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Colin Firth declared “wrong for lead” in King’s Speech 2 0
Coco 26.08.13 6:56am
Coco
Nuts magazine "to be more about nuts"

Nuts magazine, the popular lads' periodical, is to up its nut content in line with its title. "Up to now the mag has been more aimed at the immature masturbator market," said publisher Dean Smyth. ...

16
nickb 26.08.13 12:04am
Arthur
BBC running out of attractive female historians

BBC bosses are holding crisis talks today, after a recent survey of the corporation's assets revealed what was described as a 'crippling shortage of attractive female historians.' Staff discovered...

21
jp1885 25.08.13 11:42pm
Arthur
Peru's isolated Mashco-Piro tribe emerges 'Needs iPad Charged'

Members of one of the most isolated tribes on Earth have briefly emerged from the Peruvian jungle to ask for an iPad Charger, according to local activists. The tribe, which numbers in the hundreds,...

8
moanygit 25.08.13 11:21pm
Arthur
Boris Johnson wins George Cross. 1
Al OPecia 25.08.13 10:44pm
Arthur
Fisherman pays tribute to Martin Luther King with 'I Have A Bream' speech 4
custard cream 25.08.13 10:44pm
AReader
Farmer Glory no longer out standing in his field

Neato attempt...

0
Psycadelic Squirrel 25.08.13 10:17pm
Psycadelic Squirrel
If it wasn't for us, you'd still be paying tax to the British, claims NRA 1
Arthur 25.08.13 10:15pm
Arthur
Chief Rabbi blames 'society' but points at Jeremy Clarkson

Lord Jonathan Sacks took the unusual step of criticising the UK's 'pervasive breakdown in trust' while standing next to a large cardboard cut out of the Top Gear presenter. Without directly referring...

9
Wrenfoe 25.08.13 9:52pm
Arthur
Multiple Oscar winner not good enough to play children's character 0
Hooch 25.08.13 8:36pm
Hooch
Govt to create OFFCOLOUR to regulate hypochodriacs 10
AReader 25.08.13 8:32pm
Arthur
Manchester CSA Office seeks Pathology for Back-payments due for all th'Ologies 0
Ian Collier 25.08.13 6:27pm
Ian Collier
New Secrets Law "secretly in force for years". 4
Al OPecia 25.08.13 5:04pm
FOAD
OFFNOD Launched To Control Stupefaction Of Readers By Daft Imaginary QANGOs

Presumably the acronym for Quasi-Autonomous Non-Gonvernment Organsiations should be written like that? Answers on a postcard please...

2
Titus 25.08.13 12:18pm
sponge finger
Excrement covered Thatcher to win Turner Prize

Although the short list for the 2014 annual arts prize is still to be announced, the vandalized remains of the 'yet to be built' Margaret Thatcher statue is guaranteed to triumph. Organisers are...

12
Wrenfoe 25.08.13 12:12pm
Wrenfoe
OFFAL to regulate cat food industry

..and presumably MacDonalds, Findus (etc etc.)...

0
GrumpyCat 25.08.13 12:11pm
GrumpyCat
GSCEs to be replaced by Hunger Games

Amidst concerns over failing educational standards, it was announced today that the General Certificate of Secondary Education is to be replaced by a Hunger Games-style contest, where 16-year-olds...

9
Mary Evans 25.08.13 10:30am
JETFAB
OFFUGO launched to condescendingly dismiss voters worries

Leave it to us...

0
virtuallywill 25.08.13 10:11am
virtuallywill
"Iraq? No, sorry, I meant Syria!" says author of Blair's 'dodgy dossier' 0
Nowherefast 25.08.13 8:25am
Nowherefast
'We Have Our Own Way Of Spelling' Tweat NewsBiskuit Propryetors

(Is tweating the sound which emerges from the beeks of birds?)...

0
Titus 25.08.13 7:51am
Titus
Life of crime should not be celebrated, Lesley Grantham tells chat show audience 0
ronseal 25.08.13 6:36am
ronseal
Depardieu throws barbeque, casualties reported

Gerard Depardieu threw a barbeque at his new home in Nechin, Belgium, earlier today injuring five people in the process. Depardieu arrived at the property and was incensed to find an old rusty...

0
Psycadelic Squirrel 24.08.13 11:36pm
Psycadelic Squirrel
Think Tank Proposes 'A New Type Of Society'

With high mortgage costs for home buyers, low interest rates for savers and continuing worries about the possible meltdown of the whole over-complicated, 'too clever by half' banking system,...

2
Titus 24.08.13 11:08pm
Arthur
Govt to create Ofxord to regulate academic dyslexics 1
AReader 24.08.13 9:04pm
Titus
Historic Transylvanian castle to be revamped. More soon. 3
dominic_mcg 24.08.13 8:56pm
Titus
Hamilton grabs third pole; Poland issues official complaint

More to follow...

0
apepper 24.08.13 7:30pm
apepper
New e-Rotic trend fails to catch on, masturbexting 0
Dumbnews 24.08.13 7:20pm
Dumbnews
Fracking Marvellous News.

UK gas consumers are celebrating today after the Department for the Environment issued its first fracking licence in the UK to Cuadrilla. The technique of extracting gas reserves from deep within the...

2
godly1966 24.08.13 6:54pm
Al OPecia
Cuadrilla plans to frack Eric Pickles

With the cost of policing protests at its test drilling site in Sussex spiralling out of control, energy firm Cuadrilla has decided to try Plan B. Starting next week, it will begin fracking for oil...

4
Oxbridge 24.08.13 6:54pm
Al OPecia
Police dumbfounded why all data intact after massive data theft 0
Dumbnews 24.08.13 6:50pm
Dumbnews