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Foreigners try to spoil Will and Kate's happiness by dying

It is suspected that several foreigners who have died in natural disasters or in wars have done so to try to deflect attention from the only thing which really matters in life, i.e. the royal baby....

John Wiltshire 23.07.13 1:07pm
John Wiltshire
Pigs and wolf arrested for "blown-down house" insurance scam

At first the plight of the homeless pigs tugged at the nation's heart-strings, and a Daily Mail campaign raised £50,000 for them. “Our readers do love to sob about a cute piglet over their bacon...

sydalg 23.07.13 12:51pm
Nation Eagerly Awaits Jan Moir’s First Column on William and Kate’s Baby

Much of Britain is on tenterhooks today as it looks forward to the publishing of Jan Moir’s first opinion piece since the birth of the new royal baby yesterday. A steady crowd of onlookers and...

TheNewsWalrus 23.07.13 12:44pm
New porn search software makes schoolboy a multi-billionaire

Brian Sharp, a fourteen-year-old from Leicester, has already received more than eight billion pounds' worth of advanced orders for his new software, which codes your web search terms into innocuous...

Arthur 23.07.13 12:41pm
Pope fails to give birth

Tens of thousands of Brazilian pilgrims were left disappointed today, by the pontiff’s inability to produce a Royal Baby. Although Pope Francis promised to bring people to the “open arms of...

Wrenfoe 23.07.13 12:38pm
'Kneel before my crib', demands future tyrant king

Royal baby celebrations across the globe were soured today following the news that the newly-born monarch has already declared himself a 'monstrous tyrant king', demanding all visitors to promptly...

Jesus H 23.07.13 11:50am
Jesus H
Porn to be blocked as Prince William confirms he no longer needs it 0
sydalg 23.07.13 11:50am
Royal circumcision goes drastically wrong....Palace announces "It's a girl!" 0
irreverendJ 23.07.13 11:23am
Doctors sound alarm as vomiting bug sweeps Britain

Doctors across the UK have see a large rise in patients complaining of sudden vomiting, wretching or general nausea. It appears to have a sudden onset, but appears to be particularly prevalent early...

AReader 23.07.13 11:14am
Royal gynaecologist to publish "warts and all" memoir 0
sydalg 23.07.13 10:59am
Cameron announces block of porn policy, deviants praise collective noun clarity 0
topfotogmw 23.07.13 10:56am
The Daily Express speculates that Kate may already be expecting second baby 1
simonjmr 23.07.13 10:54am
Confused Mafia victim wakes up to find horse's bed in his head...

Doctors say that he is in a stable condition...

The Last Detail 23.07.13 10:43am
The Last Detail
Porn block sends gynaecology sites crashing 0
sydalg 23.07.13 10:33am
Kate and William 'overjoyed' at arrival of first nanny. More soon 0
red 23.07.13 10:00am
First biography of royal baby hits the shelves 2
John Wiltshire 23.07.13 9:14am
Royal baby to be callled Ryan...

Ryan Heir? I'm here all week...

riesler 23.07.13 9:14am
"Sorry I'm late," says Hewitt to waiting reporters. 0
Boutros 23.07.13 8:48am
Lady Antonia Fraser suffering writer's block on Royal baby biography 0
Dick Everyman 23.07.13 8:47am
Dick Everyman
Navy admits HMS Kent celebration 'Was the closest match we had' 0
antharrison 23.07.13 8:43am
Royal baby already suffering from hair loss 2
Dick Everyman 23.07.13 8:42am
Dick Everyman
Guardian announces 'Berth of rayol bobby' 2
John Wiltshire 23.07.13 8:33am
Russia, Iran & N Korea Apply To Join Commonwealth After Birth Of New Royal Baby 1
Titus 23.07.13 8:23am
Dick Everyman
All dolphins are called Alan, proves dolphin linguist 0
simonjmr 23.07.13 7:59am
Streets Deserted For Papal Visit As Brazilians Watch Royal Baby News On TV

Pope gives up and goes home...

Titus 23.07.13 7:47am
BNP refute claims of outsourcing work to the Ukraine 1
Scronnyglonkle 23.07.13 7:42am
"Are You Bastards Hacking My Phone?" Tweets New Royal Baby

"Perish the thought!" replies entire press corps...

Titus 23.07.13 7:37am
Government claims that "most parents" trust the Tories to protect them from porn

In a statement to the House of Commons, the Prime Minister David Cameron claimed that most parents trusted the Conservatives to filter all of the pornography that is currently overwhelming the...

AReader 23.07.13 7:37am
Delight That Endless Royal Baby News Is Really Winding Up Miserable Republicans 4
Titus 23.07.13 7:36am
Everything's rubbish says Twitter columnist in new webzine the Daily Trollograph

Media analysts report that new webzine The Daily Trollograph seems to be finding its feet with a brilliant new column by Alan Sugar. The column, Yes Lord Sugar, is described as the embodiment of the...

ronseal 23.07.13 7:35am