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Belgium to replace Scotland in a new leaner united kingdom 3
The Masked Frog 3 years

Belgium has emerged as the hot favourite to replace Scotland on its departure from the united kingdom. After all night talks, David Cameron and Belgian Prime Minister Elio Di Rupo, emerged this...

News International to split into "legal" and "crooked" 0
apepper 3 years

News International is to split into two separate companies; the crooked side of the business is to be operated separately as a half-organised crime syndicate. "We've struggled in the past as we have...

Communications from extra terrestrials “overlooked as Dubstep” 7
grumblechops 3 years

A spokesman for NASA today revealed that a series of interstellar communications from an alien lifeform have been mistakenly interpreted as music, spawning a new sub-genre known as “Dubstep”....

Greece reveals financial recovery plan "A Tenner on Murray to win at Wimbledon" 7
dvo4fun 3 years

more later...

Failure to find credible fourth seed prevents Wimbledon from starting at semis 0
grumblechops 3 years

Andy Murray’s Wimbledon seeding of fourth has once again made it impossible for tournament organisers to “cut through all the boring shit” and start at the semi finals. With Novak Djokovic,...

Was Shakespeare A Nazi? New Channel 5 Doc "Triumph of the Quill" Says Yea 0
Iggy Pop-Barker 3 years
BBC to run repeats of weather forecasts from the long hot summer of '76 0
Tomfinger 3 years

to cheer everybody up...

Hart to return to Krak ‘one’ òw! 0
Njinski 3 years

Blue Joe to follow Buffon’s Porn Regime Following Sunday’s inevitable penalty shoot out loss to the Azzurri, England’s ‘non-stopper’, Joe Hart, has decided to ditch the high tech approach...

McGuiness not amused as Queen uses '800v' hand buzzer during historic handshake 0
thackaray 3 years
Royal Handshake Sponsorship Concerns 1
custard cream 3 years

With thousands of people lining the streets in Belfast waiting to greet the Queen, concerns have been expressed about the over commercialisation of her Diamond Jubilee - presented by De Beers -tour....

Blood stocks crisis as transfusion service says “Virgins only” 2
Nails UK 3 years

Blood stocks in the UK are at an all time low as the blood transfusion service made a controversial decision last week to change the sexual history questions on its donor health check. Previously,...

LOCOG confirms crackdown on Olympic Brand-Breakers 0
Mrblacker 3 years

The London Organising Committee for the Olympic Games (LOCOG) says harsh penalties have been agreed with the Government and the IOC, for anyone in the UK caught watching the Olympics while in...

Bailiffs Reposess False Limbs at Bankrupt South London NHS Hospital 2
Scronnyglonkle 3 years

Bailiffs today were sent into the Queen Elizabeth Hospital by creditors as the near bankrupt trust has run up debts of £69 Million. Amid scenes of chaos, prosthetic limbs were being seized by...

Lloyd Webber: "New Jesus Show Not A Smokescreen For Free Prime Time Advert!" 1
Duff 3 years

In a bitter dispute between ITV and Lord Andrew Lloyd Webber that looks set to escalate over the coming weeks, the popular peer is vehemently denying that he has duped ITV with his new talent show,...

Hodgson blames 'lack of tatoos' for Euro exit. 2
TheNewsWalrus 3 years

As the inquest into England’s European Championship exit continues, manager Roy Hodgson has identified the squad’s general lack of tattoos and stupid hairstyles as one of the key factors behind...

Virgin bosses woo female commuters with 'Shades of Grey' masturbation carriages 12
3 years

Women users of Britain’s busy rail network have welcomed the introduction of Christian Grey-themed masturbation carriages. As sales of the seminal ‘mummy porn’ title soared past 15 million...

Vestigial virgins not all they are cracked up to be 0
arthurminnit 3 years
Vestal virgin remains tight lipped 2
cinquecento 3 years
Emergency picnic hampers ‘really could save lives’ claim French traffic police 8
NewSuburbanDad 3 years

The Ministry of Transport in Paris confirmed yesterday that anyone driving in France must carry an ‘emergency hamper’, designed to ‘minimise risk of hunger in event of mechanical failure at...

Coe criticised for "Olympic Village People" clamp-down 1
NewSuburbanDad 3 years

Olympic brand managers were again accused of "overkill" yesterday, following the dawn  arrest of three  men described by police as "a fireman with a massive pole, a javelin-wielding native...

Slaughter of first-borns to save country £50 bn in Child Benefit, pledge Tories 10
Gary Stanton 3 years

In a radical overhaul of the welfare system, David Cameron has set out plans for a measured policy of infanticide that could massively reduce the UK deficit, according to experts. The proposed...

Man hit by lightning couldn't resist 1
Sinnick 3 years
Dour Sco...Oh Bollocks! I've Gone And Done It Again haven't I? 0
Duff 3 years
Reading Fifty shades of grey on trains just the gateway to public rabbit use 3
simonjmr 3 years

Sociologists have today announced that reading Fifty Shades of Grey is the gateway for women to progress to hard forms of pornography and even indulging in public self sexual gratification. Thirty...

Queen refuses meeting with Martine McCutcheon 0
custard cream 3 years
Martin McGuinness to use special hook hand to show solidarity with Abu Hamzer 0
custard cream 3 years
Royal Handshake Sponsorship Concerns 0
custard cream 3 years

With thousands of people are lining the streets in Belfast waiting to greet the Queen, concerns have been expressed about the over commercialisation of her Diamond Jubilee - presented by De Beers...

Murray aims high – hopefully just over net and before baseline 0
Yikes 3 years
Kate bemused by edict to curtsy to princesses who don’t use tampons 3
Yikes 3 years

The Duchess of Cambridge has promised to dutifully obey the Queen’s revised Order of Precedence and curtsy to the “blood princesses” even though she reportedly finds the whole thing a bit odd....

Flatulent Amateur Golfer worried about follow through 0
seymour totti 3 years