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Dementia patients to be loaded with Angry Birds

In a controversial move by Sussex authorities, the elderly are to be loaded with popular phone games Angry Birds and Candy Crush to make them less boring. The latest move follows the recent...

0
monkeyrepublic 01.05.13 4:03pm
monkeyrepublic
NRA stands firm on America's right to use neonicotinoids

The NRA in America has reacted strongly to the European ban on neonicotinoids. "It is the God-given right of every American" said their speaker George W Fahrenheit XI, "to kill bees by any means...

0
Bogbrush 01.05.13 3:38pm
Bogbrush
Man Says . . . . / . . ; Morse Soon

(Completely ripped off from Sinnick. So blame him.) In order to be even remotely funny - or at least satirical - probably needs to be expanded, perhaps to something like 'Isle of Wight...

1
Titus 01.05.13 3:20pm
Sinnick
Privatised "Nudge Unit" renamed "Nudge Nudge Wink Wink Unit"

Say no more...

0
olddoc 01.05.13 3:09pm
olddoc
New UKIP scandal as candidate accused of giving Vulcan salute

They deny having Klingon tendencies...

0
Ian Searle 01.05.13 2:24pm
Ian Searle
BBC Newsreader's criminal past "mere Alagiahtions" says spokesman 0
Drylaw 01.05.13 2:17pm
Drylaw
Optimistic memorabilia collector auctions Jimmy The Hoover autograph. 0
sredni vashta 01.05.13 2:12pm
sredni vashta
Police wrap up historic abuse probe - moving on to 'classic & legendary' phase 1
Idiot 01.05.13 2:03pm
Wrenfoe
Soccer

Soccer fans queue up to remind Mourinho that he is most loved in Somalia, Afghanistan, the Moon etc etc more soon...

1
spa99ers 01.05.13 2:01pm
Wrenfoe
Ball-bearing to communicate with life in outer space…

Scientists at Durham University are planning to launch a ball bearing into space, with hope it might reach potential life outside of our solar system. The plan is to inscribe the ball bearing with...

0
McKenzie 01.05.13 1:30pm
McKenzie
Glasgow Man on trampoline tries to down an Airbus A320. More soon. 0
Al OPecia 01.05.13 12:19pm
Al OPecia
Michael Fish apologises to NASA after Saturn hurricane fiasco

Freelance weatherman, Michael Fish, issued an unreserved apology to NASA this morning after their $28b Cassini spacecraft was badly damaged in a Saturn hurricane. Fish, who had predicted Saturn...

0
Lenny Bee 01.05.13 11:48am
Lenny Bee
Ron Atkinson discovered working as a Reginald D Hunter tribute act 4
ronseal 01.05.13 10:23am
Lenny Bee
Householders terrified as ghost keeps returning, looking for his bloody keys

A family is living in fear of a ghost who has been constantly returning to their house, looking for his bloody keys. Though initially benevolent, the spectre has become increasingly irritable. In one...

2
ronseal 01.05.13 10:19am
Lenny Bee
Ministers 'must work harder' for foie gras

In move that will upset Human Rights activists, Britain’s prisoners insist that Coalition Ministers must start to work harder for their privileges. From November, Ministers must "actively earn...

5
Wrenfoe 01.05.13 9:32am
Wrenfoe
Land of the Blind's One-Eyed King finally allows guide dogs on roller coaster 0
McKenzie 01.05.13 8:19am
McKenzie
Cameron goes multi cultural with a walk about among some non-Etonians

David Cameron has proved his critics wrong with a successful walkabout among the non-Etonian community. The prime minister was seen talking to people, joking and appeared to be enjoying himself....

1
ronseal 01.05.13 7:47am
Golgeau Treize
Farage defends UKIP candidate A Hitler's nazi salute as a 'misunderstanding'

UKIP leader Nigel Farage was quick to defend the party's Basildon candidate, Alan Hitler, when pictures of him seemingly giving a nazi salute and invading Poland were published. 'This is absolutely...

1
John Wiltshire 01.05.13 7:38am
Golgeau Treize
ITV criticised for breaking off in the middle of a...

More on that story right after the next break...

0
Ian Searle 01.05.13 5:51am
Ian Searle
Survival expert shocked to learn of man going three years without a smartphone 0
Dumbnews 01.05.13 5:30am
Dumbnews
Dr. Phil goes undercover to expose the rise in quack pop psychologist TV hosts 0
Dumbnews 01.05.13 5:07am
Dumbnews
Channel 5 documentary maker celebrates meeting yet another impossible deadline

An astonishing run of luck has seen a Channel 5 documentary maker record his 100th successful programme, despite constantly being up against an impossible deadline, in life or death conditions in...

0
ronseal 01.05.13 4:25am
ronseal
Miliband to receive BAFTA for Inner Monologue

David Miliband will receive a special award for outstanding achievement in “biting your own tongue” at this year's TV BAFTAs, organisers have announced. David’s contribution, to the long...

3
Wrenfoe 30.04.13 11:07pm
Squudge
Branston Pickle found to contain cubes of Parsnip

Consumer confidence was not so much rocked as hurled against a wall and allowed to dribble stickily to the floor when Great British iconic brand Branston was revealed to contain small cubes of the...

0
Ironduke 30.04.13 10:32pm
Ironduke
Only White Folk can call each other honkies, tuts Reginald D Hunter 0
ronseal 30.04.13 9:26pm
ronseal
McQueen Lookalike Moyes to get the Bullitt?

Everton Manager David Moyes is currently the subject of much speculation about his future at the cash-strapped club.Could the craggy Steve McQueen of the Prem be planning a Great Escape from the...

2
Nimrod 30.04.13 9:11pm
Nimrod
Reginald D Hunter "ashamed" at using "F-word"

Nigger comedian Reginald D Hunter said today that he apologised unreservedly for using the word "Footballer" in a comedy routine. "I don't know what came over me" he mumbled in an embarrassed...

8
Son of Barnabas 30.04.13 9:05pm
sigmund
Obama says Disney World must close

US President Barack Obama has pledged a new push to close torture camps at the controversial Walt Disney World Resort, Florida, amid a growing obesity among visitors. The UN has called the continued...

0
Wrenfoe 30.04.13 8:57pm
Wrenfoe
Penioners 'must work harder' for privileges...

Pensioners in England and Wales must work harder for privileges such as TVs, the government has said. Pensioners will be made to wear a uniform during their first two years in retirement and their...

0
SilverWinterSky 30.04.13 8:52pm
SilverWinterSky
'Yewtree' detectives tell ageing suspects 'You can hide but you can't run' 2
Smart Alex 30.04.13 7:23pm
deskpilot3