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Christmas deliveries cancelled as Santa fails CRB check 1
seymour totti 19.12.12 8:30pm
Squudge
"Tumbling" Satellite Misunderstood Insists Pyongyang

Western astronomers may have reported North Korea's satellite as 'tumbling' and hence 'out of control' but today Pyongyang has insisted their satellite is working well and is simply misunderstood....

5
flyerblade 19.12.12 6:01pm
Gerontius
BBC 'sorry' that withdrawn report allowed Jimmy Savile to touch kids

The BBC has come out and apologised to victims, license fee payers, and any inhabitants of the earth for the failings of Newsnight in the handling of sexual abuse allegations against Jimmy Savile. ...

3
Perks 19.12.12 4:47pm
dvo4fun
All our staff are helping police with their inquiries says 999 answering machine 0
ronseal 19.12.12 4:41pm
ronseal
Boris Johnson opposes third runway at Heathrow for Santa

The Mayor of London today spoke out against calls from Santa Claus to expand Heathrow airport and build a third runway to support growth of his worldwide present distribution outfit. ‘We all know...

0
Long Distance Clara 19.12.12 4:34pm
Long Distance Clara
HoboCamp exposed following traveller family arrest

Homeless men who were forced into labour by a family of travellers have been revealed to be members of the public booked into an extreme boot camp holiday. It had been reported that the men where...

0
Sheepback 19.12.12 4:34pm
Sheepback
Radio playlist mayhem after Chris Rea decides to catch the train home for Xmas 4
Duncan Biscuit 19.12.12 4:20pm
Bourbon
Duke of Edinburgh names part of Queen after Antarctica

Palace sources refuse to elucidate as to which part...

2
gregle 19.12.12 3:40pm
Squudge
Met Police arrest officer for impersonating a civillian 1
Scronnyglonkle 19.12.12 3:05pm
johnnydobbo
PETA campaigns for right to arm bears 0
gregle 19.12.12 2:10pm
gregle
British Bill of Rights to celebrate 'the sanctity of indiscriminate shagging’...

The government has released the first draft of a new Bill of Rights, which will enshrine the rights and responsibilities of all British citizens. Assuming the statesmanlike pose that he’s been...

0
Tripod 19.12.12 1:45pm
Tripod
Zoo Names New Sleepy Stoned Grizzly.

Visitors to a Wildlife Park hoping to see the park's newest resident, and discover the name chosen for him by local school children, were left disappointed after red-faced keepers admitted that the...

12
The All New Jeni B 19.12.12 1:03pm
Gerontius
Met Police unsure whether to open the gate to Andrew Mitchell’s return 1
Duncan Biscuit 19.12.12 12:44pm
Bourbon
Police to investigate Police over Hillsborough, Mitchell, phone hacking etc

and other stuff later...

0
virtuallywill 19.12.12 11:31am
virtuallywill
Office word of the day organiser finally told today’s word is ‘tosser’ 0
Duncan Biscuit 19.12.12 11:21am
Duncan Biscuit
CERN physicist discovers sleepy charged particle. 0
sigmund 19.12.12 11:05am
sigmund
EU Common Agricultural Policy to Require End To Sex Discrimination by 2013

Brussels has today announced that the EU Common Agricultural Policy is to require all member states ratify gender equality laws for agricultural livestock before April 2013. Legislation is to...

1
Deimos 19.12.12 10:59am
Squudge
Queen storms out of Cabinet saying they're 'a bit right-wing for one's liking'

http://i830.photobucket.com/albums/zz223/pinxit2/Satire/queen_cabinet.jpg...

5
pinxit 19.12.12 9:21am
pinxit
BBC Breakfast Team seek Mayan living in Salford

BBC Breakfast News team today issued an appeal to find a Mayan resident in Salford. The Breakfast team are making preparations to cover the Friday 21st global apocalypse and wish to have a real Mayan...

2
iBarryJ 19.12.12 9:20am
Username
Herod claims Massacre of Holy Innocents-Gate report ‘not an eye witness account’

King Herod of Judea has claimed that he should be exonerated after so-called eye witness reports that he ordered the Massacre of the Holy Innocents have been shown to be false. ‘It is true that I...

2
Des Custard 19.12.12 9:19am
pinxit
Hibernation study raises questions about popular sarcastic questions.

Neat-o . Hibernation scientists studying the waste management practices of bears has shown that bears do NOT shit in the woods – at least not for seven months of the year. Shitting and sleeping...

0
weematt 19.12.12 9:17am
weematt
British Gas introduce 'lagging the elderly'

In response to the recent government challenge to all energy suppliers, British Gas have unveiled the new 'Winterlude' package for the elderly. The new offer involves a comprehensive care package...

11
Squudge 19.12.12 9:08am
Squudge
Hibernation and Climate Change: Sharp rise in sleepless hedgehogs. 3
weematt 19.12.12 8:58am
Username
High Eight to replace High Five as Americans learn more math.

The well-known ‘High Five’ celebratory hand-gesture between two people looks set to become just a little more complicated for Americans when it is upgraded to ‘High Eight’ from 1 January. ...

6
malgor 19.12.12 8:56am
Username
Ringo ‘wrong’ about Yellow Submarine insists McCartney

Former Beatles and Wings front-man Paul McCartney has fallen out with former band member Ringo Starr over claims that the two once shared a Yellow Submarine together and that all their friends lived...

3
Gerontius 19.12.12 8:44am
Username
Get More Poor Kids onto the Nice List or Lose Your Monopoly, Santa Warned

Father Christmas has been threated with the removal of his monopoly in the UK market following the publication of this year's Naughty or Nice list, which again shows that the list a child gets on is...

4
james_patching_1 19.12.12 8:38am
Username
Letting Rudolph guide sleigh didn't make other reindeer love him, admits Santa

Santa Claus has admitted that his decision to allow Rudolph to guide the sleigh last Christmas resulted in the red nosed reindeer becoming less rather than more popular among his colleagues. "I'd...

3
james_patching_1 19.12.12 8:33am
Username
Santa’s elves despair at 45 day redundancy consultation

When Amrod the elf opened his Christmas pay-packet the bonus he had anticipated after twelve months of hard graft in Santa’s workshop was not there. In its place a redundancy notice spelled out...

6
Dick Everyman 19.12.12 8:27am
Squudge
Valuables ‘missing’ after Queen’s visit to Downing Street

Prime Minister David Cameron has been put in an awkward position after staff at No.10 reported the disappearance of a number of wallets, handbags and mobile phones immediately following the Queen’s...

12
Long Distance Clara 19.12.12 4:55am
Username
Pole Vaulting country rest as High-Bar Nation ordered to sleep

NEAT-O NEAT-O NEAT-O...

7
Bourbon 18.12.12 11:33pm
Bourbon