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William Hill giving 14:1 on royal baby being white 4
Arthur 20.07.13 10:25pm
Jesus H
St Mary's Hospital Staff Beg Hacks To Stop Singing 'Why Are We Waiting?'

"The continual slow handclapping is beginning to get on our tits a bit as well" complained a senior obstetric consultant. But the landlord of nearby pub the Fountains Abbey said "Nah, no worries...

Titus 20.07.13 9:50pm
get off Sponge 6
sponge finger 20.07.13 9:15pm
Quasimodo orders whisky - 'The Bells, the Bells' 0
Smart Alex 20.07.13 9:09pm
Smart Alex
New Korean joke: I say, my dog's got no tongue. How does it taste? Delicious! 0
Smart Alex 20.07.13 9:07pm
Smart Alex
New motorcycle gets you faster to where you shouldn't be 0
Dumbnews 20.07.13 8:49pm
Alas Smith 7
beau-jolly 20.07.13 7:55pm
China discovers new source of energy by setting fire to country 0
Dumbnews 20.07.13 6:45pm
'Boomerang kids' to post reviews of home on Tripadvisor

A new version of Tripadvisor is to be launched, enabling adult children who return to the parental home - so-called 'boomerang kids' - to write critical reviews of the services provided by their...

Clarky 20.07.13 5:11pm
Alcoholism Shows Women Not Quite As Equal As They Like to Try To Pretend

much to the fury of all the ranting feminists. "Oi, you, you with the teshticles - are you lookin' at my pint? [hic] I'll bloody shlap you, you chauvinissh chivinaus schauv sauvignon " [falls...

Titus 20.07.13 4:38pm
EDL throw bottles at The Police, Sting uninjured

Full bottles later...

virtuallywill 20.07.13 2:32pm
Ramadan TV Specials

As it's the holy month of Ramadan and to get everyone in the spirit, TV companies have announced a series of specially themed programmes, including: Ready, Steady, Don't Cook, a lighthearted...

custard cream 20.07.13 1:24pm
custard cream
MP's Vote for Pay Cut

In an unprecedented move last week, MP’s voted unanimously for a 5% cut in salary and a cap on other benefits to be implemented with immediate effect. All MP’s including the Prime Minister and...

Scarlett productions 20.07.13 12:35pm
Scarlett productions
Fears Royal baby may miss first term at Eton 1
sydalg 20.07.13 12:18pm
Lindy Moone
Experienced proctologist can tell emotion from shemotion 1
sydalg 20.07.13 10:01am
Bert Trautmann shrugs off death to keep goal for Manchester pub team

.. might expand later ....

Yikes 20.07.13 9:41am
"Authoritarian" Cameron slammed for confiscating Clegg's shoes 0
sydalg 20.07.13 9:18am
Report reveals G4S failed vital pre-Olympic "piss-up in brewery" test 0
sydalg 20.07.13 9:17am
Supper hopes fading for lost Isle of Wight mountaineers

Three intrepid pensionsers who set off to climb Shanklin Chine, a notoriously steep natural gorge in the Isle of Wight, have not been sighted in the best part of two hours. According to experts, the...

Oxbridge 20.07.13 8:40am
Homeopathic Medical Practicioners to Receive Homeopathic Payment

"Their pay packets may [i]look[/i] as though they are empty, but actually they [i]used[/i] to have some money in them, which of course makes these payments far more powerful than just ordinary money"...

Titus 20.07.13 8:08am
Lindy Moone
Charles Claims Kate Has Already Given Birth To Homeopathic Baby

"It's just that it isn't readily detectable by conventional medicine" claims the homeopathic grandfather...

Titus 20.07.13 8:03am
Kate continues aversion to any kind of labour 3
cinquecento 20.07.13 8:02am
Price Charles Sends Apparently Blank Sheet Of Paper To Health Minister

Although there are rumoured suggestions that it might have actually been a photocopy of the back of a photocopy of the blank sheet of paper in a notepad underneath the sheet on which the prince had...

Titus 20.07.13 8:01am
Shock as Kate admits faking pregnancy to cover weight gain

The world is in shock as Princess Kate admitted faking her pregnancy as a cover for weight gained from eating a couple of cream cakes too many nine months ago. The admission came shortly after a...

Yikes 20.07.13 8:01am
Kid Goes Cross-Eyed, Face Gets Stuck That Way

[i]"Serves Him Right," Says Boy's Parents.[/i] Despite repeated warnings from his parents, an area boy kept going cross-eyed, and now his face is stuck that way. "We warned him," stated Sheryl...

jmg16 20.07.13 7:24am
Frenzy at Kate's hospital as porter with laundry basket heard shouting "push!"

(What I really wanted to say was 'Press frenzy at St Mary's hospital as porter with heavy laundry basket heard shouting "Push, you daft cow!" to auxiliary nurse', but there wasn't enough space.)...

Arthur 20.07.13 7:14am
Pensioner Demands Free Shopping Trolley

"I know my rights" said Beryl Knight of Accrington, shortly after collecting her first week's old age pension. "I've had me false teeth for ages, I've always worn glases and I got a hearing aid last...

Titus 20.07.13 7:11am
Palace deny cygnet rumour 2
FlashArry 19.07.13 11:53pm
Kate: "Perhaps We Shouldn't Have Relied On G4S To Deliver The Baby"

More babies mislaid later...

Titus 19.07.13 11:31pm
Judge rules that all swan-related humour "is also property of the Crown" 3
FlashArry 19.07.13 11:29pm