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[ ____________________ ]Football Club in crisis.

Fans of [ ____________________ ] are beginning to worry following a string of poor results in the league. Though the club’s supporters, affectionately known as [ ____________________ ], have...

1
Hooch 30.09.13 5:32pm
Al OPecia
Radio 4 Sex/Box show: Have sex with Mariella "or punch her hard"

Mariella Frostrup will invite contestants from the public to a new BBC Radio 4 panel show to make a difficult choice.  They have either to make love to her or join her in the boxing ring for two one...

4
CulchaVulcha 30.09.13 4:43pm
nickb
Steve McClaren To Hire Derby Translator

In an effort to make sure he fits in with the locals at Derby County, he has within the space of 5 minutes acquired the local accent, having lost all trace of that now infamous Dutch one he picked up...

0
Flugelbinder 30.09.13 3:58pm
Flugelbinder
As Derby County unveil Steve McClaren as manager....

supporters demand the right to wear niquab to hide their shame...

0
irreverendJ 30.09.13 3:34pm
irreverendJ
UKIP not in favour of the bedroom tax 0
custard cream 30.09.13 3:02pm
custard cream
Party leaders outdo each other in ill-treatment of the unemployed

The leaders of the Conservative, Labour and the Other One parties were locked in a battle to see who could appeal to voters the most by thinking of the most horrendous way to treat the unemployed....

1
John Wiltshire 30.09.13 2:26pm
Flugelbinder
Anger As Famous Nanny Changes Mind On Circus Rap Performances

Poppin’s flip-flop on big-top hip-top not spit-spot or tip-top. [i]Sorry, had to get it out, it was stuck in my head all day.[/i]...

0
SimonJJames 30.09.13 1:57pm
SimonJJames
Sunderland invite di Canio back after Peter Reid declares himself available 2
Midfield Diamond 30.09.13 1:33pm
Lens Cap
Chase & Dave refuse to appear at Gertcha retrial. 0
MADJEZ 30.09.13 1:25pm
MADJEZ
Airline First class to charge extra fee for First class service 0
Dumbnews 30.09.13 1:01pm
Dumbnews
UN observes 2 min silence following death of Mark Darcy 0
irreverendJ 30.09.13 12:49pm
irreverendJ
Simon Cowell to be declared Saint Says Pope Francis

In a surprise move, the Vatican has announced that Pope Francis will canonise music mogul Simon Cowell. A spokesman explained the move saying "Mr Cowell has met certain criteria required to be...

0
Flugelbinder 30.09.13 12:22pm
Flugelbinder
Justin Welby outed as a 'closet Christian'

The Archbishop of Canterbury, Justin Welby, was today sensationally outed as a 'Christian' by pressure group JerichoWalls, which aims to 'out' closet Christians in the church. The founder of...

3
John Wiltshire 30.09.13 11:30am
Flugelbinder
Catholic Church withdraws early from discussion on contraception

The forum held in the Dutch Cap-ital was designed for religious and political leaders to discuss a way forward in the testy subject of contraception. It was however not met with much enthusiasm from...

4
Flugelbinder 30.09.13 11:26am
Flugelbinder
Boating Pond Terror as Pedalo catches fire

Day trippers at a boating pond in Surrey were left largely unmoved yesterday afternoon after a pedalo started billowing smoke., John Tomber and his girlfriend were in the middle of the pond when the...

0
Flugelbinder 30.09.13 11:24am
Flugelbinder
Moyes: I will turn Man Utd into Everton

Manchester United manager David Moyes says he will not rest until Manchester United regularly end the football season at between positions 8-15 for 10 years running. “As throughout my career, my...

3
farmer giles 30.09.13 11:16am
Midfield Diamond
World peace beckons as Obama/Rouhani "trade knock knock jokes" on phone

The men in whose hands the world’s fate depends complained about their respective mothers’cooking, exchanged knock-knock jokes and planned a prank call to President Assad, claiming the Syrian...

3
nickb 30.09.13 10:59am
John Wiltshire
X Factor final rounds to be replaced with dole queue

ITV has announced that the final rounds of the X-Factor talent show will be replaced with a dole queue which commentators expect to wrap 'around the block'. 'These are people who have slagged their...

0
jimiedge 30.09.13 10:56am
jimiedge
Thames Tour Boat Blaze Horror

Moored soon...

0
Flugelbinder 30.09.13 10:35am
Flugelbinder
University of Life accused of bias in admissions policy

The University of Life has been given an official warning that it must show a more diverse student intake or face penalties, after research showed that 90 per cent of its alumni are loudmouthed white...

0
sydalg 30.09.13 9:45am
sydalg
Three "blind" mice, see how they run from benefits fraud investigator 0
sydalg 30.09.13 9:33am
sydalg
Jacques Cousteau to deliver Reef lectures

Posthumously, obviously...

4
apepper 30.09.13 8:17am
jimmydodger
Horror for P.E. teachers as they discover there is a 'me' in team 1
TobiasBV 30.09.13 8:05am
Lens Cap
New horror flick based on true events from a Yelp review 0
Dumbnews 30.09.13 3:56am
Dumbnews
Dalai Lama confirms The Transporter is his favourite movie franchise 0
custard cream 29.09.13 9:21pm
custard cream
Ed Miliband promises to renationalise the coal industry.

In return for a large donation from the NUM...

1
deskpilot3 29.09.13 9:06pm
CulchaVulcha
Outrage as handsome successful man turns out to be nice

High drama today as a local man, who lives in the biggest house, has the most attractive wife, drives an enviable motor and earns six figures has been found to be quite a nice bloke. His neighbours...

0
TobiasBV 29.09.13 8:28pm
TobiasBV
'Too much admin' in modern relationships, expert claims

We've all heard that romance is dead, but apparently a sociology professor in durham has worked out why. Meredith Grmies claims that young people in the look of love are too beset with...

0
TobiasBV 29.09.13 7:53pm
TobiasBV
'Psychoanalysis addict becomes 'most self-aware man in world' - and miserable'

It began with a single visit to the local shrink, but soon Burton Goldberg's psychoanalysis habit was out of control. He had at least one appointment a day, often more, and many of the different...

0
TobiasBV 29.09.13 7:14pm
TobiasBV
Two-day-old mayfly shares the secret of his longevity... 0
Tripod 29.09.13 5:58pm
Tripod