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Ichthyologists theorize that carp are just acting koi.

Sorry, had to get it out of my head...

2
rikkor 19.08.13 4:18pm
Lindy Moone
Greece dresses troops in German uniforms and reverse-invades self

Greece has taken radical steps to solve its debt crisis, by declaring itself to be annexed to Germany. Greek prime minister George Papandreou offered a complete and unequivocal surrender to a...

4
19.08.13 11:07am
Yikes
Queen announces hereditary Order of Diana Crash Investigators

With conspiracy and counter-conspiracy theories concerning the famous accident heading into their seventeenth year, Her Majesty has decided to bring all the pomp and pageantry the public has come to...

2
sydalg 19.08.13 10:59am
Wrenfoe
Dresses Dresses Dresses

I'm hoping this will be a spam magnet. See you again in 2 years when it gets bumped. Dresses...

3
NewBiscuit 19.08.13 9:47am
Lindy Moone
Rvealed: Britain's first "Test Card Baby"

A 22 year old man with “weird looking” eyes and “sewn on” hair claimed he is Britain’s first “Test Card Baby”, the result of a long standing on-screen relationship between Bubbles the...

8
CulchaVulcha 19.08.13 9:04am
CulchaVulcha
Dresses Dresses Dresses

I'm hoping this will be a spam magnet. See you again in 2 years when it gets bumped. Dresses...

0
NewBiscuit 19.08.13 8:28am
NewBiscuit
"I'm a celery get me out of here" cries veg item trapped in fruit salad 0
nickb 19.08.13 7:47am
nickb
Grandma Thinks Googling is Sex Act

A local grandmother has become convinced that "the Google" is an amorous maneuver performed during the sexual act of "Googling." After watching a local news segment that profiled young couples who...

0
jmg16 19.08.13 6:20am
jmg16
Cleaning laddies' bedrooms "not women's work" say Glasgow mothers 0
Arthur 18.08.13 11:31pm
Arthur
Typesetter makes new world record bid

Margate Weekly Advertiser typesetter Kevin Hoggs is believed to have set the longest continuous line of IJ ligatures in the history of print. The record, which must remain unofficial pending...

10
Arthur 18.08.13 10:28pm
Arthur
Two women jailed in Coleraine for smuggling Lima beans

Another likely story later...

0
virtuallywill 18.08.13 9:22pm
virtuallywill
Majority of time on facebook spent judging people 0
Dumbnews 18.08.13 9:12pm
Dumbnews
This Summer's top holiday destination...Kurdistan!

Travel experts are advising all refugees to book their dream holiday today! With a world of war-torn locales to choose from; this year's Red Crescent destination is impoverished Kurdistan. With its...

2
Wrenfoe 18.08.13 8:50pm
Jesus H
Rain Likely 1
Paddy Berzinski 18.08.13 7:47pm
Lenny Bee
Katie Price rushed to hospital for removal of premature tabloid headline 0
blacklesbianandproudofit 18.08.13 7:06pm
blacklesbianandproudofit
Annual Most Obnoxious Person on Planet competition kicks off again

The Annual World's Most Obnoxious Person competition started again this weekend without last year's winner, multi-millionaire Carlos "I'm not playing" Tevez who has absconded to the continent with a...

1
blacklesbianandproudofit 18.08.13 6:17pm
sillybugger
Russian soldier spoils aim with Kalashnicough.

It's all I got...

0
Al OPecia 18.08.13 4:08pm
Al OPecia
Swiss Finance Ministry Braced for first Recession Since 1935

A record number of horns were blown in the Swiss region of Zermatt this weekend. This has caused fears that many having discovered the pleasures of mass horn blowing will want more of it and refuse...

0
Ian Collier 18.08.13 4:04pm
Ian Collier
Queen revealed as “Cartland” author

News broke today that Queen Elizabeth II is the true author of the astonishingly wide range of pink-infested romance novels previously attributed to Dame Barbara Cartland. Suspicions arose after 57...

1
Coco 18.08.13 3:47pm
Paddy Berzinski
Campanology competition in disarray over use of ringers 0
exigo 18.08.13 11:47am
exigo
RSPCA seek arrest of Professor Schrodinger for attempted animal abuse

This joke may or may not be funny...

0
AReader 18.08.13 11:45am
AReader
Athletics honour: Brendan Foster awarded BPO (Best Pronunciation of Ohuruogu) 0
Drylaw 18.08.13 9:54am
Drylaw
Crazy French Inventor Creates Pedal-Powered Wanking Machine

The device, dubbed by the French media, as the 'Pédal-Bateur' is the work of Jean Tomas, a 45 year old inventor from Lille, famed for his weird a wacky creations. He said the idea to build such a...

4
Robopop 18.08.13 9:30am
Yikes
Schrodingers cat found dead. In related news, universe ceases to exist. 2
Maverick 18.08.13 8:50am
A.A.Arkwright
Kent boy emerges from bedroom to hero's welcome after 6 week stint on CoD

The parents of Billy Ackleton, a 10 year old firearms expert from Strood, say they're "pleased to have him back" after his extended tour of duty in the virtual deserts and ghost towns of cyberdoom,...

12
Robopop 18.08.13 8:38am
Robopop
Schrodingers cat killed Diana - exclusive 3
Squudge 18.08.13 7:51am
Kevin the Swan
Quantum physicist goes to beach to watch the particles breaking upon the shore 1
Smart Alex 18.08.13 7:50am
Kevin the Swan
Massive Queue Of Fishing Boats Builds Up As Gibratar Checks For Smuggling 0
Titus 18.08.13 7:34am
Titus
"Diana Coroner Failed To Notice Car & Bodies Riddled Wth Bullets" Claims Express 0
Titus 18.08.13 7:20am
Titus
Labour Adopts New Slogan "Look, Brown Really Has Gone, So Vote For Us - Please?" 0
Titus 18.08.13 6:50am
Titus