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Clark Kent accused of hacking Superman's voicemail

Daily Planet journalist Clark Kent was taken into custody today by Metropolis police officers after allegations surfaced that he'd hacked into the man of steel's mobile phone voice mail in order to...

1
Bigglesworth 18.04.14 9:51pm
Yikes
Government to extend life expectancy forecasts to toddlers

Following on from the success of providing pensioners with an estimate of how long they may live, the government is extending the service to include toddlers. "While it has proven useful for...

0
throngsman 18.04.14 8:52pm
throngsman
Cameron incident upsets jellyfish, leaves ‘nasty taste in the mouth’... 1
Tripod 18.04.14 5:39pm
Squudge
Immediately after his espousal of Christianity, Cameron is stung by jellyfish

Turns out there is a God after all...

4
pinxit 18.04.14 5:05pm
Wrenfoe
Cameron decides what this country needs is more religious claptrap.

"Six days shalt thou labour for minimum wage and on the seventh thou shalt chillax" and other holy utterances out soon in paperback...

0
vulture1 18.04.14 3:29pm
vulture1
Rutland mother of five 'gutted' that the earth didn't actually move for her 0
Underconstruction 18.04.14 1:28pm
Underconstruction
Aliens filmed petting on olympic swimming-pool sized asteroid

Astronomers tasked with filming the near-miss of asteroid DA14 as it passed Earth have expressed delight and surprise at footage which clearly shows aliens engaged in heavy-petting., "Several frames...

0
Underconstruction 18.04.14 1:26pm
Underconstruction
Ofsted shocked at 'unusual practices' at Hogwarts School

Ofsted Head Sir Michael Wilshaw said inspectors were shocked at the 'unusual practices' they uncovered in a surprise inspection of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry (Academy)., "The first...

0
custard cream 18.04.14 1:23pm
custard cream
Boost for Miliband, as invertebrate enjoys success against Cameron 0
Andy Gilder 18.04.14 10:56am
Andy Gilder
Farage denies existence of UKIP jellyfish training centre. More soon. 0
dominic_mcg 18.04.14 10:37am
dominic_mcg
Jellyfish reminded me of Nick Clegg, admits PM 0
Squudge 18.04.14 10:03am
Squudge
Cameron in sting. Orders poached salmon in aspic gets jellyfish. More soon. 0
dominic_mcg 18.04.14 10:00am
dominic_mcg
NUT members delighted that leader spoke 'clearly and nicely' throughout address 0
Underconstruction 18.04.14 9:16am
Underconstruction
Toads demand that toadstools be re-named. 0
Maverick 18.04.14 9:15am
Maverick
Da Vinci portrait confirmed as a 'selfie' 0
Underconstruction 18.04.14 9:13am
Underconstruction
Abu Hamza unable to play hooky in US courtroom

Islamist preacher Abu Hamza, born Mustafa Kamal Mustafa, has appeared at the US federal court in New York this week, minus his scary bits. Hamza lost his hands doing something that 'went down a bomb...

8
Squudge 18.04.14 9:09am
GrumpyCat
Pensioners helpfully told 'your days are numbered'

Minister Steve Webb proposes that all of the UK's OAPs should be given a stark reality check in terms of life expectancy. Mr. Webb's understandable concern is that the elderly are unaware of their...

7
Wrenfoe 18.04.14 6:41am
Wrenfoe
Andre Johnsonless. 0
Maverick 18.04.14 5:52am
Maverick
Wanted Arab terrorists located by scent of their strong perfume 0
Dumbnews 18.04.14 3:27am
Dumbnews
Supermarkets Admit Lamb Products May Contain Bush Meat.

No Horse related Phenyl Butazone carcinogens this time then, only a slight risk of haemorrhagic fever...

0
Rumour Control 18.04.14 12:24am
Rumour Control
Snowden Asks Putin ‘Will the KGB cut my Balls off if I do not Co-operate’

In the most unconvincing propaganda yet, Putin denies mass interception of communications in Russia, "nothing like that happens in this enlightened country free from police suppression and...

0
Rumour Control 18.04.14 12:15am
Rumour Control
London Marathon to be revamped as London Snickers 0
camz 17.04.14 11:22pm
camz
Last of the Mohicans - Diary entry: "Off to get a bowl cut" 0
camz 17.04.14 10:56pm
camz
Cut-Backs Affect Local Newsp 0
Titus 17.04.14 10:09pm
Titus
US Courts agree to deport Abu Hamza back to the UK 0
bonjonelson 17.04.14 10:01pm
bonjonelson
Cardiff complain to League that Palace knew in advance that they were shit

Cardiff City have sent a 5-page letter of complaint to the Premier League arguing that their 3-0 defeat at the hands of Crystal Palace in early April should not stand. The Welsh club claim to have...

1
bookiesfriend 17.04.14 9:47pm
Squudge
PM preempts Female MPs PMQ problems with PMT pun. More soon. 0
dominic_mcg 17.04.14 8:51pm
dominic_mcg
Sham halal lamb a ding dong. More soon. 1
dominic_mcg 17.04.14 8:39pm
Not Amused
Scientists to start looking for planets nothing like this hellhole 0
Bigglesworth 17.04.14 8:10pm
Bigglesworth
Cameron "may be descended from Moses". Has already divided nation 0
Andy Gilder 17.04.14 6:39pm
Andy Gilder