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Minister concedes crime is down because there's no police left to report it to. 1
dominic_mcg 24.01.13 7:10pm
Titus
Toad community salutes the natterjack at gala dinner...

“We are gathered here tonight”, said Terrence Toad, adjusting his cummerbund around a full waistline, “to salute the sterling work of the natterjack, the most elusive member of the toad family....

1
Tripod 24.01.13 6:55pm
custard cream
Obama blasted for weak gun reform measures

Lone(ly) anti-gun campaigner Piers Morgan today assassinated the US President by blowing his brains out with a shop-bought machine gun to prove a point. “It should also attract a few more viewers...

0
Reg Herring 24.01.13 6:41pm
Reg Herring
QPR and Wigan in for Swansea Ball Boy

QPR and Wigan Athletic are going head-to-head to sign the Swansea City ball boy at the centre of a sending-off storm in the Capital Cup., Both Premiership sides are thought to have come in with a...

1
ChesterField 24.01.13 6:37pm
custard cream
Government warning as tight-arse becomes resistant to suppositories. More soon. 0
dominic_mcg 24.01.13 6:25pm
dominic_mcg
Hazard lights up drab Capital One Cup semi-final

Chelsea midfielder Eden Hazard has said he kicked a Swansea ball-boy in the stomach at last nights Capital One Cup semi final because he was Welsh and not because he refused to let go of the ball.,...

4
Gerontius 24.01.13 4:13pm
Gerontius
Eurostar reveals new fleet of high speed trains.

[url=http://www.argos.co.uk/static/Product/partNumber/7491052.htm?]Eurostar reveals new fleet of high speed trains[/url]...

0
godly1966 24.01.13 3:55pm
godly1966
Cameron says he can see the plight at the end of the Chunnel

neato effort...

2
Backup Brian 24.01.13 3:48pm
dvo4fun
Sam Cam to renegotiate the terms of her marriage, then offer kids in/out vote

After years of being dictated to by ‘the bureaucrat brought in, from the town of Chipping Norton’, Samantha Cameron has announced her intention to renegotiate the terms of her marriage before...

6
Perks 24.01.13 3:35pm
button
UK announces plan to fill Chunnel with burning cheese to counter French pong

Un effort Neat-O...

0
Idiot 24.01.13 2:27pm
Idiot
Report: Poor People are Fat Because They're Too Stupid and Lazy to Buy Real Food 0
Titus 24.01.13 2:08pm
Titus
Lion with thorn in paw drowns seeking help from scuba diver 0
Lucy4 24.01.13 1:59pm
Lucy4
Beef traces found in Waitrose Venison Burgers sparks Middle Class food scandal. 5
AdrianJ 24.01.13 12:42pm
Titus
Newsbiscuit granted restraining order. Rebecca must remain at least 3 miles away 0
bonjonelson 24.01.13 12:11pm
bonjonelson
Non-celebrity chef discovered in Aberdeen

Scientists are hailing the discovery of Albert Troatlick, a chef at a Scottish themed restaurant in Aberdeen. One social scientist enthused; "He really is a non-celebrity; he's never appeared on any...

2
apepper 24.01.13 11:48am
button
Europe demand return of wartime spirit

Evil Euro officials are campaigning this week for the return of Britain’s ‘war time spirit’. German MEP Hans Kirsh said the abstract concept was given to Britain in 1940 for the sole purpose of...

0
theinvisiblecitychannels 24.01.13 11:36am
theinvisiblecitychannels
Pentagon confirm women soldiers will serve ‘Combat Rolls’ on the front line

The Pentagon have confirmed that female soldiers will be sent to the front line serving Combat Rolls to male soldiers. The roll was made famous by Marine Capt Jim Fletcher. “It’s 2 rashers of...

2
Sheepback 24.01.13 11:11am
Idiot
Chelsea accuse ball boy of 'acting like a Chelsea player'

Chelsea’s interim manager, Rafa Benitez, has launch a scathing attack on the ball boy who was kicked in the ribs by Eden Hazard. He has accused him of ‘diving, time wasting, simulating injury and...

3
Perks 24.01.13 11:09am
Idiot
Vicar attacks ballboy

The Right Reverend Richard Coles has apologised for his attack on a ballboy towards the end of last night's crucial service. Coles, 50, said 'I was just reaching the climax of a very stressful...

0
pj 24.01.13 10:26am
pj
Chelsea ball boy found face down in Swansea bath 0
Drylaw 24.01.13 10:18am
Drylaw
Taliban boost for equality after saying it will now kill boys as well as girls 0
Duncan Biscuit 24.01.13 9:02am
Duncan Biscuit
Mali issues urgent appeal to international community for more buffalo soldiers 0
Duncan Biscuit 24.01.13 9:01am
Duncan Biscuit
Beyonce ‘not the first woman to mouth for a President’ 0
Duncan Biscuit 24.01.13 9:01am
Duncan Biscuit
Milliband still waiting for tactical advice on IN/Out strategy for Okey Cokey 0
ronseal 24.01.13 8:40am
ronseal
NTV lifetime achievement award for Jimmy Savile who touched so many. 1
MADJEZ 24.01.13 4:21am
Dumbnews
Scottish BDSM group planning "special" Burns Night celebrations

Surely done before ?...

0
DorsetBoy 24.01.13 2:58am
DorsetBoy
'Tumours bad for our health' warn smokers

Smokers have complained that putting tumours on their cigarettes has been bad for their health., They say that until recently, someone smoking 15 cigarettes a day could expect to wait several years...

1
Gerontius 23.01.13 10:53pm
dvo4fun
Vinegar bomber was a balsamic fundamentalist 0
One Line Only 23.01.13 10:50pm
One Line Only
Professor Brian Cox found to be too clever by eiπ/(cos(π)-sin(π/2)) 9
Smart Alex 23.01.13 10:40pm
Sinnick
England lose death penalty shoot-out 1
One Line Only 23.01.13 10:29pm
deskpilot3