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NHS hit mortality targets

The NHS has been set a cost-cutting target to declare 10% of all inpatients "dead". Triage then swiftly redirects these "dead" patients to mortuaries & crematoria, rather than the more costly...

3
NewBiscuit 12.06.13 7:38am
Arthur
New Big Browser reports all your activity direct to the relevant spooks

A search engine has launched the world's first software double agent, which pretends to be helping you surf the internet while reporting everything you do to the authorities. The software, Big...

3
ronseal 12.06.13 6:08am
ronseal
Rotary clothes line beats Round Table at business fashion awards 0
Dick Everyman 12.06.13 6:06am
Dick Everyman
Chinese refurbishment of Prince Phillip 'poses no security risk'

The contract to refurbish Prince Phillip has been awarded to Chinese telecommunications giant Huwei, it was confirmed yesterday, despite ongoing security concerns about the company's links to the...

3
SuburbanDad 12.06.13 6:04am
Lens Cap
Gove says new tougher I-level exams will all be set in Latin... 2
deskpilot3 11.06.13 10:54pm
deskpilot3
Prince Harry to star in cartoon in Viz Magazine in homage to father figure. 0
Ref Minor 11.06.13 9:26pm
Ref Minor
German Historians Finally Reveal Why Hitler Lost The War.....

Soap box not high enough. SS fedup of giving him a cog up...

0
Jesse Bigg 11.06.13 9:26pm
Jesse Bigg
Brian Sewell treated for aesthete's foot 4
cinquecento 11.06.13 8:57pm
Arthur
Roman fans find Christians vs Lions results boringly predictable 2
sydalg 11.06.13 8:55pm
Arthur
Newcastle United Player Wants To Drop His W......r

Especially on a Sunday...

0
Jesse Bigg 11.06.13 8:23pm
Jesse Bigg
German plan to gatecrash WWI celebrations with Panzer division 0
sydalg 11.06.13 8:09pm
sydalg
Yewtree suspect was "out of the country, bombing Dresden" on night in question 0
sydalg 11.06.13 8:06pm
sydalg
Unexpected item in bagging area. 1
bonjonelson 11.06.13 8:02pm
Idiot
G4S celebrate capture of Muslim family trying to take samsonite onto 747 0
blacklesbianandproudofit 11.06.13 7:32pm
blacklesbianandproudofit
Def Leppard Unveils 30-Year Hoax

What has nine arms and sucks? Not Def Leppard – at least not anymore. Yesterday, the band revealed on their website that drummer Rick Allen's missing arm was a gimmick. At a press conference...

0
Matthew Robert 11.06.13 7:32pm
Matthew Robert
Deer Tesco, thanks for the head 0
victimms 11.06.13 7:22pm
victimms
Tesco have no eye deer

This joke is registered as a world heritage site...

1
Not Amused 11.06.13 7:17pm
Lindy Moone
Cancer scare over as Michael Douglas coughs up a fur ball. More soon. 0
dominic_mcg 11.06.13 7:12pm
dominic_mcg
Ryanair To Launch "Super Low-cost Service" Using Recovered Dornier

Countdown to new "Glenn Miller" service to France has begun, says Pilot Officer Vorderman...

2
Mike Turbine-Hamilton 11.06.13 6:38pm
bonjonelson
Tesco deer head found to contain traces of horse-play. More soon. 0
Al OPecia 11.06.13 6:36pm
Al OPecia
NHS chief backs plans for right to die

In a hard hitting speech today, Sir David Nicholson KGB CBE backed new proposals for the assisted suicide of patients with uncomfortable conditions on long waiting lists. "In a compassion society",...

0
blacklesbianandproudofit 11.06.13 6:26pm
blacklesbianandproudofit
Angelina announces plans for hystericalectomy

It doesn't matter if its in poor taste, as long as it's fanny...

0
blacklesbianandproudofit 11.06.13 6:15pm
blacklesbianandproudofit
Alex Jones admits to Andrew Neil he uses CGI when he presents the one show 0
Scronnyglonkle 11.06.13 4:54pm
Scronnyglonkle
Children to be replaced in education shake up

Education Secretary Michael Gove has announced that children are to be replaced in state schools. Speaking today in the House of Commons, Gove said: "We need to reform our education system to...

0
monkeyrepublic 11.06.13 4:21pm
monkeyrepublic
Law abiding citizens have "nothing to fear" from the secret police, says Kim. 1
Blake 11.06.13 3:53pm
Golgeau Treize
Stones ban Northerners from concerts due to high mortality rating 0
sydalg 11.06.13 3:24pm
sydalg
Kepler space telescope finally locates Alex Jones's home planet

After years of intensive searching, NASA believes it has finally located the planet that Alex Jones is actually from. 'A growing number of people had expressed to us an interest in finding out 'what...

2
Qoxiivi 11.06.13 2:11pm
ronseal
Govesworth he sa educashun academics are ‘Enemies of Promise’ chiz

Michael govesworth, a former pupil at st custards skool somewhere in England who is now the educashun secretry, hav responded angrily to 100 academics who sined a leter to The Independent newspaper...

8
Oxbridge 11.06.13 1:50pm
John Wiltshire
EDL condemns attacks on muslims: 'That's our job!'

A spokesthug for the EDL today might have condemned attacks on muslims. From his cage at Whipsnade Zoo, Frankie 'Mad Psycho Axeman' Smith said: 'Other man hit muslim - bad! EDL man hit muslim -...

0
John Wiltshire 11.06.13 1:06pm
John Wiltshire
Bilderberg basically just Animal House, claims insider

Departing attendees have expressed disappointment that the rules of secrecy around the Bilderberg Group have been broken, after an anonymous whistle-blower told the media that the weekend has been...

8
Andrew Alexander 11.06.13 12:59pm
Midfield Diamond