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Tours of Big Ben to remain free until "at least a quarter past eight" 0
grumblechops 3 years
New police fitness tests designed to root out fat pigs. 0
JETFAB 3 years
Tesco's shelf stacker quits, Tesco financial performance too much to bear 1
simonjmr 3 years

Courtney Thomas (17) today quit as shelf stacker for Tesco as the responisbility for financial and market performance for the Tesco group as a whole is too much to bear and that his efforts have...

Catholic church advise gay men to resist taking their partner up the aisle 5
charlies_hat 3 years
Mike Hunt named as Starbucks best customer 0
medici2471 3 years
Daily Mail to offer free ‘body appraisal’ service to all women in bikinis 7
Ludicity 3 years

Every woman in Britain can now receive a free, independent evaluation of her body simply by sending The Daily Mail a photograph of herself wearing a bikini. The body appraisal service, which has...

Captain Oates spotted reading Daily Mail in South Georgia bar 0
yussle 3 years

Lord Lucan helping with the Sudoku...

Sir Michael Wilshaw condemneds literacy reports 0
wilkieone 3 years

Sir Michael Wilshaw has condemned today, reports that Uk literacy standards are falling, writing to the Times today he stated 'it's not the kids fault, it's the kurikulum they teech in skools these...

Cameron now supports "Some Sex" marriages 0
arthurminnit 3 years
Muppet quits 'toxic' show 0
Zadok the second 3 years

The Muppet Show was subjected to a scathing attack by one of its own senior stars yesterday. Kermit, the green-skinned froggish MC said he was quitting because he could no longer work with people...

Maggy Thatcher Baritone? 0
wilkieone 3 years

A recent survey suggests speakers with deeper voices, such as Margaret Thatcher, are more commandingso, that has nothing to do with her having a full set of balls and a moustache then?...

....edited out... 1
cinquecento 3 years

..been done, withdrawn...

Discovery channel not keen on 'Bear Grylls Grills Bears' 4
Perks 3 years

Bear Grylls has been sacked by The Discovery Channel following a contract dispute between the two parties. It is understood that the intrepid explorer wanted to grill bears just to get a catchy name...

Mr Norman Bates wishes to point out that Mother's Day is everyday 1
roybland 3 years
Same sex marriages supported 0
wilkieone 3 years

In order to strengthen ties between America and the Middle East, Cameron openly supports same sex marriages.,...

Same sex marriages supported 0
wilkieone 3 years
Obama and Cameron visit a basketball game, and decide to throw some hoops 1
wilkieone 3 years

President Barack Obama and David Cameron visited a basketball game in Ohio, they loooked to be getting on very well during the game, sharing hotdogs and chatting., the converstation turned to the...

David Cameron 'sorry' for confusing President for 'the butler in Fresh Prince' 5
Perks 3 years

Number 10 has been forced to apologise to The White House today, after money-rich but culturally-poor Etonian David Cameron, handed his bags to US President Barrack Obama, and greeted his wife...

Weight Watchers to be renamed "The Hunger Games" to attract younger audience 1
Ian Searle 3 years

Scenes some viewers may find disturbing, depicting older fat women have been removed to get it down to a 32c size 8 rating...

sectret courtroom proceedings to be released on DVD in aid if poor lawyers 0
4ty2 3 years

the whole clegeroon affair of secret justice proceedings discovered to be modelled on the success of the secret policeman’s ball with commercial exploits of the video material...

Argos catalogue finally sinks Encyclopaedia Britannica 7
roybland 3 years

After 244 years the print edition of Encyclopaedia Britannica has finally succumbed to competition from the Argos catalogue. 'It was inevitable,' said Percy Booker, who used to sell the 32-volume...

Secret papers reveal Churchill gave order to 'draw-down' troops from Dunkirk 1
Mandy Lifeboat 3 years

Previously classified War Office papers show that Churchill himself gave the order to stage a 'tactial withdrawal' from the beaches of Normandy in 1940. The 'draw-down' of troops, using a hastily...

Dudley fails to win official upgrade from 'Down' to 'Shitty' 0
Oxbridge 3 years
Bear Grylls to host naked barbecue show. 0
JETFAB 3 years
Basildon upgraded to bog hole; mayor delighted 0
apepper 3 years

The mayor of Basildon has expressed his delight at it's upgrade in status to bog hole...

Boris Jonhnson tells wife he keeps 91% of marriage vows 0
Mandy Lifeboat 3 years

just not the shagging other women one obviously...

Chelmsford upgraded to City, Basildon upgraded to boghole 0
apepper 3 years

More to follow...

Salford's Media City UK explodes as viewer presses wrong red button 1
Nails UK 3 years
Russell Crow flies into storm 0
Midfield Diamond 3 years

A bird-shaped black plastic kite tethered to a pole outside a London office has flown into controversy after a row over naming rights. A company newspaper revealed that the pigeon-scarer had been...

Universities in chaos as students turn up to stage "day of action" 4
OllieP 3 years