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Greek austerity measures mean no matches to light Olympic torch. 0
MADJEZ 3 years
"Self-drive cars would make Clarkson obsolete" - Engineers re-double efforts 0
apepper 3 years

Google engineers are working around the clock to perfect the self-driving car after discovering that Jeremy Clarkson would be removed from the airways but acceptance of the new technology...

Google add back-seat driver option to self-drive car 0
apepper 3 years

Computer giant Google has introduced an optional "back-seat driver" option to their auto-drive car. A Google spokesman explained, "It makes the self-drive computer more human-like if unhelpful...

Clinton employee confusion by instruction to "collect your cards" 0
apepper 3 years
God forced to admit that network omnipotency actually only 99.3% 2
exigo 3 years

God today put out an unexpected press release confirming that rather than being completely omnipotent, holy coverage is actually around 99.3%. This has been attributed to blackspots in some of...

Clinton Cards puts "Congratulations, it's redundancy" banner on stores 0
Scronnyglonkle 3 years
Sarkozy to take new post as stand-in for Mannekin Pis 0
Scroat 3 years

The former French President, last seen walking disconsolately in circles under the table, is to display his European credentials by acting as substitute for the Brussels statue. However observers...

Clinton Cards to launch new "Sorry you've gone into administration" range 3
Nails UK 3 years
Al Qaeda admonished over poor Health & Safety record. 5
wallster 3 years

Global terror organisation, Al Qaeda, has been issued with an official cease and desist order by the International Health and Safety Executive. The action follows a number of high profile cases...

Lord Coe assures Green Party that Olympic Torch will be solar powered 0
Scronnyglonkle 3 years
Panic grips art world 0
Bismarck 3 years

In the wake of huge figures being realised at auctions of art recently, Scotland Yard has announced it will be stepping up security on some of Britains best loved treasures. A police spokesman said...

English Defence League criticise bad punctuation and sloppy grammar. 5
Thor 3 years
Heisenberg never saw the point 0
Sinnick 3 years

[adding to my collection of obscure 1-liners]...

Mitt Romney says he supports gray marriage 0
Nick McCarr 3 years
France to appeal to UN after being taken over by Hollande 0
Nick McCarr 3 years
Billion-dollar New Mexico ‘ghost town’ to be named ‘Northampton’. 1
Thor 3 years launches range of kosher birthday cards 5
bonjonelson 3 years
Miliband on Sassoon: I didn't mean for you to take me seriously ..... 0
HenryMJUK 3 years

Back in January (many years ago) a young Ed Miliband called for Vidal Sassoon to resign, stating at the time, "His cuts went too far" and too many others are intent on doing the same. Stop the...

Queen to begin speeches with 'Any Americans in here tonight?' 5
ronseal 3 years

Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth the Second has turned to top stand up comedy coach Logan Murray to help her inject a bit of levity into her public speaking engagements, after a disappointingly flat...

Missing cleric: Body found. Could be Abu cadavre. 1
weematt 3 years
Hair today, gone tomorrow 0
Sinnick 3 years
Miliband finds Queen's speech fuzzy 0
weematt 3 years
Clinton administration ‘was on the cards’ 1
Duncan Biscuit 3 years
Mrs Romney says her marriage has had the same sex for years 0
charlies_hat 3 years
Obama supports gay marriage to “keep my options open” 1
Yikes 3 years

US President Barack Obama revealed that his support for gay marriage coincided with a bi-curious phase and the sober realisation that 1 in 3 American couples divorce. Obama said: “I’m in love...

Vidal Sasson's executors say he was worth a Bob or two 0
Scronnyglonkle 3 years
Fighter plane U-turn after pilot forgets his sandwiches 0
Duncan Biscuit 3 years
Athens riot police tear-gas Olympic flame 0
Duncan Biscuit 3 years
Michelle said to be 'devastated' that Barack Obama favours same sex marriage 1
charlies_hat 3 years
Home Secretary deports “fanatical” Abu Qatada to Geordieland (edited repost) 1
Yikes 3 years

Home Secretary Theresa May confirmed that fanatical Muslim cleric Abu Qatada was deported to Geordieland last Thursday pending final resolution of the case later in the year. Ms May said: “Sending...