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Depressed fashion designer unveils new range of futility jackets. 5
sredni vashta 26.04.13 8:42am
China in chaos as UK economy soars

Yesterday's release of UK GDP figures had senior Chinese government officials hastily drawing plans to reshape their economy to stave off their resurgent new rival. "Our paltry 7.7% growth figures...

johnnydobbo 26.04.13 8:22am
5 and 3 'in the wrong order' announce the Institute of Mathematics

Very clever professors from the IoM have revealed that the numbers 5 and 3 are actually in the wrong order. 5 should come before 4 and 3 should come after it. "Once again it's the fault of the...

LensCap 26.04.13 7:34am
Police Drop 'Bouncing Billy' Child Abuse Investigation

Children's entertainment and television star 'Bouncing Billy Baldwin' (real name William Bathhurst) was a hugely popular TV personality for a very brief time in the early 1970s with his catchphrase...

Titus 26.04.13 7:32am
Paranoid schizophrenic hard to convince nobody is following him on Twitter 1
sydalg 26.04.13 7:00am
Anti-smoking group to stage "God Hates Fags" protests at cancer funerals 0
sydalg 26.04.13 12:39am
Witch ceremony bargain. Only cost salary of 171 nurses.

Not funny, but true...

olddoc 25.04.13 10:25pm
Massive ball of fire appears in sky over parts of Britain 0
grumblechops 25.04.13 9:45pm
Abu Qatada signs sponsorship deal with Araldite. More soon. 7
Al OPecia 25.04.13 9:16pm
Dick Everyman
Cipriani to be offered 'Routemaster Rage' counselling 0
custard cream 25.04.13 8:20pm
custard cream
Women out to get themselves that ‘Jan Moir’ look

A poll by [i]InVogue[/i] magazine, the self-styled [i]Qur’an[/i] of British fashion, says that an increasing number of women are keen to emulate the sensible, dowdy good looks of [i]Daily Mail[/i]...

Darkbill 2.0 25.04.13 8:16pm
Not Amused
Pounds and pence to be replaced by neeps and tatties, says Salmond. More soon. 1
dominic_mcg 25.04.13 7:55pm
Daily Mail To Fund Mass MMR Vaccination Programme 3
Mike Turbine-Hamilton 25.04.13 7:49pm
May to re-introduce torture to prove that Qatada would be better off in Jordan 1
LensCap 25.04.13 7:45pm
Qatada, love for May "clearly Stockholm syndrome" insists Psychologist. 0
reforse 25.04.13 7:17pm
Thousands of towels found on Wembley Stadium seats 5
Midfield Diamond 25.04.13 7:12pm
Vertically Challenged Giant
Qatada seized for planning 'crimes against English'

Controversial cleric Abu Qatada was today sensationally snatched by a heavily-armed crack SAS squad in a dawn swoop for planning major terror attacks on the English language. Mr Qatada first came...

Reg Herring 25.04.13 7:05pm
Will Gompertz's rear head curtains shortlisted for 2013 Turner Prize 2
ginty 25.04.13 6:53pm
Sending Qatada to where he can't get Royal baby news "a breach of human rights" 1
sydalg 25.04.13 6:13pm
Abu Qatada qualifies for Team GB on residency basis

Specialist discipline is the 'stay putt'...

LensCap 25.04.13 6:11pm
Katie Price signs treaty agreeing not to torture Abu Qatada

“I’d have made him read my novels which are like books with stories in, and I’d have made him watch like loads of videos of me an’ that from ITV 5, that’d be torture for him, cos it’s ...

nickb 25.04.13 5:17pm
Imaginary Portraitist nominated for Turner

An imaginary artist whose subjects, materials and portraits are also imaginary has been nominated for the 2013 Turner Prize in a move which has divided the art world. The award has long been known...

grumblechops 25.04.13 4:56pm
sredni vashta
'Everyone sings his name' revealed as main reason for Qatada's expulsion

'Whenever anyone mention's Abu Qatada's name, someone else says it in an irritating, sing-song way,' said Home Secretary Teresa May. 'Normally it's to the tune of 'Let's All Go Down The Strand',...

Bravenewmalden 25.04.13 4:56pm
Suarez match ban equates to growth period for milk teeth 0
custard cream 25.04.13 4:26pm
custard cream
Criminals decide to opt out of daylight robbery law

UK criminals have announced that they will not co-operate with the laws on various forms of robbery and instead will police themselves. Mr Knuckles McRhino, speaking on behalf of the Royal...

apepper 25.04.13 4:06pm
'Make Lawbreaking Illegal' Recommends Leveson, After 'Phone Hacking Complaints.

"But don't ask why the police did not investigate this illegal activity properly in the first place" said Lord Leveson. "My job is to vilify the press, not to upset the police by asking them...

Titus 25.04.13 2:40pm
Leveson report: Newspapers reject the abstract concept of shame

The newspaper industry is to reject a nationwide sense of embarrassment related to the British print media. Proposals for self-regulation and just the occasional “twinge of guilt” have been...

Wrenfoe 25.04.13 2:08pm
'Memoirs of a Fisherman's Friend' wins Romantic Fiction Award

Coming soon....

Dick Everyman 25.04.13 1:56pm
Financial Commentator Admits He Has "No Idea What 'Triple Dip Recession' Means"

"The economy has clearly been stagnant for ages. This is actually worse than any single-, double- or triple-dip recession, any of which which would have implied that there had actually been one or...

Titus 25.04.13 1:39pm
Constant praising of The Lord has spoilt him, warns deity shrink - 2345

The constant praising of Our Lord has left him completely unprepared for modern life, warns a top reality theologian, who says the occasional kick up the arse might do him some good. The...

ronseal 25.04.13 1:39pm