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Chavkos number one teenage holiday destination

With summer approaching and British teenagers planning their getaways, Chavkos has emerged as 2014’s most popular choice, overtaking rivals Knickerloss and Syphillos. The lively resort on the...

Arjan K 31.05.14 8:03pm
Arjan K
Jamie creates 'recipe for disaster' for World Cup fans as Brazil chaos beckons

Jamie Oliver has created World cup snacks that can be conveniently enjoyed while staring open mouthed at widely predicted genocidal pandemonium in Brazil. Launching his new recipe, he said: ...

nickb 31.05.14 5:00pm
Gang-raped Indian woman just glad she wasn't snapped by the paparazzi.

More ridiculous showbiz comments soon...

MADJEZ 31.05.14 4:38pm
Paddy Berzinski
Penguins to introduce "casual Fridays"

More to follow...

apepper 31.05.14 3:53pm
86% of "don't knows" expect to be just as ignorant for general election

A Harris poll has indicated that many millions of people who couldn't decide who to vote for in the recent European elections won't have any more of a clue for next year's general election...

apepper 31.05.14 2:50pm
Stoners ‘happy to share spliff with Zane and Louis’ say drug dealers

UK stoners say they would gladly smoke a joint or share a bong with Zane and Louis from One Direction, just so long as it doesn’t end up with them having to listen to any of the new album.,...

Gerontius 31.05.14 1:47pm
Clegg vows to make prostitution a £20bn industry by 2017

More in The Daily Telegraph...

Elderly and Confused 31.05.14 1:31pm
Elderly and Confused
Scientists discover 'fridge-light' link to obesity

Tests carried out by a team at the Institute of Cancer Research have discovered a direct link between the light in your fridge and obesity., Scientists discovered that the more often the fridge...

Gerontius 31.05.14 1:09pm
Pretend faith healer prosecuted for fraud. Real ones very worried 4
RobArmstrong 31.05.14 10:57am
Would-Be Assassin Manages To Stab Himself In The Foot

A phrase which seems to convey the confusion and sheer incompetence of Lord Oakshott's doomed assassination attempt ...

Titus 31.05.14 9:16am
Death row Sudanese apostate sends message of support to Nick Clegg 3
cinquecento 31.05.14 7:18am
An Israeli-Palestinian "Romeo and Juliet".

I'm doing a film treatment based on "Romeo and Juliet". An Israeli girl and a Palestinian boy are the star-crossed lovers. The working title is "Let Me Make It Jihad For You". Spoiler alert:the...

rikkor 30.05.14 11:05pm
Ugly women say they draw the line at pikey footballers.

More abuse soon...

MADJEZ 30.05.14 10:51pm
Zayn Malik and Louis Tomlinson to issue joint statement 2
Smart Alex 30.05.14 10:47pm
Faith heeler prosecuted, ordered to use nails and adhesive 2
sydalg 30.05.14 10:17pm
Electorate forced to choose between four ugly rapists 5
Squudge 30.05.14 8:54pm
New study proves that cynical people die younger….YEAH RIGHT!!! 1
Underconstruction 30.05.14 7:07pm
Lord Rennard to play Cyril Smith in Lib Dem bio-pic

Popular larger than life Lib Dem peer Lord Rennard has agreed to play even larger than life Liberal MP Cyril Smith in a new film. Popular Lib Dem Leader Nick Clegg announced the news on his LBC...

nickb 30.05.14 6:50pm
Ref Minor
Perma-tanned Hollywood star George Hamilton named new Chief Constable of NI.

Strange choice.

MADJEZ 30.05.14 6:36pm
Robert Koch
1D drugs investigation latest - Peruvian dealers vow to leave no turn unstoned 0
Smart Alex 30.05.14 5:47pm
Smart Alex
Last male Dr Who plans to leave Tardis toilet seat up, for a laugh 0
beckfordburger 30.05.14 5:33pm
French cannibal cooks hommelette 6
sydalg 30.05.14 4:23pm
New Carry On film to be made as a Lib Dem reality show.

Jim Dale as Nick Clegg. Sid James as Vince Cable. Hattie Jacques as Lord Rennard. Kenneth Williams as the Ghost of jeremy Thorpe. This low-budget re-make has a working title of "Carry on Regardless...

vulture1 30.05.14 3:18pm
Scottish climate declares independence

After a diurnal temperature variation of -2C to +20C yesterday, the Scottish climate has pre-empted the voters by deciding to go it alone from now. Cumulo-nimbus cloud, Dougal McFry, is confident...

RobArmstrong 30.05.14 2:27pm
Barton issues unreserved apology to ugly girls for comparing them to Ukip 4
bookiesfriend 30.05.14 2:09pm
Liberal Democrat popularity soars after their request to google

I agree with nick .. I wonder what he has been up to for the last 4 years...

Not Amused 30.05.14 2:07pm
Not Amused
Lib-Dems get social media 'Thumbs Down' Thunderclap Send-off.

Thousands of people stopped what they were doing today to remember the short life of the Liberal Democrat Party which passed away following a massive voting hemorrhage earlier this week. MTF...

Underconstruction 30.05.14 1:30pm
'Contract killings to be included too' say ONS

Funds received by gang lords for nefarious activities such as people trafficking and contract killings are to be included as part of the UKs economic activity say the ONS, VAT exempt financial...

Gerontius 30.05.14 1:15pm
Midfield Diamond
Satire saved from the abyss, new Douglas Adams manuscript discovered

And the crowd goes wild....

RobArmstrong 30.05.14 1:11pm
Egypt elects new Pharaoh

Abdul Fattah al-Sisi has won an overwhelming victory in Egypt's general election, becoming the Pharaoh of Egypt for the next of 4,000 years. The former military chief comes to power at a time of...

Adrian Bamforth 30.05.14 1:10pm
Midfield Diamond