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Oscar for best flower arrangement in film goes to Florist Whittaker 0
Smart Alex 3 years
Plan to superscript punctuation raises question marks 5
apepper 3 years

More to follow<sup>?</sup>...

Huhne offers to serve ex-wife's prison sentence... 1
Smart Alex 3 years

just as long as it's to be in a womens' prison...

Thinking outside the square swallowed up by vicious circle 0
Nick McCarr 3 years
XXX Olympiad to feature synchronised rimming 1
button 3 years

Tip of the hat to Golgo for the theme...

Gay bees easy to spot explains expert as 'they come out in hives' 2
dicky37 3 years

[more soon]...

Teenager to appeal to Strasbourg over right to be bored 1
roybland 3 years

Ipswich teenager Sharon Jones is appealing to the European Court of Human Rights over what she claims is a violation of her human right to be bored under article nine which guarantees freedom of...

'Southern Discomfort' whiskey may help bowel problems 1
nickb 3 years

Irritable bowel symptom sufferers could have their tempers sweetened by a new whiskey that combines traditional down home Tenessee style distilling with the latest in rectal relief therapy. Southern...

Scotland leaves United Kingdon, replaced by Belgium 18
Zadok the second 3 years

In a stunning diplomatic coup Prime Minister David Cameron has announced the formal accession of Belgium to the United Kingdom, replacing the tired and grumpy Scottish nation. "It's been an open...

Dyson announce bag-less, no-bin, no filter cleaner 2
hero2zero 3 years

The new Dyson, “The Dyson Black” will soon be unleashed onto to market, the first to utilise Large Hadron technology. No bag, no bin, just a black hole in a tube! Final trials are now underway in...

Man who doesn't want something disappointed because opponent does. More soon. 0
dominic_mcg 3 years
Man's superior sexual technique fails after forgetting valentines day gift 0
Dumbnews 3 years
Man with flu goes online and diagnoses himself with cancer 1
Dumbnews 3 years
Apple board holds Seance-Ference Call with Steve Jobs to ask WTF Do we do next? 1
ronseal 3 years

Senior Apple executives are in emergy seance talks with Steve Jobs as they try to hammer out an agreement over what the fuck to do next. Jobs departed this life leaving a lot of questions...

David Cameron has a "Scottish surname" to get votes against independence 0
simonjmr 3 years

Prime Minister David Cameron has outlined he has a Scottish surname get votes against Scottish independence, he further announced that it mean "bent nose" and that ginger hair, a liking for deep...

New review site launches, "" 0
Dumbnews 3 years
Prince Philip seized by bailiffs as Greek debt crisis deepens 0
cinquecento 3 years
Paul McCartney is giving up cannabis because of his daughter .. 0
Gourd Almighty 3 years

69 year-old former Beatle, Sir Paul McCartney, has told Rolling Stone magazine that he is to stop smoking cannabis because of his 8 year-old daughter, Beatrice. In his interview with Rolling Stone,...

NHS to move offshore in tax dodge 0
GrahamB 3 years

Following the revelation that 25 civil servants may have paid 18% less tax as a result of having their salaries paid into personal holding companies, Health Secretary Andrew Lansley today revealed...

Ticket sales for Houston soar after star’s death. 1
Babydaddy 3 years

In an unprecedented move, American Airlines have put on extra flights in the last few days as demand for tickets to Houston, Texas rocketed just hours after news of the R n B superstar’s untimely...

Luvverly Jubilee - Queen's Jubilee agenda to feature live beheadings 0
Newsquelch 3 years

Buckingham Palace have today published further details of the forthcoming Jubilee festivities. Monarchy fans queued up outside the palace gates for eight days without healthcare or sanitation to hear...

Argentine and British government 'stunned' by Falklands decision to join Jamaica 0
graciesdad 3 years

Argentine and British government officials were today said to be 'stunned' at the decision of residents of the Falkland Islands to become part of Jamaica. "In many ways it makes perfect sense" said...

Toy Story's Buzz Lightyear in London congestion charge row! 1
theadministrator 3 years

Transport For London today announced a change in its vehicle categorization policy after a review by a Commons Select Committee. The new legislation also includes Space Rangers like Buzz 'Aldrin'...

Nation enthralled as Kate does thing 20
The Paper Ostrich 3 years

The Duchess of Cambridge captivated the nation[s]al media[/s] this morning as she travelled to a place and did a thing. Wearing a stunning double crepe wool coat in sumptuous seasonal chestnut...

Huhne arrives late to court. Blames wife. More soon. 0
dominic_mcg 3 years
PM talks up Scotland prior to placing on Ebay 0
apepper 3 years

PM David Cameron has spoken warmly of Scotland in an attempt to increase the number of bids for the country on Ebay. Cameron hopes to make the forthcoming referendum someone else's problem...

After success of Ian Paisley and Rangers, Pope switches prayer effort to Dawkins 0
charlies_hat 3 years

The Holy Trinity...

United Nations under pressure to break Bobby Brown’s knees 0
Peat1973 3 years

The United Nations has bowed to international pressure to convene a special committee on Bobby Brown, since the tragic death of his ex-wife, Whitney Houston at the weekend. Talentless wanker, The...

Ian Paisley moved out of intensive care, "for his own safety".... 0
theadministrator 3 years
UK asks Betty Ford clinic to withdraw clown prince Penn from south atlantic 1
ronseal 3 years

Clown Prince Penn, the former footman of Pop Queen Madonna, is to continue his controversial self promotional tour of the south atlantic. Britain has called the mobilising of the publicity seeking...