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Housewife to Sue Cillit Bang after dirt came back 1
Iamthestig 2 years
US and UK condemn Mexico over the state of their Gulf 0
edward hack 2 years
World's newest leather shoe briefly discovered on end of Clarks production line 0
QorbeQ 2 years
World Cup latest. USA 5, England 0 (HT) 2
Ostsee 2 years
World's oldest leather shoe found in Little Chef beef curry. More soon. 1
QorbeQ 2 years
England agree to throw opening game to appease U.S over oil slick 0
Basil_B 2 years

'We're also throwing in a bung so large it will fill their bloody leak in one hit' said a flustered F.A. Spokesman David Davies. 'Next time theres a friendly fire incident out in Afghanistan we want...
Church congregation smashes windows on sink council estate. 0
Stan Laurel 2 years
Capello insists he has clear World Cup exit strategy 13
Genghis Cohen 2 years

Fabio Capello hit back last night after the international community criticised the England football team for becoming embroiled in yet another intractable foreign campaign that everyone agrees is...
James Corden eats Patrick Stewart during Glamour Awards spat 0
jp1885 2 years
New Scientist Magazine Produces World Cup Survival Phrasebook 0
Svendo 2 years

New Scientist Magazine will this week include a Survival guide of vague footballing observations to be used by ordinary people not enraptured by the thought of hundreds of millionaires running about...
BP to change name to British New Petroleum in effort to improve image 0
virtuallywill 2 years

more acronyms later...
England to issue BP flags to fans for their first match. 0
Griffin 2 years
Inhabitants of B B House crushed to death as demolishers start work too early. 2
Basil_B 2 years

Three months too early...
Miliband transferred his vote to Lib Dems to ensure as many PMs as possible 0
euankitson 2 years
Labour leadership candidates enter Big Brother house 2
jp1885 2 years
Waitress afraid to ask elephant man in the tea room 3
ramblesnake 2 years

if he'd like a bun...
Graduates to join chain gangs in radical university shake up 0
PluckyMunky 2 years

All graduates are to serve on chain gangs for two years, after graduating. In his Green Paper, 'We Don't Need No Education', the education secretary outlined his big idea. The chain gangs will work...
Capello and Gove battle it out for 'Face of the Year' trophy 0
PluckyMunky 2 years

'Both are handsome men', purred Peter Mandelson. 'I rather suspect that Lord Lloyd Webber may come third'...
Nick Clegg makes surprise visit to Center Parcs 1
Ludicity 2 years

Nick Clegg has made a surprise visit to Center Parcs, Longleat Forest, his first visit since becoming Deputy Prime Minister. 'I take my hat off to all the brave boys and girls currently serving a...
Tom Cruise in shocking heterosexual revelation 0
Zadok the second 2 years

Fans are standing by Tom Cruise today after a tearful press conference in which Tom Cruise, movie star and scientology pin-up, confirmed that he is in fact straight. Rumours that the...
AD 796 Shocker! King Offa been up more dykes than Billie Jean Kings fist 3
Ddigon o broblem 2 years

Whilst a great fan of Dykes, King Offa differed from Billie Jean King by not playing a great deal of tennis. King Offa who reigned from 757 to 796 was responsible for the great earthwork Dyke...
North Korea offers a piggy back for South Korea satellite on their next launch. 0
Ostsee 2 years
Afghans embarrased by Cameron's surprise visit 0
gregle 2 years

The people of Afghanistan were said to be secretly quite miffed by Primeminister Cameron's unannounced visit. "I mean when someone that important is coming you like to make a bit of an effort don't...
One Headline Fits All 0
Doctor Moptop 2 years

The Association of Newspaper Editors today gave their seal of approval to the Con-Dem Coalition Government. "Under New Labour, we were constantly wrong-footed in terms of headline material," said a...
Queen's official birthday 'unofficial knees-up' leaked 0
QorbeQ 2 years

A member of the Royal Household has today given an intimate account of the Queen's unofficial birthday party, which takes place after Her Majesty's official televised birthday bash. Royal worker...
REWRITE: DeAgostini to Publish "The Internet" In Weekly Parts 0
Svendo 2 years

After the success of such periodical masterpieces as "I love Horses" and "The Joy of Broccoli" DeAgostini have decided to tackle a much bigger subject area and are to produce "The Internet" as a...
No 10 to fly flag of St George. No 11 to fly pants of George Osborne. 0
Ludicity 2 years
GP regrets telling Leprosy sufferer to 'give himself a shake'. 1
MightyBlair 2 years

Less digits soon...
Cuts will protect worst-off, "apart from hungry poor schoolchildren" 1
rickwestwell 2 years
FIFA warns North Korean players not to solicit arms deals during matches 0
Dumbnews 2 years