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Michael Winner's 'Death Wish' award "long overdue" say critics 0
Nowherefast 21.01.13 2:35pm
Fernando Torres being “broken up for parts”...

Chelsea’s misfiring striker is being broken up and sold for parts, according to Brian Barnes, the club’s accountant. “Having had the player valued, during our annual stocktaking, we found he...

Tripod 21.01.13 2:26pm
David Cameron reschedules being ignored to Wednesday 0
One Line Only 21.01.13 1:40pm
One Line Only
Minister announces "snow days" as answer to welfare cuts

Despite heavy snow crippling the country today, the UK secretary for work and pensions Mr Iain Duncan Smith has arrived at his desk this afternoon just in time to launch his latest initiative to cut...

rogerg 21.01.13 1:24pm
Armstrong apologises for Direct Line adverts

Cyclical funnyman Alexander Armstrong has finally come clean, and apologised for his role in a series of Direct Line commercials. In a lengthy interview, Armstrong said he ‘didn’t feel guilty’...

21.01.13 9:33am
Aussie slip fielders abuse kids on slidey things in sledging culture clash 0
ronseal 21.01.13 9:02am
Elton John pregnant, expecting a ‘Christmas Baby'

Musical supremo Elton John has revealed that scientists have successfully made him pregnant, using the genetically modified womb from an old bear. Sir Elton, 65, has barely suffered any signs of...

21.01.13 8:30am
New video game challenges player to lose on "Easy" setting 0
Dumbnews 21.01.13 4:56am
Savile meat found in Lance Armstrong's horse

no more soon...

Squudge 20.01.13 11:51pm
Paddy Berzinski
Burgled fruit and veg stall owner left peachless 3
One Line Only 20.01.13 10:37pm
Lens Cap
Coughing pony peadophile feeling a little hoarse 0
One Line Only 20.01.13 9:59pm
One Line Only
29% more Tesco jokes than usual on NB. Lots more soon. 0
deskpilot3 20.01.13 9:45pm
Snow crisis reaches new heights as Lidl Monday specials delayed

More to follow...

apepper 20.01.13 9:15pm
Levator and superior tarsal muscles real eye openers

Look it up...

apepper 20.01.13 9:13pm
Sterile comedian has burger in seedless pun 0
One Line Only 20.01.13 9:12pm
One Line Only
Poetic policeman embraces new formalism; Claims beat bobbies belong in 1950's 0
Nowherefast 20.01.13 9:12pm
Winfrey fans condemn new musical: 'The Fat Bum of the Oprah' 0
One Line Only 20.01.13 8:56pm
One Line Only
Norwich Airport closed, Europe cut off. 1
godly1966 20.01.13 8:49pm
Posh magic manicurist performs new 'varnishing act' 0
One Line Only 20.01.13 8:35pm
One Line Only
Nothing else matters, it's all about Lance Armstrong, and that's official. 0
Paddy Berzinski 20.01.13 8:18pm
Paddy Berzinski
Marvel Comics Holds Audition For New Members To The Avengers; Many Rejected.

Marvel Comics today announced which of the new rash of superheroes wishing to join the elite fighting force called the Avengers who were rejected. Sadly, there are always a number of aspiring young...

20.01.13 6:39pm
Kelvin Mackenzie 'honoured' to be promised a place on the Liverpool Care Pathway 0
ronseal 20.01.13 5:51pm
Tesco veggie burgers found to contain 29% uniquorn 2
Smart Alex 20.01.13 5:39pm
Tweenies arrested in Savile swoop

The Metropolitan Police has announced that Bella, Fizz, Jake and Milo (better known as children's group 'The Tweenies') have all been arrested after reports of association between themselves and...

WatcherMark 20.01.13 4:02pm
Pedo gang in CBeebies outrage

Hundreds of people who complained to the BBC about seeing a character dressed as disgraced TV presenter Jimmy Savile on CBeebies this morning are still struggling to explain what they were doing...

Gerontius 20.01.13 3:53pm
Aliens admit cutting down visits to Earth since camera phones invented

A representative of various alien species has said that they've decided to give Earth a wide berth since mobile phones have included cameras. "It used to be fun to select some gullible looking fool...

apepper 20.01.13 3:23pm
Go Compare get Steven hawking their insurance

Can't believe what I've just seen. The lower case h is deliberate for the pedants...

charlies_hat 20.01.13 2:48pm
HMV posts biggest losses ‘since records began’ - blame game begins

Incompetent bosses at ailing HMV today angrily blamed their troubles on Tim Berners-Lee for inventing the internet: “Mr Berners-Lee invented the internet and Jonathan Ive invented the iPod –...

Reg Herring 20.01.13 1:08pm
Bank of Canada in bank-note gaff

Bank of Canada officials have defended the use of a ‘stylised’ portrait on the front of their new plastic banknotes insisting the likeness of the subject is clearly accurate enough for the use...

Gerontius 20.01.13 10:41am
BBC to trial new shouting at the telly service on the red button

Following in the successful footsteps of children’s programmes such as Dora the Explorer and Team Umizoomi in which children are given the belief that by shouting at the television you can alter...

button 20.01.13 10:30am