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Stallion rushed to vets after having a ride off Lorraine Kelly 0
Marko 3 years
Latest smart phones to feature "predictive capabilities". 0
ianrbland 3 years

And we don't mean predictive text. An anonymous source has told industry watchers that the latest chip developments will feature psychic abilities, endowing the phones with a fledgling intelligence,...

New horror flick based on true events from an online review 0
Dumbnews 3 years
Nurses must sign "Dignitas" code 0
simonjmr 3 years
Predictive text: "Ducking annoying" 0
beau-jolly 3 years
Home Office report finds sex offender prisons to be "institutionally rapist" 7
dvo4fun 3 years
Japanese industry embraces shift to Midlands quality system 'Fuckit-That'lldo' 20
3 years

Once famed for their quaintly logical approach to quality engineering, Japan has at last caught up with the times and is promising to do a more 'half-arsed' job in future. Industry insiders have...

TV chat show without Daniel Radcliffe breaks all viewing records 0
Son of Barnabas 3 years

The BBC's radical decision to broadcast a chat show not featuring the diminutive Harry Potter star appears to have paid off. Viewers, bored to the back teeth with Radcliffe plugging his new film...

Allotment holders suspected of plotting 0
beau-jolly 3 years
Man caught on CCTV doing nothing sinister 2
ianrbland 3 years

Security guards were perplexed when, as they watched Mr. Arthur Bramhall of Chorley Wood on CCTV cameras he appeared to do absolutely nothing out of the ordinary for at least 40 minutes before they...

Peter Pan to spearhead Hollywood war on piracy 2
lucas 3 years

The war on piracy took another dramatic turn today after the Motion Picture Association of America (MPAA) announced that Peter Pan will be spearheading their latest anti-piracy campaign. Pan is seen...

Whitney Houston and Michael Jackson Marionette Zombie Dance at Brits 'Too Soon' 2
SimonJJames 3 years

A macabre and chilling tribute to the King and Queen of pop at tonight's Brits was deemed as 'too soon' by shocked audience members. A bizarre marionette system was set up over the lifeless zombie...

Plate smashing outlawed in Greece, cup saucer quota now in place 2
SimonJJames 3 years

Greek restaurant owners were shocked into silence yesterday when plate smashing was outlawed due to new austerity measures. In a further shock, already stunned restaurateurs were told that they could...

Dame Vera Lynn receives nomination for best female singer at The Blitz awards 1
Smart Alex 3 years
Cameron's stylists 'stole my image' claims face drawn onto balloon 2
dicky37 3 years

[More soon]...

Haye bailed 6
Perks 3 years
Sound effects business booming 9
Haywood Manley 3 years
Encouraging signs for economy as cost of lemons and batter go up 400% in a day. 3
MADJEZ 3 years
Scorsese facial hair documentary deemed too eyebrow for US audiences 1
Haywood Manley 3 years
Colombian director to film "Charlie And The Charlie Factory" 17
Haywood Manley 3 years

Relatives of the late, much-loved author Roald Dahl have expressed their shock and distaste at news that Colombian film director Timoteo Burtonez is to film his own "re-imagining" of the children's...

IAEA to become EIEIO following sponsorship from McDonalds 0
Skylarking 3 years
Britain's binge drinking babies 7
ianrbland 3 years

"Once he starts on a bottle he just doesn't stop" said one mother when interviewed about this latest news issue. Jackie Shah explained further. "As soon as Nicky sees the bottle he gets very...

Brits scoop top awards at Brits Awards shock 0
Dickens or Shakespeare 3 years
Pantomime fairy brings the house down 3
Major Clanger 3 years

"In hindsight, we shouldn't have tried to fly a 22-stone Fairy Godmother in on a wire," admitted the director of Hunstanton Amateur Musical Society (HAMS) after emergency services were called to...

Sun On Sunday reporter caught phoning taps 1
RJWinter 3 years

News has just been leaked that SOS reporter Charlie Johnson has been phoning taps all over England in the work up to the first edition of the Sun on Sunday. Sarah Lancashire's tap was phoned three...

North London school admits 'altitude gerrymandering' to justify 4x4 school-runs 10
3 years

Jealous environmentalists have launched a scathing attack on a new North London school, after it was built precariously on the summit of an imported Welsh foot-hill. The snow-capped centre of...

Australian scientists make enormous strides in giant trouser research 5
Haywood Manley 3 years
Scientific breakthrough turns out to be animated movie sequel 1
lucas 3 years

Scientists at The Institute of Cell Biophysics were left red-faced today after their successful resuscitation of a 30,000 year old fruit plant turned out to be the latest instalment of animated...

Puffins: Warning, may contain fish. 7
beau-jolly 3 years
ITV to interrupt next England game with rest of Adele's Brit Awards speech 0
exigo 3 years