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God turns down Man U manager role because of 'unrealistic expectations of fans'

Speaking at a packed press conference this evening The Almighty admitted that although he could guarantee that Manchester United would win next season's Premier League, Capital One Cup, FA Cup and...

blacklesbianandproudofit 24.04.14 7:53pm
Concern grows over Filipino ladies inability to spot sad middle aged losers 0
blacklesbianandproudofit 24.04.14 7:08pm
Jamaica Inn parrot disciplined after mumbling "Who's a shitty boy then?" 1
Underconstruction 24.04.14 6:56pm
Kevin the Swan
Three Billy Goats Gruff sought in Jeremy Clarkson slaying 1
nyarlathotep 24.04.14 6:52pm
Rolls Royce Corniche vandalised, police seeking dyslexic xenophobe 0
Underconstruction 24.04.14 6:32pm
Ecclestone "Schumacher made me bribe banker" 0
Underconstruction 24.04.14 6:13pm
Ecclestone to face charges after complaints from Hairdressers' Union. More soon. 0
dominic_mcg 24.04.14 5:36pm
Muslim women asked to contact police if their sons start talking like Tony Blair 0
Al OPecia 24.04.14 5:18pm
Al OPecia
BBC diversity dept concede Jamaica'n patois experiment a failure 0
Backup Brian 24.04.14 4:39pm
Backup Brian
Duncan-Smith claims victory as benefits cheats turn to drug/gun/sex-trafficking 1
beckfordburger 24.04.14 3:45pm
West warns Islamic leaders over Tony Blair

Western leaders have warned their Islamic counterparts to put aside their differences over conflicts throughout the world and focus on the threat of Blairite extremism. The warning comes as Tony...

James Pluside 24.04.14 2:17pm
Farmer in court for ploughing another farmer's furrow without permission

ooo missus...

camz 24.04.14 1:55pm
Cadbury deny Savile behind jingle "A finger of fudge is just enough..." 6
Squudge 24.04.14 1:51pm
Thailand apologises for calling Clarkson a wanker. Wankers accept the apology. 0
Not Amused 24.04.14 12:23pm
Not Amused
First Saudi woman to get pilot's licence told which building to aim for 0
Adrian Bamforth 24.04.14 12:14pm
Adrian Bamforth
Clarkson slopes off in disgrace. 0
MADJEZ 24.04.14 11:47am
Cornish Secedes from Union, Welsh to provide Aid

Less than 24 hours after being granted UK minority status, Cornish independence party Mebyon Kernow have announced the county has seceded from Great Britain with immediate effect and can now be...

james_doc 24.04.14 11:44am
Drama As Man. United Throws Moyes Out Of Pram

[hat tip to camz]...

Titus 24.04.14 11:40am
'I am standing up' Ecclestone tells German judge 0
bookiesfriend 24.04.14 10:35am
North Korea "confused and insulted" that it isn't being blamed for ferry sinking

The Democratic People's Republic of Korea has issued a statement saying the country is "deeply shocked, confused and insulted" that the South has not yet placed the blame for the recent ferry...

bonjonelson 24.04.14 8:49am
Jamaica Inn sound engineers to record future party political broadcasts 2
Squudge 24.04.14 6:18am
Ancient manuscript suggests the Antediluvians built on flood plains 0
camz 23.04.14 9:24pm
Tube workers plan 7200 minutes silence in memory of Bob Crow 0
AdrianJ 23.04.14 9:13pm
New research shows that Fillipino ladies really do prefer sad middle aged losers 0
blacklesbianandproudofit 23.04.14 8:44pm
Farage says anti-ivory trade vote is 'the elephant in the boardroom'

In a heated debate, Nigel Farage, leader of UKIP, stated that he was 'appalled' at the insinuation that he and other UKIP MEPs voted against the banning of illegal ivory trade practices because it...

throngsman 23.04.14 8:13pm
Ryan Giggs to manage United while wearing Alex Ferguson mask

Having been installed as interim manager of Manchester United after the departure of David Moyes, Ryan Giggs is set to allay fears over his lack of managerial experience by wearing a cardboard mask...

Vertically Challenged Giant 23.04.14 7:58pm
TV soap ‘Will & Her Grace’ in worldwide syndication success

Will & Her Grace. the popular and long running British television soap opera, continues to conquer worldwide audiences following a successful PR crusade of Australasia. The show which is based...

Dick Everyman 23.04.14 6:34pm
Dick Everyman
UKIP Objects to Formation Of 'Continuity UKIP'.

Titus 23.04.14 5:25pm
Violence statistics show 12% fall, 39% walk into doors, 49% bruise easily 6
Des Custard 23.04.14 5:11pm
God ends all emails with inspirational quotes from Dr. Phil 0
Dumbnews 23.04.14 4:37pm