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Scottish border stolen

The future of the campaign for Scottish independence has been thrown into doubt following reports that the border between Scotland and England has been stolen. The theft, which has left locals,...

jamsieoconnor 10.12.13 9:27pm
The All New Jeni B
Russia endorses Sauron

The UK Foreign Office has advised all members of the Fellowship of the Ring to avoid visiting the land of Rudolf Nureyev. There are fears that the country's toughening laws on homosexuality will...

Wrenfoe 10.12.13 9:20pm
Obama dissuaded from Whitney Houston medley at last minute by Archbishop Tutu

Greatest news of all at 1...

blokefromstoke 10.12.13 9:07pm
Football player admits trying to influence matches by scoring goals 2
jp1885 10.12.13 8:39pm
Colleagues started to worry about liver surgeon when he brought onions to work. 0
dominic_mcg 10.12.13 8:09pm
Newsbiscuit Team Effort: The New Nigella Cookbook

There are lots of ideas, but I think we can synthesize the [s]least worst[/s] best Nigella gags into a handy volume: Amidst claims made in the High Court and the sudden collapse of her marriage,...

AReader 10.12.13 8:07pm
Universe Begins To Implode Recursively As 3D Printer Makes a 3D Printer 0
Titus 10.12.13 8:06pm
Vesta repairman admits to match fixing

More to follow...

apepper 10.12.13 8:05pm
David Moyes denies match fixing allegations

no more please...

Scronnyglonkle 10.12.13 6:46pm
French PIP breast implant business goes tits up...ooh la la 0
irreverendJ 10.12.13 6:16pm
Obesity 'crisis' in British schools saves millions

An independent report has found that almost all of British teens are obese. The report was conducted by 6 stone Amanda Taylor, a recovering bulimia sufferer and now Chairman of the 'Sexy Sexy Shhh...

Mr Orca 10.12.13 3:24pm
Mr Orca
Cancer Still Fatal ‘Despite Leaflets and Special Facebook Page’

The NHS has warned that diseases such as cancer are still frequently proving fatal, despite improvements in leaflet distribution and even the promotion of a new NHS Anti-Cancer Facebook page. Health...

deceangli 10.12.13 3:04pm
Gang of four Orcs and one Troll being moved to Guantanamo. More soon.

Gang of four Orcs and one Troll being moved to Guantanamo. More soon...

Ching 10.12.13 2:48pm
Comedy weapons put the fun back into warfare

Funded by the general public, Lenny Henry today delivered the final consigment of arms to the Republic of Bongo. Developed in Comic Relief's secret laboratory, the armaments include boxing-glove...

errm 10.12.13 2:25pm
Brussels reject closer ties with Christmas after pressure from Turkey

It would be like chocolate entering into a bilateral free trade agreement with Easter, he gobbled...

errm 10.12.13 2:11pm
Nigella's next book to be called Speed cooking 2
davetwojackets 10.12.13 1:45pm
Independent Scotland to fund armed forces by telethon - Salmond 0
errm 10.12.13 1:40pm
3D printer used to create plastic psychopath

The world's first gun-toting maniac created using 3D printer technology has been publicly unveiled and will be released into the community next week. The synthetic psycho is the brainchild of...

Ludicity 10.12.13 1:08pm
Midfield Diamond
Ministry of Stating the Blindingly Obvious to be regulated by OffCourse 5
Sinnick 10.12.13 12:31pm
Royal wedding dress designer finishes runner-up in celebrity jungle affair

David Emanuel, the man who designed Princess Diana's wedding dress, has lost out to Westlife's Kian Egan in the ITV show 'I'm a Celebrity Get Me Out of Here'. Emanuel, who designed Princess Diana's...

Robopop 10.12.13 12:30pm
10,000 men either up, down or neither says Grand Old Duke of York Reseearch

A new study involving 10,000 men has reached startling conclusions about modern masculinity. The report - Genderquake: Are Men in Crisis? - was the biggest marching-based study of its kind to be...

ronseal 10.12.13 12:00pm
Alcoholism gives Comic Relief a Red Nose

Not content with alleviating famine in Ethiopia, British charities have donated much needed financial aid to struggling Smirnoff manufacturers and lovers of Guinness. Without your £3 a month, a...

Wrenfoe 10.12.13 11:36am
Football agents defend thuggish clients as ‘not bent, just thick’

Following recent accusations of players deliberately getting yellow and red cards in betting scandals, the representatives of footballers with poor disciplinary records have issued a joint statement...

Midfield Diamond 10.12.13 11:01am
Midfield Diamond
Panic at NSA as Ed Snowden reveals Obama's Christmas Present List

America's international relations were in turmoil last night as Ed Snowden released a list of presents President Obama is intending to give other leaders around the world this Christmas. In a...

james_patching_1 10.12.13 10:16am
Weather alert: colossal cyclone of cuntage converging on Soweto 1
Kevin the Swan 10.12.13 9:55am
Witness In Bestiality Trial Allegedly Tweeted "He's Behind Ewe". 0
Titus 10.12.13 8:50am
Childhood not miserable enough, so more complusory sport to be imposed 0
Titus 10.12.13 8:46am
Prickly Vegitation To Be Banned From Homes Under New Elfin Safety Regulations

Alternative proposal: legal requirement to fit a small protective cork on the tip of each individual holly spike. Manufacturers of small protective corks deny lobbying. "This is a serious issue"...

Titus 10.12.13 8:43am
Opinions expressed online do not match up with reality says new online poll 1
Dumbnews 10.12.13 8:19am
panorama gunning for Comic Relief as charity invests in arms trade 0
davetwojackets 10.12.13 8:04am