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Hodgson finally gets Brazilian following close Polish shave 1
irreverendJ 16.10.13 8:13am
Wrenfoe
Top English School Bans Slang Words

England's elite pupils who attend the £15,000 a term Eton College, will no longer be permitted to use slang words, or colloquialisms, as Dr Roderick Qualff, Head of English, prefers to call them....

2
John Roughty 16.10.13 7:51am
Titus
If England Were To Win The World Cup, Could Rooney Become Our Qatar Hero? 1
Titus 16.10.13 7:51am
godly1966
Striking nose miners form pick- it line 0
Lens Cap 16.10.13 6:19am
Lens Cap
The word 'gate' is close to extinction

Environmentalists have warned that due to over exploitation by the media, a rare but delicate pejorative suffix is soon to die out. The 'lesser-spotted Gate' once numbered in the millions in North...

0
Wrenfoe 16.10.13 2:52am
Wrenfoe
Chat show host paranoid people are watching him 0
MagicMike 15.10.13 10:09pm
MagicMike
Elderly Man Found In Post Box

Nottinghamshire police were amazed to find an old man trapped in a post box recently. Details have only just emerged after the man was spotted entering the House of Commons with a bent back and a...

0
Avellana 15.10.13 10:00pm
Avellana
Argos MyTablet requires small blue pencil stylus

Argos is to launch its own tablet computer ahead of Christmas following in the steps of Tesco, Samsung, Amazon and Apple. The MyTablet, which costs £99.99, is aimed primarily at eight to...

1
roybland 15.10.13 9:09pm
Wrenfoe
Eddie Murphy to star as every character in Bible movie adaptation

Eddie Murphy is set to star this summer in a big screen adaptation of the New Testament. This has caused controversy, however, as it was revealed that Murphy planned, as has been the case with other...

1
TobiasBV 15.10.13 8:32pm
MagicMike
England Qualify for Metatarsal Headlines in Spring

After an extraordinary evening at Wembley, England's top football journalists are turning back to their medical textbooks in preparation for a tense few months ahead. With little else to play for,...

0
John Roughty 15.10.13 8:02pm
John Roughty
Care for the elderly ‘bloopers reel’ to be released

ITV is pleased to announce that hidden camera footage of Britain’s care homes will form a ‘hilarious’ one hour Xmas special, narrated by the ‘consistently funny’ James Corden. The revamped...

9
Wrenfoe 15.10.13 8:00pm
MagicMike
Poland springs a leak - no plumbers are answering their phones 0
Squudge 15.10.13 7:42pm
Squudge
Charlotte Church holds press conference to complain about media intrusion.

More publicity opportunities soon...

0
MADJEZ 15.10.13 7:06pm
MADJEZ
Charlotte Church to be converted into flats 0
nickb 15.10.13 6:45pm
nickb
US debt ceiling lifted by Royal Mail shares 'loan'

A whistleblower from the Treasury today revealed that the temporary lift to the US debt ceiling has been shored up by a short-term loan from the British government. To the astonishment of financiers...

5
Squudge 15.10.13 5:46pm
Midfield Diamond
Choice is not an option, warns linguistic pedant 0
ronseal 15.10.13 5:24pm
ronseal
Savile investigation to move to sub-atomic level

An investigation into NHS practices surrounding the late Jimmy Savile has revealed that his blood may have been used in up to thirty separate transfusions, sometimes being given to girls as young as...

3
jamsieoconnor 15.10.13 5:06pm
jamsieoconnor
Clapton dismissed as "fantasist" after sheriff found alive and well 0
sydalg 15.10.13 4:44pm
sydalg
Royal Mail subcontracts post delivery to Jehovah's Witnesses 3
custard cream 15.10.13 3:48pm
Tripod
Marketing agency is advertising for Yes Man 2.0 - situation vacant 0
ronseal 15.10.13 3:25pm
ronseal
God to be awarded Oscar for special effects in Old Testament

In a move described by entertainment insiders as being “long overdue”, the Creator of the Universe is to receive a lifetime achievement award for His magnificently realistic tricks which have...

1
sydalg 15.10.13 3:01pm
NewBiscuit
Rediscovered Dr Who Tapes "to be re-lost"

A huge archive of rediscovered Dr Who tapes, having been lovingly restored, are soon to be re-lost, “more thoroughly” according to a BBC spokesman. Head of BBC Archive Dispersal Mike...

10
nickb 15.10.13 1:10pm
beau-jolly
Charlotte Church: 'Big boys made me dress like a prostitute'

Charlotte Church today revealed that when she was younger, she was made to dress like a prostitute by some big boys, and that it wasn't her decision at all. She told a news conference today that she...

4
John Wiltshire 15.10.13 12:45pm
Titus
Police Admit: OK Azelle Rodney Was Unarmed "But ... Er ... He Called Us 'Plebs'.

You know it must be true; the police said it was...

0
Titus 15.10.13 12:36pm
Titus
Amateur performers botch up John Cage’s 4’33”

An ensemble of enthusiastic amateur musicians have received overwhelming criticism for their “inadequate” rendition of John Cage’s 4’33”., , One reviewer called attention to the...

7
TobiasBV 15.10.13 11:07am
NewBiscuit
'Blood in urine' - no longer a sign of good health

A public health campaign seeks to dispel that myth that bleeding from an orifice is ‘a desirable by-product of a healthy lifestyle’. Recent radical findings suggest that gleefully gushing blood...

0
Wrenfoe 15.10.13 10:58am
Wrenfoe
Badger admits falsifying 'killer spider' story to deflect attention from cull

A crafty badger has today admitted to circulating a misleading and factually incorrect story about 'man-eating death spiders', in a desperate bid to lead the publics' attention away from the mass...

0
Jesus H 15.10.13 10:12am
Jesus H
Royal Mail flotation pushing the envelope 0
nyarlathotep 15.10.13 7:46am
nyarlathotep
12 year old from Hackney has mid-life crisis

Benji Hanwell, a 12 year old from Hackney, has had a mid-life crisis. The change first occurred when Benji noticed he was starting to grow facial hair, a classic sign of becoming aged in Hackney....

1
TobiasBV 14.10.13 11:06pm
TobiasBV
Charles Manson claims: The voices in my head are giving me silent treatment 0
JimHenson 14.10.13 11:00pm
JimHenson