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Bailiffs Reposess False Limbs at Bankrupt South London NHS Hospital 2
Scronnyglonkle 3 years

Bailiffs today were sent into the Queen Elizabeth Hospital by creditors as the near bankrupt trust has run up debts of £69 Million. Amid scenes of chaos, prosthetic limbs were being seized by...

Lloyd Webber: "New Jesus Show Not A Smokescreen For Free Prime Time Advert!" 1
Duff 3 years

In a bitter dispute between ITV and Lord Andrew Lloyd Webber that looks set to escalate over the coming weeks, the popular peer is vehemently denying that he has duped ITV with his new talent show,...

Hodgson blames 'lack of tatoos' for Euro exit. 2
TheNewsWalrus 3 years

As the inquest into England’s European Championship exit continues, manager Roy Hodgson has identified the squad’s general lack of tattoos and stupid hairstyles as one of the key factors behind...

Virgin bosses woo female commuters with 'Shades of Grey' masturbation carriages 12
3 years

Women users of Britain’s busy rail network have welcomed the introduction of Christian Grey-themed masturbation carriages. As sales of the seminal ‘mummy porn’ title soared past 15 million...

Vestigial virgins not all they are cracked up to be 0
arthurminnit 3 years
Vestal virgin remains tight lipped 2
cinquecento 3 years
Emergency picnic hampers ‘really could save lives’ claim French traffic police 8
NewSuburbanDad 3 years

The Ministry of Transport in Paris confirmed yesterday that anyone driving in France must carry an ‘emergency hamper’, designed to ‘minimise risk of hunger in event of mechanical failure at...

Coe criticised for "Olympic Village People" clamp-down 1
NewSuburbanDad 3 years

Olympic brand managers were again accused of "overkill" yesterday, following the dawn  arrest of three  men described by police as "a fireman with a massive pole, a javelin-wielding native...

Slaughter of first-borns to save country £50 bn in Child Benefit, pledge Tories 10
Gary Stanton 3 years

In a radical overhaul of the welfare system, David Cameron has set out plans for a measured policy of infanticide that could massively reduce the UK deficit, according to experts. The proposed...

Man hit by lightning couldn't resist 1
Sinnick 3 years
Dour Sco...Oh Bollocks! I've Gone And Done It Again haven't I? 0
Duff 3 years
Reading Fifty shades of grey on trains just the gateway to public rabbit use 3
simonjmr 3 years

Sociologists have today announced that reading Fifty Shades of Grey is the gateway for women to progress to hard forms of pornography and even indulging in public self sexual gratification. Thirty...

Queen refuses meeting with Martine McCutcheon 0
custard cream 3 years
Martin McGuinness to use special hook hand to show solidarity with Abu Hamzer 0
custard cream 3 years
Royal Handshake Sponsorship Concerns 0
custard cream 3 years

With thousands of people are lining the streets in Belfast waiting to greet the Queen, concerns have been expressed about the over commercialisation of her Diamond Jubilee - presented by De Beers...

Murray aims high – hopefully just over net and before baseline 0
Yikes 3 years
Kate bemused by edict to curtsy to princesses who don’t use tampons 3
Yikes 3 years

The Duchess of Cambridge has promised to dutifully obey the Queen’s revised Order of Precedence and curtsy to the “blood princesses” even though she reportedly finds the whole thing a bit odd....

Flatulent Amateur Golfer worried about follow through 0
seymour totti 3 years
Prudish Dulux spokeman clarifies "There are only 15 shades of grey" 0
charlies_hat 3 years
Murray’s Rating Upgraded From “Dour Scot" To British Number One 8
Duff 3 years

Scottish tennis playing misery-guts, Andy Murray, is said to be overjoyed at hearing the news that from today and following his status having been upgraded by his Mum’s nationality rating agency,...

Virgin rebirthing scheme exposed 1
3 years

[i]Our Afterlife correspondent reports[/i]: In a dramatic turn of events, just hours after news broke of 72 Richard Bransons greeting a suicide bomber in Paradise, a scheme has been uncovered...

Retirement home football team still hoping for first clean sheet. 2
weematt 3 years
Weaker ants now forced to shop at ALDI say scientists 4
Nerys Hughes 3 years

A report published in the Myrmecological News this week reveals that an increasing number of ants working here in the UK are no longer able to bench-press fifty times their own body weight., The...

Newsbiscuit Contributors "A Catty Bunch Of Jealous Queens", reveals study - 2 30
TiffindeVere 3 years

There seems to be some truth in it....

Paul Simon and EL James to release 50 ways to relieve your lover 2
charlies_hat 3 years
wrong place... 0
medici2471 3 years
Ann Summers launches new '50 Grades of Shea' lubricant. 0
weematt 3 years
World Wide Fund for Nature steps in as Cockneys become endangered species. 0
Ian Searle 3 years

They were almost hunted to extinction by the Krays during the sixties, partly beautiful plumage of the Pearly Kings and Queens. A captive breeding program is underway in a site of special scientific...

Dismay as suicide bomber met in heaven by 72 Richard Bransons. 2
Maverick 3 years
Pontiff remains tight-lipped about 'papal prophylactics' 0
3 years

A spokesman for the company behind the new 'Vatican Tickler' range of Pope-shaped condoms has told of plans for an aggressive campaign, as they prepare to insert themselves into a tight market. He...