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Luis Suarez on potential Real Madrid offer: "I'd bite their hand off". 0
seymour totti 30.05.13 8:10am
seymour totti
Bookworm dies in "Reading Frenzy" 0
Lindy Moone 30.05.13 7:52am
Lindy Moone
Sex Change on the Beach: It's All Sunshine and Rainbows

9 AM. A Severe Transgender Weather Watch has been issued for this reporter's Mediterranean island nation (Your Hand is Like Ice, Your Ass is Like a Watermelon) for the hours of 11 AM through 7 PM...

Lindy Moone 30.05.13 6:50am
Lindy Moone
Dr. Phil goes undercover to expose himself 0
Dumbnews 29.05.13 9:25pm
No surrender to the IFA 0
Ref Minor 29.05.13 9:08pm
Ref Minor
On leaving hospital, George Michael makes reservation for two weeks in August. 1
raudus 29.05.13 8:02pm
Tess Goes
Baby 57 to be weaned on baked beans 1
custard cream 29.05.13 7:47pm
Tess Goes
House of Commons To Be Rebuilt on sight Of ancient Gwammar skull

King Richard The Turd wood be well happy Buns...

Tess Goes 29.05.13 7:42pm
Tess Goes
Doctors claiming that first few minutes of life are among the most dangerous...

now suspect that the last few minutes might also be a bit iffy...

Smart Alex 29.05.13 7:11pm
Man about to run 26 miles unaware of taxis 0
Dumbnews 29.05.13 6:55pm
New Police Guidelines Target Appropriate Use Of Excessive Force

New Home Office guidance sent out today will see all UK police associations sign up new standards over the amount of excessive force that should be used. Theresa May has been critical of the...

thisisall1word 29.05.13 6:07pm
Police raid illicit 'baby on board' badge factory

Police today broke up an illegal operation thought to be responsible for turning out tens of thousands of fake 'baby on board' badges onto London's streets over the past two years. With seating on...

BAJDixon 29.05.13 5:36pm
Traces of Crisp found in crisp packet

are we back on these yet?...

blacklesbianandproudofit 29.05.13 5:23pm
Glaswegian Man discovers Scotland on the periodic table 0
victimms 29.05.13 4:43pm
George Osborne applies to Step Change for Treasury bailout

Charity to consider loans for MPs' expenses and NHS consultants' overtime fees. Moody's AAA rating could be restored.

Arthur 29.05.13 4:37pm
News Corp reveals new shaky, handwritten, "Up Yours" logo. More soon. 0
Al OPecia 29.05.13 4:34pm
Al OPecia
Durham Coalfield to be named after Thatcher

Boris "Man of the Hour" Johnson has suggested that the decaying collieries of the North, should be posthumously re-named after Margaret Thatcher. This idea has been greeted with the same universal...

Wrenfoe 29.05.13 3:29pm
Bertrand Twisted
Dalek's new levitation ring brings step change in building assault solutions. 0
Al OPecia 29.05.13 2:43pm
Al OPecia
John Terry: "I'd like to play in the EDL before I retire". 9
Bertrand Twisted 29.05.13 1:59pm
Crystal Palace to play at Wembley from next season

Despite recent suggestions that Crystal Palace might choose to spend some of the £120m windfall from their recent promotion to the Premier League on building a new stadium, inside sources are...

Bertrand Twisted 29.05.13 1:56pm
Bertrand Twisted
Fired Apprentice candidate: 'Women who call me sexist are stupid idiots'' 0
John Wiltshire 29.05.13 12:03pm
John Wiltshire
Heather Mills congratulates one-footed money-grabber on 100th cap

Hat-tip Bertrand Twisted for the idea...

Midfield Diamond 29.05.13 12:00pm
Midfield Diamond
England fans promise not to antagonise 'f***ing Irish scum' 0
John Wiltshire 29.05.13 11:56am
John Wiltshire
Ashley Cole to celebrate 100th cap by using his right foot

more soon....

Bertrand Twisted 29.05.13 11:45am
Bertrand Twisted
EDL accepts mosque's offer of Yorkshire Tea "only because it's English" 0
Bertrand Twisted 29.05.13 11:37am
Bertrand Twisted
Former IT specialist claims to be Jesus reborn - but still can't get PC to work 0
Ian Searle 29.05.13 11:36am
Ian Searle
England cricket manager's new idea for: 'Score runs and get the other side out'

Andy Flower, the manager of the England cricket team, has revealed his new idea for winning the forthcoming Ashes series. 'I've had a lot of meetings with the back room boys,' he said today. 'After...

John Wiltshire 29.05.13 11:31am
John Wiltshire
EasyOp to offer low-cost surgery on Fridays 0
Bertrand Twisted 29.05.13 11:26am
Bertrand Twisted
Critics dismiss Lyme Regis comedy festival as just Corn on the Cobb.

Aye thang yew...

Ian Searle 29.05.13 11:24am
Ian Searle
Writer of the new 'Lego Movie' admits suffering from writers block

They claim the 'wheels have fallen off' and it is difficult to build the tension. The crew have 'gone to piece's, and none of the sets are complete...

Ian Searle 29.05.13 11:21am
Ian Searle