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Scottish independence "hangs on Murray's performance"

A senior government spokesman has admitted that if Andy Murray wins Wimbledon, he will become irrevocably British and Scottish independence will therefore be impossible. "There's just no way England...

0
apepper 25.06.12 11:24pm
apepper
Under 25's to get pocket money 'if they have a tidy bedroom' says David Cameron 0
Mandy Lifeboat 25.06.12 8:07pm
Mandy Lifeboat
Science News - Venus transits Wimbledon. 0
Maverick 25.06.12 7:57pm
Maverick
Dismay as suicide bomber met in heaven by 72 Richard Bransons. 2
Maverick 26.06.12 5:36am
Business News - BT announces bulk deal with Autistic Society. More soon. 0
Maverick 25.06.12 7:52pm
Maverick
Discovering the dark truth of life on housing benefits.

In a sign of how our desparate age of austerity is pitching ordinary working people against each other, we spoke with a man, currently of no fixed abode. We'll call him David. David, 46, comes...

3
Miss Hegas 27.06.12 6:59am
simonhansen
David Cameron to Stop Subsidised Swimming for Diving Doleys

In the most far reaching welfare reforms since 1945, David Cameron has pledged to eradicate half price swimming sessions for the unemployed by 2015. "It's costing the tax payer literally billions"...

0
The Masked Frog 25.06.12 5:46pm
The Masked Frog
PM plans to eliminate poverty by killing off poor people

More to follow...

0
apepper 25.06.12 4:45pm
apepper
Independent Scotland's money to be called the Currency Unit or CU. More soon. 0
dominic_mcg 25.06.12 4:35pm
dominic_mcg
Blood stocks crisis as transfusion service says “Virgins only”

Blood stocks in the UK are at an all time low as the blood transfusion service made a controversial decision last week to change the sexual history questions on its donor health check. Previously,...

2
Nails UK 26.06.12 3:39pm
Nails UK
Unspotted clause in contract forces phone giant to rebrand as “Yodafone"

Mobile phone supplier Vodafone has lost a legal dispute over a clause in an advertising deal with Lucasfilm which will oblige the communications giant to rename itself "Yodafone". The dispute has...

0
grumblechops 25.06.12 3:18pm
grumblechops
Scotland IP to vote on withdrawing from UKIP 0
bonjonelson 25.06.12 2:48pm
bonjonelson
Creation Scientists hail launch of world's largest prayer collider

Creation scientists have gathered in Utah for the inauguration of the most ambitious new development in advanced theological research in decades - the Salt Lake City Prayer Super-Collider. In a 12...

19
bonjonelson 27.06.12 12:44pm
Midfield Diamond
RBS software upgrade downgraded to substandard and poor. 0
weematt 25.06.12 1:54pm
weematt
Random drug cheats to be introduced for London 2012 Olympics

In a bid to raise the excitement during the Olympic games, the IOC have announced they will be fielding athletes pumped full of performance enhancing drugs, into some of the games Blue ribbon events....

2
Iamthestig 25.06.12 1:30pm
Iamthestig
Bedford residents boycott of spaghetti hoops enters second day

Following on from England's defeat by penalties and the anti-Italian disturbances last night in the town centre racial tensions are high in Bedford today...

5
grottymonty 27.06.12 8:13am
arthurminnit
Argentina suggest resolving Falklands dispute by penalty shoot out

David Cameron quickly rejected proposals from Argentine President Cristina Fernández de Kirchner that the thirty year old conflict be settled using a sudden death penalty solution. "The last...

1
gregle 25.06.12 7:58pm
FlashArry
British women's waists too big say short-armed men 0
roybland 25.06.12 11:15am
roybland
English urge Scottish ‘Better Together’ campaigners to ‘shut the fuck up’

Voters in England are urging politicians from all three major parties to just let Scotland vote for independence, and be done with it. Terry Smith, a spokesman for the no-pressure group ‘Haven’t...

2
Runestone Cowboy 25.06.12 4:11pm
JohnA
Communications from extra terrestrials “overlooked as Dubstep”

A spokesman for NASA today revealed that a series of interstellar communications from an alien lifeform have been mistakenly interpreted as music, spawning a new sub-genre known as “Dubstep”....

7
grumblechops 26.06.12 7:07pm
Sinnick
Keith Chegwin Emerges From Hiding And Vows To Get Even With Edmonds

Madcap 70s TV star Keith Chegwin has emerged from a two day self-imposed bout of hiding and in a sensational rant blamed it all on his erstwhile pal, Noel Edmonds and his obsession on playing...

0
Duff 25.06.12 10:11am
Duff
Cameron Says Jimmy Carr Made A ‘Fair Call’

Jimmy Carr called the PM a f****ing c**t and the Prime Minister surprisingly appears to agree., In an unprecedented turn of honesty David Cameron took time out from extremely vitally important talks...

0
daneade 25.06.12 9:56am
daneade
"But athletics hasn't been popular since Linford Christie!", England realises.

Track and field sports are about as nationally relevant as the original Karate Kid film, England suddenly realised yesterday. As another GBP1,000,000 was transferred to the bank account of the...

0
barrowboy 25.06.12 9:55am
barrowboy
Cameron admits Lonesome George has been sluggish and slow paced for last 2 years 0
charlies_hat 25.06.12 9:44am
charlies_hat
Shock as mediocre team that can't take penalties loses on penalties 0
Oxbridge 25.06.12 9:43am
Oxbridge
England do well against Italy until forced to kick the ball forwards 0
Midfield Diamond 25.06.12 9:19am
Midfield Diamond
Egyptian president's success attributed to popular song by Duffy 0
Sinnick 25.06.12 8:59am
Sinnick
Euro banknotes to be printed on Greece-proof paper 0
jimmydodger 25.06.12 8:54am
jimmydodger
RBS getting back to normal operations, fears FSA 0
cinquecento 25.06.12 8:48am
cinquecento
Panini rumoured to be in studio working on difficult second album 3
simonjmr 03.07.12 10:24pm
Vertically Challenged Giant