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John Terry Worried Court Case "Might Be Jewish Conspiracy" 0
thisisall1word 10.07.12 7:51pm
thisisall1word
“Higgs is a Bozo”, claims angry clown.

A retired circus clown yesterday claimed that Professor Peter Higgs, the renowned physics professor, had stolen his idea for the elusive “God particle”. Bozo the Clown, excitedly told us last...

0
NewCriminal 10.07.12 6:29pm
NewCriminal
Terry plays post-modern irony in defence...

Kierkegaard and Nietszche join team in mid-field...

0
Miss Hegas 10.07.12 6:07pm
Miss Hegas
Officer Dibell shooting, police call off hunt for Top Cat.

More over the line stuff soon...

6
MADJEZ 10.07.12 7:34pm
MADJEZ
George Osborne 'prepared to admit he's a bounder'

Chancellor of the Exchequer George Osborne may be prepared to admit he's 'a bounder' in his row wifh Ed Balls. Balls has demanded an apology over Osborne's accusation that he was complicit in the...

0
roybland 10.07.12 5:53pm
roybland
Terry Johnson, 4, put on naughty step after "smelly poo-head" slur

The trial of Terry Johnson. aged 4, began at Little Scamps Nursery in Nuneaton this afternoon after an alleged name calling incident during a game of "tag" earlier this morning. An unnamed member of...

6
LittleSpender 02.10.12 8:59am
Sinnick
Torch relay streaker witnesses fail to see his point 1
charlies_hat 10.07.12 8:15pm
Gary Baldy
An Idiot's Guide to ... Canada

As the old song goes, "It's big, it's bare, it's somewhere over there". This sums up succinctly what most people feel about the great nation of Canada. Well, we are here to help, with our rough guide...

8
seymour totti 17.07.12 9:15am
writinginbsl
Katie Holmes get custody of senses

Katie Holmes is to have custody of her senses; her lawyer explained that, "Having recently come across her senses, having lost them for a few years, she is determined to keep hold of them."...

0
apepper 10.07.12 2:06pm
apepper
Nation's husbands call for lawnmower ban

Four UK water companies have lifted the last hosepipe bans, triggering calls by Britain’s husbands to introduce a lawnmower ban instead in order to prevent dangerous levels of nagging about the...

2
The Paper Ostrich 10.07.12 8:03pm
Mark Gregory
Adele pregnancy - Nation assumed she was just fat 3
bonjonelson 10.07.12 5:26pm
JohnA
Posh Spice fails in heroic attempt at a four minute smile 1
simonjmr 13.07.12 11:04am
simonjmr
MI5 stumped as Al Qaeda plot to disrupt Olympics with “rain attack”

M15 director general Jonathan Evans concedes that a recently uncovered Al Qaeda plot to disrupt the Olympics may be “unstoppable”. The plot is aimed at causing a number of serious problems,...

0
Yikes 10.07.12 12:28pm
Yikes
Mars probe excites chocolate faithful

A finger of fudge used to be enough, but in today’s fast moving world of chocolate branding, an eye on the news has helped marketing men sit up and listen. Which is why the recent NASA expedition...

0
nickb 10.07.12 12:21pm
nickb
Dyson Airblade use to blame for recent downpours

A report published this morning blames the recent downpours on the increasing use of Dyson Airblades in the nations washrooms and public conveniences. Michael Perch of the Met Office and author of...

0
simonjmr 10.07.12 12:13pm
simonjmr
Hawkeye to be trialled on comedy website

Following a series of controversial submissions which have provoked heated debates, ‘Hawkeye’ technology is to be trialled on a well-known spoof news website to determine whether the line was...

12
Midfield Diamond 10.07.12 6:07pm
Al OPecia
Space Race "impossible" proclaims delighted troll - "you can't run in a vacuum&a

What the hell's happened to my last punctuation mark?...

0
SpankyMonkey 10.07.12 12:06pm
SpankyMonkey
An Idiot's Guide To.......The House of Lords

With posh people on the radio and television discussing the pros and cons of it’s existence, you may find yourself asking what the House of Lords is, where it is, and what has Alan Sugar got to do...

10
Perks 11.07.12 8:00pm
Perks
Smug bastard with canoe “on standby” after further flood alerts

That tit who owns a canoe has been seen making final preparations to his vessel as large parts of Britain look set to be hit by further flood misery. With the Environment Agency warning of severe...

29
grumblechops 31.12.15 9:01am
Golgo13
"Wombles put me off" claims Murray "oh, and Federer played better"

Andy Murray and his mum Judy have today provided prove that the fictional imaginary Wombles of Wimbledon were to play for Andy's unexplained defeat to the boring Swiss Federer. "Whenever I was in a...

0
simonjmr 10.07.12 10:03am
simonjmr
London's new airport will be underground, promises Boris.

An imaginative solution to the Capital's air congestion was announced by Mayor Boris Johnson at this week's meeting of the London Transport Planning Initiative (Air and Road) Working Party Select...

2
Boutros 10.07.12 2:01pm
Boutros
M&S rebrand as Spencers & Marks to boost sales of grey shaded clothes 0
charlies_hat 10.07.12 9:00am
charlies_hat
Jamie Oliver Clones To Solve World Food Crisis

The most significant development in the history of feeding the world was announced today. Using recently-discovered secret Nazi technology, itself gleaned from an alien flying saucer which crashed...

1
Reg Herring 10.07.12 3:41pm
Mr Target
Tom Cruise now casting for Marriage Impossible 4

Still waiting for Katie Holmes to peel off a rubber mask and reveal her true evil identity...

2
gregle 10.07.12 8:38am
kimllfixit
London LGBT parade to be called, "50 shades of Gay" 0
Dumbnews 10.07.12 4:00am
Dumbnews
Earth landing “totally faked”, claim Martian sceptics

Scientists on Mars faced fresh allegations last night that video footage of the famous 1985 Earth Landing, in which astronauts from the red planet landed their flying saucer next to a service station...

4
NewSuburbanDad 17.07.12 10:25am
umfuli
Andy Murray fitted with dog’s tail to help express his emotions

In an attempt to counter criticism that Andy Murray hides his emotions, Britain’s tennis no.1 has been fitted with a large, shaggy tail, operated remotely by his brain. Leading veterinary...

5
Nunnion Splendacular 10.07.12 8:41am
cinquecento
PMQs: Harman challanges PM to name all original members of Band Aid

Speaker of the House John Bercow struggled to restrain an agitated house during Prime Minister’s Question Time on Wednesday, after Shadow Secretary of State for Culture, Media and Sport Harriet...

4
woodymellor 10.07.12 9:13pm
woodymellor
Science news

Scientists at Small Hadron Collider announce successful combination of apple and blackcurrant...

0
speccyneil 09.07.12 8:59pm
speccyneil
Vegetarian Society hail Eastwood movie ‘lettuce from Iwo-Jima.' - 23567

Starring Jasper Carott., Sorry, just in a silly mood...

192
Thor 03.10.15 5:10pm
bonjonelson