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Dim-witted Elbow fans rush to buy latest Arse album 0
Idiot 05.01.14 12:09pm
Food banks ‘too big to fail’ warns think tank

UK food banks have become so large and interconnected they cannot possibly be allowed to fail claims an independent think tank., Writing in The Economist, Bank of England Chairman Mark Carney agreed...

Gerontius 05.01.14 10:55am
England cricket team: losing is part of the bigger plan

As they trudged off with an alarming swagger after a 5-0 series drubbing, Alistair Cooke and his right hand and er left hand men, Belly and Kevo, began to give TV interviews. Cookie, as he is still...

Makkers1 05.01.14 10:18am
Environment Agency to be abolished following failure to stop tide coming in

As temperate Britain transforms into a storm battered bastion offset from the ‘continent', British Government are throwing in the very soggy towel. Despite the Environment Agency and council...

marymole 05.01.14 9:59am
Outrage As Tories Bribe Voters Most Likely To Actually Turn Out And Vote

i.e., pensioners. Isn't democracy terrible! [Cackles gleefully all the way to the bank]...

Titus 05.01.14 9:12am
Huge Crowds Flock To Storm-Lashed Coast To Watch Spectators Getting Washed Away 0
Titus 05.01.14 9:05am
England Cricket Team To Re-Fashion Their Bats…..

…Into baseball bats….. Can't get any worse, surely?...

Jesse Bigg 05.01.14 8:50am
Jesse Bigg
Curmudgeon Resents Lack Of New Year Greeting Equivalent To 'Bah! Humbug!'

Suggestions invited. I am minded to parody the Who's [i]Won't Get Fooled Again, [/i], #[i] "Meet the new year, Same as the old year" [/i]#, - that...

Titus 05.01.14 8:31am
"Which idiot made this website?", asks idiot 0
Dumbnews 05.01.14 5:19am
Omnivores who refuse to eat horse branded hippocrits 6
Yikes 05.01.14 1:07am
Vatican Bank Launches Online Money System PaPal 2
Iggy Pop-Barker 04.01.14 11:13pm
‘Immigrants get it too easy’, says man after having personal debts written off

A man from Barnet has passionately reiterated his views that immigrants ‘exploit the system for their own personal gain’ today, whilst celebrating his successful application to have most of his...

Jesus H 04.01.14 10:45pm
Midfield Diamond
Stranded ice-breaker crew "getting on really well" 6
Idiot 04.01.14 10:13pm
I of W sends state of the art flood defence aid in form of sponges to mainland

Extra absorbent paper towels on standby if required...

irreverendJ 04.01.14 10:04pm
Wimbledon Common confirms Great Uncle Bulgaria now able to claim UK benefits. 1
bonjonelson 04.01.14 9:00pm
Morrissey accidentally eats half a chicken sandwich in Nandos.

I wish, with every fibre of my being, that this would come true...

bonjonelson 04.01.14 7:19pm
Everlys get well soon aid for Schu

In the heartwarming human interest story of the year so far, it has emerged that just before Phil Everly sadly died yesterday due to smoking too many fags, the Everly Brothers had recorded a special...

Damien_H 04.01.14 6:25pm
Public hope Jim Davidson does 'Chalky' routine for Evander Holyfield

In a show normally reserved for thick people and people wanting to feel superior to thick people, the Nation is currently hoping Celebrity Big Brother contestant Jim Davidson will perform his comedy...

David K 04.01.14 6:23pm
David K
Starship captain suprised by paradise planet without a dark secret

Captain Flash Galagin of the space ship Endeavour expressed shock after his ship's visit to the planet Eden Thirty, as he was bewildered to find that everything on the planet was in fact exactly as...

Bigglesworth 04.01.14 6:05pm
Environment Agency: Weather news warning upgraded to 'Tiresome' 1
jp1885 04.01.14 5:49pm
Looe not flushed

More later...

virtuallywill 04.01.14 5:37pm
2013 Has Had ‘It’s Ups and It’s Downs’ Shock Report Reveals

In perhaps the most unprecedented news story of the year, Jane Andrews from Wigan, 33, has described 2013 has being a year of ‘Ups and Downs’. A statement released by Jane has shocked and...

Rowan van den Berg 04.01.14 5:35pm
SeaWorld Delighted to Win 'Happiest Whales' Competition for 75th Year Running

Family fun giants SeaWorld are 'absolutely amazed' to win the coveted 'Happiest Whales 2013' competition, as voted for by the public. They received staunch competition from such attractions as 'The...

Rowan van den Berg 04.01.14 3:34pm
Rowan van den Berg
Google launches ‘festive withdrawal’ in London offices

Google has launched a new year initiative to ease their London employees back into work after the Christmas break. After an extended period of eating, drinking and arguing, they aim to lure people...

Plot126 04.01.14 2:01pm
Bulgarians & Rumanians Flood To Britain To Get Their Cars Washed Cheap By Poles 1
Titus 04.01.14 12:41pm
N Korean efficiency drive sees repeal of 'licked to death by kittens' sentencing 2
pere floza 04.01.14 11:52am
Latest smartphone boasts more features you'll never use 0
Dumbnews 04.01.14 5:51am
Food Standards Agency Warning: Mincement may contain Kim Jong Un's Uncle. 0
Al OPecia 04.01.14 12:40am
Al OPecia
Hilarious man makes 'only 50 weeks until Christmas' joke

Renowned office funnyman Peter Hamilton has helped chase away the January blues by making his annual 'only 50 weeks until Christmas' joke, reports revealed earlier today. Blessed with a sharp wit...

David K 03.01.14 11:12pm
Aberystwyth declared much nicer after 60 min makeover 0
irreverendJ 03.01.14 10:59pm