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Global food prices to double as Waitrose announces international expansion plan 0
Duncan Biscuit 3 years
Giles Brandreth ‘significantly plummier’ than previously thought 0
jp1885 3 years

Scientists monitoring the condition of British television personality Giles Brandreth have discovered that the erudite writer, broadcaster and former Monopoly champion has reached hitherto...

Genecically altered diet cucumber show promise in beta trials. 0
Erlang 3 years

German scientists are claiming a new weightloss cucumber is show startling results in early beta trial. Dr Gunter Prien explained that working from the basis that cucumber is already one of the...

Dr Christian targets fatties in "Embarrassing Bodies When Compared to Mine" show 0
SingingHinny 3 years

Dr Christian Jessen, the seat-wettingly buff GP from TV programme “Embarrassing Illnesses” is to front a new channel four programme called ‘Embarrassing Bodies When Compared to Mine’ which is...

Sensationalist headlines could wipe out mankind 1
Vertically Challenged Giant 3 years
Bangladesh surgeon replaces severed penis with menacing Doberman 0
charlies_hat 3 years

any more substitute suggestions?...

Germans Protest Against Reliable Electricity Supply. 0
mr blue 3 years

"Nuclear power is dangerous," said a spokesman, "So we'll buy it from the French."...

And the new FIFA President is... Qatar 0
richard_n413 3 years

More idle Blatter later...

Naomi Campbell 0
arthurminnit 3 years

Fading supermodel Naomi Campbell has taken umbrage at another food related product., Fresh from accusing Cadburys of racism for comparing a chocolate bar with a spoilt, overpaid, self important...

Spanish e-colicumber granted EU protected status 0
button 3 years

yum, morishsoon...

Jack Warner stuck in a corner 0
jp1885 3 years
Fox network cancels Space Shuttle program: NASA fake film unit faces axe 0
3 years

Amidst rising studio costs and soaring public awareness of CGI, NASA announced an end to their fake film unit this week. "We're not sure we can carry this subterfuge any further", claimed Director...

FIFA to outlaw own goals 0
roybland 3 years
Bangladeshi victim slams over-literal intepretation of Hide the Sausage 0
pthr 3 years
Really geeky Klingon ostracised for learning English. 0
bonjonelson 3 years

latlh' DaH...

Female copper butterflies fold their wings when they have a headache scientists 0
Tammy Flugh 3 years

announced today...

This pen is mightier than the sword, Bangladeshi woman tells police. 0
Mr Payne 3 years

Not sure whether this works, though...

Moth balls sales soar. Butterfly tits remain unpopular 0
3 years
Female copper butterfly 'avoids sex by marrying.' 3
Mr Payne 3 years

No more soon. Or ever...

Sepp Blatter cleared of all wrong-doing at FIFA by Sepp Blatter. 0
bonjonelson 3 years
9 out of 10 college professors don't know what irony means either 8
pthr 3 years

Academia was in uproar following the publication of a peer-reviewed study, which claims to show that 90% of college professors don't understand irony any better than the average Joe. We are waiting...

Gordon Brown wants £2.5 million compensation for being unfairly sacked from No10 0
bonjonelson 3 years
Removed 4
mongeese 3 years
Cucumber fear spreads to Eton, Harrow and Chaterhouse Schools. More soon. 1
Al OPecia 3 years

See me in my room after Vespers, boy. Bring some bread and warm butter...

Online grocery firm e-Cauli 'not a total success' 0
3 years
US End Times envangelist planned "world's biggest Rickroll", claim sources 1
pthr 3 years

Last night, a spokesman for a high profile End Times crackpot - who cannot be named for legal reasons - hit out at claims that his client had been planning a prank to end all pranks. "It's absolute...

Sarah Palin Proposes Mandatory Helmets for All Americans, All of the Time 0
mbalton 3 years

Undeclared Republican presidential candidate Sarah Palin today asked Congress to replace Social Security, Medicare and other entitlements with a program that would provide a hardshell helmet for...

Bangladesh man stabs ex-lover in the fanny. ‘Hilarious’ – BBC website 0
newbietryer 3 years

more later...

Daily Mail warns Shoesmith pay-out will push Britain into 1929 depression 1
roybland 3 years

The Daily Mail says that the £2.5 billion that social services boss Sharon Shoesmith hopes to get in compensation for her sacking over the Baby P case could plunge Britain into a 1929 scale...

Father Christmas accused of attempt to buy the World Cup for Lapland 0
Smaug 3 years

Suspended FIFA vice-president Jack Warner has alleged that Father Christmas, a senior official in Lapland's footballing association, was at the center of a campaign of bribery and intimidation to...