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New Cards to Simplify Football

FIFA, the world football governing body, have announced further details of their proposed idea to introduce an Orange Card to the game; which would cause the penalised player to be sent off the pitch...

james_doc 20.01.14 7:34pm
New Microsoft operating system set for innovation- called Windows 9 instead of 8

Sure to please many tech geeks across the country and the world, Microsoft have cited 'shinier tiles' and 'removing all unnecessary features such as the Desktop and the ability to control it with a...

needabettergig 20.01.14 7:25pm
UKIP demand hosepipe ban 0
Squudge 20.01.14 7:18pm
Old picture leaves Currie with egg on face

A 70's holiday magazine photo-feature on Edwina Currie seems to demonstrate she has all the hallmarks of a food bank candidate…...

pinxit 20.01.14 7:13pm
‘UK troops could lose vital cannon-fodder role,’ warns ex-US defence secretary

In his memoirs, Robert Gates has cautioned the Ministry of Defense (MoD) that proposed cuts will seriously jeopardize the UK’s responsibility as a human shield and conduit for inept US foreign...

Wrenfoe 20.01.14 6:50pm
‘We don’t get any flooding over here’, confirms Putin

Russian President Vladimir Putin has been quick to confirm to the world today that Russia has ‘never suffered flooding’ in its entire history. The remarkable claim follows comments made by UKIP...

Jesus H 20.01.14 6:31pm
Jesus H
European Space Agency successfully wake up teenager

More to follow...

apepper 20.01.14 6:29pm
Man Utd fan showing 'green shoots of humility'

Manchester United football fan Dave Easter, 56, is reported to be showing definite 'green shoots of humility' according to reports emanating from the King's Ransom public house, Sale, Cheshire....

Mandy Lifeboat 20.01.14 6:28pm
Mandy Lifeboat
Lord Rennard: 'I refuse to apologise for being a LibDem' 1
custard cream 20.01.14 6:23pm
Kevin the Swan
Government halts all animal research after internet petition reaches 1000 people

The government has announced it is to halt all current and future research using animals after an animal rights petition called "Make the government not kill lots of animals" attracted a grand total...

tomholder 20.01.14 5:56pm
12 Years A Slave sequel announced as 13 Years A Slave 1
custard cream 20.01.14 5:06pm
Suspenders 'more popular' in Lib Dem row. 2
nickb 20.01.14 4:08pm
Showaddywaddy sues Showaddywaddywaddy

The pop group Showaddywaddy has issued proceedings against tribute band Showaddywaddywaddy, which, they say, is "passing itself off" as the original. A Showaddywaddy spokesperson said. "To the...

nickb 20.01.14 3:59pm
Son of Barnabas
Horror at 'The Tempest' as US drones vaporise Caliban 1
pere floza 20.01.14 3:14pm
Smart Alex
Met Police smash FA Premier league sticker-swap ring

Two men were arrested last night in what the Met police are calling the biggest underground Premier League sticker-swap club bust in the State’s history. As part of Operation Yeboah officers have...

Vulcanised Rubber 20.01.14 2:20pm
Vulcanised Rubber
Isle of Wight's NSA admits "Our floppy disk in almost full"

The Isle of Wight's Head of Digital Strategy, Alfred Cooper, has admitted that the island's homeland security may be compromised if, as looks possible, the disk on which top-secret security...

antharrison 20.01.14 1:55pm
Son of Barnabas
Trigger mortis... 10
Tripod 20.01.14 1:46pm
Son of Barnabas
Disaster as Rosetta spacecraft hits snooze button and asks for another 6 months.

European Space Agency now trying to transport a cup of tea half million miles away from earth. More soon...

MADJEZ 20.01.14 1:34pm
Clegg tells Rennard 'Respect my authority... !'

MADJEZ 20.01.14 1:06pm
UKIP councillor's "bad weekend" starts rumours over sexuality

Theologians are speculating that the recent downturn in fortune for Oxfordshire councillor David Silvester are due to a "secret gay marriage". "It stands to reason.", said one, "Mr Silvester has had...

apepper 20.01.14 1:05pm
Geologists disappointed as Martian "rock" is actually alien artifact

NASA scientists are trying to recover the disappointment over detailed analysis of a "rock" that appeared in front of the Opportunity rover. "Initially, there was a lot of excitement - it suddenly...

apepper 20.01.14 12:59pm
67p comet renamed Tesco Value in sponsorship deal. 0
MADJEZ 20.01.14 12:56pm
God punishes Dogger with storm force 10 gale

More imminent, North by Northwesterly...

Skylarking 20.01.14 12:42pm
Al OPecia
"Edwina's Back!" A nation rejoices

Tatoos and dog food for all at 1...

blokefromstoke 20.01.14 12:24pm
Rosetta Spacecraft Due To Reach Comet In Time For January Sales

An alarm clock aboard the [i]Rosetta[/i] space probe is due to re-awaken the craft's systems before it arrives at its destination. Unfortuantely no-one has been able to inform the craft that, during...

Titus 20.01.14 8:59am
Putin to "Wrestle Bear"

In a widely publicised promotional event for the Sochi Winter Olympics, Russian Premier Vladimir Putin will "Wrestle a big fat bear" in a darkened bar watched by burly greased up men in dungarees,...

blokefromstoke 20.01.14 8:46am
Bankers insist polling showed the public wanted them to wave their bonuses. 1
Ref Minor 20.01.14 8:37am
Cambridge Decide's To Omit Apostrophe's

Illiterate apostrophe lover strike's back...

Titus 20.01.14 8:31am
New sperm bank venture calls for seed capital 0
pere floza 20.01.14 8:22am
pere floza
UKIP Members Are Caused By Heterosexual Activity

Boring fact...

Titus 20.01.14 12:22am
Ref Minor