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Poundland declares independence from UK

In a surprise move, the popular High Street retailer has announced that it intends to become an independent sovereign state, and will now be known as the Democratic People’s Republic of Poundland...

TheNewsWalrus 14.02.13 8:23pm
Pistorius: I only shot once - the other seven were recoil

Boinnnnnngggg! Boinnnnnnnggg! (Apologies to anyone offended by this)...

lane-avenger 14.02.13 8:20pm
police complete the leg work on Pistorius' girlfriend shooting 0
victimms 14.02.13 8:12pm
Catholic church in crisis as horse meat found in transubstantiated host. 0
the coarse whisperer 14.02.13 7:41pm
the coarse whisperer
Jo’burg police: Pistorius doesn’t have a leg to stand on. 0
sigmund 14.02.13 6:53pm
Man stroking calf who lost voice was actually feeling a little hoarse.

Probably a frog in his throat. A lady I know went to a loo in Australia once and a frog leapt out. 'A lady who finds a frog in the loo could end up with toad in the hole.' It might not be news to...

SJN 14.02.13 6:18pm
Pistorious changes M.O. from bladerunner to gunrunner... 0
topfotogmw 14.02.13 5:51pm
Pistorius: Wife was always nagging me about putting my feet on the coffee table. 0
brd888 14.02.13 5:51pm
Warren Buffett invests heavily in cold bouillon

surely that's awful enough for a ticker?...

14.02.13 5:50pm
X found to be 75% Y 4
cinquecento 14.02.13 5:36pm
Rootin Tootin
Nike pull Oscar Pistorius ad but you can see it here

custard cream 14.02.13 5:35pm
Spaghetti bologneighs. 8
malgor 14.02.13 5:23pm
Your Questions Answered About Gun Control

Q. Why do so many Americans carry guns? A. Constitutionally, Americans were meant to be allowed to 'bare' arms (i.e. wear T-shirts and Sleeveless vests. However, due to an unfortunate typo, the...

Smart Alex 14.02.13 5:04pm
Bird triumphs

A bird has triumphed in the North of England. The feathered thing has been recognised for its efforts by the North's biological mayor, Alan Pander, who presented it with a necklace. Jewellery...

Mik Bulk 14.02.13 4:26pm
South African Police “stumped”... 2
Tripod 14.02.13 3:50pm
Horse food found in Waitrose luxury muesli

Tests carried out by reading the label on a packet of Waitrose luxury muesli have revealed that it contains a large percentage of horse food. As a result, all supermarkets are removing muesli...

Des Custard 14.02.13 3:21pm
Pistorius murder trial will not be played over 2 legs 1
Perks 14.02.13 3:04pm
Record numbers of cows not in employment, education or training

Look a little closer at Britain's green and pleasant land and a new social problem will quickly become apparent. Record numbers of unemployed cows are claiming millions of pounds in welfare payments...

Aberdeen Correspondent 14.02.13 2:32pm
Aberdeen Correspondent
Pope Benedict's resignation statement in full

Carus frater , EGO have convoked vos ut is consisto , non tantum pro three canonisations , tamen quoque ut defero vobis a sententia of valde gravitas pro vita of templum. Secundum having crebro...

custard cream 14.02.13 2:31pm
custard cream
Kevin Bacon now longer the face of interconnectivity!

Move over Kevin Bacon, a new kid of sorts is on the block. It used to be that via the medium of Mr Bacon you were no further than knowing everybody else on the planet than six steps, well now...

Scronnyglonkle 14.02.13 2:24pm
Large Hadron Collider Switched off to see if Higgs Boson is somewhere inside

A spokes-scientist said "We havn't had much success trying to find it by chucking other particles at it so we thought we'd strip the collider down and see if the particle was inside somewhere, you...

sillybugger 14.02.13 1:18pm
High speed deviant motorway sex a "satirical statement", claims Labour Candidate

A would-be politician caught speeding on the M3 with a stocking over his face, a line of coke on the dashboard, and an "inexperienced but willing to learn" prostitute in the passenger seat has...

SuburbanDad 14.02.13 1:10pm
Oscar Pistorius ‘best hope’ for South African Paralympic Shooting Medal

South African Paralympic athlete Oscar Pistorius has been selected for the South African Olympic shooting team after managing to hit a target at a distance of ten metres from a seated position in bad...

Gary Stanton 14.02.13 1:03pm
Gary Stanton
Roman Catholic Church launches new reality TV Show: "Pope Idol"

Following the soon-to-be ex-pope Benedict's move into new media by tweeting in Latin, the conclave of Cardinals have decided to modernise the election of a new pope by launching a new show "Pope...

AReader 14.02.13 1:01pm
Public ‘confused’ about FSA

A new survey, out today, reveals 87% of the public are confused about the FSA, but not half as much as the FSA. The findings emerged as the FSA (Financial Services Authority) fined supermarkets £59...

Reg Herring 14.02.13 12:55pm
Brekin Noos

Men wiv massif cokc r mor likly to bee dislexsick!...

SPUD 14.02.13 12:49pm
Lens Cap
Pistorius' replicant hunting days are over 0
Not Amused 14.02.13 12:37pm
Not Amused
Dead horse jokes have been flogged to death on Newsbiscuit forum 0
AReader 14.02.13 12:32pm
Tests prove James Blunt song 'You're Bute-full" was written about Tesco burgers 0
Ian Searle 14.02.13 12:30pm
Ian Searle
Pistorius doesn't have a leg to stand on police say. 1
MADJEZ 14.02.13 12:28pm