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Optometrist glad that his glass is half-full 2
Smart Alex 3 years
Man has dream that isn’t ‘weird’. 2
malgor 3 years

Early reports of a dream a man had last night could mark the beginning of a new stage in human evolution, say scientists. Until now, the ‘I had the weirdest dream last night’ introduction to a...

Real world to be rearranged in accordance with actors preferences. 5
John Ffitch-Rucker 3 years

The real world today announced that it would rearrange itself in accordance with the beliefs and desires of the acting ‘profession’. “I finally realised that I’ve been mistaken,” said Mr....

Nonsense-spouting "Sun on Sunday" will be perfect post-church read says Murdoch. 7
Haywood Manley 3 years
Man evicted from fabric store after asking if he could get felt 5
Smart Alex 3 years
Meaning of life is to find ways to distract yourself till you die 0
Dumbnews 3 years
Scientists: man's best friend 'is seahorse, not dog' 1
hughesroland 3 years

Groundbreaking research by the University of the Scilly Isles has revealed what no man suspected or ever wanted to know: man's best friend is not the beloved dog, but the noble seahorse. A team of...

Pope names 22 new ordinals - mathematicians delighted 2
apepper 3 years

More to follow...

Queen in royal protocol horror - "curtsey" mis-heard as "goatse". 8
Haywood Manley 3 years
Referee shocked as footballer admits mistake 0
quango 3 years

A referee expressed disbelief after a footballer admitted his tackle was a little out of order and that the referee had made a "fair call" by reprimanding the footballer and giving him a yellow card....

Spokesman admits, 'Some average speed cameras actually not up to par' 2
Smart Alex 3 years
Daily Mail: cancer diagnosis 'leads to cancer' 0
hughesroland 3 years

More to come on this in the next day when I have a bit more inspiration...

UK's 'millions of comedians' force Theresa Green to change her name 6
Perks 3 years

A woman with the often ridiculed name Theresa Green has decided to change her name by deed poll. She states the main reason being a 'huge amount of fucking comedians in this country' Her parents,...

To fight obesity, McDonalds to replace employee uniforms with scrubs 0
Dumbnews 3 years
IoW health officials blame new popularity of Pong for rise in childhood obesity 0
button 3 years
Armitage Shanks to sue Rhyming Slang dictionary publishers 0
hughesroland 3 years
Average Argentine imagines Falklands look like this... 2
John Ffitch-Rucker 3 years

bugger. Sorry, chaps...

Met office issue cold war amber warning 0
button 3 years
Bideford council increases council tax to £800 and three Hail Marys. More soon. 0
dominic_mcg 3 years
Man caught playing Nick-Nack on a hen may be behind a string of similar offences 2
gaijintendo 3 years
Iran: nuclear programme 'will produce world's most powerful kettle' 8
hughesroland 3 years

In an attempt to allay Western fears it is on the verge of producing a nuclear weapon, Iran says it is merely aiming to produce the world's most powerful kettle, heated by nuclear power. On...

XXX Olympiad to feature Synchronised Muff Diving 8
Golgo13 3 years
Sean Penn fails to deny 'gay cocaine for quotes' Falklands rumour 12
3 years

Small-faced actor Sean Penn has so far failed to deny that he was given 'a massive bag of gay cocaine' in exchange for slagging off Her Majesty's Falklands. Until now, no-one has even suggested that...

BBC row: Newsreader Alagiah caught on camera giving weatherman the finger 0
Drylaw 3 years
"If you don't like The Artist you're probably stupid" say film critics. 1
Shandy 3 years

Film critics have unanimously agreed that anyone who doesn't like the film The Artist, is probably the kind of slack jawed imbecile who finds Adam Sandler films hilarious, and thinks all trips to the...

British Athlete facing life-time ban for using Heathrow travelator 14
Golgo13 3 years

London 2012 hopeful, Fergus Mason (33) has been removed from consideration for the British Olympic 100m squad and could be banned from the sport for life after tests revealed his qualifying trial...

Murdoch announces launch of 'The Turd on Saturday' 1
charlies_hat 3 years
Clearasil accused of spot fixing 2
Smart Alex 3 years
Sheen, Muscle and Whippy to receive knighthoods in Queen's Jubilee honours. 0
Haywood Manley 3 years
‘Torture? They don’t know the meaning of the word’ warns Home Office Minister. 0
malgor 3 years

Jordanian legislative affairs minister Ayman Odeh has taken refuge in one of King Abdullah’s palaces tonight after hearing that Home Secretary Theresa May is ‘coming for talks’, diplomatic...