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Petrol not making headlines.

Government analysts have warned that the lack of news about hikes in petrol prices can only lead to more news about hikes in petrol pricesand that’s bad news for everyone. ‘Moreover, the old...

No Beard 02.06.14 1:20pm
No Beard
Tony Blair to be new King of Spain. 2
Tammy Flugh 02.06.14 12:37pm
Clarkson abdicates, names Richard Hammond "Defender of the N-Word" 0
sydalg 02.06.14 12:31pm
Old man giving up meaningless job is important news

An old man giving up a powerless position in another country is still news, it was revealed today. As King Whatever of Somewhere Else announced his abdication, news outlets across the world...

jackc5755 02.06.14 11:51am
Heatwave would boost economy claims postman in beer-garden

A protracted spell of hot weather could help kickstart the economy, according to Ken Loakes, a Royal Mail worker currently off sick with a bad back and stress. Relaxed and enjoying his fourth pint...

Underconstruction 02.06.14 11:29am
FIFA supports re-staging 2022 world cup vote; hopes for more money

In the wake of evidence suggesting that bribes may have been paid for votes in the selection of the host country for the 2022 world cup, FIFA president Sepp Blatter has changed his position and...

NewBiscuit 02.06.14 11:28am
BBC to launch Savile Channel to isolate bad news 0
custard cream 02.06.14 11:25am
custard cream
Prince Charles to take Queen on Spanish holiday

Prince Charles has announced a surprise holiday for his Mother. "I'm taking her to Spain, to get some sun, see the scenery and meet the fascinating people; in particular the FORMER King who has just...

apepper 02.06.14 11:19am
Can we sing ‘Wheels on the Bus’ instead plead England players.

England captain Steven Gerrard has backed a call from senior England players asking if the team can sing ‘Wheels on the Bus’ at the World Cup opening ceremony instead of the traditional National...

Mitt Walters 02.06.14 10:47am
Salmond promises scottish project efficiency in building independent government

The legendary project-management skills behind the Scottish parliament building and the Edinburgh tram system will be leveraged to deliver an exemplary new system of government for an independent...

NewBiscuit 02.06.14 10:24am
Portugese Police agree to have a quick look for Madeleine

Following mounting pressure from Scotland Yard investigators Portugese Police have agreed to give scrubland around the resort where Madeleine McCann disappeared the 'once over'., Extra resources...

Underconstruction 02.06.14 10:23am
Embarassing bodies celebrity special to feature Eric Pickles 0
custard cream 02.06.14 9:45am
custard cream
FIFA blame poor handwriting for 2022 award shock 0
Underconstruction 02.06.14 9:36am
Wembley to host free concert for Savile victims 0
Underconstruction 02.06.14 9:34am
Democracy the new Fascism

The short-lived fashion for rule by the people, for the people has now become passé according to a new report from the BBC. "All they really want is bread and circuses" was the main finding of a...

vulture1 02.06.14 9:19am
Charles hires Juan Carlos as 'best practice in monarchy' advisor to the Queen 0
RobArmstrong 02.06.14 9:16am
EU admits ‘90% of policies are solely to annoy Farage’

EU Commission President Jose Manuel Barroso has admitted to journalists that most of the decisions made by the EU are now designed with the sole purpose of winding up UKIP leader Nigel Farage....

ianslat 02.06.14 9:03am
Justin Bieber still refusing to apologise for his dreadful music 0
bonjonelson 02.06.14 8:25am
Ecuador to exchange Julian Assange for pennants before England World Cup warm-up

‘Frankly, when he’s not boring us to death, he’s eating us out of house and home’ said a spokesman for the Embassy of Ecuador in London ‘And let’s face it, we’re in a 2-bedroom semi...

beckfordburger 02.06.14 6:55am
England WAGs predict 'Brazil will be a close shave' 4
throngsman 02.06.14 6:20am
England team departure disrupted as Lee Nelson mistakenly labelled a 'comedian'.

More 'hilarious antics' soon...

MADJEZ 02.06.14 6:17am
Maverick cop is suspended and enjoys relaxing 2 week holiday

A maverick cop who does things his own way and operates outside the rule-book has enjoyed a relaxing 2 week holiday and hasn't thought at all about the case he was investigating when he was suspended...

bookiesfriend 02.06.14 6:06am
Study finds 108% of people struggle with basic maths 3
Spartacus 01.06.14 10:18pm
Germany calls for 1966 world cup tournament to be played again

More to follow...

apepper 01.06.14 10:08pm
England deny taking John Terry to World Cup because he can't be trusted at home

Roy Hodgson has been forced to deny rumours that the main reason he selected John Terry for his World Cup squad is because he couldn't be trusted to be left at home in England with the other players...

bookiesfriend 01.06.14 7:52pm
Weather happening, according to colleague

Meteorological events are currently going on, according to a work colleague. Your co-worker first made the stunning observation that conditions outside have not remained entirely stable when he...

jackc5755 01.06.14 3:04pm
Qater World Cup faces FIFA revote as Blatter claims bribe wasn't big enough.

More soon. allegedly...

MADJEZ 01.06.14 2:11pm
Filming of The Untouchables 2 starts on-location in remote Indian village 0
beckfordburger 01.06.14 2:01pm
Terrorists release 2 Italian priests & a Canadian nun on receipt of punchline. 1
dominic_mcg 01.06.14 1:54pm
"Leave political assassination to the professionals" warns Lord Ashdown 0
Bigglesworth 01.06.14 11:27am