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Man critical after assault in Easterhouse

A man left injured after an attack in the east end of Glasgow has spoken out against his attackers. George Murray, a painter and decorator from Easterhouse, was left with two broken nails, a cut...

0
sdritchie 10.07.13 9:37am
sdritchie
Muslim Brotherhood overthrown for refusal to break promises.

The Egyptian army have removed the Muslim Brotherhood from power after they consistently attempted to carry out their manifesto. Legitimate democratic elections in the country, for the first time...

2
sdritchie 10.07.13 9:35am
sdritchie
Game of Thrones prompts fear for Arab Winter

The Arab world has been thrown into despair as HBO’s fantasy epic Game of Thrones began airing in the region. Although a fictional show set in medieval times, many viewers in the middle east have...

4
sdritchie 10.07.13 9:34am
sdritchie
Parents Offer Their Daughters To Andy Murray In New Superhero-Breeding Bid

"Jihadist suicide bombers only get 72 virgins" said a spokesman for a group of ambitious parents "But we're offering him hundreds"...

0
Titus 10.07.13 9:27am
Titus
Catholic Church To Accelerate Sainthood for Andy Murray

"OK it was only one miracle, but it far surpasses all the footling little miracles performed by all the other recent tinpot saints" said a Vatican spokesman...

0
Titus 10.07.13 9:20am
Titus
An Expert writes

Ian Robertson : BBC rugby union correspondent "You just wonder if they got a lucky bag and picked some names out. "The Lions won the first Test and made eight changes to their squad. The Wallabies...

1
blacklesbianandproudofit 10.07.13 8:37am
Bertrand Twisted
G4S to provide cabin crew for new Ryanair Africa routes

"This is all about passenger safety and comfort," Ryanair boss Michael O' Leary told a press conference. "Whatever else you may say about our airline we are dead set on making sure we run...

0
nickb 10.07.13 8:34am
nickb
Broken Sat Nav sends bad karma to Canada

Following significant failings in satellite technology, a glut of rotten luck was sent, in error, north over the US/Canadian border. While "Conquest, War, Famine and Death" have traditionally ridden...

5
Wrenfoe 10.07.13 7:59am
sillybugger
Labour leader in desparate search to locate Falkirk 1
custard cream 10.07.13 7:45am
Wrenfoe
Hernandez Defense Team Claims Divine Intervention; God Now Suspected in Slaying 0
brm5 10.07.13 7:31am
brm5
Australia calls for whales to adhere to international surfer hunting moratorium

It was introduced in September 2006, after an incident involving Crocodile Hunter Steve Irwin and a stingray, as a blanket ban preventing all sea life from hunting any Australians. It was later...

5
Ian Searle 10.07.13 7:08am
Scronnyglonkle
Man blinded by the light found talking gibberish

The man was found in a dishevelled and conflustered state wandering around on the High Street in the early hours by a passing constable. "He looked a bit frightened to me," said PC Nutkins, who...

4
Paddy Berzinski 10.07.13 3:04am
Paddy Berzinski
Knight Rider remake to see return of ‘KITT’ as diesel engine

A remake of the seminal eighties series Knight Rider will see David Hasselhoff teaming up with a diesel engine version of his old crime-fighting buddy KITT, according to reports. The global...

2
Gary Stanton 09.07.13 11:04pm
Slante Dangle
'Make him "Sir Andy"' say nurses and volunteers

There has been strong support for awarding Andy Murray a knighthood from nurses, social workers, the Samaritans and members of voluntary organisations across the country. 'Of course he should be...

4
John Wiltshire 09.07.13 10:56pm
Slante Dangle
Union members have to opt in to support labour but opt out of organ donation 1
custard cream 09.07.13 9:19pm
Arthur
Judge weeps as Joss Stone's would be killer is sent down. More soon. 1
dominic_mcg 09.07.13 7:55pm
ronseal
European Court of Human Rights wipes out 10 years of tradition at a stroke

More spluttering and disgust soon. We haven't had anything like this since 2003...

0
Not Amused 09.07.13 6:55pm
Not Amused
Children refuse to let their parents associate with mothers with the name Katie 2
Ian Searle 09.07.13 5:12pm
Wrenfoe
Sir Elton John disappointed to be forced to pull out of Hyde Park

David Furnish said to be furious and announces "I think it's gonna be a long long time"...

0
irreverendJ 09.07.13 4:47pm
irreverendJ
Exhausted dominatrix struggles with punishing workload. 0
sredni vashta 09.07.13 3:08pm
sredni vashta
Andy Murray To Be Held In England Under Travel Ban Until England Has ...

milked every possible opportunity to exploit his Wimbledon victory as a "glorious achievement for England (er, cough, we meant 'Britain' of course, but no-one realises there is any difference, do...

0
Titus 09.07.13 2:28pm
Titus
.

sub withdrawn...

2
Gary Stanton 09.07.13 1:35pm
Titus
Facebook to fine users who stay off site more than an hour

The social networking giant has expressed concern at the number of members who are spending long periods off the site getting on with their lives, and reminds them that their absence is being...

6
sydalg 09.07.13 1:24pm
NorthernGravy
Eddie the Eagle eyes comeback as Britain seeks further sporting inspiration

Following the enormous success of Andy Murray at Wimbledon this year, and Britain's subsequent realisation that they aren't as crap at sport as they originally thought, Michael Edwards, better known...

1
Jesus H 09.07.13 1:23pm
NorthernGravy
Man who kept turning TV on & off to see porn found his knob fell off in the end

.. not done a knob joke for at least a couple of days...

0
blacklesbianandproudofit 09.07.13 1:22pm
blacklesbianandproudofit
Daily Mail’s anti-porn campaign gathers pace with saucy summer swimwear shoot - 2

The Daily Mail ratcheted up its campaign today for tighter controls on on-line pornography, by printing a series of bikini shots of young soap stars. The shots of the young bikini-body actresses in...

42
suki 09.07.13 12:55pm
AReader
Labour party adopt 'baksheesh' funding policy

Labour Party policy will in future be determined through a secretive bidding process conducted in smokey gentlemen's clubs, party leader Ed Milliband has announced. Following years of transparency,...

0
monkeyrepublic 09.07.13 12:40pm
monkeyrepublic
Sports Personality of the Year nominees announced

The BBC today announced the list of 10 candidates for this year's Sports Personality of the Year. 'The contest will be really exciting,' said Clare Balding, who is contractually obliged to be on...

3
John Wiltshire 09.07.13 12:32pm
irreverendJ
Winter Fuel Allowance may help cull Elderly

Coalition Ministers had been concerned that the rising cost of energy prices and improved life expectancy, would prevent them reaching their austerity targets. Fortunately by adopting China’s...

1
Wrenfoe 09.07.13 12:21pm
Sinnick
Schools to make their own Goves using 3D printers

When state schools receive their new 3D printers the first thing they will be expected to do will be to make their own Michael Gove. The Goves are expected to be exact replicas of the Secretary of...

0
nickb 09.07.13 10:15am
nickb