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Pandas and Seals expected to be hit hard in IWF budget

George O'Spawn, vice-president of the International Wildlife Fund (IWF), has said that he will "tackle the wildlife's problems head on" in his budget later on today. He said the IWF will not back...

0
Not Amused 20.03.13 11:59am
Not Amused
Lame Pistorian jokes inspire new Paralympic sport

More later...

2
sydalg 20.03.13 11:23am
Squudge
Hot horny lesbians fail to invite balding middle-aged guy to join in

The world of casual troilism was turned on its head yesterday – and not in a good way – when a slightly overweight middle-aged man was shunned by two firm-breasted horny lesbians after walking in...

6
SugarTits69 20.03.13 11:14am
SugarTits69
Pencil manufacturer objects to being referred to as 'his nibs'. 0
Ian Searle 20.03.13 10:59am
Ian Searle
Man trying to order wasp tells butcher, "Well you've got one in your window" 6
Smart Alex 20.03.13 10:52am
baron la croix
Gove wil ruen chilldren bi makeing them lern speling, say expets 0
exigo 20.03.13 10:33am
exigo
BMW relaxes 'Dickhead Test' for buyers

BMW has announced that it is seeking to expand its customer base beyond dickheads to include idiots, twats and pillocks as well. As a result, the company’s infamously stringent ‘Dickhead Test’...

6
Oxbridge 20.03.13 10:32am
Oxbridge
Government To Postpone Vernal Equinox

"If changing the clocks creates more daylight" said a spokesman "It's obvious than fiddling about with the calendar will improve the weather."...

0
Titus 20.03.13 10:30am
Titus
Micheal Owen's retirement postponed due to injury

In a completely unoriginal, blatantly reworded but ultimately much better story, news that was set to dominate the back pages of the worlds sporting press was put on indefinite hold yesterday when...

9
irreverendJ 20.03.13 10:16am
Midnight Dreary
Tesco's lasagne found to contain traces of Princess Anne 3
Gary Gonads 20.03.13 9:48am
Vertically Challenged Giant
Postman with parcel for neighbour told, "you want to try next door mate"

(gets coat!)...

0
Smart Alex 20.03.13 9:46am
Smart Alex
Complaints That Hell Is "Insufferable" Now That It Has Broadband Enabled 0
Titus 20.03.13 9:45am
Titus
Drone Attacks Condemned

"But, for some strange reason, it's apparently OK to kill innocent civilians using [i]piloted[/i] aircraft" says UN spokesman...

0
Titus 20.03.13 9:33am
Titus
Huhne painfully discovers "getting a Twix" is prison slang,

Can't stand for parliament, can't sit at all., Perhaps a finger of fudge was just enough...

0
olddoc 20.03.13 9:31am
olddoc
George Osbone Blames N Korean Hackers For Turning His Budget Into Gobbledegook 0
Titus 20.03.13 9:28am
Titus
George Osbourne to tax the use of the word 'omnishambles'

It is believed the move could raise several million pounds for the exchequer from the media...

1
Ian Searle 20.03.13 9:16am
Titus
Everyone in football will manage Blackburn Rovers for 15 minutes... 0
Tripod 20.03.13 8:20am
Tripod
HOROSCOPE week commencing 25th March 2013

HOROSCOPE week commencing 25th March 2013, By Colin the Cosmic Cockerel. ARIES. You will suddenly remember you were wrongly sold PPI insurance. TAURUS. Your lucky number this month is 423456432....

0
godly1966 20.03.13 8:19am
godly1966
Osborne poses outside No 11 to launch ‘bring your packed lunch to work day’... 0
Tripod 20.03.13 6:51am
Tripod
All the collars have been stolen from the local pound

Police still have no leads...

1
Gary Gonads 20.03.13 4:40am
Paddy Berzinski
Cocaine scratch and sniff cards proves popular with parliament 0
ciderpunk 20.03.13 12:22am
ciderpunk
Constipated pensioners' movement welcomes Chancellor's tax relief

more soon hopefully...

0
Dick Everyman 20.03.13 12:21am
Dick Everyman
Beatles did nothing in particular 50 years ago today - 2 38
Oxbridge 20.03.13 12:02am
The All New Jeni B
Tradesman fails to find round tuit in toolbox 4
Squudge 19.03.13 11:57pm
Squudge
Dress Diana died in has gone for... dry cleaning... 0
Tripod 19.03.13 11:12pm
Tripod
Abu Qatada offers to show Cyprus how to get bailed out by Europe. 0
Perks 19.03.13 11:05pm
Perks
Cypriot Customs impounds "planeload" of cash

Baggage handlers report they counted nearly 700,000 euro. A Cypriot government spokesman stated that this demonstrated to Germany and the IMF that they do take attempts at money laundering seriously....

0
Iscariot 19.03.13 10:42pm
Iscariot
MoD plane with 1 million euros for Armed Forces personnel diverts to Ibiza 0
Mandy Lifeboat 19.03.13 10:37pm
Mandy Lifeboat
Banksy To Paint Ceiling Of Proposed New 'More Modest' Vatican Chapel 0
Titus 19.03.13 10:26pm
Titus
Millions concerned over Rory McIlroy's apparent stroke in Santander advert 0
quango 19.03.13 10:20pm
quango