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Nadine Dorries 'must build bridges' with constituents (+ bamboo, string & nails)

more soon Hat, coat, door. All set...

2
dvo4fun 27.11.12 7:21pm
dvo4fun
Nadine Dorries wins back Tory whip after jungle U-turn

Voters in Mid-Bedfordshire were dancing in the streets today with news that their Conservative MP, Nadine Dorries, was heading back to the Australian jungle. Following a tense meeting with Chief...

1
27.11.12 6:25pm
Patron saint of music was gluten intolerant confirm scientists

A saint who was sectioned under the Mental Health Act of 201 was gluten-intolerant say scientists., It is thought the condition may help to explain some of the more bizarre and somewhat unholy...

0
St.Cecilia 27.11.12 5:22pm
St.Cecilia
Joey Barton denies calling opposition player a singe 1
Underconstruction 27.11.12 4:50pm
ginty
Rotherham council seize red Furby from child with blue bedroom

Social workers have taken a much-loved Furby from a child in Rotherham, after it was ‘blatantly and deliberately’ placed in a bedroom that didn’t complement its pelt. The Furby had been...

9
27.11.12 4:34pm
Bourbon
Stranglewank: The Musical. Michael Hutchence the biopic announced

Stranglewank : The Musical will features the songs of INXS in a celebration of the life and death of the singer Micheal Hutchence. More soon...

2
simonjmr 27.11.12 4:25pm
simonjmr
Fresh flood warnings as Fifty Shades Book Four is released 0
Underconstruction 27.11.12 3:45pm
Underconstruction
TV documentary solves riddle of ‘Who shot Simon Cowell?’

Millions of TV viewers around the world are expected to tune in to a special 2-hour TV documentary this week, which finally reveals who shot oaken bull-necked music Svengali, Simon Cowell. Was it...

2
Darkbill 2.0 27.11.12 3:41pm
Tripod
TV series 'filth', says Babestation star. 0
simonjmr 27.11.12 3:41pm
simonjmr
New anti-erection cream fails despite rigorous tests 0
Dick Everyman 27.11.12 3:15pm
Dick Everyman
Windows 8 boot time reduced to just 3 hours 0
Dumbnews 27.11.12 2:20pm
Dumbnews
Arafat family dog destroyed after Yasser is dug up and buried again 0
medici2471 27.11.12 1:50pm
medici2471
Oxbridge officially retires 'perverted middle manager' sub after three attempts

'OK, so I accept this one won't ever make FP,' said the balding would-be satirist who has at least been on Mastermind, although he certainly hasn't got a Porsche coupe to polish. 'I thought it was...

1
Oxbridge 27.11.12 1:44pm
DrTurmoil
Man "hurt and saddened" that no-one’s noticed he’s doing 'Movember'

Justin Woodfield, a 23-year-old trainee accountant from Wycombe, expressed hurt and dismay yesterday as no-one at work has yet commented on his efforts to raise money for prostate cancer by growing...

7
DrTurmoil 27.11.12 1:40pm
DrTurmoil
Tourette's sufferers only have 28 fucking swearing days to twat Christmas 0
antharrison 27.11.12 1:39pm
antharrison
Cornwall removed from Google Maps after scientists find 'nothing but ocean'. 0
exigo 27.11.12 1:16pm
exigo
Emergency water redistribution scheme uses urinals

The newly announced Minister for Floods, Jeremy Hunt, has introduced new emergency short-term measures to reduce flooding in critical areas of the country. "The problem is," says the minister, "water...

1
beemerbiker 27.11.12 12:32pm
pinxit
iPad 3 rumoured to feature automatic "would of" corrector.

In what one industry analyst has described as "a last desperate effort to yank humanity back from the edge of the abyss," Apple's soon-to-be-announced iPad 3 will in all likelihood include a...

23
Haywood Manley 27.11.12 12:25pm
pinxit
Rudolph in anal wart shame

One of the reindeers responsible for pulling Santa’s sleigh this Christmas has revealed that one of the other lead reindeers is suffering from an outbreak of anal warts., Tweeting from a grotto...

0
Earl Van Dyke 27.11.12 11:36am
Earl Van Dyke
Thirst Pockets to be deployed to flood areas - Government announce

The Government have today responded to the ongoing flood crisis by announcing that Thirst Pocket kitchen rolls will be dropped by air into the most seriously affected areas. The move was agreed at...

1
Sheepback 27.11.12 11:20am
Dick Everyman
NHS cuts sees electric shock therapy replaced by poking with sticks

That the government’s austerity agenda affects the weakest members of society is further shown by recent changes to the provision of mental health care that some are branding ‘insane’. The...

0
Yikes 27.11.12 10:53am
Yikes
Chelsea Managers. More soon. 2
Al OPecia 27.11.12 10:25am
Dick Everyman
King Kong to be given posthumous award for bravery

Film director Peter Jackson today collected a Congressional Medal of Honour on behalf of 1930s screen icon King Kong. Standing on the Hollywood Hall of Fame, Jackson announced “For far too long...

0
Landfill 27.11.12 10:09am
Landfill
Pope calls for people to stop attending church and watch more TV

The pontiff shocked followers around the world today as he revealed that after watching American sitcom Two and a half men he had realised that the catholic faith made for a very dull life. In a...

0
gregle 27.11.12 9:31am
gregle
Weather forecasters' offices to be fitted with windows 2
antharrison 27.11.12 9:09am
dvo4fun
'Ah bin doin a Joey Barton fur fifteh fookin yurs' says prankster Brian Sewell 0
pinxit 27.11.12 8:29am
pinxit
Iran claims Yasser Arafat 'will not be weaponised' 0
medici2471 27.11.12 7:17am
medici2471
Dragon's Den retrospective on RBS expected to be top programme at Christmas

The BBC has announced that its Christmas Day blockbuster 'Dragon's Den: The RBS Special' is expected to eclipse all other programmes, especially those in the science fiction and fantasy categories....

0
antharrison 27.11.12 12:40am
antharrison
Top cosmetic dentist arrested in Polo Mint scam 0
antharrison 26.11.12 11:27pm
antharrison
HM Queen to deliver annual speech in regional accents

Following the decision by Joey Barton to give his post-match interview in a french accent, Buckingham Palace has confirmed that, as a way of showing greater empathy with the nation, she will deliver...

0
antharrison 26.11.12 11:05pm
antharrison