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New Year’s Honour’s list puts the OBE in obesity 1
nickb 3 years

Eric Pickles, Nicholas Soames and Anne Widecombe are to be awarded with special OBE’s for services to obesity. “These OBE’s for the obese could be seen as being for services to growth,” a...

Delight as Grim Reaper finally appears in Sir Cliff Richard calendar 6
kimllfixit 3 years

Economists may have already written 2012 off as being a year of depression and hardship, but the news this morning that the newly released Cliff Richard calendar will feature the demise of the 72...

Eastender to spend quiet Christmas with family 9
jp1885 3 years

BBC bosses are bracing themselves for a barrage of complaints this festive season, after it was revealed that a character in popular soap Eastenders was to enjoy a quiet Christmas devoid of the...

New hope in the battle against bee cocaine. 0
3 years

Top scientists are now close to a breakthrough in their revolutionary study into why something exists that causes people to spend most of Summer sneezing, drinking their own nose-liquid or crying...

Mother of six sues Christmas. 3
3 years

A mother of six caused a stir yesterday by lodging a case at the small claims court to sue Christmas. 'I know my rights' announced 39 year-old Rachael Waters. 'I have six boys to look after by seven...

North Korean Young Pretender begs people to "Stop Your Sobbing" 1
Drylaw 3 years
Newspaper could be planning feature on New Year's Resolutions 0
ronseal 3 years
Only three more sleeps until... 3
riesler 3 years

the Insomniac Society's Spring Ball...

Kim Jong-un named as 'supreme little leader' 0
DiY 3 years

The tiny but perfectly formed and proportioned Kim Jong-un has been unveiled to the masses. Arriving on the celestial cloud of beautiful perfection the diminutive but smartly dressed leader was...

‘2012 will be more of the same old shit’ predicts Mystic Meg 1
Immunis 3 years

In a break from tradition, Mystic Meg’s prediction for 2012 was limited to just a few lines. ‘With a cock in Westminster, fat fuckers mooning over North America and no sign of money rising in the...

East Midland Trains criticised over ‘replacement piggyback from a tramp service’ 15
3 years

Commuters on a journey from Glasgow had little praise for East Midlands Trains last night, after arriving in St. Pancras a lot later than scheduled. The passengers had an inkling they were in for a...

Government propose One Chav per Family Law 4
Immunis 3 years

In an attempt to reduce the number of feckless unemployable youths roaming Britain, the coalition government have proposed limiting the number of registered chavs to one per household. The Minister...

Alex Salmond denies genetic link with brainless, faceless fish 0
Scroat 3 years
Male Robin denies being "round", preferring the soubriquet "cock" 1
Iscariot 3 years
Fashion-conscious men brace themselves for latest retro style 0
DorsetBoy 3 years
Latest Facebook changes offers yet another way to say nothing 0
Dumbnews 3 years
Leading German physicist to be prosecuted by the RSPCA 0
bonjonelson 3 years

more/no more soon...

Schroedingers cats eyes may be installed on new motorways. 8
Iscariot 3 years

"You may see them or you may not" said an MoT spokesman."There is some uncertainty."...

Pop fans 'all a flutter' as 6music plans 'day of C90s' 14
3 years

Music fans are braced for a trip down memory lane on New Years Day, as 6music announced it will exclusively play old C90s for 24 hours. The decision was made after nearly 5 working audio cassettes...

"no bombing" rule withdrawn from swimming pools after anti terrorist accusation 0
Placey1 3 years

Brighton council today announced that it was removing the ' no bombing' rule from all swimming pools with immediate effect, after a complaint from Junior school deputy head Alan fairbourne that it...

God Particle: Pope to celebrate Mass for Higgs Boson. 2
Iscariot 3 years
Schrödinger's cat o' nine tails hurts ...and doesn't 0
Smart Alex 3 years
Tragedy strikes filming of North Korean version of 'The Cube'. 0
MADJEZ 3 years

Philip Schofield unavailable for comment.

North Korean Top Gear shows off new range of roof-racks for limos. 0
MADJEZ 3 years

Kim Jong il funeral hot tip for Best Choreography Oscar 0
apepper 3 years

More to follow...

Daily Mail TV critic spontaneously combusts while reviewing Xmas Eastenders plot 0
Ian Searle 3 years

The storyline involved an Asian setting fire to a house owned by some black people while gays attended a party on the premises. Luckily the Square’s resident Estate Agent wasn’t at the party and...

Head of Arab League observers in Syria report Assad's new clothes 'wonderful' 4
writinginbsl 3 years
Brian Cox's head officially designated a planet 0
dogwheels 3 years

The head of celebrity physicists Brian Cox has been officially designated as a new planet. The announcement was made after a meeting of the International Federation of Space Scientists in Geneva....

Rap community mourns as North Korea holds funeral for Lil' Kim 0
irregular apple 3 years
90 year old man leaves NHS hospital alive after 4 day stay. 4
MT Bucket 3 years