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Insurance company releases top 10 worst excuses it's given for not paying out 1
Schoolboy 26.03.14 8:20am
Costa Book Awards 2014 - Covers 'to be judged as well'

Launching the 2014 Costa Book Awards this week, the chief judge has confirmed that this year the cover will be the primary means of assessing the books. 'Historically we've taken the weight of the...

throngsman 26.03.14 6:34am
David Blaine to attempt to do next to nothing

David Blaine has been conspicuously quiet for some time, but now for his fans the long wait is finally over, because at a press conference on Manhattan's Lower East Side earlier today the illusionist...

Duff 26.03.14 6:20am
Politician seen wandering streets and shaking people's hands

In a disturbing scene, MP David Humphreys was witnessed walking in no particular direction through his local high street saying hello to passers by and taking their hands to shake them. "It was...

Schoolboy 26.03.14 2:43am
Old man remembers what he was talking about before he digressed 0
Schoolboy 26.03.14 2:36am
Gwyneth & Chris seperate as she hears the shit he produces when she's at work. 0
MADJEZ 26.03.14 1:01am
Russia to annex Stamford Bridge

Vladimir Putin has expressed concern for Ethnic Russians in the Chelsea area, after it is revealed that thousands of visiting fans chant rude things about Abramovich. "Obviously we will need to send...

Last Hussar 26.03.14 12:33am
Last Hussar
Egyptian executioners 'concerned' about workload

Ahmed Samir, convener of the Executioners Union (Cairo branch) has expressed concern over the dramatic increase in workload arising from the Muslim Brotherhood trials currently under way. "We're way...

FlashArry 25.03.14 11:13pm
"If Russia gets much weaker, they'll take over Europe" - Obama 0
Not Amused 25.03.14 11:10pm
Not Amused
Danish lions cull surplus zookeepers to make room for themselves 1
Adrian Bamforth 25.03.14 10:58pm
'Danish lions were members of the Muslim Brotherhood' claims Egyptian Court 0
FlashArry 25.03.14 10:58pm
"We just like killing animals" admits Danish Zoo 0
Bigglesworth 25.03.14 10:21pm
Chris Martin and Gwynneth Paltrow separate. Glee begins work on Coldplay special 0
Andy Gilder 25.03.14 10:14pm
Andy Gilder
Students who threw coloured paint over Lembit Opik labelled 'irresponsible'

'Whatever happened to good old hard boiled eggs?' asked one political commentator, 'or bricks?' he added. The Hindu festival named Holi has become increasingly popular in recent years with those...

throngsman 25.03.14 9:17pm
Al OPecia
Malaysian officials admit texting inappropriate; 'we should have Tweeted'

More later...

throngsman 25.03.14 9:08pm
Chess player Putin to consider moving g8 after new threat from Queen 7
Midfield Diamond 25.03.14 8:50pm
Furious man seeks refund after hypnosis reveals undramatic previous life

A man has threatened to appoint lawyers after a hypnotist regressed him to a 'pretty dull' previous existence...

ronseal 25.03.14 8:49pm
Met chief orders ban on super-fast, widdly-diddly guitar solos 0
Idiot 25.03.14 7:59pm
Malaya Arrests Bereaved Airliner Crash Families 'To Reduce Public Distress'. 0
Titus 25.03.14 7:59pm
Russia to form its own G8, to include Ukraine, Moldava, Georgia, Belarus and 2
Sinnick 25.03.14 7:38pm
Justice Minister restricts the use of crayon by Coalition Ministers

Following his successful implementation of a ban on prison inmates receiving books, Chris Grayling is hoping to extend the scheme to 'once for all' eradicate logical thought in Cabinet meetings. By...

Wrenfoe 25.03.14 6:37pm
Drug barons considering following Australian government lead

For years drug dealers have tried to make their wares more attractive to consumers - psychedelic patterns on tabs, multi-coloured tattoos on henchmen. But despite all of this marketing effort, drug...

throngsman 25.03.14 6:34pm
Russia out of G8 because 'all its cash is now in London'

US President Barack Obama denied that he had 'been mean' to Russia by throwing them out of the influential G8 club, renaming it the 'Just over G7' club instead. 'The purpose of the club is to hang...

throngsman 25.03.14 6:12pm
Ant Decked 0
Scronnyglonkle 25.03.14 5:57pm
Co-Op drops plans to float because 'we have received crystal meth bill'

Beleaguered financial and retail giant Cooperative has announced that it will no longer be seeking to float on the stock exchange 'to divert attention from the shit we're in' due to auditors...

throngsman 25.03.14 5:50pm
Celebrity attacker apologises - 'I thought it was Dec' 2
throngsman 25.03.14 5:40pm
European border personnel to standardise official scowl.

The EU has directed border officials and security staff to standardise their expressions of official disdain for people using the airports in which they work. It’s understood some Spanish scowling...

nickb 25.03.14 5:19pm
Malaysian official who authorised txt msg to victims' relatives sacked. LOL 0
throngsman 25.03.14 5:01pm
Prisoners watching TV without TV licences sent to 'prisionier' prisons 0
nickb 25.03.14 4:58pm
Nigella Lawson gets go ahead for third breast.

Nigella Lawson may have a third breast by the end of 2017 after planning permission was granted following a public consultation ending in a High Court ruling. But anti NB3 protestors have vowed to...

CulchaVulcha 25.03.14 3:52pm