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German Chancellor now 'Merkel the Twerkel' after receiving Elvis' old pelvis

More to follow...

0
Vulcanised Rubber 14.01.14 5:58pm
Vulcanised Rubber
BBFC issue new language guidelines for shit films

New guidelines for bad movies will break film releases into three categories: Good, (G) Bollocks (B) and utter shite (Pirates of the Caribbean 2). The BBFC’s Adam Schmidt said: “In a survey...

2
nickb 14.01.14 5:45pm
CulchaVulcha
Mapper who renamed a German square after Adolf Hitler "was only obeying orders"

No really. http://c.fsdn.com/sv/topic/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/bild-adolf-hitler-square_google-maps-error.jpg...

0
AReader 14.01.14 4:27pm
AReader
Artist with drawer's block draws a blank. Wins Turner prize. 0
Not Amused 14.01.14 4:21pm
Not Amused
Millions of inner children hold their breath as Rolf Harris pleads not guilty 0
AReader 14.01.14 3:37pm
AReader
10 Reasons Why You Should Definitely Click On This Article

Pictures of cats and 90's nostalgia soon to come...

1
David K 14.01.14 2:52pm
ゴルゴ13
MP's portraits so expensive because artist needs to capture two faces

Officials at the House of Commons have been defending the quarter-million pound spent in MP's portraits over the last twenty years claiming 'the cost is good value for money seeing as the most of the...

3
James Pluside 14.01.14 1:31pm
james_doc
Plague of locums causes Moses to reach for his tablets

In a shock revelation that would have even Moses reaching for his tablets, A&E departments across the UK have been overwhelmed with a plague of locums of truly biblical proportions. Used to...

1
irreverendJ 14.01.14 12:28pm
Wrenfoe
Outrage as Sherlock shoots Sven Goran Eriksson in season finale cliffhanger 1
custard cream 14.01.14 11:04am
Son of Barnabas
A&E units hit by plague of locums 3
Backup Brian 14.01.14 10:46am
Psycadelic Squirrel
The Sniffles Remains Endemic in UK

The World Health Organisation continued to mark the United Kingdom as red status for cases of The Sniffles, despite best efforts of pharmacists and alternative medicine., The condition, also known...

0
james_doc 14.01.14 10:17am
james_doc
Doctors find smoking gun, and warn it to cut down. 0
Ian Searle 14.01.14 9:57am
Ian Searle
Sudden frost turns Britain into Europe's largest outdoor skating rink 0
Ian Searle 14.01.14 9:55am
Ian Searle
Conductor shoched by flatulent musician who can't tell his arse from his oboe 0
Smart Alex 14.01.14 8:45am
Smart Alex
Expedition ends in failure in quest for cheap razor blades

A team of hirsute scientists and adventurers has returned from a six month trek of the British Isles in search of inexpensive razor blades. The expedition, which was jointly sponsored by the Disney...

3
Dick Everyman 14.01.14 5:53am
FOAD
Schrödinger's cat still in unknown state, Schrödinger's mouse "certainly dead"

More to follow...

2
apepper 13.01.14 10:30pm
sredni vashta
Celebrations on Tyneside as Geordies hit obesity targets 35 years early. 0
dominic_mcg 13.01.14 10:21pm
dominic_mcg
Scilly Season : Big money football coming to the islands ?

Following on from Gibraltar's admittance into UEFA, the topic of which island nation will next be granted a seat at European footballs top-table rages on - and the front runner, surprisingly, is the...

0
FlashArry 13.01.14 9:21pm
FlashArry
People urged 'don't feed migratory birds until they've been here for 3 months' 5
Plot126 13.01.14 8:45pm
Squudge
Majority of Britons will be dead by 2100

The Royal College of Physicians have reported that most of the people in Britain today are going to be dead by the end of the century...

2
apepper 13.01.14 8:44pm
Dick Everyman
My Local Council Kerbs keep tripping me up claims drug dealing father of 45

Brian O'Witty, an ex-Catholic Vicar with many smears on his record collection can only say the word "Bollox", In an Irish accent, he quotes "some prick always got to me condoms first Bee Jesus !"...

1
Tess Goes 13.01.14 8:14pm
Tess Goes
Julie Gayet to appear on Later with François Hollande 0
Smart Alex 13.01.14 7:55pm
Smart Alex
Francois Hollande pledges to take young mistress 'within days'

Incoming French President, Francois Hollande, has pledged to take a secret young mistress within days of gaining power. Speaking as he made his way to 'Bubbles Spa and Jacuzzi' on the Champs Elysees...

5
Mandy Lifeboat 13.01.14 7:10pm
Mandy Lifeboat
Beckham doesn't have two golden globes, his agent confirms 1
Not Amused 13.01.14 7:04pm
MADJEZ
Pensioner badly shaken after being shaken badly

An elderly local man was left traumatized yesterday after being inexpertly assaulted by a youth who proceeded to give his full name and address. Mr Robert Brennan, 82, was taking a walk to visit his...

3
Teenwolf 13.01.14 6:44pm
Dick Everyman
France to introduce post of First Mistress 0
Scronnyglonkle 13.01.14 6:17pm
Scronnyglonkle
Research finds people most happy online when complaining 0
Dumbnews 13.01.14 5:09pm
Dumbnews
British Talent Still Snubbed by Golden Globes

British Talent Still Snubbed by Golden Globes, The lights have been turned off, the red carpet rolled away and monologue jokes repeated around watercoolers and coffee machines, yet the Golden Globes...

0
james_doc 13.01.14 4:56pm
james_doc
This MUST have been written by one of us biscuits (crackers?)

[url=http://metro.co.uk/2014/01/12/philadelphia-police-searching-for-swiss-cheese-masturbator-4259690/]Philadelphia police searching for Swiss cheese sex pest[/url] This just has to be a hoax. I...

3
Son of Barnabas 13.01.14 4:42pm
Not Amused
In a moment of vanity, Bing googles itself. 0
Vulcanised Rubber 13.01.14 4:28pm
Vulcanised Rubber