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Nigel Farage rules himself out of new Star Wars movie

Despite ‘not actually’ auditioning for Episode VII, the MEP for South East England has taken pre-emptive steps to obviate any possibility of him starring in the sci-fi blockbuster. A UKIP...

Wrenfoe 30.04.14 4:26pm
Bookies say new rules on bettings shops 'odds on favourite to fail' 0
throngsman 30.04.14 4:18pm
Man who killed wife over apostrophe described as "possessive" 2
sydalg 30.04.14 4:07pm
Don Quixote admits he was "heavily outnumbered" in fight with wind farm 0
sydalg 30.04.14 3:57pm
Farage rules out standing for Miss World

Nigel Farage has says he will not be standing for Miss World. In what is expected to be a lengthy statement, Mr Farage has said that "Miss World" is the first of a list of jobs he will not be...

apepper 30.04.14 3:49pm
Wells fall that ends well

., [url=]God's house fails health and safety audit[/url]...

Midfield Diamond 30.04.14 3:45pm
Food banks solely for RMT members open across London 0
custard cream 30.04.14 3:37pm
custard cream
Roger Rabbit implicated 0
Smart Alex 30.04.14 3:15pm
Smart Alex
Bob's to heaven

no more soon....

Not Amused 30.04.14 2:45pm
Not Amused
Stuart Hall signs up with Max Clifford PR agency 0
custard cream 30.04.14 1:14pm
custard cream
As Clifford’s firm folds, hungry celebs are forced to source their own rodents. 0
Tripod 30.04.14 1:12pm
Brazil denies all knowledge of hosting Olympic Games in 2016

IOC Vice-President John Coates has told delegates at an Olympic Forum in Sydney that officials in the 2016 host city Rio de Janeiro have claimed to know nothing about the games being held there. His...

bookiesfriend 30.04.14 1:03pm
Midfield Diamond
Ed Miliband caught smoking!

In a carefully orchestrated media event outside the back door of the Red Lion Newark today, Labour leader Ed Miliband was caught red-handed enjoying a secret fag. “It's a fair cop, guys,” joked...

Lenny Bee 30.04.14 12:28pm
Fears for Miranda Hart after she fails to collapse on stage during her act 2
Adrian Bamforth 30.04.14 11:26am
Lord Steel makes unequivocal statement on Sir Cyril Smith rumours

Ex Liberal party leader Lord David Steel yesterday put a thirty-year old story to bed by stewing in his own juices. Explaining his 'rigorous and thorough' investigation into allegations concerning...

pinxit 30.04.14 11:21am
Czar Czar Gabor appointed to oversee Czars. More soon. 2
Al OPecia 30.04.14 11:09am
Mr Target
Secret filming shows violence and intimidation is rife among staff at Panorama 0
bookiesfriend 30.04.14 10:49am
Man who had 12 yoghurts on night out admits to being 'absolutely Mullered' 0
blacklesbianandproudofit 30.04.14 8:37am
America losing its touch 0
Scroat 30.04.14 8:01am
Shock and Outrage : Nasty person does something rotten to Nice Person

Communities across the nation were stunned by revelations that a nasty person had done something fairly rotten to a nice person. Shock soon turned to outrage as community leaders demanded action by...

camz 30.04.14 7:59am
Olympics preparation Not as Bad as the Dome Say Organisers 0
Dun Dunkin 30.04.14 7:51am
Dun Dunkin
Co op should have stayed a Co op says report

The only firm other than lehmans likely to go bust out of the financial collapse is the co op which is the firm that should have been immune to it...

Dun Dunkin 30.04.14 7:47am
Dun Dunkin
Government Front Bench to adopt new tactic to upset Miliband

story to add to it? Go for it...

camz 30.04.14 1:12am
Genesis DIY expert still holds record for biggest job done in six days 0
sydalg 29.04.14 11:16pm
Coprophiliac's murder latest: police trying to piece together his last movements

(edited slightly)...

Sinnick 29.04.14 11:14pm
Government forced to reveal lobbying letters from Prince George

this needs a bit of work, moe ideas and some actual jokes feel free anyone to pick up any part of this or not lots of love all, xxx - TIA1W The Guardian Newspaper has won its high court battle to...

thisisall1word 29.04.14 10:37pm
Concerns advanced over 'increasingly theocratic' Cameron

Important geo-political figures from the UN, amongst others, have expressed concern over the increasingly theocratic nature of the British government. David Cameron's proclamation that he wished...

Electrelane 29.04.14 10:11pm
Enquiry to exhume Cyril Smith from mass grave 1
Squudge 29.04.14 9:31pm
Incest scandal man opens breaker's yard, Oedipus Wrecks 1
sydalg 29.04.14 9:29pm
Police Investigate Weird And Perverse People In Operation YewKIP 0
Titus 29.04.14 8:36pm