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Dawlish to be rebuilt between London and Birmingham

The government has announced that they will take decisive action to avoid future flooding of the Dawlish railway by rebuilding the town between London and Birmingham where it will be on the new HS2...

apepper 09.02.14 9:15pm
Pope launches own XXL underwear label, Pantifex Maximus 3
sydalg 09.02.14 8:39pm
custard cream
Somerset to adopt the 'sandbag' as its official currency 0
Underconstruction 09.02.14 8:35pm
Government minister’s cleaner resigns after discovery of falsified CV.

Iain Duncan Smith is looking at a growing pile of unfinished laundry following the news that his cleaner has resigned. ''The shock disclosure of false qualifications from the University of Perugia...

Robert Koch 09.02.14 8:35pm
Dick Everyman
Surprise as Cornwall achieves independence before Scotland 3
GrumpyCat 09.02.14 8:32pm
Moyes warned "Don't go to Dagenham"

Fears for his safety as United fans rebel...

GingerClive 09.02.14 8:28pm
Dyslexic Buckinghamshire man starts petition against construction of H2O 0
Underconstruction 09.02.14 6:52pm
Professor Mary Beard and Sister Wendy Beckett to co-host 8 out of 10 Catholics

In a bid to address the issue of too many all-male panel shows, the BBC’s director of television has announced plans to tackle the issue head-on, by revamping existing output. In an effort to kick...

Dick Everyman 09.02.14 6:32pm
Robert Koch
Border agency offers reward for information re whereabouts of 'Cillit Bang'

HM Border Control Agency has offered a six figure reward for information leading to the capture of 'illegal' cleaning duo Cillit Bang and a second individual using the name Mr Sheen., Bang, believed...

Underconstruction 09.02.14 6:08pm
Pickles eats whole scapegoat in one sitting. More soon. 3
Al OPecia 09.02.14 6:03pm
Computer runs out of storm names and generates: Gefutzsbttx

The Met Office has announced a new naming convention for storms, after experts ran out of common names, then words in the English dictionary, last week. The new algorithm has been described as...

Squudge 09.02.14 5:58pm
BBC TV boss: No more funny pannel shows 3
Bigglesworth 09.02.14 5:54pm
Plans to scrap "all straight" line-ups on QI declared misguided 0
Bigglesworth 09.02.14 5:47pm
"the novelty of shooting humans has worn off" Prince Harry

Prince Harry has gone shooting deer and wild boar in Spain with his brother, Prince William, as "the novelty of shooting humans has worn off"...

bigyeti 09.02.14 5:06pm
Cleaner resigns after discovering boss was Tory minister 2
Not Amused 09.02.14 4:35pm
Al OPecia
Confusion as Jo Brand arrives in Sochi for judging duties

"Ms brand is not needed here" said a spokesperson for the games. "We have our own comediennes to deliver pre-prepared self-deprecating witticisms."...

Adrian Bamforth 09.02.14 3:44pm
Adrian Bamforth
Nature Notes: New crater spotted in Somerset.

A bid to drain the Somerset Levels by dropping Eric Pickles from a great height has failed dramatically, causing what many initially believed to be an 'extinction event'. Birds everywhere are...

Kevin the Swan 09.02.14 3:40pm
Cornwall branch of HS2 to be called QE2... 1
misterjingles 09.02.14 3:31pm
Kevin the Swan
Small child asks mummy "Can't they spend HS2 money on trains to Cornwall?" 3
Kevin the Swan 09.02.14 3:29pm
Al OPecia
Traces of giraffe found in Danish bacon

Zoological b**st@rds...

Dick Everyman 09.02.14 2:05pm
"Chris Smith Is A Lizard"

David Icke, the entirely rational former footballer and TV presenter, has posted a blog maintaining that Chris - or "lord" - Smith, the current chairman of the Environment Agency, is a member of the...

Mike Turbine-Hamilton 09.02.14 2:02pm
Mike Turbine-Hamilton
withdrawn, been done

.. .., .. for archive purposes ' Danish pastries found to contain 15% giraffe'. teach me to read further down before posting...

cinquecento 09.02.14 2:01pm
Mafia bestiality suspect "sleeps with the fishes" 1
sydalg 09.02.14 2:01pm
Loose Women forced to admit token tight man 3
errm 09.02.14 1:54pm
Prince defends hunting trip

Prince William has defended his decision to go hunting in Spain saying if it wasn’t for people like him there wouldn’t be an endangered animal’s list in the first place., The Prince said that...

Gerontius 09.02.14 1:31pm
Panic as portly Pickles ponders pond perusal

"There are already too many people in this particular bath", said one local...

errm 09.02.14 1:23pm
Russia Gay Festival overshadowed by outbreak of winter sports

The festival was launched with a glittering show featuring galloping white horses, flying Cossacks and shirtless bodybuilders performing ironmongery. The performance was followed by a Mardis Gras...

Adrian Bamforth 09.02.14 1:20pm
Adrian Bamforth
Eric Pickles apologises for floods but not for being Eric Pickles

Communities Secretary Eric Pickles has apologised for not dredging the Somerset Levels but has refused to say sorry for the distress caused to millions of people by the mere existence of Eric Pickles...

roybland 09.02.14 12:53pm
Paterson admits well maintained badger setts "very efficient drainage channels". 0
Ref Minor 09.02.14 12:36pm
Ref Minor
Huhne: 'I'll solve the flood problem with my experience of fingers in dykes' 0
topfotogmw 09.02.14 12:34pm