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I would be nation's favourite summer wine if I was white, says Merlot 0
Underconstruction 03.03.14 7:34pm
Underconstruction
Pope confesses; "most of the bible was 'fan fiction'"

More to follow...

0
apepper 03.03.14 6:55pm
apepper
Putin assassination attempt thwarted after man dressed as bear is denied visa 0
Underconstruction 03.03.14 6:38pm
Underconstruction
Pistorius blames modern pentathlon dream for shooting

A vivid dream in which Para-olympic athlete Oscar Pistorius believed he required maximum points in the pistol shooting, to secure the gold medal in the modern-pentathlon event, may have led to the...

0
Underconstruction 03.03.14 6:31pm
Underconstruction
Mourinho accepts that title may be within his reach if it is 'cnut' 0
Underconstruction 03.03.14 6:18pm
Underconstruction
Leading scientist questions existence of God after man is inhuman to another man 0
Underconstruction 03.03.14 6:15pm
Underconstruction
As tensions escalate, Obama threatens closure of Moscow McDonalds.

No More Macs Soon...

0
Ironduke 03.03.14 6:06pm
Ironduke
Scots to Decommission Glaswegian Accent Before Independence

David Cameron has instructed the Scots to ‘decommission’ the Glaswegian accent before any further steps are taken on Scottish independence. “Whilst it isn’t exactly a WMD, the Glasgow accent...

4
deceangli 03.03.14 5:53pm
Gerontius
One Legged Man FInally Wins Arse Kicking Contest 2
Schoolboy 03.03.14 5:40pm
throngsman
Pistorius Defence 'a shot in the dark' lawyer claims

Headline only...

0
throngsman 03.03.14 5:37pm
throngsman
Jeremy Hunt trials new hi-tech ‘contactless’ NHS

Fed up with having to deal with lazy, feckless, inefficient and often sick NHS workers, the UK Health Secretary has introduced a trial of contactless healthcare which does away entirely with the need...

2
rogerg 03.03.14 5:29pm
Robert Koch
A Bird In The Hand Is Now Worth 2 Bitcoins 0
Schoolboy 03.03.14 5:22pm
Schoolboy
Lights out in 10 minutes, Says God 2
Schoolboy 03.03.14 5:03pm
Schoolboy
Reid between the lines

Following her successful stint as the familiar face across Britain’s breakfast tables for the past few years, Susanna Reid has decided to step out of the spotlight and spend her remaining years in...

0
irreverendJ 03.03.14 4:58pm
irreverendJ
UN concerned as GoCompare.com invades Southern Meerkovo

Alexander Orlov "reported to have defected to MoneySupermarket.com"...

0
AReader 03.03.14 4:56pm
AReader
Dr Fell still getting no likes on Facebook 0
sydalg 03.03.14 4:47pm
sydalg
Boy George denied England captaincy 'because he was no good at football'

In the next chapter of 'I'm a fading celebrity with a book launch coming up', Boy George has declared that he would have been a shoe-in to captain the England football team into at least two world...

2
NewBiscuit 03.03.14 4:45pm
Oxbridge
Appeal Launched After Man Sticks 2 Self-adhesive Postage Stamps Together 0
Schoolboy 03.03.14 4:30pm
Schoolboy
Libel Laws Administered by Incompetents, Says Evil Lawyer

A sadistic, evil, drug-addict lawyer, Charles Nyman of 18 Underheath Road, Maidstone, Kent, has stupidly claimed that all libel laws in the UK are created and enforced by "totally corrupt idiots who...

0
Schoolboy 03.03.14 4:21pm
Schoolboy
Sol Campbell denied England captaincy 'because he was a cnut' 0
Oxbridge 03.03.14 3:25pm
Oxbridge
Television finally eats itself after Gogglebox reviews an episode of Gogglebox

Watching you, watching us, watching them...

2
Ian Searle 03.03.14 3:14pm
Ian Searle
Disappointment as Grimshaw reveals hospital scan 'showed nothing serious' 0
custard cream 03.03.14 3:00pm
custard cream
Gravity's Oscars success inspires the silly 'saucerage'

Food giants Typhoo and Oxo have moved quickly to cash in on last night’s quintessentially British triumph at the Oscars. The iconic brands are pooling their resources to come up with a new...

0
Duff 03.03.14 2:11pm
Duff
Piers Morgan sues Piers Morgan for Sexual Assault 0
deceangli 03.03.14 2:05pm
deceangli
Coldplay sue Coldplay for plagiarism

Coldplay’s Chris Martin has declared his intention to sue his own former self over plagiarism, having noticed a ‘striking and disconcerting resemblance’ between everything he’s ever written...

1
TobiasBV 03.03.14 1:32pm
deceangli
Alan Pardew 'not covered' by Northern Ireland amnesty

While IRA fugitives and British soldiers may be granted immunity to prosecution for past crimes, most agree that the villainous Pardew should be 'made an example of'. Decades of sectarian violence...

1
Wrenfoe 03.03.14 1:27pm
Midfield Diamond
King Harold Murder – Police Reopen Investigation

The seaside town of Hastings is in uproar today as the police reopen the King Harold killing investigation once again. Posters have been erected on billboards all around the town appealing for...

9
throngsman 03.03.14 1:01pm
deceangli
Unidentified Troops in Mexican Standoff in the Crimea

Troops may not be Russian at all...

0
Guillermo De Snookio 03.03.14 12:58pm
Guillermo De Snookio
Hague Ingnores Foreign Office Advice

The total arrogance of the UK Foreign Minister is revealed as he flies to Kiev, after the Foreign office has advised people not to travel to the Ukraine...

0
Guillermo De Snookio 03.03.14 12:54pm
Guillermo De Snookio
Ukraine agrees to cede their definite article to Russia.

The The plans tour of former Soviet Republic to rub it in...

0
Nick McCarr 03.03.14 12:19pm
Nick McCarr