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New thermal imaging devices can reveal thermal underwear. 0
nickb 3 years

Long johns and long sleeve vests worn by both sexes will be detectable to specially adapted cameras, as a result of advances in heat-detecting and interlock weave technology. Manufacturers and...

Greek PM called on to resign, "will ask my mum and dad." 0
Boutros 3 years
Townsend 'misunderstood' after urging 'internet vampires' to groom young talent 0
pinxit 3 years
Miliband slams Devil’s record on making work for idle hands 0
ianslat 3 years

Labour leader Ed Miliband today criticised the Devil for what he called a ‘woefully inadequate’ record on making work for idle hands. In a speech to business leaders he said ‘many people...

Breeder snares rival birds with Sunday roost and all the trimmings 3
vertical 3 years

Top breeder Mick Dense faces claims that he used a well stocked loft to lure rival pigeons into an avian 'love pad' during weekend race contests. Accusations include attractive hen birds tethered to...

Savile row over bequest of star's suits 5
medici2471 3 years
Greece's credit rating adjusted to FU2 1
Griffin 3 years
Goths enjoy 'casual' clothes day on Halloween 2
thackaray 3 years
Squatting criminalization will cause havoc say toilet attendants 0
tedweasel 3 years
Bouncers to end piracy 0
Psycadelic Squirrel 3 years

The shipping industry has announced today that it is going to employ nightclub bouncers on ships in an attempt to finally bring piracy to an end. The news comes just days after the Prime Minister...

St Paul's camp, claim gay clergy 4
medici2471 3 years
Hackers thwarted by discovery that Government had 'nothing worth nicking'. 0
Boutros 3 years
DoE cancels meeting with multi-cultural environmentalists because of 'cold' 1
Perks 3 years

The Duke of Edinburgh has had to pull out of an official engagement in Italy because of a cold, which manifests itself as an unexpected bout of 'racist tics' The Duke was due to be attending a...

Who to attend London Conference on UK cyber attacks 3
medici2471 3 years
Cows on Indian Grand Prix circuit make for "challenging" race 1
Danny 3 years

The inaugural Indian Grand Prix was a major success as an event. The drivers universally praised the layout of the 3.2-mile 16-turn circuit, and all agreed that swerving to avoid sacred cows...

As World economy declines, Robert Peston's smugness grows. 1
Perks 3 years

Mmmooooore soon...

St Paul's protestor complains there's nowhere to plug in her straighteners. 1
dominic_mcg 3 years
Dean of St Paul's resigns as his position becomes untentable 2
medici2471 3 years
St Paul resigns 5
apepper 3 years

In a shock development, first century saint, Paul (AKA Saul Tarsus), has resigned. "I've been thinking about it for some time.", explained the saint via a schoolgirl's dream and a face in a puddle,...

Police station steps to become more dangerous 7
nickb 3 years

Accidental falls down police station steps are set to rise, as health and safety regulations in the force are eased. Falling down stairs in police custody reached a high in the 1980’s, as the...

Female royals allowed to inherit male baldness under new law. 0
nickb 3 years
"Labour has left us with a 'Fine mess'" says Cameron 5
dvo4fun 3 years

Up to £25 per week in Court fines will be deducted from offenders' Benefits; the government's swift response to the summer rioting, due to come swiftly into effect, sometime in late 2013. Speaking...

Poundland wins Unesco seat vote 0
apepper 3 years

Unesco has granted Poundland a vote. This is seen as the first step towards full recognition as a country. The move has been opposed by 99p Land; "They think they're up market, but 99p Land is...

7 billion people 'probably all claiming benefits in the UK' - Daily Mail 5
ianslat 3 years
Health conscious trick-or-treaters demand candy be organic 0
Dumbnews 3 years
Self-immolation branded unenvironmentally friendly protest suicide method 3
Ironduke 3 years

When budhist nun Tanzin Wangmo doused herself in petrol in a busy Tibetan market square and set herself alight, it was the last straw for watching concerned environmentalist Fortescue Alstruther....

Palestinians get EuroVision Song Contest vote 0
Perks 3 years

The people of Palestine are to get a vote in the EuroVision song contest. The move has been critised by many other countries, fearing they will only ever give twelve points to their friends and...

“I’d probably bang Bale” admits Warnock 0
Tim Collins 3 years

Self-proclaimed football manager Neil Warnock said Sunday that he received an incredible amount of sexual satisfaction from watching opponents score goals against his Queens Park Rangers team and...

Average wait for adoption now 86 years; "we have to be cautious" 0
apepper 3 years

Local authorities have attracted criticism about the length of time required to process adoption. "It's diabolical.", said Mr X, who is waiting for his adoption request to be completed. "The...

Offenders whose benefits are cut 'could start robbing' says expert 2
roybland 3 years

Government plans to dock £25 a week from benefit claimants who pay fines could encourage them to turn to robbery, according to some experts.,  , Eight-year-old Amanda Stone explained:,  , 'Say...