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Thermometer fails to win Mercury prize due to lukewarm reaction

tips to Sfox...

0
irreverendJ 30.10.13 9:41pm
irreverendJ
Barometer wins mercury prize 8
Sfox 30.10.13 9:41pm
nickb
Camp Medium Blamed For Rise In Necromincing 1
Flugelbinder 30.10.13 9:38pm
FlashArry
Nervous 'phone hackers' cause global wine shortage

As eight more News Corp employees go on trial for conspiracy to 'intercept communications', demand for a 'stiff drink' has started to outstrip supply. Unfortunately nothing soothes a guilty...

0
Wrenfoe 30.10.13 9:29pm
Wrenfoe
Concordia captain msinterpreted girlfriend's offer to "go down"

- variation of deceangli's idea...

3
Sinnick 30.10.13 9:18pm
deceangli
National day of mourning as crane strike on Whitehall fails to kill any MPs 8
deceangli 30.10.13 9:06pm
Al OPecia
Austrailian bush fire out; Kylie uses thrush cream 2
Lens Cap 30.10.13 9:05pm
Al OPecia
All Lovecraft's work now available on easy repayment terms. 1
Al OPecia 30.10.13 8:10pm
Squudge
Film '9 1/2 weeks' inspires swingers to try brown sauce perversions.

Cunt-0., Hat-tip to Dick. That's not something I say everyday...

0
FOAD 30.10.13 6:50pm
FOAD
Sir Alex Ferguson turned clock back '1 hour and 9 minutes' to switch to GMT 0
custard cream 30.10.13 6:47pm
custard cream
Red Face Day launched to raise funds for Coalition-in-Need

Un-funnyman Lenny Henry is tipped to be the lead presenter for this year's Red Face day for undeserving causes. During an interview today, Henry gurned and capered at the camera while a spokesman for...

6
Squudge 30.10.13 6:44pm
GrumpyCat
Anne Summers launches new saucy dildo - the H P Lovecraft 6
Dick Everyman 30.10.13 6:39pm
Squudge
U.N. launches "International talk like a chav" day, innit. 0
Maverick 30.10.13 5:59pm
Maverick
Butterfly killed by Nectar point, rules coroner

A "loose" Nectar point worth 0.000023p caused the death of a Red Admiral Butterfly near Uxbridge, a coroner has ruled. How the butterfly ingested the tiny Nectar point is not known, and staff at a...

1
nickb 30.10.13 5:04pm
Landfill
Rampant rabbit turns out to be fucking cunt 0
farmer giles 30.10.13 4:53pm
farmer giles
Barman asks Cthulhu of Mythos, "why the long face?" 1
Smart Alex 30.10.13 4:29pm
nickb
Defra Deny Involvement In Cull Of Cthulhu 0
Flugelbinder 30.10.13 4:19pm
Flugelbinder
Man with intention of living forever says he is on course to succeed 0
John Wiltshire 30.10.13 4:10pm
John Wiltshire
Energy companies advise home-owning OAPs to ‘hibernate in chest freezers’

In a move to improve their PR image and public trust rating, the big 6 UK energy companies today announced plans to blitz print, tv, radio and internet media with controversial energy and...

0
farmer giles 30.10.13 4:01pm
farmer giles
Latest NSA revelation: 'Luxembourg is not a cake, after all, it's a country”...

In the face of complaints from every country on the planet, James Clapper, Director of the National Security Agency, was bullish about his organisation’s activities. “Thanks to the sterling...

0
Tripod 30.10.13 3:34pm
Tripod
Church of England Outsourced to China

“It’s a no-brainer, really”, said the Archbishop of Canterbury. “We wanted to make the Church more relevant to the modern world, and we needed to save money. This ticks all the boxes....

6
deceangli 30.10.13 2:34pm
deceangli
Sugar reduction in jam solves Palestinian question

Today, the Israeli Supreme Court confirmed that 26 inmates of Ofer prison would be released as an important part in the process of 'fruit preserve disarmament'. News that British jams would lower...

4
Wrenfoe 30.10.13 2:30pm
Dick Everyman
Hewlett Packard creates package for horror writers all at sea: the HP Liferaft 0
Smart Alex 30.10.13 2:30pm
Smart Alex
Food Standards Agency "concerned" as Findus buys majority stake in Dignitas 0
sydalg 30.10.13 2:27pm
sydalg
Swindon To Become World Heritage Site

Extract from award citation :, "The Taj Mahal. The Great Wall of China. Stonehenge. As individual constructions, these are impressive, but Swindon has a holistic quality which transcends any...

0
deceangli 30.10.13 1:39pm
deceangli
Facebook users 'running low' on inspirational quotes to share

Thousands of Facebook users have found themselves running 'seriously low' on fresh inspirational quotes to share with their friends of late, the social network giant has announced today. Quotations...

8
Jesus H 30.10.13 1:15pm
Paddy Berzinski
Baby on Board parents receive World Humanitarian Award

A Halifax couple who have displayed a Baby on Board sticker in their car for the past five years have been awarded a prestigious World Humanitarian Award for their ‘remarkable contribution to...

15
Dick Everyman 30.10.13 1:02pm
Paddy Berzinski
Pantene launches new range of ‘Roma’ hair dyes... 2
Tripod 30.10.13 12:32pm
deceangli
'Eastenders' Runs Out Of Hitherto Unknown Relatives

Desperate 'Eastenders' writers have given up the introduction of previously unmentioned relatives of existing characters in an interview attempt to reverse plummeting viewing figures. Instead they...

0
paulo 30.10.13 11:07am
paulo
HS2 downgraded to HS1.7. More soon. 4
Al OPecia 30.10.13 10:00am
FOAD