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Israelites flocking to Sodom for easy "pillar of salt divorces"

The cities of the plain, already noted for their relaxed attitude to alternative sexual lifestyles, are now beginning to rival Vegas as the hot-spot for those seeking to swiftly cut ties with their...

0
sydalg 12.07.13 2:41pm
sydalg
"DNA result worse than you thought", warns Oedipus's mum 0
sydalg 12.07.13 2:31pm
sydalg
So it's farewell and bon voyage.... 1
Duncan Biscuit 12.07.13 1:53pm
Sinnick
Page 3 to feature topless Brazilians

In a mark of solidarity with beleaguered football fans, the News International paper will be replacing their traditional topless models with hirsute football fans. Shirtless and standing soccer...

4
Wrenfoe 12.07.13 1:51pm
Sinnick
Schools urged to ban packed-lunches by head of catering company.

More unbiased advice soon...

0
MADJEZ 12.07.13 12:50pm
MADJEZ
Ex BBC boss to return to former Corporation job to be fired.

Former BBC Director General Mark Thompson is to return briefly to the Corporation's employment so that he can be fired. "An oversight on our part meant we omitted to dismiss Mr Thompson for...

0
nickb 12.07.13 11:51am
nickb
Candy Crush rehab nurses express anger at plans to reduce pay

Unions representing the nurses and midwives responsible for the psychological and physical rehabilitation for those battling Candy Crush addictions have joined others in stating their "absolute...

1
Jesus H 12.07.13 11:51am
Jesus H
Thousands of Orange Men protest poor conditions at Wonka's factory

Oompa Loompas took to the streets as industrial action against factory owner William Wonka heats up. The orange men are calling on the European Court of Human Rights to end their indentured...

2
sdritchie 12.07.13 11:34am
sdritchie
Hundreds of masochists to watch England against Australia

Coach parties of masochists from all over the British Isles, all wearing uncomfortable underwear, are heading towards Trent Bridge today to watch the Ashes match. Said one unnamed masochist, Charlie...

2
John Wiltshire 12.07.13 9:05am
John Wiltshire
Britton prizes Murray Fergie tennis advice

After days of feverish media speculation, top interviewer Ferne Britton finally got British Wimbledon champ Andy Murray to reveal the advice given to him by fellow Scot and former Manchester United...

1
farmer giles 12.07.13 9:04am
farmer giles
Surprise for Stuart Hall as Crown Prosecutors play their sentencing Joker

hopefully more soon...

3
AReader 12.07.13 8:17am
Sinnick
Tory Head Office Delighted That New Planet Is "Deep Blue"

http://www.guardian.co.uk/science/2013/jul/11/alien-deep-blue-planet-astronomers Cue jokes about "Well, at least we now know what planet their leaders are on"...

0
Titus 12.07.13 8:14am
Titus
Irish Catholic Church Defends Rights Of Un-Conceived Children

Couples deemed guilty of the grievous sin of sexual inactivity are to be hunted down and forced to copulate regularly, vigorously and fruitfully, under threat of excommunication. "The children they...

0
Titus 12.07.13 8:01am
Titus
Texas man goes on shooting rampage after his blue suede shoes were trampled on

A Texas man was freed on bail Thursday following a shooting incident after his new shoes were trampled on during a baseball game. In his defence in court the man said that he had given bystanders...

0
bumtrinket 12.07.13 8:00am
bumtrinket
'Why don't people take me seriously? asks Opposition Leader, Ed Milibean 3
Dick Everyman 12.07.13 7:26am
Titus
Schoolchildren To Be Force-Fed Organic, Free-Range, GM-Free, Fair Trade Meusli 0
Titus 12.07.13 7:11am
Titus
Thousands prepare for EE marches in N.I

Other outdated networks are available...

0
virtuallywill 12.07.13 7:00am
virtuallywill
"Why don't people take me seriously?" asks Deputy Prime Minister, Nick Cleggy

So there's no bias....

0
Dick Everyman 12.07.13 6:52am
Dick Everyman
Man Gets Lost Inside Duvet Cover

CINCINNATI --- An Ohio man became disoriented inside of a dark blue duvet cover Thursday, according to his wife who watched from nearby. "He got frustrated, then he just went in," said Samantha...

14
jmg16 12.07.13 3:33am
jmg16
Labour to review historic links with voters

In a wide ranging speech in London Ed Miliband has committed the Labour Party to a review of its relationship with voters. The Labour Party leader believes voters have had 'too much influence' in...

9
andrewl81 11.07.13 10:21pm
deskpilot3
"Judas" still least popular Christian name. 3
sredni vashta 11.07.13 9:58pm
Idiot
Public Happy for MPs' Pay-Rise To Be Set Independently, Provided Rise Is Zero 1
Titus 11.07.13 8:59pm
sillybugger
US allow Snowden to fly Asiana to SF 0
bumtrinket 11.07.13 8:22pm
bumtrinket
Khalid Sheikh Mohammed designs new waterboard for CIA

Khalid Sheikh Mohammed the terrorist who famously admitted to being the mastermind behind the 911 attacks on the US in September 2001, from a cave in Afghanistan, has applied for a US patent on a new...

0
bumtrinket 11.07.13 8:12pm
bumtrinket
Snowden Begs G4S To Escort Him To US, In Bid To Ensure His Continued Freedom 0
Titus 11.07.13 8:03pm
Titus
G4S Given The Job Of Escorting Sergei Magnitsky To Moscow Court For Fraud Trial

http://www.thetimes.co.uk/tto/news/world/europe/article3813811.ece...

0
Titus 11.07.13 8:01pm
Titus
G4S to escort G4S to court

The government has confirmed that following investigations into fraud at G4S, G4S has been hired to escort G4S to court. A spokesman explained; "G4S were the lowest bidder for the contract, so it's...

2
apepper 11.07.13 7:52pm
Titus
Countries currently bracing themselves for disaster

Ethiopia bracing itself for renewed famine following severe drought, Nepal bracing itself for further floods and landslides, Antigua bracing itself for further tornadoes and waterspouts, Gulf of...

0
bumtrinket 11.07.13 7:38pm
bumtrinket
Russian Court Convicts Zombie Tax Fraudster

Official verdict "Gulty but dead" http://www.channel4.com/news/sergei-magnitsky-convicted-moscow-browder-tax-fraud...

0
Titus 11.07.13 6:33pm
Titus
Prescott “Knows Where Falkirk Is”

Lord Prescott (75) defended his remarks on Radio 4 when he suggested that no-one knew where Falkirk was. Prescott, who declared that he would never accept a peerage until he accepted a peerage,...

1
Mike Turbine-Hamilton 11.07.13 6:22pm
Titus