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Gareth 'bails' on Madrid switch over personal terms.

Gareth Bale’s tediously drawn out transfer to Real Madrid was scrapped at the eleventh hour owing to the personal terms Madrid demanded in the contract. The squeaky voiced winger explained in an...

0
cinnahmon 29.08.13 1:22pm
cinnahmon
UN to draft Cyrus resolution

The United Nations Security Council has confirmed that it will draft a resolution on possible military action in Miley Cyrus following her alleged crimes against humanity at this year's Video Music...

1
Grover 29.08.13 1:01pm
AReader
Baby On Board badge makers introduce new slogans

“Not preg just fat” and “we used a condom” are two of the slogans under consideration by Transport for London and other UK urban transport operators. "Baby on Board was an instant hit for...

0
CulchaVulcha 29.08.13 12:35pm
CulchaVulcha
Stairway to Parkhurst 0
sydalg 29.08.13 12:15pm
sydalg
We can tell what it is now. More soon. 0
dominic_mcg 29.08.13 12:08pm
dominic_mcg
Assad produces compelling evidence of Labours military guilt 0
Backup Brian 29.08.13 11:28am
Backup Brian
‘Do I know what it is yet? It's starting to look like a stretch in Parkhurst’... 0
Tripod 29.08.13 11:20am
Tripod
Primark launches new line inspired by what Mrs Dowding wore yesterday

High Street retailer Primark has launched its new clothing line inspired by what Mrs Dowding, 78, of Banbury, wore yesterday., The range features polyester cardigans, flowery skirts, spotty tops and...

0
Sfox 29.08.13 11:17am
Sfox
Russia And China Block UN Action Against DEFRA Over Badger Cull 0
Titus 29.08.13 11:00am
Titus
'It Wasn't Us' Says DEFRA 'Other, Terrorist Badgers Shot Them'

More lies later...

0
Titus 29.08.13 10:57am
Titus
Lions, Eagles & Giraffes Postpone Threatened Strike Against UK Over Badger Cull

More prevarication later...

0
Titus 29.08.13 10:54am
Titus
New 4G network means you can be a saddo faster

Launching their new 4G network today, a spokesman for Vodafone and O2 hailed it as a huge leap forward. 'This pointless waste of time and money is for serious saddos only,' said Mark McKenzie of...

4
John Wiltshire 29.08.13 10:52am
John Wiltshire
Shock And Outrage As Farage Rejects Syria Jingoism 0
Titus 29.08.13 10:38am
Titus
Confusion of nationalities as Pekingese served in Korean restaurant 0
sydalg 29.08.13 10:14am
sydalg
Badgers "still have sporting chance" if they avoid Stockwell Tube Station 0
sydalg 29.08.13 10:14am
sydalg
Grammar fascists’ invade News-Biscuit, 14
godly1966 29.08.13 10:07am
FOAD
Brian 'badger' May defends badger atrocities

Chief Badger Defender Brian 'badger' May : 'Yes, Tommy 'TB' Brock killed 37,500 cows last year, but cows are bastards and deserve everything they get. Have you not tried badger milk? Delicious.'...

0
Mfilbee 29.08.13 9:59am
Mfilbee
Cabinet votes in favour of considering doing something about Syria. More soon. 0
dominic_mcg 29.08.13 9:22am
dominic_mcg
The question no-one dares ask: Why don't meerkat toys look like the CGI ones?

A 3-year old child today asked the question which everyone has been thinking but no-one has dared to say: Why are the meerkat toys shown on the Compare the Market adverts not like the CGI meerkats? ...

0
John Wiltshire 29.08.13 8:50am
John Wiltshire
Zeta Jones to concentrate on Being Welsh again 0
Scronnyglonkle 29.08.13 8:45am
Scronnyglonkle
Obama threatens to get his dad on Assad

He Started it...

0
Scronnyglonkle 29.08.13 8:41am
Scronnyglonkle
Kill your people with normal guns, please

As evidence suggests the Assad regime has used chemical weapons against Syrian civilians, Western leaders are standing shoulder-to-shoulder to insist he slaughter his people using conventional...

0
grumblechops 29.08.13 8:10am
grumblechops
Government to ban innuendo and double entendres

The government today announced its intention to ban the use of innuendo and double entenders in public. The spokesman from the Department Of General Guidance, Information, Neologisms and Grammar, Mr...

5
John Wiltshire 29.08.13 7:01am
John Wiltshire
Men still not complaining about lack of real men's body shapes in catalogues

Men have still not taken offence at the way clothing firms market clothes for an idealised body shape that the vast majority of them don't have - and it could lead to Britain sleepwalking into a...

0
ronseal 29.08.13 6:57am
ronseal
Assad condemns fitness levels after ‘sudden outbreak of asthma’ among Syrians

Syrian President Bashar al-Assad has told the world’s media that he ‘will not rest’ until residents of Damascus commit to the sort of physical exercise regime that would prevent them succumbing...

18
Long Distance Clara 29.08.13 6:51am
Gary Stanton
Cameron recalls parliament: 'Oh yes, it's that old building full of people.' 7
John Wiltshire 29.08.13 6:40am
nickb
Bank of Mum and Dad near crisis after Mum “attempts to float off Dad”

The phone lines of the well-respected Bank of Mum and Dad have been jammed by accountholders after rumours that the Dad side of the business has been in “secret deals” with an allegedly ...

10
nickb 29.08.13 4:46am
ゴルゴ13
"Attacking Syria Will Keep Our Forces Too Busy To Complain About Cutbacks"

says minister. Even less equipment soon...

0
Titus 29.08.13 2:19am
Titus
Badger marksman shoots panda: should have gone to Specsavers...

It's a black and white case of mistaken identity...

0
Loundshay 28.08.13 11:37pm
Loundshay
Michael Douglas : 'We were on a break' 0
MADJEZ 28.08.13 10:39pm
MADJEZ