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Taliban spiritual leader Mullah Omar comes out with surprise admission

In a video released by the Taliban via a Dutch website, Mullah Omar, wearing a salmon-pink turban and knee-length, beige robes of Karachi cotton, said ‘I just don’t want to live a lie any more....

Crooked Man 18.05.13 12:57pm
Crooked Man
White House staff argue on how to pronounce Thein Sein

More unimportant stories from Yangon shortly...

brianflan 18.05.13 10:33am
A unitard-clad Gove urges the nation to go for the "burn"

More later...

Wrenfoe 18.05.13 10:26am
Social Workers to be fast tracked to a nervous breakdown

Josh MacAlister, chief executive of Frontline, was pleased to announce a new scheme which would allow graduate Social Workers to cut out the protracted year on year “helping the vulnerable in a...

Wrenfoe 18.05.13 6:50am
UKIP call for referendum on Eurovision Song Contest 1
custard cream 18.05.13 6:33am
Dick Everyman
Bernard Manning Honoured in Australia

In the wake of damning news stories of 70's and 80's celebrities, a West Australian council has tried to regain some credibility to the era by naming streets after British comedians At a public...

brianflan 18.05.13 5:51am
No great demand for Tory MPs and they're upsetting vast numbers of people. 0
drs 17.05.13 10:44pm
Farage in 'Braveheart II' deal 0
Dick Everyman 17.05.13 10:10pm
Dick Everyman
Anderson's 300 Test wickets were taken 'a bit sharpish'

English cricket continues to celebrate the remarkable achievement of James Anderson, who has become only the fourth Englishman in history to take 300 Test wickets. Anderson’s tally is all the more...

SJM 17.05.13 9:53pm
New ‘Total Paunch’ magazine a huge hit with men

Retailers across the UK are reporting massive sales following the launch of the latest health magazine for men, Total Paunch. The success has resulted in publishers Northern & Shell committing...

Dick Everyman 17.05.13 9:23pm
Dick Everyman
Left Alert: Got a fairly small or unimportant fire? Call 202

New Fire Brigade non-emergency moneysaving service When should I call 202? When you have a fairly small fire that hasn't killed anyone or caused you too much trouble so far. For example:, - If...

Skylarking 17.05.13 8:47pm
Operation Yewtree - Skippy arrested following allegations from Lassie.

Found working as a bouncer in a Melbourne nightclub...

Maverick 17.05.13 8:25pm
Seventy five percent of MPs too drunk to answer alcohol abuse survey. More soon. 0
Al OPecia 17.05.13 8:23pm
Al OPecia

Fred Burgess of The Association of Chief Police Officers today criticised the government over its open support for the activity of the notorious ‘Dambusters’ bombers. Mr Burgess commented ‘At...

Alfred Noakes 17.05.13 8:21pm
Alfred Noakes
Farage can't cope with being out of England never mind out of Europe. 0
weematt 17.05.13 7:53pm
Google accused of manipulating ‘tax’ search results.

Accusations of search result falsification have been levelled at Google UK after it emerged that typing ‘Google tax avoidance’ into its search engine did not show any credible results until the...

drs 17.05.13 7:49pm
Hedera algeriensis top of Ivy League 0
cinquecento 17.05.13 7:47pm
Knickerless anarchists plan 'commando style' attack on G7 summit 0
blacklesbianandproudofit 17.05.13 7:33pm
80% of convicts are white Anglo-Saxons

According to a poll conducted for Cenedlaetholdeb Cymreig, more than eighty percent of the UK's prison population is white Anglo-Saxon. The figure was announced today by the Welsh Nationalist...

Not My Real Name 17.05.13 7:29pm
Not My Real Name
Wham! George Michael in car crash. More soon. 0
dominic_mcg 17.05.13 7:18pm
Tributes To Paul Shane: "Mourning Campers"

(With total doff of hat to Zen, who I hope won't mind a slight re-phrasing of his brilliant two-word ticker, in the hope of increasing its chances of getting published.)...

Titus 17.05.13 7:16pm
Rumours of pig head in Stoke City dressing room as Sir Alec visits the away team 0
blacklesbianandproudofit 17.05.13 6:38pm
RSPCA condemns animal magnetism. 0
sredni vashta 17.05.13 6:20pm
sredni vashta
Brain falls from man with open mind. 0
godly1966 17.05.13 5:55pm
Next Week to Come Two Days Early

Buckingham Palace has announced: Next week is to come two days early. The unexpected move has caused outrage amongst the public. Without the coming weekend millions of Britons who work long, hard...

mileslloyd 17.05.13 4:55pm
'When you walk through a storm, hold your head up high' is 'bad advice'

The Met Office today issued a warning that holding your head up high when you walk through a storm is 'bad advice'. Spokesperson Fiona Moffatt said: 'Our computer modelling, together with anecdotal...

John Wiltshire 17.05.13 3:26pm
Die-He-Die! 11
Al OPecia 17.05.13 3:21pm
Podcast from Rockall: fundraising target missed

Sponsors are now refusing to sink more contributions into this remarkable test of endurance. ‘Technically’ said one ‘he’s not even on Rockall anymore, so we don’t have to pay up, do we?’...

Crooked Man 17.05.13 2:23pm
Crooked Man
Far right and gay communities unite to watch Eurovision and insult foreigners

An unlikely alliance has formed between BNP members and the UK’s homosexual community to hold an enormous Eurovision street party and be rude about our European neighbours. An ‘up and...

DrTurmoil 17.05.13 1:18pm
Arab Spring Didn’t Change Me, says Zebedee

‘Underneath, I’m just the same’ says the bouncy former children’s entertainer. ‘I may look different, what with the beard, but apart from that, nothing’s changed. For example, my vote is...

Crooked Man 17.05.13 12:55pm
Crooked Man