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Breakfast biscuits revealed to be just biscuits 0
Adrian Bamforth 19.05.14 12:58pm
Adrian Bamforth
AstraZeneca board comments on new takeover bid: "Pizzzzzzz" 2
Bigglesworth 19.05.14 12:38pm
Goodluck Jonathan confesses: "My parents were very ironic"

Nigerian President, Goodluck Jonathan, has explained his unusual first name; "My parents had a sense of irony that bordered on the sarcastic. Just ask my sister Not-a-minger Susan or my brother,...

apepper 19.05.14 12:06pm
UKIP Candidate expresses preference for single transferable vote

Skylarking 19.05.14 12:02pm
Feature film on traffic signals gets the green light 1
Ian Searle 19.05.14 12:01pm
Worldwide outrage after National Union of Teachers abducts 250 schoolgirls

Two hundred and fifty schoolgirls face an uncertain future this morning after being abducted by the paramilitary wing of the National Union of Teachers. Worried parents besieged St Mary’s High...

Gary Stanton 19.05.14 11:44am
Gary Stanton
Newbiscuit Review Michael Jacksons latest postumous album 'Offcuts & Outakes'.

Many more releases soon...

MADJEZ 19.05.14 11:28am
Robert Koch
Prime Minister Nigel Farage appeals for immigrants to help repopulate the UK

19 July 2015. "We went a bit too far in having all 29 million of our political opponents executed", he admitted today. "It's had a devastating effect on house prices."...

Tammy Flugh 19.05.14 11:16am
Tammy Flugh
Hull City decline invitation to new UEFA cities' competition ...

Qualifiers so far, hand-picked by Blatter and Platini, include mendacity, rapacity, opacity and audacity...

Walter Eagle 19.05.14 9:57am
Walter Eagle
'Whatever you do, believe or eat, you're going to die' confirm experts

Despite high hopes pinned on behavioural, dietary and emotional change in humans, experts confirmed today that you're all still going to die. 'It's a fact,' said one scientist, 'not a theory. I've...

RobArmstrong 19.05.14 9:45am
Dun Dunkin
Fathers For Justice fail in bid to disrupt charity fun run

A group of a dozen protesters, dressed in superhero outfits and carrying a Fathers For Justice banner, tried to disrupt a charity fancy dress fun run yesterday where participants were all running...

NewBiscuit 19.05.14 8:55am
Olivia Colman secretly eats her BAFTA awards

The independent charity that supports, develops and promotes the art forms of the moving image was marred with controversy this year, with the revelation that certain recipients of the award were...

Wrenfoe 19.05.14 8:43am
Argentine dinosaur remains bought up by Findus 0
sydalg 19.05.14 6:25am
New app merges functionality of all apps into one app 0
Dumbnews 19.05.14 2:55am
Creationists attempt to deny evolution by naming new dinosaur an Absurdasaurus 0
irreverendJ 18.05.14 9:45pm
Neil To Advise Van Gaal On Syrup

Andrew Neil has been approached by Manchester United, a football club in northern England, to provide trichological advice for their new manager (see Life & Style Section, page 46)...

Mike Turbine-Hamilton 18.05.14 8:19pm
Guido Drapatolli
Mark Carney ready to buy house in East Midlands.

Mark Carney, governor of the Bank of England, today offered to buy a house outside of London in a bid to help ease the UK housing crisis. After identifying the alleged over heating housing market as...

Mandy Lifeboat 18.05.14 5:07pm
Mandy Lifeboat
UKIP baboon in shock resignation

A baboon has resigned from UKIP following a fierce debate in the party over its future bananas policies. Nigel - named after UKIP's charismatic leader - indicated he was leaving the party which, he...

roybland 18.05.14 4:06pm
Cleaner treated for dust inhalation after cleaning Arsenal's trophy cabinet. 1
MADJEZ 18.05.14 3:33pm
custard cream
Nigerian President changes first name from Good to No… More soon. 0
ick-head 18.05.14 1:33pm
Daily Mail Cookery Page: "How to keep your fridge halal free", by Jeffrey Dahmer 0
sydalg 18.05.14 1:14pm
Tunbridge Wells voted Britain's most disgusting town 0
sydalg 18.05.14 1:13pm
Horror accident as Flipper crushed under a pallet of dolphin friendly tuna. 0
Maverick 18.05.14 1:04pm
Lampard to be England vice-captain

As Terry not going...

Dun Dunkin 18.05.14 11:59am
Dun Dunkin
Frost & Snow Party Set For Landslide In 2014…...

….But big thaw expected in 2015...

Jesse Bigg 18.05.14 11:34am
Jesse Bigg
Fossilised bones found in Argentina 'not Shergar'

Irish detectives are reported to be dismayed that fossilised bones unearthed in Argentina are not that of the champion Irish racehorse Shergar stolen in 1983 by masked gunmen with the body never...

roybland 18.05.14 11:33am
Zombie Parliament Not a 'Freebie Sabbatical' Tweet MPs from Holiday Chalets

"Being paid for a year to do nothing is actually value for money. Just think what we could screw up in a year if we really wanted to" said an MP. "Besides who wants to listen to Speaker Bercow and...

Dun Dunkin 18.05.14 10:20am
Dun Dunkin
1 xtra BBC say 'N word' Spelt With A on the End is Acceptable

Except if you try posting it on their blogs.even the 1 xtra blogs...

Dun Dunkin 18.05.14 10:05am
Dun Dunkin
‘Bollocks to the Lot of Them Party’ set for landslide election victory...

Pollsters confirm that the ‘Bollocks to the Lot of Them Party’ is pulling away from the ‘Plague on Both Your Houses Party’ and, once the votes are counted next Thursday, is expected to hold...

Tripod 18.05.14 10:02am
Dun Dunkin
Floods in a Foreign Country Far Away That We Don't Know Too Much About

Apparently its the same place World War 1 started...

Dun Dunkin 18.05.14 10:01am
Dun Dunkin