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Robert Peston chosen to be the voice of Olympic Sonic Weapon 0
Boutros 3 years
Army Bagpipe Corp on standby to deploy "sonic weapon" at Olympics 0
grumblechops 3 years
Recovered World War II mine now fit for purpose 0
Underconstruction 3 years

Britain's naval defence capability has been significantly enhanced after the recovery and restoration of a German Mine found buried in mud-flats off of Shoeburyness in Essex., Second Sealord Admiral...

John Kettley and Micheal Fish to give this year's Queen's speech 3
simonjmr 3 years
Hard Working Families "not working as hard as was thought" says report 2
Mick99 3 years

A major plank of the Government's economic policy was thrown into doubt today as a newly published report revealed that many of the Hard Working Families that had been thought to provide the backbone...

'Monopoly' Game Updated To Reflect Current Recession 4
3 years

PARKER BROTHERS DECIDES TO UPDATE ITS 'MONOPOLY' GAME. Due to recent world economic changes, the Parker Brothers game company has announced that it is going to update its world famous game...

Doin' The Big Nasty For Our Friends In The Animal Kingdom Can Indeed Be Nasty 0
3 years

Human beings appear to be the only creatures that can have sex sheerly out of pleasure. The animals seem to do it mostly as a matter of course. I mean, can you imagine a lobster having pleasure out...

WH Smith says "How Much?!?" and walks out of Clinton Cards buyout 0
Nails UK 3 years
Brooks; "Murdoch paid for my broomstick." 0
apepper 3 years

Rebekeh Brooks has admitted that Rupert Murdoch bought her a luxury broomstick and cauldron. "I was just too busy and he stepped in to call Harrods dark arts department."...

New JICTAR ratings indicate Leveson show has 'jumped the shark' 0
ronseal 3 years
Leveson agrees to move enquiry from cyber-cafe. More soon. 0
Al OPecia 3 years
Psychic barber decides to go back to his roots 0
Nails UK 3 years

Popular psychic Gordon Smith, famously known as “The Psychic Barber”, has announced he is giving up mediumship and is returning to his barber’s shop in Glasgow. “I had seen it coming for a...

Jerry Springer sues Leveson Inquiry over TV show format copyright breach 0
ronseal 3 years

Lord Leveson could find himself the subject of an extraordinary rendition, for stealing TV show formats from Jerry Springer. Jerry Springer is reported to be hopping mad over obvious similarities...

Royal Jubilee engagements causing backlog of unopened supermarkets 2
The Paper Ostrich 3 years

Supermarket giants including Tesco and Sainsbury's have led angry calls for the Royal Family to 'stop fannying about for the Jubilee' after news emerged that 40 fully-stocked supermarkets have been...

Far Right London March - "was a success" says racist white Metropolitan Police 0
thackaray 3 years
Cameron told Brooks to "Keep your head up" 1
Sinnick 3 years

I'm struggling to think of a punchline. Nothing springs to mind at all. I'm sure there's some way I could twist this into something funny or rude, but words escape me...

As Coalition parties renew vows drought ends in some parts of UK 0
simonjmr 3 years
Second underwear bomb as Rebekah Brooks pants on fire. 0
MADJEZ 3 years
Osama Bin laden did corporate video for Abbey National 0
ronseal 3 years
Explosive in pants bomb identified as 'chicken phall'. 0
Thor 3 years

More destroyed undergarments soon...

Keep your head down Dave, pleads Rebekah 1
medici2471 3 years

Mmmmore soon...

Town Hall future in doubt 3
Bravenewmalden 3 years

The future of the iconic Town Hall chain was in doubt last night as its owners struggled to find investors ready to take on the troubled brand. Town Hall has been a mainstay of Britain’s urban...

Olympic fag lit 3
nickb 3 years

The official Olympic cigarette - a Rothmans - was ceremoniously lit in Athens yesterday, and the smoker will run threequarters of a mile with it before the next smoker gets a light off it, takes a...

Queen to be a judge on "Civil Service's got talent". Less soon. 1
Maverick 3 years
Orbital Tower unveiling fails as large sheet gets stuck. 0
weematt 3 years
43,000 mile taxi journey still avoided going south of the river 0
Duncan Biscuit 3 years
Marks & Spencer pants label ‘should have raised suspicions’ admits al-Qaeda 0
Duncan Biscuit 3 years
Leveson promises Brooks more tits on the front pages 0
Duncan Biscuit 3 years
Tight squeeze for Vidal Sassoon as coffin has short back and sides 0
charlies_hat 3 years
Prince Charles predicts reign 4
Rootin Tootin 3 years