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Tolpuddle Martyrs Museum to be replaced by 'The heroes of fracking'

In an hitherto unprecedented joint statement from Labour and the Con/Dem Hqs it was today announced that the Tolpuddle Martyrs had been discredited as being pinko leftie fifth columnists (or...

underwhelmed 22.08.13 2:03pm
Complaining about GCSEs getting easier is getting easier, says Gove. More soon. 1
dominic_mcg 22.08.13 2:01pm
Touching swansong from 92-year-old man 0
sydalg 22.08.13 1:36pm
Manning announces innovative solution to improve prison sex experience. 0
Ref Minor 22.08.13 1:35pm
Ref Minor
Manning sent secret Welsh recipes to Wikileeks. 0
britwombat 22.08.13 1:09pm
Manning sentenced to read ‘every last word’ of leaked documents

Bradley Manning, the US soldier found guilty of passing masses of classified military intelligence to Wikileaks, has been sentenced by a court to read every last word of the hundreds of thousands of...

Long Distance Clara 22.08.13 1:01pm
Pharaoh who moonlighted as estate agent accused of pyramid selling 0
sydalg 22.08.13 12:48pm
Camera-watch should be popular with exhibitionist masturbators say maker.

Shake-down test expected soon...

MADJEZ 22.08.13 12:27pm
Half UK kids need "more slapping"

Half the UK's 7 year olds are beyond irritating and could do with a good slapping, according to a study by researchers at University College London...

apepper 22.08.13 12:17pm
Chinese Invading Army states - Actually we do own the place!

Officials at grimsby were astounded today when an army of Chinese soldiers, complete with half a division of tanks emerged from the car carrier ship mv AutoInvaderthis morning., Instead of the...

underwhelmed 22.08.13 12:07pm
Ian Collier
Brazilian detained at Heathrow should be thankful he wasn't on the Tube say Met. 7
MADJEZ 22.08.13 11:14am
Government plan to improve GCSE results: all papers to be marked as A*

Following disappointing GCSE results this year, the government has ordered that all exam papers must be marked as A*. In a press release today, the secretary of state for education, Michael Gove,...

John Wiltshire 22.08.13 9:44am
John Wiltshire
Destruction of IT heralded as unqualified success

In the wake of rampant whistle-blowing, the Government has formally rolled out Operation 'Bit Slap' across all government departments and any non-governmental bodies found to be irksome. The new...

Squudge 22.08.13 9:26am
Windsor barbecued swan, 92 year old Greek man sought.

MADJEZ 22.08.13 8:15am
Kevin the Swan
Confusion in China as "Bo Diddley" misses appearance in court

There have been scenes of mayhem and confusion at the Intermediate People's Court in Jinan, China, as court officials were unable to find deceased Rhythm and Blues musician Bo Diddley who has been...

moanygit 22.08.13 6:33am
Spain & Morocco in dispute over English rugby player.

Due to a clerical error in Madrid last week, Spain & Morocco are locked in a bitter diplomatic row over former England rugby player Mark Cueto. Tensions are running high, with Moroccan troops...

FOAD 22.08.13 5:54am
#We could all die soon,' advise scientists

A terrifying new form of terror was revealed today and we should all be terrified. Scientists discovered the terror by accident when searching for reasons to remind us of old terrors we have gotten...

Hooch 21.08.13 11:34pm
Prince Philip gets clean bill of health after successful delivery of racist joke 1
Tripod 21.08.13 10:49pm
hiss. 3
Kevin the Swan 21.08.13 10:32pm
Eric Pickles to be replaced by hand drier.

David Cameron announced yesterday that Communities and Local Government Secretary Eric Pickles is to be replaced by a hot air hand drier. A spokesman for the Government explained that whilst the...

writinginbsl 21.08.13 9:30pm
'Pop-up' Churches open in slimming clubs

In an attempt to attract new parishioners the Church has opened a new range of pop-up churches in a wide variety of slimming clubs across the nation. The Church is hoping to encourage the nation's...

antharrison 21.08.13 9:27pm
sponge finger
White dude eating with chopsticks not fucking around 2
Dumbnews 21.08.13 8:47pm
Al OPecia
Dominique Strauss-Kahn changes family motto to 'Honi soit qui mal y ponce' 2
sydalg 21.08.13 8:17pm
Simon Cowell's pride at being a father to be balanced out by child's feelings

Experts in karma are expecting the universe to balance out Simon Cowell's reaction to becoming a father. "Although it's easy to criticise people for ignoring the 'do not breed from this person'...

apepper 21.08.13 7:56pm
Gladys Newbolt, office cleaner, plunges to death in open liftshaft. 17
Al OPecia 21.08.13 5:42pm
Miliband Denies Alien Abduction Claim Was An Excuse For His Silence

but [i]still[/i] fails to attract any press coverage...

Titus 21.08.13 1:08pm
Dial-A-Con Hotline launched "and when precisely will you be out Sir?". More soon 0
Al OPecia 21.08.13 1:04pm
Al OPecia
Britain loses out to Russia in Intolerance Olympics

As judges Stephen Fry and Peter Tatchell wrap up their adjudication of the international spectacle, seasoned observers were in general agreement on the bigotry championships, i.e. that Britain made...

sydalg 21.08.13 12:54pm
“Milliband as PM?”, says David Blunkett. “I can’t see it happening”... 1
Tripod 21.08.13 12:45pm
Death threats following 1D ‘One Dimension’ jibe

Millions of fans today sent death threats to a joker who dared to poke fun at boy band One Direction. The prankster alleged Harry Styles had said in an interview that the band was going to change...

farmer giles 21.08.13 12:23pm