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Net migration to be reduced by driving out "best and brightest"

Home Office minister Mark Harper was today "delighted" that the government's policy to reduce net migration by a third continues to bear fruit. "This government is proud to be fostering...

0
What_username 23.05.13 2:20pm
What_username
Mick McManus memorial to be Half-Nelson column 0
JETFAB 23.05.13 12:21pm
JETFAB
Stereophonics new album made using Welsh Herald, a pair of scissors and a hat

Welsh rocktards the Stereophonics celebrated their new album this week at a special launch event. Speaking at the event lead singer Kelly Jones revealed some song writing secrets “We spend all...

5
theinvisiblecitychannels 23.05.13 11:55am
Wrenfoe
Local veterinary clinics procured by A&E services under Health Service plans

Travelling times to Accident and Emergency services are to be drastically reduced with the procurement of local veterinary clinics by NHS trusts. Under the new plans anyone requiring emergency...

15
Dick Everyman 23.05.13 11:43am
Lindy Moone
Shamefaced narcissist caught treasuring himself. 0
sredni vashta 23.05.13 11:30am
sredni vashta
Nissan Recalled

Harry Tiles, 71, remembers his favourite car - a blue 1983 Nissan Bluebird., "It really was a lovely driver" recalls Harry, "before the steering broke and I drove into a skip."...

0
NewBiscuit 23.05.13 10:33am
NewBiscuit
EDL defeats Irony

Like modern day super-heroes, our plucky boys in denim – The English Defense League – took to the streets to do battle with the subtle forces of incongruity and contrariness. Once more...

4
Wrenfoe 23.05.13 10:26am
pere floza
End of the Line for 3,500 Nokia employees 14
medici2471 23.05.13 8:52am
Mr Target
Faulty steering wheels to blame for so many Government U turns 0
topfotogmw 23.05.13 7:39am
topfotogmw
Right wing extremists fear scout leader woman may tick them off and tell parents

The EDL were forced to disperse last night as rumours spread that scout leader woman was in the area. A spokesman for the extreme historical revisionist group denied they had retreated from the...

0
ronseal 23.05.13 6:45am
ronseal
Overly secretive Mason advised to get a grip. 0
weematt 23.05.13 2:32am
weematt
Alternative therapists hail new wonder drug treatments

Recent advances in alternative pharmacology are revolutionizing the world of alternative medicine, according to a paper in the latest issue of Nature. The University of Nova-Scotia has demonstrated...

0
bonjonelson 23.05.13 12:11am
bonjonelson
owner of intrusive sheep ordered to "get the flock out of here"

Hat tip to Sredni...

1
Smart Alex 22.05.13 10:31pm
FlashArry
Coalition advised by large, floating fish head

Ministers today were embarrassed to discover that many of their key policies were the result of an extended consultation with a dead shark., , Tory ministers have been taking regular guidance from...

2
Wrenfoe 22.05.13 10:14pm
FlashArry
Gove, Hammond "had mandate" on gay marriage

Ministers Michael Gove and Philip Hammond have both recommended a mandate before gay marriage legislation is enacted. "We had our own mandate. It was just dinner at a discreet restaurant. We...

1
nickb 22.05.13 7:44pm
FlashArry
Hmm, yes, a lesbian queen, think men 1
Oxbridge 22.05.13 6:08pm
nickb
Discord at Tory Party as speaker turns out to be a woofer

They were unable to hear the higher registers...

0
blacklesbianandproudofit 22.05.13 5:31pm
blacklesbianandproudofit
Owner of disruptive mallard ordered to shut the duck up. 1
sredni vashta 22.05.13 4:51pm
sredni vashta
UK literacy rates bolstered by interpreters

The Home Office, today, announced a widening of a pilot scheme which has already made significant improvements in “failing” schools. Iraqi interpreters, who worked alongside British troops, have...

0
Wrenfoe 22.05.13 3:21pm
Wrenfoe
Jimmy Savile's legacy could ruin Celebrity Charity Runs for another decade 0
ronseal 22.05.13 2:21pm
ronseal
Eric Joyce to release new single: I Fought The Law And The Law Won 0
John Wiltshire 22.05.13 1:49pm
John Wiltshire
Marrying Lord Tebbit to be outlawed 2
johnnydobbo 22.05.13 1:45pm
Titus
MP Eric Joyce admits he is bisexual 2
John Wiltshire 22.05.13 1:41pm
John Wiltshire
Lap dancing club introduces contactless payment 6
Mandy Lifeboat 22.05.13 1:08pm
Arthur
No pork in halal burgers

The Food Standards Agency today confirmed that there is no pork in halal burgers. "Equally," said the statement, "there is no milk in kosher burgers. Everyone knows that." The statement was made...

0
Arthur 22.05.13 12:56pm
Arthur
Cameron: "I would Never Criticise Our Loony Swivel-Eyed Party Workers ... Oops" 0
Titus 22.05.13 12:50pm
Titus
Prolonged exposure to Michael Gove linked to lower UK IQs 0
simonjmr 22.05.13 10:57am
simonjmr
Postcode lottery to be televised. Episode 1: Deal or No Deal 0
NewBiscuit 22.05.13 10:32am
NewBiscuit
Tories Complain To Google........

"You're stealing our clothes."...

2
Jesse Bigg 22.05.13 9:12am
rickwestwell
Apple launches iDontseewhyweshouldpaytax 1
John Wiltshire 22.05.13 8:45am
Landfill