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Typo blamed,as government orders Army to level Somerset.. 6
Zen 01.02.14 9:16am
Al OPecia
February already wettest on record

More to follow...

0
apepper 01.02.14 8:34am
apepper
January Transfer Window sees a late bid for Amanda Knox

Italian football fans were delighted to see an audacious extradition offer being made for the American ‘off-the-shoulder striker’. The transfer deal is said to eclipse the $4m paid for Ms....

9
Wrenfoe 01.02.14 8:24am
Sinnick
Norman Smith Career Move

The BBC announced today that Norman Smith, the broadcaster's chief political correspondent, is to move to Cbeebies with immediate effect. A BBC spokesman said, "we feel that Norman's presentational...

0
Mike Turbine-Hamilton 31.01.14 10:19pm
Mike Turbine-Hamilton
Olypmpian hopefuls upset that least hopeful Olympians receive most press

http://www.theatlanticcities.com/arts-and-lifestyle/2014/01/mexicos-olympic-ski-team-one-guy-mariachi-suit/8258/...

0
Dumbnews 31.01.14 9:42pm
Dumbnews
President Hollande caught in the act

French public opinion was outraged to see covert footage of their president sampling "the forbidden fruit" in the snug of an English pub. A leading Bordeaux wine producer said "Mr Hollande...

0
Starchy 31.01.14 7:53pm
Starchy
Government to step in to deal with floods of tax returns

The government has been forced to step in to deal with an expected deluge of millions of last-minute online tax returns on 31 January. Troops will be on standby to ensure phone lines are kept open,...

3
Des Custard 31.01.14 6:47pm
Dumbnews
Osborne to be made Environment Minister

https://scontent-b-lhr.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ash3/t1/1622684_10151815462840927_525979326_n.jpg Following his success in single-handedly turning around Britain’s ailing economy David Cameron has...

4
retiredoldgit 31.01.14 6:46pm
Squudge
Travis, Roach and Harris to star in new series of The Undateables

More follows....

1
Njinski 31.01.14 6:05pm
Ref Minor
Zimmerman To Box Black Ewok

Alamo, TX - Boxing promoter Damon Feldman announced today he has inked a deal for cult neighborhood watch leader George Zimmerman to box black dwarf actor Tony Cox in a celebrity boxing match to be...

0
deep trout 31.01.14 5:54pm
deep trout
Knox vows to go kicking and screaming. Much like her poor victim.

More whiny rich Americans soon...

0
MADJEZ 31.01.14 5:48pm
MADJEZ
Berlusconi's Bollocks Break Building

An Italian family narrowly escaped death when Silvio Berlusconi's scrotal sack burst releasing his testes on an uncontrolled path of destruction. The former prime-ministers love eggs, estimated to...

0
JudgementDave 31.01.14 5:40pm
JudgementDave
Site for Sore Eyes!

Specsavers launch new website...

2
Njinski 31.01.14 5:16pm
Njinski
Dr Foster drowns on way to Gloucester

Well known Nursery rhyme figure Dr Foster (recently involved in an historic abuse case with so-called "Contrary Mary") failed to make it to his annual "puddle-stepping" festival in Gloucester when he...

0
vulture1 31.01.14 4:48pm
vulture1
Cameron appoints King Canute as Environment Secretrary after flood criticism. 0
MADJEZ 31.01.14 4:46pm
MADJEZ
Grammys To Require Black Face

Los Angeles, CA - In response to criticism over white artists Macklemore and Lewis winning several rap categories at this weeks Grammy Awards, the Grammy Committee has voted to require all white...

0
deep trout 31.01.14 4:35pm
deep trout
Defra says Somerset flooding "almost certainly" caused by badgers. 0
deskpilot3 31.01.14 4:15pm
deskpilot3
Amanda Knox dead cert for Celebrity Big Brother 2015.

Producers promise to hide the knives...

0
MADJEZ 31.01.14 4:05pm
MADJEZ
Sienna Miller still using Actress prefix as no-one recalls anything she's done. 0
MADJEZ 31.01.14 4:01pm
MADJEZ
Emergency help announced to educate Somerset residents what a flood plain is. 7
MADJEZ 31.01.14 3:45pm
Midfield Diamond
Renaissance Man

Erasmus enters the Hall, More to follow...

0
christophergriffin 31.01.14 2:37pm
christophergriffin
News reporters waste another day wading around in wellies

Asking the big questions everyone wants to know the answers to: “How do you feel? It must be disappointing? Do you have insurance? Why do you live near a river when the ice caps are melting?...

0
farmer giles 31.01.14 2:27pm
farmer giles
Chinese homeopaths hail the year of the amoeba.

The Association of Chinese Homeopaths has announced that according to its calendar the new year will be the year of the amoeba. The Association, which has six members, controversially closed its...

1
nickb 31.01.14 1:39pm
CulchaVulcha
Diabetic collapse causes Isle of Wight blackout

1700 homes in the Ventnor area of the Isle of Wight were plunged into darkness yesterday evening when power supplies were suddenly lost. Local resident Marion Pike said ‘I was just completing a...

0
newsfelch 31.01.14 12:39pm
newsfelch
Back to the Future musical announced for 1815 0
JudgementDave 31.01.14 12:33pm
JudgementDave
Putin arrested for grinding Homosexual's in Moscow nightclub

Russian President Vladimir Putin was arrested yesterday in Moscow’s famous gay nightclub, The Lubyanka Building on charges of "Grinding a Homosexual". The case was swiftly moved to the Supreme...

2
bunter 31.01.14 10:12am
bunter
Rape reclassified as: Consenual sex with a man richer and more famous than you.

More cases to follow...

2
MADJEZ 31.01.14 10:10am
Wrenfoe
Neanderthals gave us football supporting genes, researchers find

More soon, more soon, more soon, more soon. . The referee's a banker...

2
Not Amused 31.01.14 9:57am
cinquecento
Speculation that football’s January transfer window is about to end

According to a normally reliable source (a calendar), football’s January transfer window is tipped to finish on 31 January at midnight. The rumour has gained credence as the calendar has in recent...

0
Yikes 31.01.14 9:37am
Yikes
Aberystwyth Students: stay out all night -but wear waterproof togas

As part of the preparations for the predicted storm Aberystwyth University today advised all students living near the sea front to stay out all night -and issued each one a six pack of tesco...

0
steve_l 31.01.14 9:19am
steve_l