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Romania gets Jeremy Kyle Show, does U-turn on open borders

More later...

0
sydalg 19.02.13 4:20pm
sydalg
DA14 space probe sends back first pictures from planet Earth

The DA14 deep space probe has sent back pictures from the latest planet on its journey through the universe. The spacecraft passed within a few thousand miles of a planet called Earth, which,...

4
lane-avenger 19.02.13 2:07pm
Lens Cap
Cameron desperately introduces himself as Rahul from Chennai

but Indians still tell him to "just fuck off"...

1
lane-avenger 19.02.13 1:05pm
lane-avenger
Food bank boss urged to return 'bonus' baked beans

'Fat cat' food bank organiser the Rev Brian Smith (86) is being urged to give up a case of Co-op baked beans it's alleged he received as a bonus for his help in running his local food bank. 'It's...

7
roybland 19.02.13 12:05pm
Squudge
Human semen found in sheep

The food scandal reached new heights (or should that be depths) today as it emerged 43% of sheep and lamb products sold in supermarkets, butchers and fast food outlets contains large amounts of human...

2
Reg Herring 19.02.13 11:40am
Squudge
New iPhone ringtone volume adjusts to your speaking volume

Trying to make a joke of people with annoyingly loud ringtones who answer the phone with an even louder voice.. HELLO!...

2
Dumbnews 19.02.13 11:29am
Squudge
IDS says "I told you so" as shelf stacker discovers oil in Asda 1
sydalg 19.02.13 11:23am
Tripod
IDS - Jihad Seekers Allowance claimants must stack shelves

in the bacon section, or hot-cross buns if they are vegetarian. [url=http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/9875954/Muslim-preacher-urges-followers-to-claim-Jihad-Seekers-Allowance.html]see! The Daily Mail...

0
Squudge 19.02.13 10:43am
Squudge
FSA proposes brown/yellow colour coding scheme for food packaging...

“The new scheme is both refreshingly simple and brutally honest”, announced Sebastian Wright, a spokesman for the Food Standards Agency. “The 'traffic light' idea - red, amber and green -...

0
Tripod 19.02.13 7:48am
Tripod
Retired Politicians to be slaughtered and used in bargain meat products. 1
19.02.13 1:34am
PM's India joke causes storm : "Hello how are you? Your computer is broken." 0
Drylaw 18.02.13 11:19pm
Drylaw
Pixar and AArdman in "Animated" Merger Discussions 0
Iggy Pop-Barker 18.02.13 11:11pm
Iggy Pop-Barker
Teenage Dreams of Midlife Crisis

A damning investigation by the BBC programme Panorama has uncovered a hidden world of back street doctors and unlicensed plastic surgeons offering teenagers a fast track to adulthood. In a growing...

3
button 18.02.13 10:39pm
J Vine
Meteor was shaped like Savile's rancid cock

Only a semi, fortunately. A full lob would have fucked us...

22
Truebiscuit 18.02.13 10:38pm
J Vine
BBC News 'not as good as it used to be'

In a sensational outburst Mrs Doris Palmer from Hook, Hampshire has condemned declining standards at the BBC News department. “We used to get lots of interesting stories in the old days,” she...

20
lane-avenger 18.02.13 10:11pm
nickb
Cameron caught eating steak in India, pretends it's horsemeat

Just noticed a lull in horse jokes around here, so...

0
sydalg 18.02.13 9:48pm
sydalg
Cameron offers India interest-free credit for starting war with Pakistan

Champion of Britain's struggling arms business David Cameron has announced incentives for India to 'go the extra mile' and start a war with Pakistan., 'They're laughing at you' said Cameron to the...

4
Truebiscuit 18.02.13 9:36pm
Truebiscuit
Richard Briers to be mulched and scattered over Surbiton allotments

Fucking brilliant stuff, Truebiscuit. You're on fire...

2
Truebiscuit 18.02.13 9:21pm
Truebiscuit
SA Olympic Commitee - Pistorious "actually Scottish". More soon.

Took a while...

2
Al OPecia 18.02.13 9:09pm
Al OPecia
Circus owner heroin addict injects his juggler 1
charlies_hat 18.02.13 8:56pm
Squudge
Relief in Balamory as Edie McCredie alive and well.

PC Plum blames confusion on some dead country singer...

0
MADJEZ 18.02.13 8:18pm
MADJEZ
WikiVeg on sale at Ecuadorian Embassy

News that Julian Assange has not been idle during his 8 month stay at the Equadorian Embassy emerged today, when a range of vegetables went on sale outside the Embassy gates., A spokesman said that...

0
ESJ 18.02.13 8:07pm
ESJ
Looking on the bright side, Felicity Kendal is available now, men realise

More soon. (RIP Richard Briars)...

1
rickwestwell 18.02.13 7:41pm
rickwestwell
Backpacker who drank own Urine develops addiction to Fosters. 6
Zen 18.02.13 7:27pm
MADJEZ
Rival shelf-stacking dynasties clash over rights to price up aisle 13

The tinned foods aisle of a Wirral-based branch of Asda is locked in a bitter blood feud over the who should price up the mushy peas, according to reports. The rival clans from Hoylake and West Kirby...

4
Gary Stanton 18.02.13 7:13pm
AReader
Neat-O : The Circus (use it or lose it)

The funeral of actor Richard Briers is to take place next Wednesday at a council run allotment in his home town of Kingston upon Thames., Following a short service read by close friend Monty Don,...

0
Gerontius 18.02.13 6:55pm
Gerontius
Woman seeks wild man who can do her taxes 0
Dumbnews 18.02.13 6:53pm
Dumbnews
It's just not true Biscuit!

In the wake of the recent labelling crisis, NewsBiscuit has come under pressure from disappointed readers, angry that it contains no proper news and no biscuits. One disgruntled visitor to the site,...

2
lane-avenger 18.02.13 6:40pm
Audible Minority
The 'unexplained device' seen in Torquay turns out to be an aeroplane

†wo people are injured falling off a wall while pointing at it...

0
Ian Searle 18.02.13 6:33pm
Ian Searle
Greengrocer charges customers to look at exotic fruit in Papaya Per View scandal 0
Ian Searle 18.02.13 6:32pm
Ian Searle