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Health advice on avoiding e-coli by eating cucumbers is 'Don't fuckin eat them'. 0
Basil_B 3 years
Kate Humble to present Taliban Spring Offensive Watch 4
greg various 3 years

The BBC announced today that the adorable, in a homely sort of way, Kate Humble is being pulled from presenting all programmes featuring animals. She will be jetting off to pastures new on the next...

Headline writers to strike as they find the amount of space they have is limite 0
John Wiltshire 3 years
Olympic ticket delay blamed on slow delivery by torch bearing courier 0
Basil_B 3 years
Scottish FA wants Fifa vote delayed; blames massive bank holiday bender 0
Qoxiivi 3 years
Blatter patter doesn't matter, fatter twatter twitter FIFA 0
virtuallywill 3 years

F.A later, S.F.A later still...

Military careers day successfully avoids mention of chances of being shot 4
Re Pete 3 years

A major UK Armed Forces Careers Day was declared a success by military chiefs after it passed without one reference to the reasonably high probability of becoming a fatality statistic upon signing up...

Jail shortage eased by making Houses of Parliament 'open prison' 0
3 years
ISS astronauts ruing Endeavour's delivery of "lovely fresh cucumber" 0
QorbeQ 3 years
Fergie furious that ref didn't allow extra time until Man U won 1
John Wiltshire 3 years

The volatile Manchester United manager today attacked the referee for the European Cup macth against Barcelona for not allowing the traditional extra time to which his team are entitled., 'Every...

Blatter invites Supertramp to open FIFA conference 2
Duncan Biscuit 3 years
New talent show for people who only dance when they're pissed 15
3 years

In an effort to attract a broader audience, the BBC unveiled its latest talent show this week. Aware that most men only consider dancing after a minimum of 12 units of alcohol, the new show is aimed...

Libya's conflict continues as Gaddafi engrossed with Wii Zumba 0
simonjmr 3 years
Dalek leaders demand talks with BBC amid calls for 'level playing field' 0
ronseal 3 years
Gaddafi talks break down after Zuma refuses to give him cash for his old mobile 0
Qoxiivi 3 years
Blatter confirms ballot boxes for Fifa presidential election will accept visa 2
Qoxiivi 3 years
Doctor Who plot 'only understood by Stephen Hawking' 0
John Wiltshire 3 years

The latest plot twists and turns in Doctor Who have become so complicated that only Professor Stephen Hawking can understand them, it was claimed today., Top rocket scientist Professor James...

Daleks devastated as talks break down for X Factor judging role 2
ronseal 3 years
Decomissioned Daleks to re-enter service as self-collecting wheelie bins 1
3 years
Scholes apologises for retiring during Champions League Final. 1
SingingHinny 3 years
Conspiracy theorists 'Suspicious' that Scholes and Daleks retire on same day 0
antharrison 3 years
Nigeria and Zimbabwe criticise FIFA corruption and electoral processes 0
antharrison 3 years
Can't Be Bothered Tories...... 0
Jesse Bigg 3 years

To turn rest of UK, outside the Southeast, into a giant, US-style trailer park for the unemployed. "And cash handouts?", "No way, pal. Food stamps only."...

Springwatch team delighted at reintroduction of beaver 0
John Wiltshire 3 years

Springwatch presenters Chris Packham and Kate Humble today said they were 'delighted' at the reintroduction of the beaver to Britain., 'This gives us a whole new range of innuendo,' said Chris. 'For...

FIFA's Jack Warner to return to acting 0
John Wiltshire 3 years

FIFA's Jack Warner today announced that he is returning to his role of Police Sergeant George Dixon of Dock Green police., 'This will be a break with the past, and a new opportunity,' he said. 'I...

William Hill stop taking bets on outcome of FIFA presidential election 0
Mr Payne 3 years

Another take on the theme. As opposed to being 'on the take'...

U.N. Peacekeepers to monitor FIFA's presidential election 0
Mr Payne 3 years
Bangladesh surgeon replaces severed penis with infected cucumber. More soon. 2
Al OPecia 3 years

Thanks to charlies_hat...

Mladic transfer to The Hague on hold after Chelsea express an interest 0
Duncan Biscuit 3 years
Killer cucumbers: ‘don’t eat them sideways’ advises WHO 1
jp1885 3 years