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Woman rejected for plastic surgery on NHS says it's no skin off my nose ...

I'll get me coat...

5
Kramaring 09.10.12 5:29pm
Gerontius
Savile scandal halts plans for Newcastle's stadium to revert to St James' Park 0
pinxit 09.10.12 4:27pm
pinxit
No hiding place: Police confident they are closing in on Jimmy Savile

Met Police commissioner Bernard Hogan-Howe has promised to 'get tough' on Jimmy Savile and issued an uncompromising ultimatum to the serial sex offender. Drawing himself to his full height, the self...

2
ronseal 09.10.12 4:22pm
dvo4fun
Hamza bemoans 'dreadful hook' after seven over par first round in Cuban Open.

Muslim fundamentalist cleric Abu Hamza has promised better things on day two as he struggled to find form on the first day of the Cuban Prison Golf Open at Guantanamo Bay., Dressed in an...

0
Underconstruction 09.10.12 4:20pm
Underconstruction
Bring Back....Hanging 1
medici2471 09.10.12 3:42pm
Idiot
£50 NUFC Shirt - £35 week for 52 weeks

Wonga Finance - You Know it Makes Sense...

0
HenryMJUK 09.10.12 3:18pm
HenryMJUK
Abu Hamza to stand for president

In a shock move, the radical cleric Abu Hamza has used his recent US resident status to stand for president. "It's time for firm, decisive, radical and insane government.", said the presidential...

0
apepper 09.10.12 3:10pm
apepper
Traditional Bonfire Night to be replaced by Jimmy Saville effigies set on fire

The traditional Bonfire festival of the burning of a 17th Century man in effigy for trying to blow up the Houses of Parliament has been replaced this year by the burning of an effigy of a 20th...

0
AReader 09.10.12 2:54pm
AReader
Government outraged at duty avoidance on Nitrogen cocktails

The government have promised to act to end the dangerous craze of mixing cocktails with liquid nitrogen. A Tory spokesperson explained, "Its bad enough that an eighteen year old from Lancaster has...

3
grottymonty 09.10.12 2:47pm
Cinders
Nigella Lawson Mafia link exposed

Nigella Lawson was reported to be in hiding last night following the discovery of documents linking her to the infamous Mafia don, Beltrano Balisteri, known to the Italian underworld as ‘The...

0
Dick Everyman 09.10.12 2:38pm
Dick Everyman
Toilet doors slammed by advertising watchdog

The Advertising Standards Authority promised to "come down hard" on false claims posted on public toilet cubicle walls and doors, as a recent probe revealed that up to 80% of the toilet ads failed to...

6
The Bogs 09.10.12 2:24pm
Gerontius
Billions suffering from slow, expensive and unreliable Internet, says UN 0
Dumbnews 09.10.12 2:15pm
Dumbnews
Laser scanning reveals Stonehenge to be ancient art gallery.

Laser scanning has revealed 72 carvings, invisible to the eye, on 5 of the stones at Stoenhenge., The news has 'rocked' the art worldD'arcy Bussle says 'yah' a lot while a Russian is en route with a...

1
philthefunk 09.10.12 2:06pm
Gerontius
Daily Mail crossword solution

YESTERDAY’S SOLUTION (No 7112): ACROSS: 1 Somali. 2 Our jobs. 5 Cervical. 9 Syndrome. 12 Turkish. 14 Grantham. 16 Paris 17. Mercedes. 18 Morecambe Bay. 20 Austria. 24 Dennis. DOWN: 1 Nigella. 2...

7
antharrison 09.10.12 1:42pm
antharrison
Homeowners’ Burglary Guide released as ‘Fifty Shades of Grayling’. 0
malgor 09.10.12 12:45pm
malgor
Women who claim Savile abuse could be stripped of their Jim'll Fix It badges. 0
MADJEZ 09.10.12 12:32pm
MADJEZ
Betting closes on this year's Guantanamo Bay pantomine naming decision 0
antharrison 09.10.12 12:12pm
antharrison
"I Believe the Earth was created in 6 days" says bonkers US Congressman

Paul Broun, a Christian fundamentalist and somehow Congressman for science and technology, believes that evolution and dinosaurs are a load of made up twaddle., "The Earth is relatively new which is...

0
philthefunk 09.10.12 12:06pm
philthefunk
Savile "Queen touched me here and here during knighthood ceremony" 0
Underconstruction 09.10.12 12:04pm
Underconstruction
Austrian skydiver in ground-breaking record attempt 0
Sinnick 09.10.12 11:38am
Sinnick
Animal Rights activists can be "retained and used" under new Tory proposals

David Cameron has outlined plans to allow homeowners to escape conviction when confronting burglars. These guidelines will also extend to laboratories where animal testing takes place. In his...

0
grottymonty 09.10.12 10:01am
grottymonty
BBC News displays images of women sexually abused by Jimmy Savile

The BBC showed pictures from the Seventies of the women, when the attacks took place, and of them today, under the caption, Now, Then, Now, Then , Now, Then...

3
philthefunk 09.10.12 9:51am
weematt
Osborne considering taking UK out of metric system

Though undisclosed at the Tory party conference it is understood that George Osborne been working on a plan to take the UK out of the metric system., A source close to the chancellor said that...

0
weematt 09.10.12 9:49am
weematt
BBC sexual abusers far more professional according to victim poll

Victims of ITV celebrities claiming that the left hand didn't seem to know what the right hand was doing...

0
Underconstruction 09.10.12 9:24am
Underconstruction
Westminster Council renames Saville Row, 'DLT Lane' and hopes for the best

More embarrassing name changes soon?...

0
Skylarking 09.10.12 8:36am
Skylarking
Boiglars "we can soften them up a bit for you" say mafiosi

Vincente & Carmine Tagliatelli Home Protection Services (UK) now offering special rates, References available...

0
vertical 09.10.12 8:19am
vertical
Lactose Intolerance could provide miracle cure for Zumba

The Zumba epidemic has engulfed the free time and sanity of many women in the 25-40 year age group. Wild eyed mums have been lurching between social peers spreading the debilitating affliction with...

0
Newsquelch 09.10.12 7:57am
Newsquelch
Tory Conference fears grow as Pope's teeth drop out

An emergency dental unit has been hurriedly set up, 'as a precaution', at the Conservative Party conference in Birmingham, after the Pope became the latest victim of what has been dubbed 'Hampstead...

3
pinxit 09.10.12 7:30am
pinxit
Paedo casino banker was also a Radio 1 DJ - shock 0
ronseal 09.10.12 6:18am
ronseal
Tories launch new initiative: ‘Shoot a burglar, win an iPad’... 0
Tripod 09.10.12 5:38am
Tripod