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CASH-4-PETROL - Do you have unused or unwanted fuel, turn it into instant cash. 1
MADJEZ 3 years

Just pour into one of our special milk cartons and send Freepost to our address., We will appraise your fuel and send you a cheque within 7 days. Mr A of Cleethorpes : 'I had half a gallon of 2...

Possible fuel shortage for hearses prompts bout of panic dying. More soon... 1
ianrbland 3 years
Long queues at pumps as Labour supporters flee Bradford Spring. 0
Boutros 3 years
Romney: Obama Doesn't Believe In Santa, Thinks Hamburgers Came From Germany 0
Textbook 3 years
Panic buying of petrol and release of new JOF book 'purely coincidence' say publ 1
Gerontius 3 years

isherrrrrr...

Historians find evidence of dragon which terrorised south of France 0
Nick McCarr 3 years

known as "The Worm of Cannes"...

Bradford spring to be manafactured abroad 0
Mandy Lifeboat 3 years
Cameron makes killing in oil shares as nation fill petrol tanks unecessarily. 0
MADJEZ 3 years
Scientists struggle to quantify just how shit new Friendsreunited site is. 0
MADJEZ 3 years

More scathing attacks soon...

Ebay crashes due to increase in second hand petrol panic buyers 0
Scronnyglonkle 3 years

Also available dinner at an undisclosed flat in London...

Kent County Council and Amazon boss to launch Satellite Grammar School 0
3zincold 3 years

Amazon chief Jeff Bezos has apparently approached Kent County Council with an out of this world offer. He plans to use his recently acquired Apollo 11 booster rockets to place the newly agreed...

Computer Programmer of the Year delivers acceptance speech in binary 4
grumblechops 3 years

01001101 01101111 01110010 01100101 01110011 01101111 01101111 01101110...

School at centre of balcony fall row praised for accuracy of risk assessment 2
grumblechops 3 years

Fairfield High in Bristol today received plaudits for the accuracy of its overall risk assessment after it was revealed a pupil had been hospitalised after falling six stories from a stairwell...

Lord Coe denies 'stockpiling' fuel for Olympic flame 0
Underconstruction 3 years
Tanker drivers agree to perform RAF roles as fears of air attack intensify 6
Underconstruction 3 years

Beleaguered RAF commanders have admitted that Esso fuel tanker drivers are being used as a stopgap to fill in for those staff, temporarily mustered to prevent a fuel delivery crisis across the nation...

Captain Scott diary entry reveals how he regrets not taking more frozen food 0
Underconstruction 3 years

Newly released extracts from the final diary of legendary British explorer Captain Scott have revealed how the explorer questioned the decision not to carry more frozen foodstuffs on his ill-fated...

Tom Annoyed that Jerry is described as a can 6
GillsImp 3 years

A source at the Disney Studios in California has commented that Tom is extremely unhappy about Jerry being described as a can...

Express combines its to most popular topics, the EU and weather, to save space. 0
stevebrdfd 3 years

EU SCIENTISTS IN PLOT TO TEACH BRITAIN A LESSON, The Daily Express can today reveal that the extreme weather conditions which Britain has faced this year may well have been deliberately engineered...

QPR Owner buys Mark Hughes Expensive Lighter 1
GillsImp 3 years

QPR owner has bought Mark Hughes a lighter as a gift. Apparently he keeps losing his matches...

Cameron admits to panic buying a fool. More soon. 0
Al OPecia 3 years
The economy: Panic merchants defy recession 0
weematt 3 years
Post Office admits confusion after government announced Stamp Duty rise. 5
bonjonelson 3 years
MOD "We don't have enough soldiers to fill all our tanks." 0
weematt 3 years
Prime Minister fuels panic. 0
MADJEZ 3 years
A man in Dorset revealed he used to be Indecisive 0
GillsImp 3 years

He's not not so sure now...

Gerry McCann avoiding forecourts after panic filling incident 2
cinquecento 3 years
Upper Crust Pies From Fortnum and Mason 1
Otis B Driftwood 3 years

Fortnum and Mason's are to launch a range of Upper Crust Pies . This follows hot (with added VAT) on the successful product placement in most newpapers by David Cameron " Once the PM was seen with...

Tories beg tanker drivers "please strke asap" and get us out of this awful hole 1
3 years

In a few short hours the conservatives created strike conditions from a totally strike free situation,a bumbling maude wittering about jerrycans advising everyone to break the law and turn the garage...

Ed Miliband attempts 'record breaking' publicity stunt. 1
Perks 3 years

In his latest attempt to appear in touch with the ‘common man’, Ed Miliband has unveiled his latest daring publicity stunt. The stunt is the biggest attempt at a dangerous feat since Ed Balls...

Countdown lexicographer sacked after refusing to define ‘esoteric’ 1
grumblechops 3 years

Countdown’s long-standing lexicographer Susie Dent was today given her marching orders after refusing to explain the meaning of the word ‘esoteric’ during yesterday’s show. Reigning champion...