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Smegrapol Mayor Admits ‘We do not Count the Votes Anyway’

Mayor Buttkysr said today that it would be a waste of time counting the votes since there is no real choice, he added that it saved a lot of time just weighing the boxes and multiplying by 832 to...

Guillermo De Snookio 16.03.14 3:23pm
Guillermo De Snookio
UK to share pound with Independent Scotland. Who gets heads or Tails TBA. 0
Bigglesworth 16.03.14 2:52pm
Notorious smoker dies, the nation mourns

Everyone is now in agreement that smoking a smelly old pipe all his life did him no harm and despite what was said at the time there was no "passive" damage done to people he met. Known as a bit of a...

vulture1 16.03.14 1:33pm
Missing passengers "may not survive without updating Facebook pages" say experts 0
sydalg 16.03.14 12:51pm
Dangerous levels of Putin reported in Crimea - only cars with RU plates allowed 0
bonjonelson 16.03.14 12:34pm
Eastenders "not racist", claims BBC

The BBC has reacted angrily to claims its flagship soap "Eastenders" doesn't have enough positive story lines for ethnic minority characters. A spokesperson pointed out, "In recent weeks, we've had...

Andy Gilder 16.03.14 11:36am
Andy Gilder
Malaysian pilot is strong contender for 2014 Hide and Seek championships 0
bonjonelson 16.03.14 11:35am
Missing airliner latest - man with tinfoil hat says "I told you so". More soon. 0
Al OPecia 16.03.14 11:19am
Al OPecia
“News of the Otherworld” admits God hacking. Releases transcript of Benn chat.

Telepathic communications between God and his most trusted advisors have been hacked and published by the “News of the Otherworld”., The discussion concerned planning for Tony Benn’s arrival...

Not Amused 16.03.14 11:17am
Al OPecia
McDonald's Validates The Pickles Diet 0
throngsman 16.03.14 10:39am
Osborne's hairline to go back into recession in 2nd quarter of 2015 predicts OBR 0
bookiesfriend 16.03.14 10:20am
Pop Artist Banksy's identity revealed as UN Secretary General 0
throngsman 16.03.14 9:41am
Daily Mail editor 'Bloody Immigrant'

Border Agency officials confirmed today that long standing editor, Paul Dacre, is actually an immigrant. 'It was the perfect cover, to be honest,' the spokesperson said, 'but when we checked it was...

throngsman 16.03.14 9:39am
Malaysian airliner found on dispersal, awaiting clearance.

Passengers' bloody furious'...

throngsman 16.03.14 9:29am
Ryanair announces purchase of used 777 airliner for long distance fleet. 0
Bigglesworth 16.03.14 9:16am
Putin criticised for shipping in voters from Malaysia

Hope this doesn't upset anyone...

Sinnick 16.03.14 8:48am
Monday newspaper columnist mortified that all the angles on Tony Benn exhausted

Every possible seam on the Tony Been story has now been exhausted, say anecdote mining experts, and columnists have been warned to stay away from the subject. But many are still being drawn to the...

ronseal 16.03.14 8:46am

Blir Antonescu – Lyz & Dzeit 5 vtskis Broxs Ribika – Pravda Tabloid 5 vtskis Kiev Ezeejet – Tatar 4 Now 0 vtskis, abstenzis 300,000 Kleg Nikolai – Etn Kamarad 7 vtskis...

Guillermo De Snookio 16.03.14 8:12am
Smart Alex
Russians unveil secret weapon - the ballot box

Sinnick 16.03.14 7:46am
Missing Malaysia Airlines flight MH370 found in box of Kellogg's Frosties 0
Mork 16.03.14 5:05am
... and now an appeal on behalf of the victims of Mothering Sunday ...

As the 30th March edges ever closer, the colossal engine that is Mother's Day rolls inexorably forwards : but what of those hapless individuals and families that find themselves enmeshed in its...

FlashArry 15.03.14 11:48pm
Sports columnists cock a hoop as England get tonked 5-3 by Hungary in Quidditch

The shock home defeat by Hungary has left many English Quidditch fans distraught, but one small group were delighted. For Fleet Street's sports columnists, this was probably the greatest day in the...

ronseal 15.03.14 11:17pm
Russians Develop new Scratch-card Voting System.

Scratch-cards will be used for the first time, just use a convenient coin, say a Rouble, and scratch away the surface of a box to discover who you have voted for. In the Crimean Referendum, there are...

Guillermo De Snookio 15.03.14 11:07pm
Sir Lupus
B&Q shares drop sharply as lawn mower in Kent starts first time 1
throngsman 15.03.14 10:45pm
UK Breweries With Pubs Called "The Crimea" To Be Taken Over…..

….By Russian bar staff...

Jesse Bigg 15.03.14 10:25pm
Unexpected meeting in the Jewish quarter probably just a cohencidence 0
Smart Alex 15.03.14 10:24pm
Smart Alex
Middlesborough man described as "tight-fisted wanker" 2
sydalg 15.03.14 9:14pm
Superhero Training School to be given Academy status

'The UK has lagged behind the US in terms of superhero training,' said a government minister today. 'We've had quite a lot of success at the bacterial level, and with MRSA and C.diff creation we're...

throngsman 15.03.14 9:06pm
Conspiracy Theorist claims most conspiracy theories are made up by government 0
throngsman 15.03.14 8:21pm
Police admit cold weather hindered their search for missing penis.

Police have finally admitted they failed to find the missing penis from the man assaulted in a quiet road because of cold weather. Chief Inspector Willy said he is in no doubt that had the weather...

2escapees 15.03.14 8:00pm