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Gove Launches New NVQ in Pig Wanking

Fresh on the heels of PM David Cameron's Coup in securing a £45m export deal with China, for the much valued commodity of pig seamen, the Education Secretary has invested in a new initiative to...

John Roughty 05.12.13 1:39pm
Tom Daley announces he is in a relationship with a dolphin. 0
bonjonelson 05.12.13 12:36pm
Bankrupt Guardian sets up murder of Marine to boost sales.

More deaths soon...

FOAD 05.12.13 12:25pm
Policeman whose main job was opening gate may struggle to prove hes not a pleb. 1
MADJEZ 05.12.13 11:55am
custard cream
'New pension age not cost effective' warn critics

Older people with absolutely no chance of ever finding a job again may have to remain unemployed until they are 68 before picking up their state pension warned Chancellor George Osborne, As part of...

Gerontius 05.12.13 10:39am
Oasis settlements record disturbing levels of date rape 0
pere floza 05.12.13 10:31am
pere floza
Kilt Ban Unconstitutional says Salmond

An Emergency Decency Order was put in place in Scotland today, in response to blustery weather, banning the wearing of kilts in public places. The move by the Office for Caledonian Health And...

Beer Sampler 05.12.13 10:22am
Beer Sampler
Barnett in chaos as breeze hits South East.

The Mayor of London's hair was declared a state of emergency this morning as gusts of up to 7mph ripped through his unkempt coiffe. A spokesman for the mayor's office announced that combs, gel and...

spoole2112 05.12.13 9:25am
Life expectancy of Kate Hopkins 'too old,' say experts 3
Hooch 05.12.13 9:12am
OED Announces This Year's Downgraded Words

In a shock move by the Oxford English Dictionary, boffins have started showing signs of bending to public pressure on the use of certain words. The words in question, words which 100 years ago would...

Fray Brentos 05.12.13 9:07am
Chancellor to announce new round of cuts for self-harmers. 1
spoole2112 05.12.13 9:04am
Timid Suarez faces axe

Liverpool striker Luis Suarez may have played his last game for the club as his crisis of confidence deepened against Norwich City on Wednesday. Liverpool manager Brendan Rodgers voiced his...

Ralph Warner 05.12.13 8:16am
Ralph Warner
Rescue mission launched to save millions of animals from slaughter 0
Dumbnews 05.12.13 6:22am
Nobel Chemistry shortlist ‘strongest and shiniest ever’

The shortlist for next year’s Nobel Prize for Chemistry, to be awarded on 29 April, was yesterday announced to a packed press conference in Stockholm. Chairman of the Board of Directors, Dr...

Fray Brentos 04.12.13 11:27pm
Psychiatrist finds new patient while looking in the mirror 0
Dumbnews 04.12.13 11:26pm
Cameron Says 'We Won't Get Rid Of Green Crap - We'll Just Dump It Off-Shore'. 0
Titus 04.12.13 11:17pm
Jeremy Hunt and James Blunt new CD titled 'We're a couple of Js' 0
antharrison 04.12.13 9:19pm
Michael Gove admits relationship with self

The Secretary for Education, Michael Gove, ended months of speculation today by admitting a "Loving and long term" relationship with himself. An emotional but smiling Mr Gove said in a short Youtube...

blokefromstoke 04.12.13 9:06pm
Autumn Statement: Clegg announces that it's "getting quite chilly". 0
deskpilot3 04.12.13 8:59pm
'Oh yeah, I'm a crack head as well', says Mary Berry 0
custard cream 04.12.13 8:55pm
custard cream
Boots target vaginas for Christmas

Boots bravely launch new line in intimate care products for the vagina. “We spotted a crack in the market and decided to fill it,” said spokesperson Wendy Paige. “No woman should suffer in...

Racechick 04.12.13 7:39pm
Dacre rules out rebrand to "Daley Male"

Despite positive reaction...

Coco 04.12.13 6:58pm
Primates could be considered equal to humans: Archbishop of Canterbury delighted 1
Smart Alex 04.12.13 6:33pm
BBC Split Personality of the year celebrates it's 60th Year.

More in a Year...

virtuallywill 04.12.13 6:25pm
UK home insulation programme ‘lagging behind’ rest of Europe 0
farmer giles 04.12.13 6:20pm
farmer giles
On this day in 1963: Lyons Tea Shops in Enforced Closure

J. Lyons and Co were today forced to close over 500 of their tea shops across the country due to a failure to complete order requirements at their data processing centre., As is normal practice, at...

james_doc 04.12.13 5:04pm
Beer Sampler
New World Cup ball will give authentic Rio feel.

Adidas staff are already touring the Rio shanty towns charging $100 a time for licensing 'their' ball.

MADJEZ 04.12.13 3:42pm
"Charlie gets right up my nose,"snorts Nigella 2
medici2471 04.12.13 3:10pm
Russian toilet TV show gets panned by critics

More poo-poo-ing later...

davetwojackets 04.12.13 1:37pm
‘More meat on a rabbit’ claims gamekeeper

Gamekeeper Alan Bleeching has criticised the new Playboy calendar featuring Kate Moss claiming there is more meat on the average rabbit than on the pouting supermodel., Bleeching said the calendar...

Gerontius 04.12.13 1:20pm
Midfield Diamond