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News International boss makes his excuses and leaves 0
Duncan Biscuit 03.12.12 9:31am
Duncan Biscuit
Waiting times to assault NHS staff have tripled, says study.

It’s a familiar picture in hospitals across the country. Depressing rooms full of people who have waited up to three hours to launch an unprovoked physical attack on a medical orderly or nurse. ...

3
nickb 03.12.12 8:57am
DustyBinLaden
News International boss Mockridge quits "to spend more time with his conscience" 0
dvo4fun 03.12.12 8:44am
dvo4fun
Russian supremo expresses his legal position through dance : Putin On The Writs

Tired of being misunderstood and misrepresented, Vladimir Putin has declared that next time he addresses the world's media he will let his feet do the talking. er...

3
ronseal 02.12.12 11:04pm
Sir Lupus
Duchess of Cambridge launches the all new ‘Royal Voice Plan’

The Duchess of Cambridge, in association with her parental family business, Party Pieces has launched an exciting new interactive DVD, the all new ‘Royal Voice Plan.’ The programme offers common...

0
Dick Everyman 02.12.12 10:53pm
Dick Everyman
Rugby accused of racial discrimination as All Blacks denied victory. 7
MADJEZ 02.12.12 10:35pm
MADJEZ
Desperate Dan anxious to distance himself from Paul McCartney. 0
Queen of Tarts 02.12.12 9:24pm
Queen of Tarts
Starbucks to present HMRC with giant cardboard cheque in publicity coup

Starbucks is to counter bad publicity about its corporate greed with a series of meaningful events that will engage the public with their favourite coffee brand, culminating in a photo opportunity...

3
ronseal 02.12.12 8:36pm
antharrison
Toy maker admits remodeling Jimmy Savile dolls as Rebekah Brooks was a mistake

With a consignment of two million Jimmy Savile dolls being ordered in August 2011 and delivered in September 2012 in readiness for the Christmas spending season, executives at toy manufacturer...

0
antharrison 02.12.12 8:22pm
antharrison
Identify Dr Livingstone and other jungle embedded explorers with the iPresume 0
ronseal 02.12.12 8:00pm
ronseal
Banana skin slip death man’s family ‘in tears’ over YouTube footage.

The family of a man whose last moments were caught on CCTV say they were ‘literally in tears’ when they saw the footage on YouTube. The video shows the gentleman in the High Street slipping on a...

0
malgor 02.12.12 7:53pm
malgor
Gangnam style "no longer funny", say experts 0
ricky33 02.12.12 7:50pm
ricky33
Animal kingdom accuses David Attenborough of talking behind their back. 2
Maverick 02.12.12 4:20pm
nickb
Laboratoires Garnier to test Arafat remains

Palestinian leaders have chosen Laboratoires Garnier to conduct tests that will confirm whether Yasser Arafat was poisoned with polonium-210 or other lethal substances. ‘We’ve seen their adverts...

16
DustyBinLaden 02.12.12 12:27pm
NewCriminal
Sensational new Poker Mental website announced

Announcing the sensational new Poker Mental online, Come and join our online Poker Mental weekend. Choose your preferred poker and join thousands of others poking a fire to keep the embers...

2
Not Amused 02.12.12 11:15am
FlashArry
Britain to franchise use of English language to resolve budget deficit

Chancellor George Osborne has unveiled a new plan to get Britain out of its economic hole. After the Conservatives privatised everything they could think of in the 1980s, they have long considered...

0
harry 02.12.12 9:47am
harry
Climate change denier goes on trail at The Hauge.

Burn him Oh wait, don't burn him think of the omissions. Use the solar powered Electric chair...

0
Bourbon 02.12.12 9:43am
Bourbon
Leveson findings: the only way is ethics

Delivering his withering report on the standards of the British press, Lord Justice Brian Leveson – ‘Bri’ – said: ‘OMG, what them dodgy papers have been doin’ is bang out of order. I...

10
Clarky 02.12.12 9:23am
Bourbon
PM speaks: I'd like to talk to you now about another fracking problem 0
Drylaw 01.12.12 8:15pm
Drylaw
British stars triumph at North Korean TV Awards 3
01.12.12 8:12pm
Sports news and weather report to be combined: in New Zealand, it’s all black. 0
sigmund 01.12.12 6:10pm
sigmund
Flintoff dropped by Jacamo after breaching terms of contract

Freddie Flintoff has been dropped as the big face of Jacamo after losing almost four stone in preparation for his recent professional boxing debut. 'It was not a decision we took lightly.' said a...

9
Qoxiivi 01.12.12 4:51pm
beau-jolly
Government dismiss Fracking report, Leveson not to be implemented

No Fracking way...

0
virtuallywill 01.12.12 4:47pm
virtuallywill
Internet working again in Damascus, BT deny responsibility

off again in a bit...

0
virtuallywill 01.12.12 4:34pm
virtuallywill
NoTW hacked my phone, complains Alexander Graham Bell 2
Oxbridge 01.12.12 4:16pm
Bourbon
South Korea ‘gravely concerned’ at giant North Korean milk bottle

North Korea’s preparations to launch a long-range rocket are underway. A 300-foot-high glass milk bottle has appeared at the Sohae base in the north of the country. Despite South Korea’s...

5
DustyBinLaden 01.12.12 3:16pm
button
Sports Personality Defect of the Year Award - pyschiatrists to vote

Last year, the Sports Personality Defect of the Year was monomania, as experienced by Sir Alex Ferguson. This year it’s almost certain to be passive-aggressive syndrome. A major symptom:...

1
nickb 01.12.12 1:55pm
DustyBinLaden
Cliff's unique gift to a grateful Nation. No Christmas 2012 single

more later (probably)...

1
dvo4fun 01.12.12 1:01pm
custard cream
Freddie Flintoff’s record “flawless” as he retires from boxing...

After a boxing career that spanned nearly a whole evening, Andrew ‘Freddie’ Flintoff has decided to hang up his gloves. Freddie himself was too pissed to attend the press conference, leaving his...

0
Tripod 01.12.12 10:43am
Tripod
Scotland to introduce minimum pricing for batter.

More casual racism soon...

1
TheNewsWalrus 01.12.12 8:00am
TheNewsWalrus