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Japanese man wins local erection 3
Underconstruction 3 years
George Osborne in Parkinson's Scare 0
Terrance Clench 3 years

A Treasury spokesman has moved to scotch health rumours about the Chancellor, George Osbourne following his appearance on The Andrew Marr show this morning. Osbourne was seen to nod and shake...

Cameron under pressure to appoint Minister for Queuing 0
Underconstruction 3 years

PM David Cameron is said to be on the verge of appointing a 'queue tsar' to monitor and control queueing across Britain., Having studied 'The German model' which adopts a 'survival of the fittest'...

News Of The World launches 'Help For Cowards' charity 0
Underconstruction 3 years
Home Secretary directs Borders Agency to target bad cueing at Crucible. 0
weematt 3 years
Outrage that top cats are still receiving mousing benefit. 2
bonjonelson 3 years
Olympic Officials Smuggle Real Bomb Inside Wapping 0
Terrance Clench 3 years

News International are no longer sitting on a metaphorical time bomb. More soon . . ...

Serial hooker murderers call for moratorium to replenish stock 2
Yikes 3 years

The nationwide shortage of prostitutes has prompted the British Association of Serial Hooker Killers (“BASHK”)* to agree on a number of voluntary measures to arrest the worrying decline. The move...

Academic Says Jessie J Only 94% Lesbian 3
Iggy Pop-Barker 3 years

Claims in a recent book that pop star Jessie J is “100% lesbian” have been strongly countered by researchers in the field of erotic mathematics. Professor Edward Simpson, of the Institute of...

'Doomsday averted' as archaeologists hail discovery of next year's 1
Lemon difficult 3 years

"Brazilian girls" Mayan calendar. I know, doesn't fit...

Jamie Oliver and Gok to do joint show on mincing. 0
Maverick 3 years
Police forced to abandon 'can I use your lavatory?' ploy 0
roybland 3 years

Police forces throughout England are abandoning what they once regarded as a major weapon in the fight against crime - asking to use the lavatory as a cover for searching for evidence in a suspect's...

Triumphant workers spark celebrations across the UK 3
Mandy Lifeboat 3 years

The May bank holiday weekend has, once again, seen spontaneous mass celebrations by workers celebrating their successful struggle against capitalism. Alan Jones, a scaffolder from Dunstable, emerged...

Twitter community safe as Ferdinand returns to fitness 1
dannyboy206 3 years

The Twitter community has been celebrating the return of footballer Rio Ferdinand to the Manchester United first team after a spell out through injury. The defender, 30, suffered a back injury...

Alcoholics Anonymous furious about new reality show "My big fat tipsy wedding". 0
dominic_mcg 3 years
Mixed fortunes for racists at Wembley 0
dvo4fun 3 years
Olympic Security 0
Colin S 3 years

Health and Safety Executive declare Olympic site a "Hard Hat" area after MoD deployment of missiles on rooftops...

2 MCs and 1 DJ 8
grumblechops 3 years
Muamba feeds 5000 2
daneade 3 years

Bolton Wanderers midfielder and possible returned Messiah Fabrice Muamba today enhanced his Jesus credentials by feeding 5000 starving, emaciated Bolton supporters with frozen Hawaiian pizzas from...

Midsomer police cancel leave as billionaire with 5 ex-wives and 13 kids moves in 0
Yikes 3 years
Duchess of York on trial in Turkey for impersonating royalty. More soon. 0
dominic_mcg 3 years
Burger King and Pepsi to sponsor terrorism during London Olympics. More soon. 0
dominic_mcg 3 years
Boris J rules out PM aspirations. No he doesnt...yes he he... 0
Underconstruction 3 years
Khalid Sheikh Mohammed confesses that he is NoW's Mazher Mahmood 0
charlies_hat 3 years
You pays your money...... 0
Jesse Bigg 3 years

for a buffoon in London and a bouffant at No. 10...

Boost to UK fruit industry as gorvernment stockpile banana skins 5
apepper 3 years

The government has placed massive orders to replace deplenished stocks of banana skins...

New runway for Heathrow bypasses planning application regulations 0
Sinnick 3 years

Ok, here's a picture:,

Yauch epitaph to be 'I told you I was illin'' 0
3 years
Which is the best Olympic throwing event? Discus. 1
dominic_mcg 3 years
Navy Seals accused of "juggling fish" while protecting Obama. 0
nickb 3 years