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Soldiers step into replace missing athletes...

First we had soldiers stepping into to fill in the gap left by G4S and as if that wasn't embarrassing enough for LOCOG they then had to bring in extra soldiers to fill in the empty seats in many of...

0
hardev 29.07.12 10:30pm
hardev
Boy, 16, becomes first to overdose on 'Olympics'

The current craze sweeping the nation of doing Olympics has claimed its first victim today, with a boy - who cannot be named - dying of acute over-excitement after consuming over 30 'tickets' of the...

4
quango 30.07.12 8:07am
dvo4fun
Incredible String Band "lacked incredibilty" says new sixties retrospective 4
nickb 30.07.12 1:11pm
Golgo13
India storm to top the 2012 Olympics Offended Nations table

The entire Indian Olympic contingent stormed to the top of the offended nations table after a post-graduate woman from Bangalore gatecrashed the team's entrance to the opening ceremony procession,...

0
ginty 29.07.12 7:44pm
ginty
Queen plays Helen Mirren. More soon.

Bit late, I know...

1
Al OPecia 29.07.12 10:16pm
hardev
Olympic Games may close “as early as Thursday”

Olympic Games may close “as early as Thursday” Empty seats, indicating widespread public indifference, may bring about a premature end to the 30th modern Olympiad, with some commentators...

0
backwards7 29.07.12 5:38pm
backwards7
Sting takes silver medal for GB as he comes 2nd in Olympic tantric sex final 6
charlies_hat 30.07.12 7:56am
Perks
All you need to know about cat insurance

Insurance costs for cats are rising, with the modern feline being both faster and more powerful than its predecessors. Particularly if it’s a turbo cat and the previous owner had it ‘chipped’....

19
dvo4fun 04.08.12 8:11am
Sinnick
Dressage to feature land mines 'to make it more interesting' 1
Scroat 29.07.12 3:17pm
dvo4fun
Scandinavian detective to remain upbeat despite series of personal tragedies

Scandinavian detective to remain upbeat despite series of personal and work-based tragedies Detective Sergeant Fred Blomqvist was in no way downcast last night after falling victim to the latest in...

3
Gary Stanton 27.01.13 8:19am
Sinnick
Many empty seats at Womens Beach Volleyball, though mens toilet cubicles full. 0
MADJEZ 29.07.12 11:53am
MADJEZ
Televised archery blamed for a rise in 'bow and arrow crime'

Crime figures out today have shown a decrease in all areas of crime, with one notable exception. Televised Archery has been blamed for the alarming rise in ‘bow and arrow’ crime. Bernard...

7
Perks 30.07.12 10:42am
Sinnick
Tony Blair : opening ceremony not a patch on Millenium dome. 0
MADJEZ 29.07.12 11:45am
MADJEZ
Rivals claim Lewis Hamilton used Olympic lane to get pole position. 0
MADJEZ 29.07.12 11:42am
MADJEZ
Top Ram Causes Mass Bleatings and Sheep Stampedes

Top Ram Causes Mass Bleatings and Sheep Stampedes The Top Ram, known to initiate lots of bleatings such as “Wolves don’t kill sheep, sheep do, bleat bleat.” and “Sheep have the right to bear...

6
Cheshire Cat 29.07.12 12:48pm
Cheshire Cat
GB Olympic grammar team; "Medalling is a big ask."

The British team for the Olympic Grammar Team have admitted that their chance of winning a medal is low, or to quote them "The team are giving 1000%, but to medal they have to give greater than...

0
apepper 29.07.12 11:24am
apepper
Empty Olympic Stadium Seats to be filled with Wogans

Following criticism of empty seats at Olympic venues, the BBC has agreed to open an emergency vault of Wogans to sit into the breach. "It's an open secret at the BBC that we've been storing Wogans...

3
30.07.12 1:12pm
Golgo13
Additional 150,000 troops deployed to fill empty seats gap 1
tedweasel 29.07.12 10:33am
Perks
Archery contest moved to Bow and Harrow 1
Perks 29.07.12 11:00am
Team GB to donate medals to nations with low self esteem

Team GB to donate medals to nations with low self esteem A disappointing first day at the Olympics for Team GB has been branded a triumph by UK organisers. Speaking from his throne room in...

0
backwards7 29.07.12 9:18am
backwards7
Medal ceremony to be rerun as athlete fails to bite medal for cameras

Gregor Bibik, the Ukrainian Men's 4 x 500m Individual Prone champion will have to receive his gold medal for a second time this evening, after journalists moaned that he hadn't done the thing where...

5
Golgo13 30.07.12 12:03pm
button
Outrage as Johnny Foreigner fails to let Brits win

Britain’s bicyclists were today crying foul after the beastly foreigners did not let Mark Cavendish win the bicycle race. A spokesman said “Our lads were doing really well till some foreigners...

0
PeterB 29.07.12 8:07am
PeterB
BBC criticised for reporting news not happening in East London

The BBC has faced criticism today for making the editorial decision to report on so-called ‘news’ that is not being made in East London. The BEEB has been labled as ‘unpatriotic’ after the...

0
Perks 28.07.12 11:16pm
Perks
Geoffrey Hughes has kicked the Bouquet.

RIP,, Loved your characters,Eddie Yeats and Onslow...

2
Zen 29.07.12 5:32am
Gerontius
Pooh Bear livid at opening ceremony snub. 5
MADJEZ 29.07.12 11:37am
New iPhone needs 6 fingers per hand

Apple are facing criticism from some users after it was revealed that the new version of the iPhone will require six finger gestures for some operations. One user grumbled, "It's ridiculous; I'm...

2
apepper 28.07.12 11:04pm
Zen
"We should have used Robin Hood" admit team GB

Team GB admitted tonight that more of an effort should have been made to get Robin Hood into the men's archery team. The admission came after the men were knocked out of the competition by some...

0
Psycadelic Squirrel 28.07.12 6:58pm
Psycadelic Squirrel
G4S....

still looking for two mysterious parachutists last seen over the Olympic stadium last night...

0
ionb 28.07.12 6:14pm
ionb
NHS bed shortage reaches critical levels during opening ceremony

more to follow...

0
Underconstruction 28.07.12 5:54pm
Underconstruction
Pharmaceutical company takes early lead in Olympic constructors championship.

Pharmaceutical company EpoPharma has taken an early lead in the Olympic constructors championship after winning gold across a number of events on the first day of Olympic competition. The CEO of...

1
Ian 29.07.12 7:59am
Yikes