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Suarez match ban equates to growth period for milk teeth 0
custard cream 25.04.13 4:26pm
custard cream
Criminals decide to opt out of daylight robbery law

UK criminals have announced that they will not co-operate with the laws on various forms of robbery and instead will police themselves. Mr Knuckles McRhino, speaking on behalf of the Royal...

0
apepper 25.04.13 4:06pm
apepper
'Make Lawbreaking Illegal' Recommends Leveson, After 'Phone Hacking Complaints.

"But don't ask why the police did not investigate this illegal activity properly in the first place" said Lord Leveson. "My job is to vilify the press, not to upset the police by asking them...

1
Titus 25.04.13 2:40pm
Sally1985
Leveson report: Newspapers reject the abstract concept of shame

The newspaper industry is to reject a nationwide sense of embarrassment related to the British print media. Proposals for self-regulation and just the occasional “twinge of guilt” have been...

0
Wrenfoe 25.04.13 2:08pm
Wrenfoe
'Memoirs of a Fisherman's Friend' wins Romantic Fiction Award

Coming soon....

1
Dick Everyman 25.04.13 1:56pm
nickb
Financial Commentator Admits He Has "No Idea What 'Triple Dip Recession' Means"

"The economy has clearly been stagnant for ages. This is actually worse than any single-, double- or triple-dip recession, any of which which would have implied that there had actually been one or...

0
Titus 25.04.13 1:39pm
Titus
Constant praising of The Lord has spoilt him, warns deity shrink - 2345

The constant praising of Our Lord has left him completely unprepared for modern life, warns a top reality theologian, who says the occasional kick up the arse might do him some good. The...

121
ronseal 25.04.13 1:39pm
raudus
Abu Qatada to star in The Mousetrap...

Adam Boulting, Director of St Martin’s Theatre in Covent Garden, has revealed that Abu Qatada will be taking a leading role in Agatha Cristie’s play, the Mousetrap, which has been showing...

1
Tripod 25.04.13 1:22pm
Tom Perdue
Economists' recommend pointing UK different direction for better Feng Shui

George Osborne is said to be "seriously considering" the rotation of the UK by 180° to improve the feng shui of the country. Although critics have attacked this apparent "U-turn", the government...

0
apepper 25.04.13 1:02pm
apepper
Qatada to be moved to Scottish prison prior to independence vote 1
Sinnick 25.04.13 12:58pm
Tom Perdue
SPOTTED: Teresa May pouring tonnes of Vannish through Abu Qatarda's letterbox 0
simonjmr 25.04.13 12:30pm
simonjmr
Parent of Boston bomb suspect toddler 'failed to act on warnings'

The mother of the deceased 26-year-old Boston terrorist suspect Tamerlan Tsarnaev was repeatedly warned about his extreme views, a close relative claimed last night. The warnings were issued over...

0
Bravenewmalden 25.04.13 12:09pm
Bravenewmalden
Next year’s FA Cup Finalists announced

The Football Association has announced that the 2014 FA Cup Final will be between Manchester United and Barcelona in order to maximise television revenue for the fixture. FA chairman David Bernstein...

8
Midfield Diamond 25.04.13 12:06pm
NewBiscuit
Operation Yewtree: Superstar Ken facing fresh claims

Beloved children’s entertainer Superstar Ken has been rearrested over new claims of sexual impropriety, under the strand of Operation Yewtree unrelated to the Evel Knievel stunt doll. Mr Ken, 52, ...

0
Wrenfoe 25.04.13 11:50am
Wrenfoe
Britain's oldest origami business folds. 5
sredni vashta 25.04.13 11:49am
Lucy4
Spotty Swansea makes Turner Prize Shortlist

In a surprise announcement, the Turner Panel has named the Welsh measles epidemic as a short-runner for this year’s converted Turner Prize., , Taken as a series of aerial photographs, the 900...

0
Wrenfoe 25.04.13 11:48am
Wrenfoe
Court rules that voting for the Coalition can “still be rape”

In a test case, judges have ruled that the nation is still being “roggered senseless” by politicians. Despite the seemingly consensual nature of modern democracy, the lord chief justice, made...

0
Wrenfoe 25.04.13 11:47am
Wrenfoe
Jo Jo was a man who thought he was a loner, but I knew it wouldn't last... 0
olddoc 25.04.13 11:05am
olddoc
RBS to be taken over by Betfred.com

Royal Bank of Scotland, 65% owned by UK taxpayers, is to be sold to the online gambling organisation betfred.com. The exact details of the deal are yet to be revealed, but it is understood that only...

0
rogerg 25.04.13 10:56am
rogerg
True...Scousers Called Nigel.....

never get arrested in Liverpool...

0
Jesse Bigg 25.04.13 10:32am
Jesse Bigg
The Germans have taken over Europe, Hitlers dream finally realised 0
Hooch 25.04.13 10:02am
Hooch
Abu Qatada to play himself in West End theatre update of Ace in The Hole

Professional headline maker and political distraction Abu Qatada was cock-a-hopp yesterday after landing a top role in a West End play. The beardy terrorist is to play himself in a West End stage...

0
ronseal 25.04.13 9:33am
ronseal
Abu Qatada stays, everyone else goes, government rules

The government has signed a mutual assistance treaty with Jordan to ensure that radical cleric Abu Qatada can stay in the UK while 62.64 million British citizens are deported to Jordan, Theresa May...

6
Dick Everyman 25.04.13 8:55am
scribbler
'Yippee,' Says Osborn, '0.6 Percent Up'

.Whilst China overheats...

0
Jesse Bigg 25.04.13 8:47am
Jesse Bigg
Police “cannot remember” what their collective amnesia was about

“Collective amnesia? Never heard of it. What does it actually mean?” was the response from a spokesperson from Surrey Police on their members' inability to remember high profile offences . ...

0
nickb 25.04.13 8:34am
nickb
Suarez keen to leave Liverpool

“I would bite your arm off to join another club in zis moment” he said, tucking into his usual breakfast of a tin of Fray Bentos corned beef. QPR manager Harry Redknapp said: “I’m interested...

0
Reg Herring 25.04.13 8:02am
Reg Herring
Oops, wrong room 0
sydalg 25.04.13 7:35am
sydalg
Jordan offers asylum to dangerous Church of England clerics 0
sydalg 25.04.13 7:34am
sydalg
Miliband appoints Cliff Thorburn as head of his policy unit

well its topicalish...

0
Scronnyglonkle 25.04.13 7:02am
Scronnyglonkle
Queen tells stunned reporters "Rolf felt me up during portrait sitting" 0
Scronnyglonkle 25.04.13 6:58am
Scronnyglonkle