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with a head butt to Simon Burn's groin Note to Ed: Need more space in title box to write headlines...

RECENT intelligence reports from North Korea have revealed that the country’s leader, Kim Jong-il, is a dick. In a leaked intelligence document, compiled by the South Korean government, it has...

John Paul O'Leary of Hunts Cross, Liverpool, today claimed in court that he was a member of a Russian spy ring. "I firmly deny that I was exposing myself," he said during questioning. "In espionage...

The governor of HBOS has been hit with 35 million stroppy letters reminding him that his banks is now in debt. A shocked Fred the Shred Goodwin told reporters 'it's as if I got one from every tax...

Newly appointed to take charge of the US military in Afghanistan, General Petraeus collapsed at a press conference and could not be helped up until his medals, badges, stars, stripes, insignia,...

Chief Executive of BP Tony Hayward has startled critics by demanding the return of BP’s oil washed up in marshland and beaches across the American Gulf coast. Speaking at a key shareholders...

Admits he may not be the first to go public...

more flapping round a lightbulb soon...

"Hey, I'm pink!" That's the revelation behind today's relaunch of the BNP following their dismal performance in the general election., "I was looking in the mirror after my monthly shower, when it...

No change in contestant performance expected...

'Now Parliament Square has been cleared we can start drilling'...

The Scottish FA has announced the winner of its competition to write a new world cup song. The contest organisers asked people to write a song that represents the modern, vibrant, multi cultural...

Thomas Narwhal, a relationship counsellor from Devon, today admitted that relationships really don't have much going for them. "It's not something we generally like to say, y'know?" he said. "Our...

More soon., Sorry if bindun...

"Hardly anyone has the red cross of shame now, our drivers are almost as good as Scotland's now, where red crosses were a very rare sight, and the drivers often subjected to abuse for being of that...

A new computer system from Castro Solutions is to revolutionise British society - by catalysing change, enhancing the class struggle and automating the process of barricade storming, ensuring that it...

A new study conducted by Matt Smith of ITV has rocked the football world to its foundations by revealing that the first goal of a football match is 'very important'. In a five year study, covering...

As part of cost cutting measures, the Home Secretary announced plans to replace costly CCTV with portraits that give people the "willies" and make the ordinary public feel safer, in the knowledge...

Alistair Campbell, the England team's new press officer has been briefing against critics of the squad's performance. 'Listen, mate, I've been listening to people and what they say is this. England...

Dave & Nick launched a Campaign For Positive Thinking today, "It could be just the thing we need to carry us through these troubled times" they told members of the press, voices a picture of...

Ashley Cole has upset a whole new section of British society with a new display of barbarity. The unpopular left back has devastated Britain's Heat-reading masses by claiming that Kylie Minogue is...