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Battery hens catching 'human flu' in overcrowded China

Scientists have found that battery chickens in China are picking up a new strain of flu from humans who are being kept in overly cramped and unhygienic conditions. The first reported case of human...

3
Slante Dangle 21.02.14 9:49pm
Slante Dangle
Judge in Moyles tax trial 'Would you buy a used car from this man?' 0
MADJEZ 21.02.14 9:26pm
MADJEZ
Pussy Riot hope new record deal will herald less-shit balaclavas. 0
MADJEZ 21.02.14 9:24pm
MADJEZ
Jenson Button engaged to model. Now has complete set.

More models may be required next season...

0
MADJEZ 21.02.14 9:23pm
MADJEZ
Relief as compromise found in Ukraine. "Surrender, or you will be shot"

The International Community breathed a sigh of relief as important people signed pieces of paper. "There, now calm down everybody and go home" a spokesperson said while another added "Or we will...

0
vulture1 21.02.14 7:37pm
vulture1
Slightly Smaller and Pink Version of The Lego Movie Announced

After the success of The Lego Movie, the company behind the brick based computer animation hit has revealed that the girl friendly version will hit cinemas within months., "Lego believes that...

0
thisisall1word 21.02.14 6:11pm
thisisall1word
"International Waters" demarcation line to be redrawn further inland says EU

As much of Britain is now under water the EU has recently ruled that the current international water line must be relocated considerably further inland. A government spokesman briefing a gaggle of...

1
bu11d0g 21.02.14 5:39pm
Slante Dangle
..."Ring is finally open" following opening ceremony Putin confirmed today... 0
bu11d0g 21.02.14 5:15pm
bu11d0g
Scottish men's curling team loses in Sochi. More soon. 3
dominic_mcg 21.02.14 4:43pm
Not Amused
Job Seekers told "You can't afford to die!"

Prime minister and king of the bottom holes David Cameron has today informed those on Job Seekers that the government can no longer afford to carry out state subsidised funeral services for people...

2
fabled_able 21.02.14 4:10pm
Electrelane
Britain's blokes with brooms swept aside by men with bigger and better stones. 0
irreverendJ 21.02.14 3:49pm
irreverendJ
Ryanair wins contract to run immigration detention centres

Following passengers calling police to be released from a delayed Ryanair plane after 11 hours without water or food, Home Secretary Theresa May has announced that the “no frills” air carrier has...

0
Sir Lupus 21.02.14 3:26pm
Sir Lupus
Visiting real celebrities cheaper than Madame Tussauds ticket. Parents discover. 1
MADJEZ 21.02.14 3:23pm
Dumbnews
Tony Blair solves riddle of 'Who is more immoral than a Murdoch journalist?'

Since the dawn of time, or at least since the police started taking bribes, ancient man has asked - is there anything more evil than Rebekah Brooks? Now modern philosophers, through the scientific...

18
Wrenfoe 21.02.14 3:19pm
Sir Lupus
'Immigrants are breathing our air' claims Daily Mail

Since border controls were recently relaxed, record numbers of immigrants from Eastern Europe have been coming to the UK and using up air intended for hard-working British families. Hospitals have...

0
Smart Alex 21.02.14 3:06pm
Smart Alex
Man surprises woman with genuine show of affection

Doncaster, Yorkshire, At 5.42pm on Wednesday the 19th of February a man by the name of Dave Goodwich surprised his girlfriend of nearly 4 years with what some onlookers have described as “the...

0
fabled_able 21.02.14 2:46pm
fabled_able
Atos declares itself unfit to work 0
Bigglesworth 21.02.14 2:38pm
Bigglesworth
Wayne Rooney’s ‘image rights’ licensed to Potato Marketing Board... 3
Tripod 21.02.14 2:15pm
Slante Dangle
The Ukrainian's pain falls mainly in a vote again 0
Not Amused 21.02.14 2:14pm
Not Amused
GB ladies curling team 'delighted at being second best losers' 0
custard cream 21.02.14 2:06pm
custard cream
UK rain in Ukraine blamed for floods of protesters

“This degenerate activity clearly proves there are far too many gays in the area” said Vladimir Putin...

0
farmer giles 21.02.14 1:54pm
farmer giles
To fight obesity, McDonalds to sell only kid's meals 1
Dumbnews 21.02.14 1:07pm
Guillermo De Snookio
Britain's Got Talent: English votes to be limited to English acts (and so on)

In an apparent step to provide clarity around who may offer an opinion on Scottish issues without receiving threats of having their head kicked in ITV has revealed that only Scotland resident...

0
m4x 21.02.14 12:51pm
m4x
NHS to Blackmail Patients by Leaking Personal Details

It was revealed today that the proposed patient database has intentional inbuilt errors that may lead to the identification of people with embarrassing conditions. These defects can be adjusted out...

0
Guillermo De Snookio 21.02.14 12:49pm
Guillermo De Snookio
Traffic Warden uses Common sense

The Town Clerk admitted that something had gone seriously wrong, whilst also stating that they normally weed this sort of person out at an early stage in the selection process. He further added that...

0
Guillermo De Snookio 21.02.14 12:12pm
Guillermo De Snookio
Pedant stands by "strawberries aren't fruit" claim despite vicious beating. 0
dominic_mcg 21.02.14 11:34am
dominic_mcg
Norwegian curling team suspected of ball tampering

The extreme housework ice discipline of curling was rocked by controversy today, after accusations that the Norwegians had used illegal trouser tactics....

4
Kevin the Swan 21.02.14 11:22am
Squudge
Somerset to be frozen to create curling rinks

Prime Minister David Cameron has today jumped on the Winter Olympic bandwagon to announce an ambitious plan to freeze flood-hit Somerset and turn it into thousands of curling rinks. ‘I’ve always...

0
ianslat 21.02.14 10:56am
ianslat
Referendum forces Britain to face prospect of being sh*t at tennis again

The worrying prospect of Britain returning to a status of national tennis shame has topped a list of concerns in the results of an online poll issued to England, Wales and Northern Ireland today,...

8
Jesus H 21.02.14 10:56am
Midfield Diamond
Birth of 'rare' West African giraffe excites Danish lions

While a Cumbria Zoo has been celebrating the arrival of an animal normally only seen in the wilds of Niger, predators in Copenhagen have been hard pressed to restrain their salivation. Since their...

1
Wrenfoe 21.02.14 10:49am
Midfield Diamond