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Torres tipped for Man Utd's player of the season. 0
spoole2112 3 years

Following his breathtaking performance in Sunday's early season potential title decider at Old Trafford, new Stretford End poster boy Frenando Torres has been installed as favourite to carry off the...

Kate Winslet gong for 'Cringing Sincerity II' 0
Dick Everyman 3 years

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/celebritynews/8772720/Kate-Winslet-and-Downton-Abbey-triumph-at-Emmy-Awards.html Enjoy....

Crinkly-scone cutting blamed for worker's anal fixation 4
Dick Everyman 3 years

A pastry cook has been awarded £1.2m in damages after becoming anally fixated following years of cutting out crinkly scones. Mavis Pierce, aged 54 was sacked after more than 30 years of ‘loyal’...

9 year old accused of genocide after entire generation of Miis ‘disappear' 4
Ian Searle 3 years

Based on a true story. When 7 year old Lewis awoke this morning he discovered that all his beloved Miis had been ‘disappeared’, and erased from memory in a coup d’etat by his elder brother...

Davina McCall to cover Dale Farm evictions. More soon. 2
Al OPecia 3 years
NATO jets readied as UN imposes 'No-fly zone' over Basildon 1
pinxit 3 years
Doctors Separate Conjoined Twins. NHS Dispute splits Coalition 0
Pagantroll 3 years
Gaddafi "may be hiding in Dale Farm". More soon. 0
Al OPecia 3 years
London Looters Hit UBS 12
Quaz 3 years

A gang known as ‘The City Boys’ are believed to be behind a looting spree in the City of London where UBS, a Swiss based bank suffered a $2billion loss after criminal elements went on the rampage...

Not All Wankers "Self-Indulgent" Claims Kent Masturbator - 2 36
Textbook 3 years

Incensed at the frequency with which wanking and being self-indulgent are linked, seasoned masturbator Norman Standstill of Kent is launching a campaign hoping to improve the image of wankers like...

Strictly spoiler: Russell Grant knows "for a fact" he will win. 0
Boutros 3 years

Fans of the BBC's sequinned Saturday night dance show are up in arms at unguarded comments made by celebrity contestant Russell Grant. "I only entered because I was able to predict I would win,"...

Taxi Drivers, Dogs Respond Equally to Super High-Pitch Whistle 0
Drylaw 3 years
NHS Midwife Shortage blamed on NHS midwives not having babies on NHS says BUPA 0
antharrison 3 years

56 year old NHS midwife Sharon Henderson’s mother was a midwife. So was her mother and her grandmother. But Sharon is amongst the growing group of NHS midwives who have refused to have children,...

Danny Alexander forms bunch of ‘Merry Men’ to take from rich and give to poor 1
Ian Searle 3 years

Danny put out a call to the greatest tax inspectors in the land to meet at a tavern on the green. There they will be asked to swear a vow to help the ordinary people. They will also be expected to...

Lib Dem Danny Alexander talks about life after Friends. 1
MADJEZ 3 years

The Treasury Secretary talks exclusively to Newsbiscuit about his ten years playing Chandler Bing on hit show Friends and his new role as a token Lib Dem in the cabinet. As he is now.,...

Club Hit "Dick And Balls" Brings Pop Music To New Lyrical Heights - 2 37
Textbook 3 years

"Going to the club with my dick and my balls (WHUT?), My dick and my balls (HEEEEEEEY), My dick and my balls (HOOOOOOO), Going to the club with my dick and my balls (WHUT?), And they as big as...

Jane Hair Salon grand opening this week in Haworth. 3
rikkor 3 years
McGuinness prepared to meet Queen. Jock strap and box in place 0
Pagantroll 3 years
Vet’s low consultation fee blamed for pensioner’s sudden death 4
Dick Everyman 3 years

Relatives of Grimsby pensioner, Ethel Dulwhinney, are considering legal action following her sudden death at the Little Friends’ Veterinary Clinic in August. Mrs Dulwhinney aged 79 had taken her...

Recession latest - a picture is now worth only 893 words. 1
Iscariot 3 years
Waterstones offer 3 for 2 on anthology edition of 'All My Best Jokes Explained' 6
Pagantroll 3 years
England Humbled by Dwarf Nation 0
Drylaw 3 years

"They can chuck us around a bar when they're showing off to the sheilas but when it comes to the bit they're just beery old tossers," said Dwarf captain Tiny Thompson yesterday as his team savoured...

I hear youve been having some trouble John? 1
The Fat Man 3 years

Bloggs I mean,hes taking libertys,hes needs to be stopped,the guys a maniac,hes crazy,listen John,youve been like a father to me,a father I never had,I carry your photo in my wallet,Ive a big picture...

Cilla Black .xxx Domain Tussle 13
Textbook 3 years

"Popular" performer Cilla Back rushed to block the possibility of anyone opening an .xxx domain in her name to find out that not only was it already specficially prohibited by law but that the...

Royal Mail to issue commemorative 50p stamp with Nick Clegg's head 0
Pagantroll 3 years
Bankrupt Cricket Club visited by bailiffs. More soon. 0
Al OPecia 3 years
Card clubs "Still riddled with institutionalised Pelmanism" 4
Skungpoomery 3 years

Results of a year-long undercover investigation...

Cash-strapped Surgical Bra manufacturer goes tits up 0
pinxit 3 years
No CBeebies for Post Op Pat 9
Gerontius 3 years

Richard Deverell, controller of Children’s Entertainment at the BBC has confirmed the network is to axe one of its most enduring children’s programmes which will usher in the end of one of the...

Chattering classes in Henley-on-Thames outraged 0
Scroat 3 years

"Spoof news website makes us look totally stupid" alleges Humphrey Featherstonhaugh. http://newsthump.com/2011/09/16/independent-readers-asked-if-they-would-prefer-littlejohn-instead/...