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Woman sells old bed for £2.2m

A Margate woman has sold an old clapped-out bed for over £2m. Miss Tracey Emin,50,said that 'for a bit of a lark' she'd put a £2 price tag on the bed which she'd left in her front garden. 'I...

roybland 02.07.14 1:14pm
Nazi Memorabilia Fanatic to Sell Harris Signed Book

"some things are just too extreme"...

Dun Dunkin 02.07.14 10:50am
Dun Dunkin
Producers Line up a season of 'my time in prison' reality shows

Followed by the shameless cash in 'path to redemption' books and dvds...

Dun Dunkin 02.07.14 10:48am
Dun Dunkin
“Of course Pistorius isn’t crazy – he just owns guns and shoots people” say NRA

The Court-ordered report concluding that Oscar Pistorius was suffering no mental disorder was welcomed by the National Rifle Association (NRA) who said it is insane not to own lots of guns to defend...

Yikes 02.07.14 10:17am
Rumour Control
Talkative pop star joins Irish nobility - all we hear is Lady O'Gaga 0
Sundialer 02.07.14 9:44am
Sundialer cashes in on World Cup fever with new ‘Christ the Redeemer’ logo

Payday loan shark hopes to soften, sanitise and sanctify recent bad-boy image. “It’s a play on words”, said a spokesman “though that may be lost on anyone stupid enough to think they are...

beckfordburger 02.07.14 9:33am
Wade Appoints Inverdale As PR Consultant 0
Mike Turbine-Hamilton 02.07.14 9:01am
Mike Turbine-Hamilton
Trident replacement would require salt air to function properly 1
Bigglesworth 02.07.14 8:18am
Celebs still the Only People Who do not Need a CRB Check to Work with Kids

'It would hurt their feelings'...

Dun Dunkin 02.07.14 6:33am
Dun Dunkin
Harris 'borrowed extra leg from Oscar Pistorius' 0
Adrian Bamforth 01.07.14 9:15pm
Adrian Bamforth
Burger King to abdicate and let the burger prince take over 0
Ian Searle 01.07.14 8:49pm
Ian Searle
Thrones downgraded to 'naughty stools' 3
beckfordburger 01.07.14 8:44pm

redact quack...

Kevin the Swan 01.07.14 8:25pm
Kevin the Swan
Womens' pension increased after 75 - gain of crones 1
cinquecento 01.07.14 7:03pm
Lens Cap
RAF to clarify job description after pilot found to have a 'fear of flying' 6
RobArmstrong 01.07.14 6:57pm
Fish hold referendum to choose codocracy or haddocracy 0
sydalg 01.07.14 6:46pm
Size of Mid-Sussex Tory MP to be covered in documentary - Frame of Soames 0
IABP 2 01.07.14 4:36pm
"Oh What A Noble Mind Is Hero O'Thrones" (If You Prefer Hamlet to Macbeth)

Go, Shakespeare ...

Titus 01.07.14 4:30pm
New production of MacBeth will feature Thane of Scone 1
beckfordburger 01.07.14 4:24pm
Smart Alex
MacBeth Encounters Witches As He Reaches Level II Of Thane Of Glamis

Yeah, time for a bit of interlekchul culcher 'n stuff innit ...

Titus 01.07.14 4:23pm
Corrupt Betting Syndicate Involved In Thrown Of Games

This variaition [i]must[/i] have been done before, so apologies ...

Titus 01.07.14 4:13pm
Harris- People Groping And Feeling in the Dark to Put Their Finger On It

"You wanna have a go on me didgeridoo"...

Dun Dunkin 01.07.14 4:03pm
Dun Dunkin
Rolf Harris guilty in Court of King Caractacus over Two Little Boys allegations

Rolf Harris has been found guilty in the Court of King Caractacus today, of using his didgeridoo inappropriately. Two little boys, one of which has been named as Arthur "Art" Brown, complained that...

Gary Baldy 01.07.14 3:48pm
Gary Baldy
Poet William McGonagall pens 'thrones' rhyme: Game of Tay Bridge Disasters 0
beckfordburger 01.07.14 3:48pm
77th Earl of Gormenghast to star in new reality series - Fame of Groans

More highly contrived news soon...

Smart Alex 01.07.14 3:32pm
Smart Alex
Suarez offered UK passport as Hodgson bids to add bite to his toothless attack 0
cinnahmon 01.07.14 3:30pm
Wonga New Sponsors Of Claim Of Loans

Don't see why I should be the only one not to offer a crap pun on this theme...

Titus 01.07.14 3:20pm
Suarez Goes On Hunger Strike In Protest Over Ban - To Everyone's Great Relief

(This subject has been strangely neglected here, so I thought I'd offer a contribution just to get the ball rolling.)...

Titus 01.07.14 3:18pm
Prisoners Break Out, But Discover That The Entertainment Outside Is Even Worse 0
Titus 01.07.14 3:07pm
Wormwood Scrubs looking forward to massive mural in exercise yard. More soon. 0
Al OPecia 01.07.14 3:02pm
Al OPecia