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Sian Massey confirms she knows offside rule "Ive been an Arsenal fan for years" 0
brownpaperreporter 3 years
Banana skin now compulsory part of every politicians five-a-day 0
brownpaperreporter 3 years
Gerry Adams Resignation Allowed If He Can Spend Night In Haunted House 0
thisisall1word 3 years

The non-offical resignation of Gerry Adams MP looked to heading for a constituitional and parliamentary crisis. However, Parliamentary Staff have reviewed the rule book 'Erskine May' and have...
Gray Out Under Duckworth Lewis Rule 0
custard cream 3 years

Is it 'cos I'm Scotch?! said Gray?...
Royal Wedding Buffet Menu announced "mainly Kitsch Lorraine". More soon. 0
FormerlyAlOPecia 3 years
"The King's Speech" nominated for "Best Foreign Language Film" Oscar. 0
FormerlyAlOPecia 3 years
Burns Night: the one occasion in the year when we gives a toss about the Scots. 0
Doylem 3 years
WWII code-breakers took 5 years to discover Nazi password was ‘Password’... 4
Doylem 3 years
Andy Gray apologises, tells press "could've been worse, she could've been a Ni.. 7
brownpaperreporter 3 years
Auld acquaintance complains 'no-one ever remembers me!' 5
victory V 3 years
Cameron and Clegg don`t believe in the double dick recession worry worts 0
melody 3 years
Andy Gray apologizes to Female lineswoman with consolations of at least having 0
melody 3 years

a fair pair of tits...
New safety warning system to be offered to motorcyclists who can read. 0
Ostsee 3 years
Three angels agree with Harry Gregg that Nat Lofthouse's goal was offside. 1
Ostsee 3 years

Nat reported to be disappointed with this decision, says Bishop...
News Corp granted more time to grease the wheels of BSkyB bid 0
Erlang 3 years

The Culture Secretary, today granted News Corp extra time to ensure the intended bid goes "Smooooothly". A number of bodies involved in vetting the bid said "they had yet to be convinced, but were...
Shock contradiction lowers recession fears after contraction was spelt wrongly. 0
Basil_B 3 years
Brentford FC propose move to Olympic Sailing Venue. 0
seymour totti 3 years

Brentford FC have submitted plans to make use of facilities from the 2012 Olympics once the games are over. They intend to take over the Weymouth and Portland National Sailing Academy, leading to...
Haggis finally designated ‘foodstuff’ rather than weapon of self-defence... 1
Doylem 3 years
News Of The World offers money to hacking victims. 1
Tammy Flugh 3 years

"There will be an application form in next Sunday's paper", a spokesman explained. "[s]Contestants[/s] Applicants will also to collect six tokens from The Sun, and one from the News Of The World."...
Ena Sharples to return to Coronation Street. 0
Tammy Flugh 3 years

ITV refused to comments on romours that she had been found frozen in a block of ice in a cellar by firemen dealing with the arson attack...
“Every night is burns night down at A & E”, says overworked junior doctor... 0
Doylem 3 years
I deleted it 14
melody 3 years
Downing street Rat Problem blamed on Pickles 0
A Wagonload Of Monkeys 3 years

The cause of the recent Downing Street rat infestation has been traced to Eric Pickles. A Downing street source has revealed that the minister for Communities and Local Government very rarely turns...
At a NATO (North Atlantic Trout Outing ) dinner a young fry 0
melody 3 years

made a Culinary Faux pas with the fish knife ...
She got the offside call right, say men, but I still wouldn't 0
Oxbridge 3 years
Ah, but we really don't understand the LBW law, women admit 0
Oxbridge 3 years
Page 3 babe 'doubtful' that any Murdoch employees would be sexist 2
ianslat 3 years
Israel-Palestine talks to be replaced by game of "pass the parcel". More soon. 1
FormerlyAlOPecia 3 years

..and did those feet...
Chav and Ned under obloquy after criticising Daft Tart 1
arflaethel 3 years

A chav and a Ned in the pay of a Pimp were reported to be not giving a toss about anything, as they have inflatable heads. Meanwhile, Page Three Stunner Sian Massey is thought to have only a hazy...
Haiti to be re-named 'late afternoon snack'... 8
victory V 3 years

to avoid accusations of pretentiousness. More soon...