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"Baby Doc" tells Haiti Court he now deserves to be called "Toddler Doc" 0
bonjonelson 3 years
BBC appeals for new murder for next week's Crimewatch. 1
Tammy Flugh 3 years

"If necessary a rape or aggravated burglary will do", a spokesman said...

As EasyJet profits tumble, passenger lists “must include at least one pilot”... 0
Doylem 3 years
Live Review- Rolling Stones Complete Concert Without Playing Satisfaction 1
Textbook 3 years

An hour into a rousing show at London's O2 Arena, things were going great. After a speech from Mick Jagger in which he and the crowd mutually agreed to pretend that the opening set by Scouting For...

Murder rate reduced “unacceptably” by high price of petrol... 0
Doylem 3 years

Joe Mann, apprentice serial killer, laments the impact that high petrol prices are having on his new business. “Serial killers have traditionally spread their net more widely than their immediate...

Baroness Warsi suprised that "people object to being blown up without warning" 0
A Crooked MP 3 years
Unpaid parking fine “may undermine Berlusconi’s reputation for statesmanship”... 0
Doylem 3 years
Honeymoon man "suffering stress" - doh! 1
ironbridgeboy 3 years

A man accused of ordering the murder of his wife on honeymoon in South Africa is suffering stress, a court hears doh. whether he's innocent or guilty I'm guessing he's suffering from stress from...

Colombian drug-smuggling pigeon captured - Mutley finally gets his medal 2
Ian Searle 3 years
US and China agree on common ground, the Korean border for the next war. 1
Ian Searle 3 years
Isle of Wight votes to welcome careless drivers... 2
Doylem 3 years

Bill Sawyer, Mayor of Shanklin, celebrates this landmark decision. “The votes are in and the people have spoken. It’s official: careless drivers are now as welcome on the Isle of Wight as careful...

West Ham gangsters in premature takeover of Olympic Stadium 1
fun and games 3 years

East End gangsters, acting on behalf of West Ham United, have stormed the Olympic Stadium and have taken it over ‘with immediate effect’, jeopardising its use for London 2012 and telling...

World wonders exactly what Silvio Berlusconi has to do before he gets the sack. 11
Doylem 3 years
Government urges men to use locally sourced prostitutes 1
Kuifje 3 years

A Government report, commissioned in response to concerns over sex trafficking, has urged the nations' men to think more responsibly about the kind of desperately hopeless women they pay to have sex...

Salary man Yuki Yoshida bereft in Tokyo after missing his plane 0
melody 3 years
Semi-Chem finishes Masters degree 0
gaijintendo 3 years

and will now be called Actual-Chem...

Porpoises, cockroaches “waiting in the wings” to govern the planet... 0
Doylem 3 years

In a quiet revolution, largely unnoticed by mankind, whose attention is elsewhere, porpoises and cockroaches are creating a loose alliance to take over governance of the planet, in case - as seems...

God on Mumsnet webchat to defend King Solomon baby-slicing storyline 1
CAC 3 years

Mumsnet hit the headlines last week when it wrote to God complaining that its members had been "outraged and distressed" by an Old Testament storyline in which a mother accidentally smothers her baby...

‘England is Ours’ splinter group supports pasta ban 0
Duncan Biscuit 3 years
Gove says national curriculum should contain dinner table tests 0
Duncan Biscuit 3 years
British Scientists Develop new technology that makes an odd noise 0
arflaethel 3 years

Top International British scientists have finnished work on the latest instrument invented for no particular purpose that makes a devilish squaking sort noise at random intervals. The device, to...

New Ricky Jervias project is less controversial, Wikijokes with Julian Assange 0
Ian Searle 3 years
Evian introduces bottled air from the Alps 0
Dumbnews 3 years
Tunisian self-immolation reports "spreading like wildfire". More soon. 1
FormerlyAlOPecia 3 years
Music Mogul Writes Own Newsbiscuit Story 0
Textbook 3 years

Actual quote: Jimmy Iovine, head of Interscope, one of America's most powerful record companies and publisher of American Idol releases, on the new season of American Idol "We're looking for an...

Colin Firth to star in King’s Speech sequel, The Queen’s Lisp 7
Ludicity 3 years

Award winning actor Colin Firth has confirmed that he will star in a sequel to The King’s Speech, The Queen’s Lisp, in which he plays the young Queen Elizabeth II as she struggles to overcome a...

Fat Offensive Joker Gervais Upsets Fat Offensive Americans at Golden Globes 6
wolfie 3 years

The world's biggest, most tasteless joke, America, sat horrified, and was barely able to stuff Nachos, Oreos and Burgers into its shapelessly fat face as Ricky Gervais laid into their usually...

Talking Tie to Replace Clegg as Deputy PM 0
wolfie 3 years

For years the unsung hero of backbench politics, Timmy the talking Tie today took the commons by storm in his maiden speech, with comparisons to the unimpressive Clegg leading for calls for a...

Facebook demise rumours "being spread by word-of-mouth". More soon 1
FormerlyAlOPecia 3 years
Winter-pothole repair work contracted to Chinese firm. 0
Hunter F. Thompson 3 years

20 year contract, with reconduction clauses, cost plus 5% for overruns and one helluva backhander. Several, actually. More soon...