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Ebay crashes due to increase in second hand petrol panic buyers 0
Scronnyglonkle 3 years

Also available dinner at an undisclosed flat in London...

Kent County Council and Amazon boss to launch Satellite Grammar School 0
3zincold 3 years

Amazon chief Jeff Bezos has apparently approached Kent County Council with an out of this world offer. He plans to use his recently acquired Apollo 11 booster rockets to place the newly agreed...

Computer Programmer of the Year delivers acceptance speech in binary 4
grumblechops 3 years

01001101 01101111 01110010 01100101 01110011 01101111 01101111 01101110...

School at centre of balcony fall row praised for accuracy of risk assessment 2
grumblechops 3 years

Fairfield High in Bristol today received plaudits for the accuracy of its overall risk assessment after it was revealed a pupil had been hospitalised after falling six stories from a stairwell...

Lord Coe denies 'stockpiling' fuel for Olympic flame 0
Underconstruction 3 years
Tanker drivers agree to perform RAF roles as fears of air attack intensify 6
Underconstruction 3 years

Beleaguered RAF commanders have admitted that Esso fuel tanker drivers are being used as a stopgap to fill in for those staff, temporarily mustered to prevent a fuel delivery crisis across the nation...

Captain Scott diary entry reveals how he regrets not taking more frozen food 0
Underconstruction 3 years

Newly released extracts from the final diary of legendary British explorer Captain Scott have revealed how the explorer questioned the decision not to carry more frozen foodstuffs on his ill-fated...

Tom Annoyed that Jerry is described as a can 6
GillsImp 3 years

A source at the Disney Studios in California has commented that Tom is extremely unhappy about Jerry being described as a can...

Express combines its to most popular topics, the EU and weather, to save space. 0
stevebrdfd 3 years

EU SCIENTISTS IN PLOT TO TEACH BRITAIN A LESSON, The Daily Express can today reveal that the extreme weather conditions which Britain has faced this year may well have been deliberately engineered...

QPR Owner buys Mark Hughes Expensive Lighter 1
GillsImp 3 years

QPR owner has bought Mark Hughes a lighter as a gift. Apparently he keeps losing his matches...

Cameron admits to panic buying a fool. More soon. 0
Al OPecia 3 years
The economy: Panic merchants defy recession 0
weematt 3 years
Post Office admits confusion after government announced Stamp Duty rise. 5
bonjonelson 3 years
MOD "We don't have enough soldiers to fill all our tanks." 0
weematt 3 years
Prime Minister fuels panic. 0
MADJEZ 3 years
A man in Dorset revealed he used to be Indecisive 0
GillsImp 3 years

He's not not so sure now...

Gerry McCann avoiding forecourts after panic filling incident 2
cinquecento 3 years
Upper Crust Pies From Fortnum and Mason 1
Otis B Driftwood 3 years

Fortnum and Mason's are to launch a range of Upper Crust Pies . This follows hot (with added VAT) on the successful product placement in most newpapers by David Cameron " Once the PM was seen with...

Tories beg tanker drivers "please strke asap" and get us out of this awful hole 1
3 years

In a few short hours the conservatives created strike conditions from a totally strike free situation,a bumbling maude wittering about jerrycans advising everyone to break the law and turn the garage...

Ed Miliband attempts 'record breaking' publicity stunt. 1
Perks 3 years

In his latest attempt to appear in touch with the ‘common man’, Ed Miliband has unveiled his latest daring publicity stunt. The stunt is the biggest attempt at a dangerous feat since Ed Balls...

Countdown lexicographer sacked after refusing to define ‘esoteric’ 1
grumblechops 3 years

Countdown’s long-standing lexicographer Susie Dent was today given her marching orders after refusing to explain the meaning of the word ‘esoteric’ during yesterday’s show. Reigning champion...

Cameron insists he's familiar with 'corniche parsties' 4
3 years

David Cameron has fought back against claims he’s out of touch with the common man, by insisting his most recent 'parsty' was ‘delicious, and packed full of nutritious swan meat’. Cameron was...

Garages run out of 'brown paper bags' as panic buyers start hyperventilating 3
Perks 3 years
The past, the present and the future walked into a bar...... it was tense 5
grumblechops 3 years
Cabinet Ministers "better at causing disruption" striking tanker drivers concede 11
bonjonelson 3 years

Tanker drivers have called off their proposed strike amid fears that any disruption they could cause would pale into insignificance alongside the chaos that cabinet ministers have created with a few...

UK - Rumours of ham and egg shortage causing panic frying. 2
weematt 3 years
Seabird population under threat due to panic buying of petrels 1
Smart Alex 3 years

Hat tip to dragonman...

Petrol station representative denies media reports of mass 'picnic buying' 1
pinxit 3 years

"There are ample supplies of barbeques, brickettes, sandwiches, baguettes, Ginsters Pasties, Mr Kipling cakes, blankets, hampers and bottles of chilled Liebfraumilch." said the spokesman. "I don't...

HMRC announcement of cold case review of hot food tax dodges gets tepid response 0
Underconstruction 3 years

or something like that...

Buy milk now! Cows consider possibly giving 7 day warning that they might strike 1
Mr_Johno 3 years