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Dignitas to serve cucumber in its restaurant 0
John Wiltshire 3 years
Prince William to complain Blatter "acting like an unelected Monarch". 0
Al OPecia 3 years

More humbug soon...

Missing radio 4 pips found in infected cucumber. More soo-o-o-o-o-oooon. 0
Al OPecia 3 years
Daily Mail fail to cover cancer story 0
dannyboy206 3 years

The British tabloid newspaper the Daily Mail has come under fire after failing to print a story on cancer. The newspaper, which is known for its reports on cutting edge surveys and studies (as well...

East London BNP face nightmare scenario of foreign invasion for Olympics 0
JohnA 3 years

"By this time next year there'll be no room to swing your bicycle chain"...

Pepsi worried that FIFA sponsorship will leave a bad taste... 0
deskpilot3 3 years
Pools panel to decide FIFA election. 0
deskpilot3 3 years
Cameron serves burgers for Obama. Clegg gets cucumber salad. 0
deskpilot3 3 years
"Final push" against Gaddafi will see Tripoli bombed with millions of cucumbers. 0
deskpilot3 3 years
Apple launch new iTumour app 0
charlies_hat 3 years

hat tip to Milo...

New ‘symptom’ app available for Mobile phone cancer sufferers. 1
Milo Shame 3 years

Tomorrow will see the launch of a new app on I-Tunes that will allow mobile users to confirm if they are suffering from brain cancer associated with too much mobile phone usage. Designers for the...

Chris Hoy slams Olympic 'lottery' and refuses to compete in women's archery 0
3 years
Hague announces that Mladic will not be sharing a twin room 0
charlies_hat 3 years
UK Olympic flame relay to continue exciting tradition of fascist torch parades 11
rickwestwell 3 years

Sporting excitement in the UK is mounting to fever pitch following the announcement of the route to be taken by the Olympic torch relay next year. Few people have a keener sense of tradition than the...

Blatter to use Alternative Bribe system 1
John Wiltshire 3 years

Embattled FIFA president Sepp Blatter has announced he will introduce the Alternative Bribe system into future FIFA dealings. 'Under the new system,' he explained, 'if I get less than 50% of the...

Waitrose "As Good as Going Out" range is also as expensive, says study 0
pthr 3 years
Doctor Who show-runner Steven Moffat to "rest" Oprah Winfrey 0
pthr 3 years

Steven Moffat has announced that Oprah Winfrey will be given "a rest" from US prime time television. Moffat, who is head writer and executive producer for the long-running British sci-fi series,...

Jedward to be sent to Libya to "flush Gaddafi out". More soon. 0
Al OPecia 3 years
sssshhh 3-1 3
3 years

Ryan Giggs has just taken out a super injuction to keep his teams 3-1 defeat secret,and tonite will be feasting on german cucumber...

Hamilton: 'Is it cos I is black?' Stewards: 'No, it's because you're danger 1
John Wiltshire 3 years

Stewards at the Monaco Grand Prix today made it clear to Lewis Hamilton that they penalised him not because he is a light shade of black, but because he deliberately smashed into other cars., A...

Interpreters threaten strike if Cheryl Cole becomes Ratko Mladic Trial judge 0
JohnA 3 years

"It's bad enough translating from Sebian to English without having to translate into Geordie as well"...

Bin Hammam to collect refuse on Wednesdays, recycling every other Thursday 0
Iamthestig 3 years
Andy Murray wins match, so he doesn't need 'injured ankle' excuse 1
John Wiltshire 3 years

After his victory against Viktor Troiki in the French Open, Andy Murray has told everyone to forget that he had an ankle injury, as he now didn't need an excuse for losing against someone who had...

Organic farmers discover that E. Coli is also organic 0
JohnA 3 years

"Oh shit!" cries President of Organic Farmer's Union "Who knew that pesticides stopped cucumbers becoming weapons of mass infection?"...

Sri Lanka: "we just wanted to get out of Cardiff as quickly as possible" 1
JohnA 3 years

"Who wants to be in a cold, wet Cardiff on a Monday?", said an unrepentant Sri Lankan captain Tillakatne Dishan, as he raced his team mates to the first eastbound coach...

As May draws to an end fears grow of mass clout shedding 1
beau-jolly 3 years

I'll get me coat off...

FIFA scandal: Platini implores referee to give Blatter red card 1
JohnA 3 years
Ad Exec one step closer to full frontal nudity in commercials 0
Re Pete 3 years

Julian Dos Remedios, account executive at top ad agency Plebian, said he was finally close to a breakthrough in his personal campaign for total female nudity in advertising. The exec said he now...

Blatter just voted in as President of the Flat Earth Society. 0
DiY 3 years
Jobcentre staff overrun by thousands of unemployed Daleks 8
Ludicity 3 years

A massive rise in unemployed Daleks is causing major problems at jobcentres up and down the country, swamping offices and threatening to exterminate staff who fail to find them a job. The problem...