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Mars bars ‘will not be allowed’ if Scotland leaves UK

“Nae problem” said Jock McSporran from Scotland “I already get my ‘Choco & Caramel’ bars from Lidl and they are tasty enough for me, cheaper too.”...

0
farmer giles 28.02.14 2:22pm
farmer giles
DIFD to send Rapid Reaction Multicultural Unit to Ukraine 0
Dun Dunkin 28.02.14 2:18pm
Dun Dunkin
Green Stuffed Duck and Faculty Head Seen Dancing At Leeds Ice Rink

"Ee, by 'eck! T'Orville an' t' Dean" in't it? Hey! Its Friday!...

0
BewsNiscuit 28.02.14 2:10pm
BewsNiscuit
Ukranian tells eco activist he doesn't care how much co2 this has caused. 0
Dun Dunkin 28.02.14 2:08pm
Dun Dunkin
Badgers Plan Counterstrike 0
Dun Dunkin 28.02.14 2:06pm
Dun Dunkin
Pupils at Catholic schools banned from viewing Northern Lights

And other "Dark Materials"...

0
Bigglesworth 28.02.14 2:04pm
Bigglesworth
Putin charity single 'Crimea River' leads Russian chart invasion. 2
spoole2112 28.02.14 1:59pm
Titus
Uk Diplomat Makes Audience Groan

The senior british diplomat make the audience groan when on the matter of Crimea he said no one was 'russian to judgement'...

0
Dun Dunkin 28.02.14 1:59pm
Dun Dunkin
Concern after "Armed Men" spotted at Heathrow

There has been increasing tension in the United Kingdom after black clad gunmen have been spotted at Major Airports and public transport hubs. Identifying themselves only as "The Police". These men...

0
Bigglesworth 28.02.14 1:22pm
Bigglesworth
Northern Lights go out. More soon. 0
NewBiscuit 28.02.14 1:01pm
NewBiscuit
Scottish schools "won't be allowed to play British Bulldogs" after independence

More to follow...

0
apepper 28.02.14 12:22pm
apepper
Lonely Luvvies Left Livid as Annual "Oscar Nominating" Craze Hits Town

Following pressure from solicitors acting for Farcebook, and in a move set to stun the global film industry, the governing body of the ancient, and increasingly outmoded and controversial, ritual...

0
BewsNiscuit 28.02.14 11:16am
BewsNiscuit
NATO mobilises Light Brigade to deal with Crimea situation

When asked by journalists what mission objectives he was referring to, a spokesman for NATO vaguely swept his arm across the room and said "over there". In related news, the MoD is reportedly...

0
Bigglesworth 28.02.14 10:17am
Bigglesworth
UKIP demands removal of Essex swastikas: "We'll give them a good home" 0
Bigglesworth 28.02.14 10:04am
Bigglesworth
Man swept away on the sunny side of the street

Having got his coat and got his hat, Mr Brown directed his feet to the sunny side of the street, only to be swept away by the as-yet undiminished flood waters. Last seen he was unsuccessfully trying...

0
vulture1 28.02.14 9:59am
vulture1
Lemmy's Ace of bass

Hell-raising bassist and Motorhead front man, Lemmy, is today cock-a-hoop after being credited with a new world record for the longest bass solo ever. The marathon slapathon started on Monday during...

0
Duff 28.02.14 9:29am
Duff
Florence Nightingale Reincarnation Awaited As Risk Of Crimean Conflict Increases 0
Titus 28.02.14 8:58am
Titus
Police Crack Down On Sales Of Fake Boiler Rooms

The mystery is how anyone daft enough to invest in these ludicrous scams ever managed to acquire any substantial amount of money in the first place...

0
Titus 28.02.14 8:52am
Titus
Dolly Parton to play Glastonbury. She'll bring her waterwings.

I'll get my coat...

1
MADJEZ 28.02.14 8:35am
Tripod
Andrew Pierce of the Daily Mail “deeply regrets” his bald patch and facelift

“Paedos in the church and child abuse in care homes is neither here nor there” said Mr Pierce, smiling with his too bright false teeth. “I am going to get my brain replaced soon, so it...

0
farmer giles 28.02.14 8:28am
farmer giles
Brussels sets sights on shampoo ad slow-mos

You couldn't make it up could you! But believe it of not draft legislation is being brought before MEPs, that if passed, will see the slow-mo-swoosh banned from TV ads for shampoo and other...

0
Duff 28.02.14 8:21am
Duff
Olympic Boxing Coaches to use Piers Morgan’s Face as Training Aid

The British Olympic team has unveiled its latest training aid – Piers Morgan’s face. “One of the challenges for boxers is fatigue”, explained Dr Richard Morris of Loughborough University....

2
deceangli 28.02.14 8:08am
deceangli
UK Spy admits he "paid little to no attention" to embarrassing webcam images.

An anonymous member of the British surveillance agency GCHQ admitted yesterday that he "paid very little attention" to the vast swathes of sensitive webcam images that were pulled directly from...

1
MarmiteMedicine 28.02.14 7:53am
sponge finger
DEFRA Chief ‘Caught Wife in Bed with Badger’

The mystery of DEFRA’s antipathy towards badgers may have been solved, with the publication of a shocking ‘Cull and Tell’ memoir by DEFRA insider Alison Bethel. “When foxes turned urban, we...

0
deceangli 28.02.14 7:50am
deceangli
Aurora Borealis on SUN Page 3 is giving spectacular displays

Aurora Borealis, 22, originally from Latvia said she likes foreign travel and wants to work with animals when her modelling career is over. Aurora Borealis is giving spectacular displays over parts...

0
Dun Dunkin 28.02.14 12:22am
Dun Dunkin
M15 Optimistic over Video Call Revelations

"The thing we found in the video calls is that most people are too busy showing each other parts of their body to be plotting terrorism or sedition. It kind of restores your faith in the world", said...

0
Dun Dunkin 28.02.14 12:09am
Dun Dunkin
Foreign Office Shocked to learn 'Crimea' is not a soft cheese

The tempo was upped at the usually calm Foreign office when a rumour went round that 'Crimea' was not a soft cheese that usually goes on crackers. "It came as a shock I can tell you," said a senior...

0
Dun Dunkin 27.02.14 11:53pm
Dun Dunkin
Alf the Gardener banned from Dog and Duck for 'Agincourt Gesture' 0
Dun Dunkin 27.02.14 11:45pm
Dun Dunkin
Charities descent on UK Flood Zones Causes Anger.

Charities descended on UK Flood Zones in Somerset and the Thames Valley. When asked by locals why they were there and 'had they come to help?' they said 'No, we came collecting for Syria'...

0
Dun Dunkin 27.02.14 11:38pm
Dun Dunkin
Robots will almost certainly save us all

Google’s chief of Artificial intelligence, Ray Kurzweil, insinuated in a recent interview that we needn't worry about climate change, poverty or neo-liberal capitalism because within a few years an...

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ChairmanMouth 27.02.14 11:25pm
ChairmanMouth