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UK economy is turning Pooh Corner, George Osborne says 3
Blake 09.09.13 5:05pm
GrumpyCat
Fame-Hungry Whore Dumps Fame-Hungry Whore for Being a Fame-Hungry Whore

Entertainment News: A fame-hungry whore has ended their latest relationship with a fame-hungry whore citing that they are a fame-hungry whore. "They're just fame-hungry whore." Said the fame-hungry...

3
phil_smith 09.09.13 5:03pm
Squudge
Chancellor Blames Tom Tom For Delay in Economy Turning Corner

George Osborne has today blamed Tom Tom for the slow manner in which the economy has found a corner to turn., "We had a road map from the offset" he said, clearly flustered as he restarted his...

1
Flugelbinder 09.09.13 4:57pm
Squudge
Banks to re-introduce old names in an attempt to gain trust

Following Lloyds Bank's re-introduction of the TSB brand, other banks are to follow suit. High Streets are expected to see the return of names such as Midland, Woolwich, Cheltenham & Gloucester,...

5
John Wiltshire 09.09.13 4:08pm
irreverendJ
Tsp to face mis-spelling inquiry 0
virtuallywill 09.09.13 4:08pm
virtuallywill
New 'cash-less' catering system at school leads to 'cash-less' parents at home 3
Ian Searle 09.09.13 3:57pm
Ian Searle
New 3Ghz smartphone processor optimized for calculating your phone bill 0
Dumbnews 09.09.13 3:34pm
Dumbnews
Women conductors to be allowed "slightly bigger batons"

The International Orchestra Association (IOA) is set to allow female conductors to use bigger batons, to make sure they command the attention of the whole orchestra. The development came as the ...

1
nickb 09.09.13 1:47pm
CulchaVulcha
Union of Tossers, Wrinklers and Allied Trades forms alliance with Conservatives

In a shock move the amalgamated TWAT union has broken with tradition and switched allegiance from the Labour Party to the Conservatives. “We just saw a natural fit” said Dave Kensington, leader...

2
rogerg 09.09.13 1:42pm
rogerg
World Report: Assad denies using chemical weapons

“What’s the problem? I’ve only killed 700,000 of my country’s citizens so far” he asserted “and that was with conventional weapons supplied by both the East and West.” “As soon as...

0
farmer giles 09.09.13 1:40pm
farmer giles
TSB to face huge mis-selling inquiry 0
Backup Brian 09.09.13 1:29pm
Backup Brian
Disgruntled addict complains that e-cigarettes don't contain any e.

Trade descriptions, innit...

1
deskpilot3 09.09.13 1:18pm
Ian Collier
Discovery of Damascus gay-scene forces Putin to reconsider Syria options

Opinions in the Kremlin have dramatically shifted today following the discovery of a 'thriving gay-scene' on the outskirts of Syria's capital Damascus, forcing Putin to 'strongly reconsider' his...

7
Jesus H 09.09.13 1:09pm
Jesus H
Police apologise for not shooting Prince Andrew 2
sydalg 09.09.13 12:57pm
jimmydodger
Man survives 3 James Blunt album ordeal, just 0
simonjmr 09.09.13 12:27pm
simonjmr
Ryanair join commercial space race with launch of 'SolarSaver Galaxy Experience'

Budget airline Ryanair have thrown down the gauntlet to Virgin Galactic this week by officially announcing their own plans to launch a commercial space flight package, named the 'SolarSaver Galaxy...

2
Jesus H 09.09.13 12:18pm
Jesus H
US Policy in Syria Influences Scientists to Perfect "Magic Bullet" Cancer Cure

Medical scientists at the University of Alabama have come a step closer to the coveted "magic bullet" cure for cancer. "It has long been the holy grail to create an effective cancer treatment that...

3
phil_smith 09.09.13 12:09pm
Titus
Critics describe Welsh to Ikea dictionary as cwblhau fniss 0
Ian Searle 09.09.13 11:53am
Ian Searle
HS2 to be replaced by cycle path

Following concerns voiced by Public Accounts Committee earlier today, the government has announced that the controversial HS2 project is to be scrapped. Funding will instead be made available to...

0
Coco 09.09.13 11:53am
Coco
TV Commissioners give Fibonacci the green light to start work on second series 4
Ian Searle 09.09.13 10:41am
Not Amused
Singer James Blunt 'prevented World War III' by agreeing not to sing 0
custard cream 09.09.13 9:50am
custard cream
Syria Build Defences Ahead Of Teachers Strikes

Whilst admittedly not renowned for their 'Shock and Awe' abilities, Syria officials have expressed concern over the threat of teacher strikes. Whilst the UN have so far pondered and deliberated on...

5
Flugelbinder 09.09.13 7:36am
Flugelbinder
Google driverless rocket lands safely on moon 0
sydalg 09.09.13 5:01am
sydalg
Foul-mouthed owl nicknamed Tourette Too Woo 0
sydalg 09.09.13 3:43am
sydalg
Scientist cracks open mystery behind smelly farts 0
Dumbnews 09.09.13 3:17am
Dumbnews
Peter Mandelson's Book of Acceptance Speeches to go on sale

Paperback, 480 pages, £14.99, service not included...

1
Arthur 09.09.13 12:30am
Arthur
Fans aghast at rumours that Apple product launch will include an electric car.

Clive Sinclair spins in grave...

1
deskpilot3 08.09.13 10:26pm
The All New Jeni B
Olympic Organisers Deny Fukushima Danger, Announce New Three-Legged Race Event 1
phil_smith 08.09.13 8:15pm
Wrenfoe
Unmanned Moon mission takes off - astronauts angry

2 astronauts on the Moon are furious that the mission has switched to being unmanned halfway through. One commented, "This is ridiculous; I don't know what the bus service is like from the Moon, but...

1
apepper 08.09.13 6:43pm
Wrenfoe
Latest Palace intruder claims to be a member of the Royal Family - more soon. 0
ItsReevesy 08.09.13 6:22pm
ItsReevesy