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Coalition plans to put clocks back to 1932 nearly complete, says P.M. 0
sigmund 25.10.12 9:00am
Ford factory closure papers lost in transit. 0
sigmund 25.10.12 8:52am
Jeremy Hunt to open world’s first placebo hospital

Britain’s first hospital built entirely on the power of suggestion is to be opened next week as a cost-effective solution to the rising price of healthcare. The Royal London Placebo is totally...

Ludicity 25.10.12 8:45am
Thief ordered to put clocks back and apologise to horologist

..more soon...

Squudge 25.10.12 8:40am
Ford Southampton factory closure: 'Sic transit van gloria' 0
pinxit 25.10.12 8:06am
Government set to appoint first Paedofinder General

The Home Secretary is expected to announce the appointment of the UK's first Paedofinder General today. The move comes after a long and vocal campaign by The Sun newspaper supported by a large...

wallster 25.10.12 7:12am
Exclusive: Salmond reveals super secret, invisible source of legal advice on Sco

Scotland's First Minister Alex Salmond has finally revealed the source of the legal advice he sought on an independent Scotland's prospective membership of the European Union; a giant rabbit called...

Chubbington 24.10.12 11:17pm
Bradley Wiggins disgusted to find yellow jerseys available on the Internet. 0
Boutros 24.10.12 11:17pm
Catholic church recognises Savile Partnerships 7
Dick Everyman 24.10.12 10:46pm
Man who overdosed on homeopathic medicine in a stable condition say doctors. 0
reforse 24.10.12 9:33pm
Sherlock Holmes to join Child Protection Services

Following recent, widespread accusations of authorities' failure to deal with institutionalised paedophilia over a period of time spanning decades, authorities have turned to legendary consulting...

Chubbington 24.10.12 9:07pm
Argos announce free store delivery - free store delivered with every order 0
custard cream 24.10.12 9:04pm
custard cream
Calls for tougher background checks for renegade space mercenaries

The population of earth faces 'almost certain' destruction without tougher background checks when hand-picking teams of renegade space mercenaries. That's the view of an inquiry into the blighted...

24.10.12 8:46pm
The All New Jeni B
Cameron: "Prepared to go to gaol if necessary", to ensure no votes for prisoners

More illogicality soon...

dvo4fun 24.10.12 6:55pm
4G predictive text, "practically prefect". 7
beau-jolly 24.10.12 6:20pm
Kaiser Chiefs release single "I predict an Earthquake" in Italy, just to be safe

That fits better. Thank you for your patience...

bonjonelson 24.10.12 6:17pm
Dick Everyman
BBC to investigate allegations of secret Conservatism among former employees.

BBC bosses have announced that an internal inquiry will be held into allegations that several of its employees in the 70's and 80's held views closely matching those of the Conservative party. An...

wallster 24.10.12 5:06pm
Shock verdict on Beachy Head mobile phone victim

Teenager, Becky Biggleswade, who this summer meandered to her death over the cliffs of Beachy Head, was said today to have died of natural causes. Following this morning's report that teenage...

24.10.12 3:25pm
Dick Everyman
Gary Glitter link sees BBC Drama abandon remake of “The Glittering Prizes” 0
24.10.12 3:22pm
Newsnight plans programme on Janet Street-Porter after man finally comes forward 0
Loundshay 24.10.12 2:58pm
Retired people encouraged to save for their retired retirement.

Retired people who are working by looking after the old old people should pay into a pensioners pension fund so that they are able to support themsleves when they themselevs become old old and retire...

Not Amused 24.10.12 2:53pm
Not Amused
Bangkok TV announce unabridged TOTP back catalogue channel 0
24.10.12 2:46pm
Argos sale biggest yet

75 of their biggest items to go first...

victimms 24.10.12 2:37pm
Frankel's owner "standing by him" as superstar horse comes out as gay

The world's most eligible equine bachelor has stunned his owners by coming out as gay, just hours after winning his final race at Ascot. Unbeaten in fourteen meetings, a horse of Frankel's calibre...

grumblechops 24.10.12 1:48pm
Savile Links to Al-Qaeda Confirmed

A reliable source who cannot be named has confirmed beyond doubt that Jimmy 'Sicko' Savile had strong links to al-Qaeda. This shocking revelation, hot on the heels of the discovery of Savile's IRA...

JLD 24.10.12 1:40pm
Public backlash as Palace endeavours to return Savile to the common people

“We don’t want him in our club” said John, one of the populous “in fact we still haven't actually accepted Fred Goodwin back.” The Palace has refused to comment, prompting speculation that...

Newsquelch 24.10.12 1:11pm
Tooth Fairy requests EU bailout

The financial crisis took a new twist this week when the Tooth Fairy put in a request for assistance from the EU. "The UK population is growing, which means there are more children than ever...

seymour totti 24.10.12 12:56pm
seymour totti
Ceefax switched off, Isle of Wight reverts to semaphore 0
Oxbridge 24.10.12 12:53pm
Beluga slams Beeb

California: NOC (9) a much beloved Beluga whale at the National Marine Mammal Foundation has not only mimicked human speech patterns, but has now added his voice to a rising tide of condemnation...

Newsquelch 24.10.12 12:37pm
Khan to appear in Handicap match at Wrestlemania

Amir Khan and his brother to appear as a tag team in a handicap match against six unknown opponents...

gwalker2805 24.10.12 11:52am