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Sarkozy denies lack of tact cost him election 0
apepper 3 years

"It was the idiot French electorate that caused the trouble."...

EMI to re-release '20 Queuing for stand-pipe classics' 4
Underconstruction 3 years

Featuring The Water Boys, Gene Kelly and Gerry (Can) and the Pacemakers...

Scottish FA allows Greece to write off all debts while remaining in Eurozone. 0
Jammydodgers 3 years

"Europe needs a stronge Greece!" says Kneel Doncaster...

Didn't realise header was limited 0
NewSuburbanDad 3 years
Virgo urged to explain "Such a delicate little pink, Willie," snooker commentary 0
Haywood Manley 3 years
Cowell predicts Britain's Got Talent will be won by a dogging act. 0
MADJEZ 3 years
Greek Turkeys refuse to vote for Christmas 0
Mandy Lifeboat 3 years
Sir Alex Ferguson concedes title and will now simply be known as Alec 0
Underconstruction 3 years
Hollande and Barratt to launch healthy blancmange range 0
Underconstruction 3 years
Headteacher's oppose new punctuation and spelling test's. More soon. 0
dominic_mcg 3 years
Francois Hollande anounces engagement to Jerry Hall. More soon. 0
dominic_mcg 3 years
Rock in landmark victory on novel format TV show 0
kga6 3 years

A large rock has been declared cliff-top Inanimate Object of the Year, winning 80 % of the public vote. Channel 5's IOOTY show pulled a record 96.5 viewers for its final show, of which only 7 were...

Japanese man wins local erection 3
Underconstruction 3 years
George Osborne in Parkinson's Scare 0
Terrance Clench 3 years

A Treasury spokesman has moved to scotch health rumours about the Chancellor, George Osbourne following his appearance on The Andrew Marr show this morning. Osbourne was seen to nod and shake...

Cameron under pressure to appoint Minister for Queuing 0
Underconstruction 3 years

PM David Cameron is said to be on the verge of appointing a 'queue tsar' to monitor and control queueing across Britain., Having studied 'The German model' which adopts a 'survival of the fittest'...

News Of The World launches 'Help For Cowards' charity 0
Underconstruction 3 years
Home Secretary directs Borders Agency to target bad cueing at Crucible. 0
weematt 3 years
Outrage that top cats are still receiving mousing benefit. 2
bonjonelson 3 years
Olympic Officials Smuggle Real Bomb Inside Wapping 0
Terrance Clench 3 years

News International are no longer sitting on a metaphorical time bomb. More soon . . ...

Serial hooker murderers call for moratorium to replenish stock 2
Yikes 3 years

The nationwide shortage of prostitutes has prompted the British Association of Serial Hooker Killers (“BASHK”)* to agree on a number of voluntary measures to arrest the worrying decline. The move...

Academic Says Jessie J Only 94% Lesbian 3
Iggy Pop-Barker 3 years

Claims in a recent book that pop star Jessie J is “100% lesbian” have been strongly countered by researchers in the field of erotic mathematics. Professor Edward Simpson, of the Institute of...

'Doomsday averted' as archaeologists hail discovery of next year's 1
Lemon difficult 3 years

"Brazilian girls" Mayan calendar. I know, doesn't fit...

Jamie Oliver and Gok to do joint show on mincing. 0
Maverick 3 years
Police forced to abandon 'can I use your lavatory?' ploy 0
roybland 3 years

Police forces throughout England are abandoning what they once regarded as a major weapon in the fight against crime - asking to use the lavatory as a cover for searching for evidence in a suspect's...

Triumphant workers spark celebrations across the UK 3
Mandy Lifeboat 3 years

The May bank holiday weekend has, once again, seen spontaneous mass celebrations by workers celebrating their successful struggle against capitalism. Alan Jones, a scaffolder from Dunstable, emerged...

Twitter community safe as Ferdinand returns to fitness 1
dannyboy206 3 years

The Twitter community has been celebrating the return of footballer Rio Ferdinand to the Manchester United first team after a spell out through injury. The defender, 30, suffered a back injury...

Alcoholics Anonymous furious about new reality show "My big fat tipsy wedding". 0
dominic_mcg 3 years
Mixed fortunes for racists at Wembley 0
dvo4fun 3 years
Olympic Security 0
Colin S 3 years

Health and Safety Executive declare Olympic site a "Hard Hat" area after MoD deployment of missiles on rooftops...

2 MCs and 1 DJ 8
grumblechops 3 years