Topic — Add New » Comments Votes Author Last Comment
Thousands of dead sinners sent to Hull due to typing error 5
sydalg 11.10.13 8:55pm
Maverick
Satan develops Repetitive Strain Disorder from singing contracts with ITV stars

The Devil has reportedly developed a serious muscular injury from the Sisyphean task of singing contracts with ITV stars. A spokesman from the pits of hell claims his unholiness has been so beset...

1
TobiasBV 11.10.13 8:46pm
Maverick
Dan Brown ‘more enjoyable’ if read in a language you don’t understand

Million selling 'Author' Dan Brown has come forward to explain that the secret to properly enjoying his work is to read it in a language you aren't familiar with, and learn the language along with...

2
TobiasBV 11.10.13 8:42pm
nickb
Lib Dems reject internet porn controls "for a friend". Plenty more soon. 0
Maverick 11.10.13 8:42pm
Maverick
15% of new benefits claims rejections "are for special knees"

People with special knees are less and less likely to make successful benefit claims, a new study shows. But welfare secretary Ian Duncan Smith has announced that only those with two or more affected...

0
nickb 11.10.13 6:40pm
nickb
World traveler updates negative stereotypes with positive stereotypes 0
Dumbnews 11.10.13 4:54pm
Dumbnews
'Isle of Wight firefighters failing the needy' claims report

Hundreds of islanders are being left scared and vulnerable as a result of 'inappropriate' calls to the Isle of Wight's Fire Brigade. According to a report, which comes after yesterday's incident in...

0
Robopop 11.10.13 4:29pm
Robopop
Woman finally accepts her sexuality after being pursued by ‘local slut’ Rebecca

Genette Evans, a 33 year old woman Devon, says she has finally come out as a homosexual after being pursued in pop-ups by ‘local slut' Rebecca for over three years. She says she had always known...

1
TobiasBV 11.10.13 3:02pm
beau-jolly
Ronnie O'Sullivan claims he was offered £250,000 to win a snooker tournament

Snooker player "Rocket" Ronnie O'Sullivan opened a fresh bag of controversy today by claiming that the WPBSA (World Professional Billiards & Snooker Association, the governing body for snooker)...

0
NewBiscuit 11.10.13 3:01pm
NewBiscuit
Inquest concludes Ariel Castro "jerked off mortal coil" 0
sydalg 11.10.13 2:10pm
sydalg
GP Claims Practice Does NOT Make Perfect

After 20 years of practising medicine, Dr Hans Warmer has revealed he is still no closer to being perfect. "I was always under the impression that one practices to improve one's skills and...

0
Flugelbinder 11.10.13 1:40pm
Flugelbinder
England players to receive win bonus of 40 Benson & Hedges

England’s highly paid smokers are set to pocket 40 free ciggies if they can overcome the minnows of Montenegro later today. Manager Roy Hodgson gave the go ahead for the controversial bonus...

4
Gary Stanton 11.10.13 1:21pm
Tripod
Arrested Greenpeace activists denied bale in case they jump ship 0
Sinnick 11.10.13 12:04pm
Sinnick
Computer Manufacturer Shuts Down Unexpectedly 3
Flugelbinder 11.10.13 11:51am
Flugelbinder
Libyan PM released by captors after William Hague tells them to

Armed terrorist who were holding Libyan Prime Minister Ali Zeidan have released him unconditionally after hearing that William Hague demanded his release. The leader of the terrorists, Ali...

5
John Wiltshire 11.10.13 11:40am
Sinnick
Fresher's disappointment that nobody gives a fuck if he skips tutorials or not

After just a few weeks at university, Charlie Smith is already disillusioned with his life there. Although he concedes that the 'boozing, the shagging and the drugs' is superior to the comp he...

0
roybland 11.10.13 11:13am
roybland
Plastic surgery consultancy goes "tits up"

Hat tip to whoever...

0
AReader 11.10.13 11:13am
AReader
Cameron “prefers Strictly when Brucie isn’t on” revealed by leaked documents

As The Guardian continues to publish leaked top-secret documents, one shocking revelation has come to light. E-mails from David Cameron to members of his cabinet have disclosed that, amongst other...

0
james_doc 11.10.13 11:02am
james_doc
Drug dealer seeks media customers, takes up poetry in new series: Breaking Bard

Driven to despair by his regular customers, drug dealer Dave Kitson has an ambitious plan to go up market. But breaking into the media is never easy. You gotta know somebody, who knows somebody,...

0
ronseal 11.10.13 11:01am
ronseal
Russians ask when The Guardian will start printing things they don't know

The head of the Russian People's Democratic Party (KGB for short) has demanded to know when The Guardian will start printing 'secrets' that it doesn't know already. 'It is disgrace!' said Mr V Putin...

0
John Wiltshire 11.10.13 10:59am
John Wiltshire
Indestructible Watch Company Hit Hard Times 0
Flugelbinder 11.10.13 10:59am
Flugelbinder
Smoothie Manufacturers Go Into Liquidation

Hat tip ludicity...

0
Flugelbinder 11.10.13 10:57am
Flugelbinder
Bra Manufacturers Go Bust 0
Flugelbinder 11.10.13 10:56am
Flugelbinder
Company Doing Their Job Gain Nobel Peace Prize

What next An author winning the literature prize?...

0
Flugelbinder 11.10.13 10:42am
Flugelbinder
Archbishop calls for more smiting of evil-doers

In what was widely interpreted as a shift away from the Christian messages of love and forgiveness, the Reverend Justin Welby called on God today to use his powers to smite the evil-doers of the...

2
blacklesbianandproudofit 11.10.13 10:30am
blacklesbianandproudofit
Shareholders receive 'Tried to deliver your Mail shares but you were out' cards. 0
MADJEZ 11.10.13 10:26am
MADJEZ
Boeing Dreamliner passengers shocked to reach destination

A Boeing Dreamliner operated by Japanese Airlines today reached its destination with all parts of the cutting edge jetliner still on the plane, and with no bits on fire. On the approach to Narita...

3
suki 11.10.13 10:17am
Jesus H
Nick Clegg talked safely back down to earth after vote collapses.

Nick Clegg, passenger in a light political party somewhere over Middle Britain was talked safely down to the ground after his vote collapsed leaving him spiralling out of control. He'd been totally...

3
Boutros 11.10.13 10:13am
Titus
Facebook introduces 'Enemies' category

Social networking site Facebook has announced that it intends to supplement its existing 'Contacts' and 'Friends with' user categories with a new 'Enemies' category for people you hate or cannot...

1
antharrison 11.10.13 10:11am
Titus
Miley Cyrus releases own range of ‘penis beakers’

Not content to promote her new album with an obligatory graphic video, twitter rant and sense of desperation; the new ‘Queen of Shock’ has decided sell glass and tupperware, themed around the...

0
Wrenfoe 11.10.13 8:53am
Wrenfoe