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Euan Murray speaketh out: "That's what happens when you defy God's Law". 0
Al OPecia 3 years
Arab Spring Spreads To Isle Of Wight 1
Textbook 3 years

Tensions over upcoming changes to waste collection charges have erupted into violence and anarchy on the Isle Of Wight. The tyrannical leadership of head councillor David Pugh has steadily...

Fans, Copy-editors struggle with news of REM split 9
Tristan Shout 3 years

Fans coming to terms with the announcement that influential American rock band REM are to split are joined in their misery by copy-editors frantic to avoid using the obvious 'It's the end of the...

'Concentration camp ' opens for ADHD sufferers. 9
nickb 3 years
Ahmadinejad: "Paul McCartney Has Been Dead For Years" 0
Textbook 3 years
SAS anniversary apology "Without the SAS there would have been no Andy McNab" 0
dvo4fun 3 years

More (tedious interviews)soon no doubt...

HANNIBAL THE CARTHAGINIAN 0
yuri_nahl 3 years

The story of this epic campaign must be told. It is the story of the bringing of an army, including the war elephants, by Hannibal, the Carthaginian general, and tactician nonpareil, through the...

FUHRER POEM FOUND IN PREVIOUSLY UN-OPENED GOEBBELS SAFE DEPOSIT BOX 0
yuri_nahl 3 years

Fuhrer Poem by Goebbels As a consequence of the Fuhrer's bladder sphincter always getting weaker,, The pond of urine in his riding boots was continually getting deeper., The Fuhrer had a fountain...

Bournemouth Council's ultimate traffic solution 0
brian 3 years

In a bid to cut down on accidents on its roads in recent years, Bournemouth Council had imposed speed restrictions, traffic calming and speed cameras. A spokesman recently boasted that this had...

What if there were no hypothetical questions? 14
Plockton Assbeard 3 years
UBS secrets found on USB stick 1
nickb 3 years
Pope meets abuse victims; "If only there was a supreme being." 1
apepper 3 years

Pope Benedict XVI has met with victims of abusive priests. Visibly shaken he expressed his sorrow and regret. "If I had known of this, I would have stopped it. If only there was some kind of...

NASA to end 49 year ban on clowns in space. 6
bonjonelson 3 years

The US national space agency today announced the long-expected reversal of their previous ban on clowns being allowed on manned space missions. The ban, which came in force as a "temporary measure"...

Italian firm releases budget mobile phone. Introducing the "Gnocchia" 0
Perks 3 years
Overturned alphabetti sphagetti lorry causes long queues. 0
John Ffitch-Rucker 3 years
Zuckerberg boasts new facebook is 10% less confusing 0
Dumbnews 3 years
Shock Report Predicts 50 Per Cent Of All Lego Figures Will Be Obese by 2030 8
tvhack 3 years

"It's a plastic time bomb waiting to happen," - not the words of a shrieking 24-hour rolling-news-harpie with a spray-tanned botoxed face and perky 'look-at-me' silicon breasts barely constrained by...

Politicians bemused that 'accepting responsibility' should lead UBS boss to quit 0
dvo4fun 3 years

More (head scratching) soon...

Dyslexic OCD playwright lines up potential autistic directors 0
dvo4fun 3 years

More later...

Environmentalists drilling down into BP ecological impact assessment find oil. 2
dvo4fun 3 years
Brighton to ease winter access with council gritter injection. 0
tl72uk 3 years
English A-level course two easy, says watchdog 0
apepper 3 years

An examination board has come under a tack for making its A-level course two easy. The watchdog claimed that the required books were of "mixed" standard; [i]Catch-22[/i] was suitable, but the...

Shane Warne asks to be recognised by the U.N. 0
tvhack 3 years

A man with expensively-arranged blond hair and a heavily 'moisturised' face has made an appearance at the United Nations asking to be recognised as the legendary former Australian leg spinner Shane...

Scientists prove Einstein wrong. E=mcHammer, not mc² 0
Mr_Johno 3 years

Einstein always said of his theory "You can't touch this"., Well apparently you can and they have...

England Get World Cup Rugby Campaign Into Gear with 67-3 Defeat of Narnia 0
tvhack 3 years

England, thanks to a 25-minute hat-trick from Mark Cueto in his first game of the tournament and another from the other wing Chris Ashton, at last shook off the shackles and all but booked their...

Still no mention of room-elephant despite massive poo. 0
nickb 3 years

"What does a pachyderm have to do to get noticed in here?" asks Jumbo, the world's favourite yet paradoxically unmentionable animal metaphor. "I have loudly hummed Nellie the Elephant, and even gone...

BBC to make a film rather like a Le Carre novel called "Similes' People". 5
Al OPecia 3 years
World-record-Breaking Neutrino Fails Drug Test 0
tvhack 3 years

The neutrino that broke the world record by travelling faster than the speed of light has sensationally failed its mandatory post-race drugs test. Scientists at CERN have revealed that the Neutrino's...

Cern scientists 'didn't see it coming' 6
Screenie 3 years
Ahmadinejad claims to have found lost satellite 0
Sinnick 3 years

Maybe someone can think of a better claim he might have made .. ?...