Hawking: "I'll now communicate by fax only." 2
hughesroland 3 years
ASDA rebrand 'Smart Price' after customers realise it 'Tastes Like Shit' 0
Perks 3 years

Following on from the announcement by Sainsbury’s that they are changing the name of their tiger bread to ‘giraffe bread’ after receiving a letter from a 3 year old saying the pattern looked...

Tories rebranded as 'Posh Twits' following letter from girl, 3 2
kga6 3 years

A letter to the Government from a 3 year old girl has been circulating the internet with such speed and support that David Cameron has agreed to rename his party 'The Posh Twits'. The circulating...

Engineers stumble upon low carbon-foot print green car, the Used car 0
Dumbnews 3 years
Cockney Pilots scare air passengers 4
Marko 3 years

A recent survey has found that when on an airplane, passengers are more relaxed whilst coming in to land when the pilot has a 'posh' accent, as opposed to a regional twang., Cockney pilots top the...

Low-cost airline to refuel in local petrol stations 0
markbuontempo 3 years

Due to another increase of airport fuel duties, renowned low-cost airline O'Really!Air today announced their decision to use specially adapted petrol stations to refuel their fleet of aircraft. CEO...

Man receives useful email 3
antharrison 3 years

A Manchester man was today said to be "Stunned" after receiving an email which asked him to attend a business meeting in March. "It wasn't even from Groupon, Woucher, TripAdvisor, eBay, Amazon, an...

Canine-friendly golf club remote car park is awarded AAA dogging status 0
antharrison 3 years

The management committee at Heston Moor Golf Club in Birmingham is said to be delighted at the award of AAA status by the British Dogging Association. "As a long-established golf club with a keen...

Fred Goodwin: "My ears will be cold in bed" shock horror 0
Scroat 3 years
British Tourists denied entry into the U.S. Due to Tweet 0
Couriernew 3 years

Two British tourists were recently denied entry into the U.S. because one of them had tweeted that he planned to "destroy" America-- a word he defended as slang for partying hard. In a related...

Fred Goodwin : Worse than Hitler say Daily Mail. 0
MADJEZ 3 years
Public calls for Goodwin to be stripped of manhood 0
charlies_hat 3 years
Queen strips bank of R to leave just BS 0
medici2471 3 years
Fred Goodwin loses knighthood - "I'm sure I put it down somewhere" 0
apepper 3 years

Disgraced banker, Fred Goodwin, has caused chaos by announcing that he can no longer find his knighthood. "It's disappeared somewhere, and now there someone at the door who wants it back again."...

Nodding off can kill, warns NHS. 3
TheBull 3 years

During the Gary Speed inquest, the coroner said; "It was possible Speed could have "nodded off" while sitting with cable round his neck on the stairs in his garage". NHS spokesman, John...