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Safety Authorities Insist That Any Proposed Everest Staircase Must Have Handrail

Titus 26.03.14 10:23am
NHS urged to have serious mistakes

In a press conference today, Health Secretary Jeremy Hunt read out a statement saying that NHS trusts should draw up plans to have serious mistakes such as medication errors, blood clots and bedsores...

Son of Barnabas 26.03.14 9:49am
Son of Barnabas
Getting Britain Working, Or Else

Iain Duncan Smith is poised to announce a radical new plan to reduce both the benefits bill and the NHS waiting lists in one. The Work and Pensions Secretary's new initiative will see the long-term...

Andy Gilder 26.03.14 9:48am
Andy Gilder
Russia's exclusion from conference to be known as "G8-gate" 1
Son of Barnabas 26.03.14 9:47am
Gillette announces takeover of Occam

From now on the simplest solution will be Mach3 Turbo - the best a man can get!...

blacklesbianandproudofit 26.03.14 9:46am
Coke snorting incompetent Flowers claims I'm just like all the other bankers 0
blacklesbianandproudofit 26.03.14 9:29am
Psychics campaign for clearer messages from The Other Side

The British Society of Mediums and Psychics are campaigning for people ‘on the other side’ to stop pissing about and say what they mean. “We keep getting crap like ‘it’s a message for Sid;...

deceangli 26.03.14 9:14am
SSE to freeze taking the piss until January 2016

SSE, the second-largest UK energy supplier, announced today that it will freeze all piss takes through to January 2016. The unprecedented step comes with widespread criticism of the industry which...

johnnydobbo 26.03.14 8:54am
Clegg v Farage - Master Debaters

You're all welcome to add any meat (no pun intended) to this...

camz 26.03.14 8:48am
Pistorius "just shooting at fly in soup" in restaurant incident 0
sydalg 26.03.14 8:39am
Pistorius headhunted by Danish zoo 0
sydalg 26.03.14 8:36am
Insurance company releases top 10 worst excuses it's given for not paying out 1
Schoolboy 26.03.14 8:20am
Costa Book Awards 2014 - Covers 'to be judged as well'

Launching the 2014 Costa Book Awards this week, the chief judge has confirmed that this year the cover will be the primary means of assessing the books. 'Historically we've taken the weight of the...

throngsman 26.03.14 6:34am
David Blaine to attempt to do next to nothing

David Blaine has been conspicuously quiet for some time, but now for his fans the long wait is finally over, because at a press conference on Manhattan's Lower East Side earlier today the illusionist...

Duff 26.03.14 6:20am
Politician seen wandering streets and shaking people's hands

In a disturbing scene, MP David Humphreys was witnessed walking in no particular direction through his local high street saying hello to passers by and taking their hands to shake them. "It was...

Schoolboy 26.03.14 2:43am
Old man remembers what he was talking about before he digressed 0
Schoolboy 26.03.14 2:36am
Gwyneth & Chris seperate as she hears the shit he produces when she's at work. 0
MADJEZ 26.03.14 1:01am
Russia to annex Stamford Bridge

Vladimir Putin has expressed concern for Ethnic Russians in the Chelsea area, after it is revealed that thousands of visiting fans chant rude things about Abramovich. "Obviously we will need to send...

Last Hussar 26.03.14 12:33am
Last Hussar
Egyptian executioners 'concerned' about workload

Ahmed Samir, convener of the Executioners Union (Cairo branch) has expressed concern over the dramatic increase in workload arising from the Muslim Brotherhood trials currently under way. "We're way...

FlashArry 25.03.14 11:13pm
"If Russia gets much weaker, they'll take over Europe" - Obama 0
Not Amused 25.03.14 11:10pm
Not Amused
Danish lions cull surplus zookeepers to make room for themselves 1
Adrian Bamforth 25.03.14 10:58pm
'Danish lions were members of the Muslim Brotherhood' claims Egyptian Court 0
FlashArry 25.03.14 10:58pm
"We just like killing animals" admits Danish Zoo 0
Bigglesworth 25.03.14 10:21pm
Chris Martin and Gwynneth Paltrow separate. Glee begins work on Coldplay special 0
Andy Gilder 25.03.14 10:14pm
Andy Gilder
Students who threw coloured paint over Lembit Opik labelled 'irresponsible'

'Whatever happened to good old hard boiled eggs?' asked one political commentator, 'or bricks?' he added. The Hindu festival named Holi has become increasingly popular in recent years with those...

throngsman 25.03.14 9:17pm
Al OPecia
Malaysian officials admit texting inappropriate; 'we should have Tweeted'

More later...

throngsman 25.03.14 9:08pm
Chess player Putin to consider moving g8 after new threat from Queen 7
Midfield Diamond 25.03.14 8:50pm
Furious man seeks refund after hypnosis reveals undramatic previous life

A man has threatened to appoint lawyers after a hypnotist regressed him to a 'pretty dull' previous existence...

ronseal 25.03.14 8:49pm
Met chief orders ban on super-fast, widdly-diddly guitar solos 0
Idiot 25.03.14 7:59pm
Malaya Arrests Bereaved Airliner Crash Families 'To Reduce Public Distress'. 0
Titus 25.03.14 7:59pm