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A change to our programming... 0
Doylem 3 years

BBC2, 9pm, ‘What not to Wear’, presented, under the corporation’s revised regulations about ageism and sexism, by Ann Widdicombe and Patrick Moore...

Logical Expansion? 0
Jesse Bigg 3 years

National Grid Company to expand its remitby copying Dutch 'white bike' scheme...

Man finally has solid reason to cancel gym membership 0
MC One R 3 years

Martin Spencer today cancelled his membership to SuperBody gym claiming he was just economising as the austerity measures start to bite. He was unavailable for comment but his wife said, "Finally he...

flash crowd turns out to be under cover meeting 2
4ty2 3 years

of informers discussing their protection from unfair dismissal in case they swap sides. After all they are paid to be with the crowd and have a right to civil disobedience which cannot be used...

New telescope proves there are "shit loads of stars up there" scientists admit. 0
MC One R 3 years
MySpace to be renamed JustSpace after jobs cut. More soon. 0
MC One R 3 years
Modern rituals, no 27: hiring a rubbish skip... 4
Doylem 3 years

Living a hundred metres from a kebab take-away, as Kevin Jarvis does, is a mixed blessing. While it’s undeniably handy for a late-night, post-pub snack, there are downsides too. After a convivial...

Nick Clegg admits past as undercover Liberal Democrat 4
Chip Paper 3 years

Conservatives expressed shock today at the news that Deputy Prime Minister, Nick Clegg, was in fact an infiltrator from the Liberal Democrat Party. "I'm absolutely stunned, frankly," said Tory Chief...

BBC Director General 'but we employ lots of old hags..' 0
MADJEZ 3 years
BBC apologises to Miriam O'Reilly but bans her from HD TV programmes 0
roybland 3 years
David Miliband to be a teacher for 1 hour per week... 0
victory V 3 years

"Don't overdo it", say teachers' unions...

The Union of Black Labs: " We need a new methphor for depression" 0
simonjmr 3 years

The Union of Black Labradors have today called for a universal change to the methphors used for depression. A spokesman said "Everybody knwos that a visit from a black dog is fun and friendly...

Boat trips around Brisbane. Book now to avoid disappointment. 5
Griffin 3 years
Prison chiefs refuse to name escaped inmates 'in case they go into hiding'. 2
DiY 3 years
UK bankers phone in rich 0
ciderpunk 3 years

Due to the excessive amount of dosh kindly donated by the British taxpayer, city bankers have decided to knock off early and tuck their spoils safely behind the bar of the local hostelries...

Pro-Wrestling welcomes psychometric testing for new wrestlers 2
Zadok the second 3 years

In a global first, personality tests will be used to weed out ‘unsuitable’ professional wrestlers. England is to become the only country in the world where all smackdown hopefuls will face...

Meerkat stolen from Kent wildlife centre. 1
Tammy Flugh 3 years

Breaking news., Police are investigating reports of a man with a silly moustache being bundled into a car. A spokesman refused to say if they thought it was retaliation by comparethemarket.com, or...

Sacked managers laughing all the way to the bank... 1
Doylem 3 years

Brian Smith, Chairman of the League Managers Association, could barely keep a straight face as he learned that yet another member of his association had got the sack. “It’s ridiculous”, he...

Penthouse launch 3d porn channel which REALLY will make you go blind. 0
MADJEZ 3 years
TV Chefs blamed for increasing knife crime 4
Dai Jesstive 3 years

Celebrity chefs have been targeted by Vegan protesters in the capital today. The chefs are being blamed for an increase in the number of knife crimes around the country. Protesters commented that the...

Piers Morgan carries "the hopes of a grateful nation”... 2
Doylem 3 years

A grateful nation says “We really, really hope that Piers Morgan’s CNN chatshow is a rip-roaring success, so we never have to see his bloated ego or his ugly fucking face back here again”...

Miriam O'Reilly to get £250k of our licence fee. 0
Tammy Flugh 3 years
“Take your dog shit home”, says Mayor... 1
Doylem 3 years

Joe Stanford, Mayor of Halifax, is adamant: dog owners must clean up after their pooches, or face the consequences. “A lot of owners, too idle to take their dogs for a proper walk, just boot them...

Royal family welcome public feedback hotline. 'I'm all ears' says Charles 3
pinxit 3 years
Tube strike called off after Anne Widdecombe threatens to go 'pant less' 1
Ian Searle 3 years
Flash mob at Waterloo celebrates Vodafone's latest billion pound tax let off 0
StoopyDeGunt 3 years

A flash mob of inland revenue hardmen, best known for kicking the crap out of the low paid and the self employed, showed their gentler side yesterday, by forming a flash mob on the concourse of...

Wet Wet Wet tops Australian hit parade. 4
Ostsee 3 years
DCI Barnaby revealed as a real police detective working undercover as an actor. 1
Tammy Flugh 3 years

More later...

“My hands are tied”, claims Max Mosley. “Ball-gag next, then nipple clamps”... 0
Doylem 3 years

“Both my privacy and my scrotum have been violated”, claimed Mr Mosley today, as he took his case to the Court of Human Rights in Strasbourg, “the former by intrusive tabloid revelations, the...

New Chinese Stealth fighter fails to impress Defence Chiefs 0
A Crooked MP 3 years

Kung Foo Panda was not quite what we had in mind said Defence Minister General Liange Guanglie. I think the working brief was probably wrong "Eats, Shoots, and leaves"...