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Greg Torode suffers coronary after wannabe chef serves omelette 1
grottymonty 3 years

Masterchef's smug foodie Greg Torode was today in hosiptal following a massive coronary brought on by the stress of a dish served by a contestant. A spokesperson for the show explained,"he had just...

Woman said to have done the same job for sixty years never actually had a job 2
roybland 3 years

Claims that a Windsor woman has done the same job for sixty years have been challenged on the grounds that she has never had a job. Employment lawyer Adam Simons said that shaking hands with people...

Olympic opening ceremony to include ritual stripping of Ovett's OBE, urges Coe 2
pere floza 3 years
Diane Abbott to replace John Terry as England captain 0
Long Distance Clara 3 years

The Football Association has finally bowed to pressure and removed John Terry from the role of captain of the England football team, replacing him with Labour MP Diane Abbott. Mrs Abbott is expected...

Science decoder of 'internal voices' lands man in legal trouble 1
simonjmr 3 years

A 21 year old Cambridge student, who volunteered for scientific research, has found that he has lost several friends, and is even facing criminal charges of sexual harassment. Researchers at have...

"Too Much Sex On The Telly, Luv...." 2
Jesse Bigg 3 years

"Let's do it on the radio for a change, eh?"...

Sky Sports to launch new 4D service called ‘actually going to the match’ 7
ianslat 3 years

Sky TV bosses have today launched a new sports coverage service called ‘actually going to the match’. ‘Actually going to the match is raising the bar of realistic viewing experiences’...

Insurance brokers forced to call in pest control after meercat infestation 2
jp1885 3 years
Polo club aims for wider audience by allowing pantomime horses 5
Vertically Challenged Giant 3 years

Royal Leamington Spa Polo Club is attempting to bring the sport of polo, traditionally an upper class activity, to a wider section of society by allowing players to compete on pantomime horses....

Manufacturer of pirate goods develops the iPatch 2
Smart Alex 3 years
Credible Witness Solves Alien Abduction Mystery 9
The All New Jeni B 3 years

Retired RAF Wing Commander Richard Thomas (DFC and Bar) claims to have solved the mystery of why so many people claim to have been abducted by Aliens. “The Aliens are in it for the Tesco Clubcard...

Wales caught by Japanese Fishermen whilst trying to leave UK, 0
RJWinter 3 years
Radical move sweeps through Honours System 0
Drylaw 3 years

"We've responded quickly to something that has obviously concerned British voters, sorry, people for some considerable time," said PM David Cameron speaking outside no 10 last night after MPs and...

Beckham: "my days of posing naked are over”. 0
John Ffitch-Rucker 3 years

Thank fuck for that, says David...

Saudia Arabia extends Sharia law to those caught stealing hotel toiletries 0
Dumbnews 3 years
Mugabe meets with Blunt and Ceaucescu relatives to demand knightood restorations 0
DorsetBoy 3 years

Zimbabwean president Robert Mugabe has flown to Europe to meet with relatives of the late Anthony Blunt and Nicolae Ceaucescu. It is understood that all parties are concerned for their reputations...

Fred Goodwin to have knighthood removed in embarrassing public ceremony. 0
WatcherMark 3 years

It has been disclosed that, mere hours after the news of having his knighthood removed was revealed to the public, Fred Goodwin is to have it taken off him in an embarrassing public ceremony....

Home Secretary Theresa May repeals The Prevention of Terrorism Act 2005! 2
hardev 3 years

In a surprise move today, Home Secretary Theresa May has repealed The Prevention of Terrorism Act 2005. She told reporters that we really couldn’t go on with an Act which had been rushed in just...

Weather Latest : Next week to be worse than last year so wrap up warm 0
Drylaw 3 years
Government Strips Frd Gdwn of His Vowels 0
thisisall1word 3 years
Labour would knight Fred Goodwin for helping boost Miliband's popularity 0
roybland 3 years
Politician outlines 2-year plan to develop next economic bubble 0
Dumbnews 3 years
Bus Drivers in Brighton told to "steer clear of affection" 7
Golgo13 3 years

The friendly snog with the driver could become a thing of the past on Brighton's public transport network, as busy-body bus bosses have told employees that intimate contact with passengers is no...

Detective in Redknapp trial to appear in remake "Men who Stare at Gits". 0
Al OPecia 3 years
Redknapp breaks into song at tiral "Beckham on my mind". More soon. 0
Al OPecia 3 years
Isaac Azimov develops the iRobot 0
Smart Alex 3 years

I'll get my coat...

Creative Roman Emperor invents iClaudius 1
Sinnick 3 years

(hat-tip to Mrs Nick)...

HM Queen charges Fred Goodwin £25 for letter withdrawing knighthood 7
antharrison 3 years
Residents at care home “proper chuffed” as royal visitor ignores buffet 4
kimllfixit 3 years

Linda Phillips, Head Nursing Executive at the Sunshine Towers old peoples’ home in Devon, this morning told of the residents’ delight when the visit from Princess Anne resulted in the provision...

Goodwin 'Didnt' Want it Anyway' 7
LizzyG 3 years

Fred Goodwin reacted to the stripping of his knighthood today saying "I didn't even want it anyway." Fred had received his knighthood in 2004 for services to banking having invented the popular...