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Government sends wrong armed service to Somerset 0
Squudge 29.01.14 10:16pm
Squudge
HMS Ark Royal on standby for deployment to Somerset 0
Kevin the Swan 29.01.14 10:15pm
Kevin the Swan
God to appear on the cover of Rolling Stone

God is set to grace the cover of Rolling Stone after its editors received a 'heavenly warning' following its current Pope Francis cover. The Pope features on the front page of the rock 'n' roll...

0
roybland 29.01.14 9:32pm
roybland
Iceland bin theft charges dropped, New charges of theft from finest range... 0
Bigglesworth 29.01.14 9:28pm
Bigglesworth
Spielberg Commander-in-Chief as troops prepare to enter flooded Somerset

As the Prime Minister ordered the mobilisation of troops into flooded areas of the West Country, concern mounted over the seething anger which is running high through the local population. ...

0
beckfordburger 29.01.14 9:06pm
beckfordburger
UK To Accept Just 100 'Suitably Photogenic' Syrian Refugees 0
Titus 29.01.14 9:02pm
Titus
Suspended manicures for homeless

In a surprise move by Tara Palmer Tomkinson and a group of her more publicity hungry friends, the "celebrity" has launched a new campaign to help the homeless. "My heart goes out to all of those poor...

0
ianrbland 29.01.14 9:01pm
ianrbland
DLT 'I'm not a throwback, chicks just dig me'

More groovy stuff soon...

0
MADJEZ 29.01.14 8:53pm
MADJEZ
Independent Scotland to keep huge sense of injustice over nothing in particular. 1
Ian 29.01.14 6:45pm
pere floza
Tarantino sues self for copying own misogynistic script

The legal team representing the Oscar-laden Director/Producer/12yr-old-stuck-in-a-man’s-body have uncovered a dozen scripts penned by a mysterious ‘Q.Tarantino c/o Beverly Hills ’ which bear a...

1
Wrenfoe 29.01.14 6:19pm
Wrenfoe
Rich, christian, tory Syrian refugees welcome in UK, says Cameron. More soon. 0
dominic_mcg 29.01.14 6:15pm
dominic_mcg
Scotland to share pound with England : England to get 25p says Salmond

£££££ soon...

0
Gerontius 29.01.14 5:52pm
Gerontius
Government to abolish long rainy spells in the UK

In recent years, the Jet Stream has increasingly become stuck over the UK, causing prolonged periods of rain and extensive flooding. The Government has repeatedly dismissed demands for huge...

0
Starchy 29.01.14 5:39pm
Starchy
Disabled people still determined to boo George Osborne

Disabled people in the UK say that given half the chance they would definitely boo George Osborne - despite the upturn in the economy. The chancellor was booed by 80,000 spectators as he presented...

0
roybland 29.01.14 5:13pm
roybland
Salmond "talks about currency have gone well"; Scotland to adopt Syrian Pound

More to follow...

0
apepper 29.01.14 4:39pm
apepper
Royal Caribbean Granted Special Status by the CDC

Atlanta, GA - Royal Caribbean Cruise Line announced today that its cruise ships have been granted special status as "National Centers For Emerging and Zoonotic Infectious Diseases" by the Atlanta...

2
deep trout 29.01.14 4:30pm
deep trout
Double Amputee Sued by Own Son

In an astonishing case at Ludlow High Court, 15 year old Frankie Franks is suing his double amputee Father, Frankie Franks Snr, on the basis that 'He will never be able to follow in his footsteps'....

0
Njinski 29.01.14 4:30pm
Njinski
New study to examine why Hulk's shirt always rips off, but the trousers don't. 0
Maverick 29.01.14 4:20pm
Maverick
WHO admits ‘we were wrong’ as Malboro man lives until 72

The World Health Organisation was red-faced today as Eric Lawson, who portrayed the rugged Malboro County cowboy character in magazines during the late 1970s and early 1980s, passed away peacefully...

4
beckfordburger 29.01.14 3:39pm
beckfordburger
Abolition of slavery 'bad for business'

50 business leaders have written a stern letter to The Times, demanding that the government repeal the abolition of slavery, saying that it is damaging the economic recovery. The letter, signed by...

11
Electrelane 29.01.14 3:37pm
custard cream
Farage to use Destructo-Gun and Super Powers to rid UKIP of "Walter Mitty Types"

In his guise as the Super Hero CommonSense Man, UKIP leader Nigel Farage has pledged to rid his party of "Walter Mitty" fantasists. Speaking from his secret Cave of Solitude (a small stationery...

1
blokefromstoke 29.01.14 3:17pm
blokefromstoke
Politicians are not mendacious fuckwits claims fantasist. 0
Ref Minor 29.01.14 3:16pm
Ref Minor
Couple's wifi stops working, forcing them to talk to each other and cuddle.

More later...

1
Vulcanised Rubber 29.01.14 3:14pm
Ref Minor
‘Forget crime reduction, we want statistics’, public tells police

A comprehensive survey has shown that the British Public is growing impatient with the police solving crime and want them to concentrate on producing endless statistics. A spokesperson for Ipsos...

1
beckfordburger 29.01.14 3:11pm
Vulcanised Rubber
Shock as kid makes footie compilation youtube video minus heavy drum&bass track

More later...

0
Vulcanised Rubber 29.01.14 3:09pm
Vulcanised Rubber
Syria to resettle Scottish refugees

As the prospect of Scottish Independence approaches, UN officials have warned of a ‘flood of dispossessed anglophiles’ pouring over Hadrian’s Wall in search of ‘tepid’ beer, cricketing...

0
Wrenfoe 29.01.14 2:38pm
Wrenfoe
Dull Rainy Weather Caused By Solar Panels Wearing Out The Sun 9
Titus 29.01.14 12:57pm
beau-jolly
Arsehole co-worker only uses 'regards' for e-mail signature

In a scandal that has deeply affected many work colleagues and clients, Data Analyst Michael Brennan received an unexpected wave of negative attention for only using 'regards' in his e-mail signature...

9
David K 29.01.14 12:42pm
beau-jolly
Britain to host world’s first ‘dry slope’ Olympics

Britain to host 2018 'Dry Slope' Olympics Great Britain is to host the world’s first Winter Olympics featuring a total lack of snow or ice in just over four years time, according to reports....

2
Gary Stanton 29.01.14 12:36pm
Gary Stanton
Nick Griffin receives MacArthur grant ‘in error’

The MacArthur Fellows Program was forced into an embarrassing about-turn yesterday when it awarded a “Genius grant” to Nick Griffin, Chairman of the British National Party (BNP), in error....

0
Vulcanised Rubber 29.01.14 12:34pm
Vulcanised Rubber